Thursday, September 16, 2010
This Thing Ain't Selling Out
So you better get you ass to the game. They're 8,000 short of a sellout and they are not even going to bother to ask for an extension. And why would they? They probably wouldn't get one. After that horrible opener there isn't going to be any crazy run on tickets in the eleventh hour. And the local TV affiliate certainly isn't going to foot the bill for that many tickets; There are only so many needy kids out there who want to go see a game. And I doubt the NFL would give them the extension this time anyway. We will be made an example of, starting now. So, see you at the game...or not.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Wouldn't You Know It...
You remember when you were a kid and you wished that you had a time machine so you could go retrace history's steps and do some really cool shit? I woke up this morning wishing I had one of those time machines, only now I'd use it for pure evil and to gamble on the outcome of sporting events and become super duper rich like Biff from Back to the Future. Only, I don't need the fucking time machine because this football team is the bizarro fucking groundhog day version of the one we loved so dearly since I don't know, forever? Only they don't make me fucking rich. Just angry.
No fewer than a half a dozen people walked on eggshells around me today talking about bullshit things like weather and economies and politics, things it occurred to them I might currently enjoy more than football. For the most part they were correct, I was one to probably avoid this topic of discussion with today. I've long been known as slightly pessimistic about football in these parts and today was no different. One soul braved her own fears and said she really wanted to ask me about the game but was a slight bit afraid I'd be upset and all cussyface like I can get at times. Yet, I'm finding it very difficult to be as angry as I was prior to the beginning of what will still probably be a serviceable football season. Hard to be too upset when the result was exactly what you expected. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result?
Last night was yet another replay of the inefficiencies of this football team. All shortcomings were again displayed on the national stage. I'm still curious as to how we are still considered to be top tier talent bound for the Super Bowl when we repeatedly redefine shitting the bed in this hypersensitive, hyper reactive media age. I know, it's just one game and our division is still downtrodden and we historically get off to slow starts and all that ball suckoff that comes with the printed fellating of the management and coaching staff of this team. Yes, we'll probably be fine and yes we'll probably win the division. But if history has taught me anything it's that it won't matter because on the big stage we'll make the same stupid mistakes we've always made that have always driven me fucking crazy and we'll go through this whole cycle we've lived the last six or so seasons.
Some say McNeil and Jackson might have made the difference. Max and I have been basically saying that all off season. Some say we lost eight pro bowl players and actually improved as a result due to addition by subtraction. Which is confusing to me because I'm good at math and addition by subtraction is not fucking possible. In every possible result of subtraction you are left with less than you started with. I didn't even need fucking calculus to know that. Johnny has one apple, he gives it to that whore Suzi, Johnny has no apples. Or balls.
Some point to the defense being stout in the second half as a positive indicator of things to come, and since I've become so able to hurricane force piss on parades around here let me remind one and all that we spent the majority of the second half down by two scores, and the Chiefers had to do little with the football other than protect the lead. They succeeded. Remember when we used to play bend don't break defense with the lead as a young football team?
As a point of reference feel free to browse the archives and see if any of this sounds familiar. Remember when we didn't get three delay of game penalties? Remember when we didn't use three time outs to avoid delay of game penalties? Remember when we tackled running backs? Remember when we ran the same draw play inside the 10 yard line and it didn't work three times? Remember? We continue to make the same mistakes on the field, on the sidelines, in the booth upstairs and in the owner's box. AT least this time nobody is blaming the fucking kicker.
Remember this when next week's game against undefeated Jacksonville rolls around, only you can't witness this display of football due to blackout. Remember this when after a few blackouts the owners start talking about the fans not supporting the team, despite their incredible track record of winning the division. Remember when they pack up the team for Los Angeles and blame the fans for forcing their hand by not paying for a new stadium and donating the surrounding land to the ownership group for development. I won't say I told you so. I've said it too much already. To continue saying it is insane by definition.
No fewer than a half a dozen people walked on eggshells around me today talking about bullshit things like weather and economies and politics, things it occurred to them I might currently enjoy more than football. For the most part they were correct, I was one to probably avoid this topic of discussion with today. I've long been known as slightly pessimistic about football in these parts and today was no different. One soul braved her own fears and said she really wanted to ask me about the game but was a slight bit afraid I'd be upset and all cussyface like I can get at times. Yet, I'm finding it very difficult to be as angry as I was prior to the beginning of what will still probably be a serviceable football season. Hard to be too upset when the result was exactly what you expected. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result?
