Jackson Was Gone Long Ago. Didn't You Know?

I don't have much time to yammer this morning, but you should really check out Acee's article on Vincent Jackson today. Here's a few key points:

Whether Chargers General Manager A.J. Smith should open up the bidding for Jackson to all but the other AFC West teams is a valid question. (He should.)

Way to inject your opinion, ass hat. By this statement you can bet your ass that AJ opens up such bidding war. Nice of him to use his puppet to accustom us to the idea.

Jackson has led the NFL in yards per catch over the past two seasons, but two seasons is a relatively small body of work to deserve such a mega contract.

True, that is a small body of work, but how many guys have done it? What are their names? Come on Acee, you're a reporter, aren't you? Make a statement like that, then back it up. You've convinced yourself that your opinion is important, and you are wrong.

Sources within the organization have confirmed the Chargers ultimately decided to not keep Jackson long-term after he was cited for driving on a suspended license the morning of the Chargers’ playoff game last January.

No way! This shit again. No wonder they tried to trade him to Seattle. He can languish there with other noted Chargers troublemaker, Kevin Ellison. I can't remember, did we draft Jackson's replacement or did he walk on?

Too Drunk to Pay Much Attention

So, I watched the Chargers play the Cowboys Saturday night, but I am obviously not in football drinking shape because I couldn't tell you much about what happened. I remember being impressed with Ryan Matthews. I think I even saw a 3rd and short in there. I don't even know if we design plays for 3rd and short anymore.

The other thing I remember is Philip Rivers straight up tackling a dude. I don't know why he was tackling a dude, but he definitely tackled a dude. Was Rivers lined up on D? Was it a turnover. Who knows? Probably everybody but me. Anyway, the local media seems to think Rivers should give back half his guaranteed money or some such bullshit for jeopardizing the team's season. I say fuck that. That shit was metal. I remember how much I hated Steve Young back in the day, even before the game that shall not be referred to by name. I gave little credit to a guy who stepped into the most talented, bought and paid for supporting cast maybe in the history of the NFL. Then I saw him scramble for 9 yards in a preseason game against the Chargers after getting his freaking helmet knocked off. He dove for the last two yards for crying out loud. I remember thinking, "That asshole can go get fucked, but he plays some football." Of course, he later cashed in all that credit and more or less pioneered the QB slide fake. Pussy-ass move that slide fake! Anyway, my point is, way to go Rivers! Tackle some fools. Maybe we line him up on some return coverages? Just saying, our QB is no pussy. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know how to slide for real very well. Go Bolts!!!

This Just in: Happy Players More Productive Than Talented Players

Here comes Kevin Acee again, to alleviate all of my concerns about the secondary with my all-time favorite platitude: Addition by subtraction! Cromartie is gone, and he is everything that that was wrong with our pass defense the last two years. Plain and simple. End of story. He's gone, we're great. I'm sure you noticed the drop off in his production over the last few years. It's because he was a malcontent. For no other reason, I suppose, than because he is a malcontent. Not because he didn't recive a lick of help from the pass rush. Not because he was roundly torn apart by the local media for not being able to cover a guy for 10 to 15 seconds while the QB dropped back and paused to tie his shoes.

Everybody loved Cromartie a few years back. And most people I talk to now despise him and were glad to see him run out of town like he was. But is the difference him? We haven't had a reliable pass rush or a defensive coordinator dedicated to taking chances since Cromartie's 10 INT year. As a coordinator you have to look at your defensive unit as a whole organism and not just pieces. It's silly to think that since your corners did so well the year before you can go ahead and ease up elsewhere. It creates undo pressure and destroys the delicate balance that makes a defense great.

Going into this year, I see more of the same. Shaun Phillips is not a premier pass rusher and has a bad attitude when adversity inevitably strikes. Larry English continues to be an unknown commodity. And Shawne Merriman? There's your wildcard. If he comes back around to something like he used to be, and if Rivera commits to attacking the QB, we may have something. But Cason is not as talented as Cromartie was and nobody we have at safety is ready thus far to be as good as Ellison probably would have been this year. Weddle gets burned as often as he comes up big. Only Jammer truly warrants affection here.

Unless something crazy unexpected from a personnel standpoint happens, I still think this secondary bleeds like a sieve. In fact, if they don't end up in the bottom 3rd of the league in both passing yards allowed and points allowed, I'll post an apology on youtube.

More Letters?!

Are! You! Fucking! Kidding! Me?! AJ met with Marcus McNeill and apparently told him to go fuck himself, because nothing was accomplished and now the Chargers sent letters to Jackson and McNeill informing them that they will not be able to play in the first three games if they don't show up soon. Granted, Jackson couldn't play in those games anyway due to suspension, but you've got to be kidding me. Remember when the Gunslinging Mafia Don made Antonio Gates sit out the first game of the season against Dallas? That turned out well. But hey, it's all about principle. Wait, I thought it was all about Championships? I'm confused, AJ. Why don't you be a goodfella and explain yourself? Fire this fuck, before it's too late. You can give him credit for building the franchise, but that doesn't mean you stand by and watch him tear it down. And even if we survive this, his methods ae suspect, to say the least. Check out this bit, from the same article (by Kevin Acee, of course):

Jackson and McNeill were given the highest possible tenders for a restricted free agent, $3.268 million to Jackson and $3.168 million to McNeill.

Highest possible tenders? Fuck you, Acee. Quit trying to defend this ass hole by acting like he did all he could do here. That tender offer doesn't mean the team couldn't have offered them all new 1 year deals for $6 or $7 million that would have rewarded their production, while not giving into their demands. It also would have put the team in a positive public light while forcing the players to either come back or risk looking like total bitchy malcontents. And, most importantly of all perhaps, it may have left open the possibility that these great players might actually come back and get their long term deals after the labor agreement gets hammered out. As it is, I can't see either of these players ever signing a contract with this team, so say your good-byes right now and kiss the Godfather's ring. It's the only one you may see for quite some time.

Back From the North Woods

Vacation time is over and it's time to get serious. No more tubing down the river with a case of Hamm's. No more boating from bar to bar with a case of Hamm's. No more pre-partying for a Sunday Funday pub crawl with a case of Hamm's. Football is here, and football has nothing to do with beer. Football is serious business and can only be fully appreciated in a completely sober state. And Hamm's is fucking hard to find in San Diego. So let's talk football.

First off, finally saw Inception last week. What the what? That movie ruled. Seriously, grab a case of Hamm's and go check it out. You will not be disappointed.

Second of all, we had our first round of preseason games. I guess we actually had our first two rounds, but God if that Dallas-Cincy affair didn't give the already rancid preseason a bad name. However, as a Chargers fan, I'd have to say that for the first time since we drafted a young QB you may know as Philip Rivers, we actually have a reason to tune into these exercises in football cockteasery. And that reason, of course, is Darrell Stuckey. You may know him as the guy we drafted to replace Kevin Ellison even before we knew we were getting rid of him. Just kidding, I think Stuckey was on the injured list for the game. I meant to say that I was excited to witness the debut of LaDainian Tomlinson heir apparent, Ryan Matthews. I'd been waiting for this since a week before we drafted him, because I am football brilliant and I knew we'd take him. Of course I missed the game. Did I mention I was on vacation? In Minnesota? They don't give fuck all about the Chargers in Minnesota. You know what they do care about? Brett Favre. So, yeah, I'm finally starting to understand what everybody is so pissed off about. Anyway, back to the Chargers. It looks like Matthews looked real solid in his performance, and because I live in a golden palace of hypocracy I'm just going to go ahead and say that even though I've always said preseason doesn't mean anything, Ryan Matthews is already a star.

Jay Cutler was 2 of 2 for 40-something yards against our secondary, which is not so good. And because I live in a stinking bog of hypocracy I'm going to go ahead and say our secondary is shit soup just like I knew it would be. Should make for an exciting season.

Saw Tomlinson on Hard Knocks. He looked good. Saw him in the Jets-vaGiants match-up and he looked like I remember him from the last two years. Meaning, the stats don't look as bad as he actually played. I'd love to say that I hope he does well over there right up until we smoosh the Jets in the playoffs, but I can't...because I don't think the Jets will make the playoffs! Bam! In your face, Jets! Eat it.

And finally, with football comes fantasy football, and since it is the only fantasy left that I have a chance of living out, I play it. And if you play it too, you might think this is pretty good.


Go Bolts!!!

It Would Be Easy to Start Hating These Chargers

Acee gives Merriman a Chance to Explain Himself...