Last night was yet another replay of the inefficiencies of this football team. All shortcomings were again displayed on the national stage. I'm still curious as to how we are still considered to be top tier talent bound for the Super Bowl when we repeatedly redefine shitting the bed in this hypersensitive, hyper reactive media age. I know, it's just one game and our division is still downtrodden and we historically get off to slow starts and all that ball suckoff that comes with the printed fellating of the management and coaching staff of this team. Yes, we'll probably be fine and yes we'll probably win the division. But if history has taught me anything it's that it won't matter because on the big stage we'll make the same stupid mistakes we've always made that have always driven me fucking crazy and we'll go through this whole cycle we've lived the last six or so seasons.
Some say McNeil and Jackson might have made the difference. Max and I have been basically saying that all off season. Some say we lost eight pro bowl players and actually improved as a result due to addition by subtraction. Which is confusing to me because I'm good at math and addition by subtraction is not fucking possible. In every possible result of subtraction you are left with less than you started with. I didn't even need fucking calculus to know that. Johnny has one apple, he gives it to that whore Suzi, Johnny has no apples. Or balls.
Some point to the defense being stout in the second half as a positive indicator of things to come, and since I've become so able to hurricane force piss on parades around here let me remind one and all that we spent the majority of the second half down by two scores, and the Chiefers had to do little with the football other than protect the lead. They succeeded. Remember when we used to play bend don't break defense with the lead as a young football team?
As a point of reference feel free to browse the archives and see if any of this sounds familiar. Remember when we didn't get three delay of game penalties? Remember when we didn't use three time outs to avoid delay of game penalties? Remember when we tackled running backs? Remember when we ran the same draw play inside the 10 yard line and it didn't work three times? Remember? We continue to make the same mistakes on the field, on the sidelines, in the booth upstairs and in the owner's box. AT least this time nobody is blaming the fucking kicker.
Remember this when next week's game against undefeated Jacksonville rolls around, only you can't witness this display of football due to blackout. Remember this when after a few blackouts the owners start talking about the fans not supporting the team, despite their incredible track record of winning the division. Remember when they pack up the team for Los Angeles and blame the fans for forcing their hand by not paying for a new stadium and donating the surrounding land to the ownership group for development. I won't say I told you so. I've said it too much already. To continue saying it is insane by definition.
That's Some Bad Hat, Harry
And the team ain't so great either. I wish I could say I was surprised. I know I picked the Bolts to win, but you have to understand that I'm really a homer on game day. Still, if you've been reading, you know what I think. I haven't read anything from the local stooges yet, but from the fans and on the radio I've already heard the excuse wagon roll on through. "It was a trap game." "The weather was too miserable." Hell, Scott Kaplan even tried to blame Malcolm Floyd for not leaping 10 yards into the air and catching a TD. These are the lunatic ramblings of a fanbase that is only starting to realize what's really happeneing.
It would be one thing if KC had come out and played inspired football-if they had looked like a team that was ready to turn the corner into relevence. But they didn't. Outside of about 4 plays on the night, their offense looked pedestrian. At the very least, they were no better perpared for inclement weather than we were. Their defense was nothing to write home about either. Just good enough to keep us in check. Not so good that Norv Turner should look that lost. Not so good that Philip Rivers should be so frustrated.
And there's another concern of mine. I'm as big a Philip Rivers supporter as you'll find, but kicking the ball and shouting at your receivers is going to do nothing for the public's perception of you as a whiny malcontent.
Lastly, and this not only bears repeating, it demands it. One has to wonder what the outcome of last night's game would have been if Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeill were on the field. Or what if the team had ever given a Kassim Osgood a fair shake, instead of continuing to wait for Buster Davis to arrive on the scene? Kassim was obviously missed on special teams. Maybe he was a leader there. But wait, AJ doesn't put much stock in team leaders. That's the coaches job. And team leaders are always expecting to get paid.
Of course, it is far too early to call this the final demise of the San Diego Super Chargers. They are notoriously slow starters under Norvelle Turner. But what do you take away from last night's effort that makes you feel good about the future? Gates is still Gates. Naanee emerged as a solid target. Despite the fumble, Mathews looked slightly better in Turner's system than LT ever did. And the defense, aside from one long run from Charles, didn't look completely atrocious. Does that sound like enough to warrant Superbowl aspirations to you? If so, I envy you your ability to ignore the obvious in the face of your loyalty to the team. Go you!!!