...and only manages to make me hate them both. To be fair, I don't know what Acee could do to gain any respect at this point. He's a shameless lap dog to A.J. and after reading this it appears that he will actually tongue bathe any other local sports noteable as well if given half the chance. As for Merriman, I don't know whether he just doesn't feel like coming to camp or if he actually believes he's worth big money after being three years removed from being a major impact on the field. Whatever the case, if he's going to claim such nonsense as that he's worried about knowing where his next meal is coming from (and that really does seem to be the gist of things here), then I'm not interested in defending him anymore. On that note, he totally choked out that internet hooker.

Shaun Phillips is Just the Worst

There's really not much more to say about it. I've heard plenty of Shaun Phillip's interviews, so I believe every word of this happened. The only question now is, what will our cowboy gunslinger of a G.M. do about it?

I've always kind of felt in the past that boys will be boys, and rich young kids who play an aggressive sport for a living are going to get in a little trouble from time to time. I believe that you don't necessarily have to like all your players to like your team. But these guys are really starting to test the limits.

Some Chargers Stuff for Your Hump Day Pleasure

Here's a Chargers camp report card from a couple of days ago that Sports Illustrated put out. It's not overly positive, so it fits in well here. It does have some nice things to say about a couple of our rookies, though Jeremy Williams (Wilson?*) is surprisingly not mentioned. I say surprisingly because the local media has had the walk-on rookie wide receiver on auto suck since camp started. Vincent who? Guess those national guys just don't know talent when they see it. Or maybe since it's the Chargers, Trotter just wasn't really paying that much attention. Now, if Williams (Wilson?**) were a walk-on wide receiver for the Red Sox, then look out!

In sad Chargers news, Gary "Big Hands" Johnson died. Johnson was a standout player on those Chargers teams of yore that doomed me to a lifetime of fandom with their sweet players and awesome gameplay. I will always remember him because "Big Hands" is a bomb-ass nickname. R.I.P., great Chargers player from my youth.

And in a bit of news that is in no way related to the Chargers-or football in general, for that matter-Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th HR, which is supposed to be some kind of a big deal. Seriously, can someone explain this to me? Were there, like a bunch of dudes with 599 HRs and he just passed them all to obtain sole possession of 6th(12th? 9th?**) most HRs ever, on the all-time list? Whatever, fuck that Yankee.

*Too lazy to look up his name
**Still too lazy
***Too lazy to look up the list

Shawne Merriman Hates Football

At least that's what AJ told his crack team of Chargers beat men, according to Nick Canepa's column in the UT today. I think it's funny the way Canepa tries to write with such flourish these days. He makes so many absurd pop culture references that it makes me wonder if his editors aren't showing him material from guys like Bill Simmons and random sports bloggers and saying "Try to be more like that." "Lindsay Lohan, anybody?! What a mess, am I right?" He ends up sounding like my dad trying to emulate those guys. Sorry, Dad, you're just not that funny. At least not in the ways you mean to be. I mean, I laugh at my dad all the time. Respectfully, of course.

Brett Favre Retiring!

Again...

For now...

So, I'm sort of a Vikings fan. I was born in Minnesota, and that's where the majority of my family lives. I like the Vikings fine, though I'd gut a nun if it meant the Chargers would beat them in a Superbowl. And Favre's antics have never really bothered me as much as they seem to bother everybody else. This is pretty bad news for the Vikes if it sticks, though. With Tarvaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels at the helm, I don't see them getting very far. But hey, when you refuse to plan for the future at the most important position on the field, I guess you reap what you sow. That UFL is starting to look pretty sweet.

Let's Talk Chargers Football

So, we're less than two weeks away from our first preseason foray, and the good news is that all of our draft picks are signed and in camp. Hurray for the rebirth of our running game *crosses fingers*!

Now here's the not so good news. We have two huge holdouts, one veteran who refuses to come in until he's good and ready, one starter gone to free agency and one starter pushed out the door for being caught with a bottle of prescription painkillers in his car.

Gone is our starting CB opposite Quentin Jammer. A lot of people were happy to see Antonio Cromartie go because...he had a bunch of kids(?). Some will say that they feel his production was lacking over the last couple of years, but in all honesty his lack of maturity seems to be the focus of the collective 'good riddance' attitude of the Charger faithful. As far as production, I think the town's tune may change when they see how the guy who couldn't even keep the starting nickel back job fares. And really, starting nickel back is a generous oxymoron.

Gone is starting strong safety Kevin Ellison, replaced by Steve Gregory, the guy who fell into the "starting nickel back" position last year. No matter what Kevin Acee and the slobbering San Diego sports media tell you, Ellison was the starter and was drafted to be so for years to come. He showed enough talent and promise at the position in his first year that he was immediately plucked out of free agency by the Seattle Seahawks. Good for them.

Shawne Merriman-you may have heard of him-is that veteran who refuses to come to camp, but isn't actually holding out. He would be considered a key part of a pass rush no one should have any reason to believe will be any good with or without him this year.

All of that points to a very suspect defense going into the season. It would be nice to have our two pro-bowl offensive holdouts in camp, because it appears that we're gonna to need to put up 30 a game.

Even if you want to believe the coach and GM when they say we will find a way with the guys we have, there is no denying that to put the current group on the field deprives the fans the opportunity to see our best possible team. The rest of the division isn't going to stay down forever, and even so, do we really want a team built only to prey on the weakness of it immediate foes, or do want to field a dominant machine with a very real shot at finally bringing a professional sports championship to San Diego? I want to be optomistic. Our schedule looks weak enough to gain us entry into yet another postseason, but I can't see us competing against teams that have a true dedication to winning. I hope I'm wrong. Go Bolts!!!

Get Ready for High Scoring Affairs!

From Acee's column today:

"Safety dance
There was a thought by some in the organization after his first season that Steve Gregory was not long for the NFL. But his work ethic, smarts and discipline have kept him around.
The guy was essentially a starter (at nickel back) the final 11 games of last season, during which time the defense improved and the Chargers went 11-0.
Gregory will likely start camp as the No. 1 strong safety, but he faces serious competition from Darrell Stuckey, who is faster, a little bigger and whom the Chargers invested in with a fourth-round pick in April.
Gregory will play a big role in a defense that often features extra defensive backs, but the next five weeks will say a lot about the look of a secondary that has been in seemingly constant flux for going on six years."

At Nickel back. Which is on the field for what, 20-25% of downs? And how does this qualify him to play safety? Acee's trying to make it sound like this guy was practically already the starting safety. Also, if he was essentially the starting nickel back (which he wasn't, really), then that means Cason, who wasn't good enough for that position, will be taking over a regular safety position. Our secondary is going to be terrible this year.

Update: My cohort, CJ, pointed out to me that there was more article after Acee made me throw my hands up and call it quits, so I linked the whole thing at the top. I suggest you check it out. Not only does it try to sell you on Antoine Cason, it shows that Acee has breezed through to the acceptance phase in regards to holdout, Vincent Jackson. This is why A.J. gets away with this crap. No one-not the ownership of the team, and certainly not the press-holds him accountable or even bothers to question his methods. I implore you to try to remember how far this team had fallen before these clowns decided to run Beathard out of town.

Kudos to the Front Office!

I feel I would be wallowing in haterade if I didn't at least acknowledge the 5 year deal that the Chargers just gave Antonio (First Down!) Gates. This is made all the more incredible by the fact that Gates pretty much walked into the Chargers facilities as an undrafted free agent so many years ago, meaning you really couldn't call him one of "A.J.'s guys." Way to go Chargers! There's hope yet. Go Bolts!!!

Now seriously, let's get Vinny Jack and McNeill into camp.

Mind Boggling.

Canepa's article today on the Kevin Ellison cut. Brilliant sportswriting there, I'll be sad when we lose him to ESPN.

I can't understand what's happening to this team. Scratch that, I know exactly what's happening to this team. GM gone wild. Something about San Diego does this to seemingly savvy football men. Bobby Beathard used to be the prime example. A.J. has surpassed him at this point.

Jackson, McNeill...why burn bridges with young, pro bowl players? Even if you don't intend to pay them, there is no reason to rub their noses in shit for wanting what they've arguably earned. Why will no one stand up to this jerk? What are the owners thinking?

And now they've cut Kevin Ellison for being pulled over with 100 Vicodin pills in his car. Vicodin? It's not heroine. It's not hard to talk your doctor into prescribing you 100 Vicodin pills. Why? Because they're not that big a deal.

Also, news flash Little Nicky, Ellison was not a "fringe starter." He was THE starter. In his rookie year! Nowhere to go but up, and he gets cut for Vicodin?! In what world does this make sense? Oh, we drafted a safety in the 4th round?! Can't miss! The writing was on the wall.

A.J. must go. He has surpassed Beathard in ego. No small feat.

Settle Down.

So, due to the shoddy sports coverage in this town everybody went to bed last night assuming we had given up a 1, 2, 4, and Dobbins to move up and grab Ryan Matthews at 12 and got only a 6th rounder in return. Most local coverage completely glossed over the fact that we got a better 4th rounder back as well, meaning we essentially gave up a 2 for the right to draft the player we wanted (I'd call Dobbins and the 6th we got back a wash). Sounds okay to me. Of course, everybofy out there is going apeshit because they are certain we needed a nose tackle above all else after the departure of Jamal Williams. That's what the talking sports heads all say, so it must be true. But the truth is that Jamal Williams didn't play after week 1 last year and our defense came around just fine at the end of the season. And the truth is that we will likely be a predominantly 4-3 defense this year, which eliminates the need for a truly dominant nose tackle. We have big bodies to plug up the middle. And some of you think we had to go O-line. Why? Because Tomlinson couldn't run behind these guys? Tomlinson's strength was never running between the tackles, but that's what our current offense calls for (whether it was a good idea to switch up the offense and marginalize one of the greatest RBs of all time is another argument altogether, but what's done is done). And running between the tackles is what Ryan Matthews is supposed to do best. I think this guy could make our offense one for the ages and he was not going to be there at 28, especially after Buffalo unexpectedly grabbed Spiller early on. CJ and I have an ongoing argument over the value of RBs. He feels they're a dime a dozen, and I feel like that's easy to say when you had one of the greatest on your team for nearly a decade. I remember what we went through at the position before Tomlinson and I cringe to think we could go back to that. CJ says the NFL is different now, and he may be right, but I'd rather not take that chance. So sure, you can never have enough solid guys on the line, but RB was the need and the team went and got their guy. All of the best GMs I've ever heard comment on such things say the same thing: If there's a guy in the draft that you feel like you absolutely must have, you go up and you get that guy. That's what we did, and by this time next year everybody who's complaining right now should be feeling pretty stupid.

Draft Night Predictions...

Well, well, well, draft night is upon us. Here's to hoping we draft Tim Tebow. At least I'll be able to say I've heard of the guy we take instead of trying to defend the pick of a 5'11" 400 pounder from Eastern Africa State. You probably haven't heard of him but he's great value at the 27 spot so sayeth the Godfather...

A Quick And Chilling Note

Watch for at least one big name to be pilfered from the Chargers in this first uncapped year. And try not to think of guys like Norman Hand, John Parella and Gary Plummer when it happens. If they do not bring the cap back in whatever new CBA they put together, the Superbowl "window" we are always talking about will most certainly be slammed shut by our tightwad owners.

Okay.

I guess I'm glad that I kept my mouth shut or the final several weeks of the season, because when you don't have the stones to say something, nothing you say can be used against you.

I don't really even know where to begin with that game, other than to say that I've already seen that game, so if you want to know what I think you could probably just dig through the archives and see if I wrote about it the first time about three years ago. I imagine I could sum it up with "Grumble, grumble, expletive boneheaded penalties! Rabble, Rabble, gutless coaching! Astounded expression Nate fucking Kaeding?!!!"

Seriously man, who throws a shoe? I mean, who kicks a challenge flag? How is that even an impulse? I mean, head butts and taunting are inexcusable in that situation, but at the very least they come from a heated interaction with other physically alive entities. What in the fuck did that challenge flag ever do to you, Vincent Jackson? I read some articles about how VJ is not only a super gifted athlete, but that he is quite the scholar as well, having earned his Master's in blah, blah, blah, whatever. This seems to prove what I've long suspected-that if you are a truly serious student athlete with enormous NFL potential, you can get the absolute best nerds to attend your classes for you.

I've worried all year that our lack of a running game would be a problem once we got into the post season, but like everyone else i allowed myself to be duped into believing that we were just too explosive in other ways to be stopped by anyone. The thing is, if you know that your running game is bad and the other team treats it like a joke, then you must abandon it. If you continue to run Tomlinson between the tackles based on what kind of player he used to be, then you are doing nothing but throwing away downs. If you refuse to even try to get the ball to Darren Sproles out of some sort of nostalgic loyalty to the guy that used to get it done for you, then you have failed. There is no Cam Cameron, you call the plays Norv, and that is your fault. But it was good enough to get you an extension, and if you fans reading this don't think that is another case of A.J. telling us we can all go fuck ourselves, then I've got a bridge to sell you and it's made of candy and tits. I keep readin articles where A.J. or Nick Canepa or even Dean Spanos all eventually say how pleased they are with where Norv has taken us in the last three years. Interesting, because to me it looks like we are exactly where we started with Norv, except that we no longer have the most explosive offensive wepon in the league, largely due to Turner changing the way our offense runs the ball. Sure, we've had some playoff wins, but I have to again quote the old scientific axiom, "Correlation does not imply causation." If you employ one of the most talented rosters in the league you are likely to manage a playoff win regardless-in fact, in spite of-your coach. But we are backed into a corner here. We certainly aren't going to fire another coach after such a season after all the grief that was given to the organization last time. Especially not a coach that the GM loves. Gonna have to live with it, cause it's not going away. Like herpes.

I have been a long time defender of Nate Kaeding, and that performance of his on Sunday puts us in quite a pickle. A lot of people choose to forget the dark days of kickers like Steve Christie and Wide Richey, and Kaeding makes 'em like a son of a bitch in the regular season. Unfortunately, great teams are made after the season. I've quoted Dr. Z from Sports Illustrated many times regarding somthing he said about Marty Schottenheimer, because I thought it made pretty good sense at the time (and I'm paraphrasing here):

"Either Marty Schottenheimer is the worst playoff coach in history, or the unluckiest playoff coach in history, and either way, you don't want him caoching your team in the playoffs." The same looks like it may apply with Kaeding. Maybe we bring back Carney for the playoffs going forward?

I want to say we'll get 'em next year, but I'm like a broken record at this point. I'm heartbroken, and I'm in danger of giving up. If not next season, there will likely not be an NFL season the following year due to the owners and players flexing and kicking each other's challenge flags all over the field. Then what? Can I wait three years? Will the door still be open? We have no running game. We have no real pass rush. Our secondary gets trucked by rookies. Our coach is a weiner. If we couldn't beat the Jets in our own house, tell me who we could have beaten? Who will we ever beat?Wake me when it's over.

A-hem...

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's taken me a few days to articulate that. It was nice to finally get it off my chest. If anybody needs me, I'll be drinking.

Shh!

I know it's been quiet here, but if you haven't noticed, our Bolts are pitching a no hitter over the last 11 weeks and I don't want to jinx it. This is too good not to post, though.

Gametime...

Rumor has it, and by rumor has it I mean Max told me this tidbit of the juicyness last night, that Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is now smashing the pumpkins of one Jessica Simpson. Really? Billy Corgan? The last "high profile" piece of tail I can remember Billy getting down with was one heroin addled Courtney Love post Cobain suicide version. She looked like an anorexic skeleton in a zip off crack whore costume. He even got her after that little fairy from R.E.M. Stipe got done wiping his junk on her. Congrats Billy Corgan for taking a significant step upwards in your boy pants.

Significance? Well, as you may or may not know, one SupertitsMcGee Simpson used to go out with the quarterback of our main foe today. The one who has massacred his December resume according to all the media sources I've consulted must be slightly disappointed that his ex-conquest is now trading bodily fluids with the lead singer of a long defunct band. I think he can even appreciate Gish, but everything after that pales in comparison for sure.

I am scared of the Cowgirls. I mean I really am. Max has tried to convince me otherwise but I think that feeling permeates the locker room. The last time out we got it handed to us, albeit with Gates serving out his well deserved suspension for being the greatest tight end to ever hold out of training camp. Did I thank A.J. for that again yet? No? Okay, thanks for that again A.J. Nothing like breeding a culture of fear against an opponent within my head that most assuredly permeates the locker room.

Given my druthers, we stomp the piss out of this lie of a football team today and send old Reauxmeaux home with nary a head injury so that he still has to visualize his old girlfriend with Billy Corgan cock deep inside all her orifices.

That being said, Go Bolts. In an abbreviated rant this week, fuck Rush the band. Stupid Canadians. By no means am I insulting all Canadians right to their faces, as far as you know, but that band can eat a dick.

Bolts 28 Cowgirls 24.