It would be one thing if KC had come out and played inspired football-if they had looked like a team that was ready to turn the corner into relevence. But they didn't. Outside of about 4 plays on the night, their offense looked pedestrian. At the very least, they were no better perpared for inclement weather than we were. Their defense was nothing to write home about either. Just good enough to keep us in check. Not so good that Norv Turner should look that lost. Not so good that Philip Rivers should be so frustrated.
And there's another concern of mine. I'm as big a Philip Rivers supporter as you'll find, but kicking the ball and shouting at your receivers is going to do nothing for the public's perception of you as a whiny malcontent.
Lastly, and this not only bears repeating, it demands it. One has to wonder what the outcome of last night's game would have been if Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeill were on the field. Or what if the team had ever given a Kassim Osgood a fair shake, instead of continuing to wait for Buster Davis to arrive on the scene? Kassim was obviously missed on special teams. Maybe he was a leader there. But wait, AJ doesn't put much stock in team leaders. That's the coaches job. And team leaders are always expecting to get paid.
Of course, it is far too early to call this the final demise of the San Diego Super Chargers. They are notoriously slow starters under Norvelle Turner. But what do you take away from last night's effort that makes you feel good about the future? Gates is still Gates. Naanee emerged as a solid target. Despite the fumble, Mathews looked slightly better in Turner's system than LT ever did. And the defense, aside from one long run from Charles, didn't look completely atrocious. Does that sound like enough to warrant Superbowl aspirations to you? If so, I envy you your ability to ignore the obvious in the face of your loyalty to the team. Go you!!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tonight's Games
There's a whole bunch of stuff in the local rag today about the Chargers, but I don't really feel like getting into it, because it's all the same bullshit they print all the time and I know this blog has long since turned into a big Acee/Canepa hatefest. So let's just go to the picks:
Baltimore @ Jets
After yesterday I know better than to make grandiose statements like "The Raiders are going to be vastly improved!" and "San Francisco is a football team!", but I'm still calling the J-E-T-S a bullshit overrated whore of a team. Look, I like Tomlinson to round back into some semblance of the playmaker he used to be, but he's not going to be the grind it out runner the Thomas Jones was. And even if Shonn Greene does manage to fill that hole, I just don't see how this team is any better than the 9-7 club they were last year. And that team ran into some pretty solid luck in the postseason. A spiraling Bengals team and a perennially chokey San Diego squad that played directly into the strengths of the Jets. Baltimore, on the other hand, made obvious upgrades on a team that barely needed them. I mean, I'm pretty sure you can call Anquan Boldin and T.J. Hou-kay better than WR #2 and WR #3 from last year. Baltimore 24, Jets 10
San Diego @ KC
I was pretty worried about this game regardless of the way the Chargers pummelled the Chiefs last season and I still am. I fully expect Charles and Jones to run for about a thousand yards tonight, but I really felt the difference for KC would be Dexter McCluster, who is the kind of player the Chargers never seem to have an answer for. McCluster is doubtful with illness, and since I don't even know if KC employs a TE, I feel a little better here. Ryan Mathews should plow through KC's D. Chargers 35, KC 20
Yikes, I just picked two road teams. Well, I guess Baltimore is going to have to go ahead and blow it then. Fuck those guys anyway. Go Bolts!!!
Baltimore @ Jets
After yesterday I know better than to make grandiose statements like "The Raiders are going to be vastly improved!" and "San Francisco is a football team!", but I'm still calling the J-E-T-S a bullshit overrated whore of a team. Look, I like Tomlinson to round back into some semblance of the playmaker he used to be, but he's not going to be the grind it out runner the Thomas Jones was. And even if Shonn Greene does manage to fill that hole, I just don't see how this team is any better than the 9-7 club they were last year. And that team ran into some pretty solid luck in the postseason. A spiraling Bengals team and a perennially chokey San Diego squad that played directly into the strengths of the Jets. Baltimore, on the other hand, made obvious upgrades on a team that barely needed them. I mean, I'm pretty sure you can call Anquan Boldin and T.J. Hou-kay better than WR #2 and WR #3 from last year. Baltimore 24, Jets 10
San Diego @ KC
I was pretty worried about this game regardless of the way the Chargers pummelled the Chiefs last season and I still am. I fully expect Charles and Jones to run for about a thousand yards tonight, but I really felt the difference for KC would be Dexter McCluster, who is the kind of player the Chargers never seem to have an answer for. McCluster is doubtful with illness, and since I don't even know if KC employs a TE, I feel a little better here. Ryan Mathews should plow through KC's D. Chargers 35, KC 20
Yikes, I just picked two road teams. Well, I guess Baltimore is going to have to go ahead and blow it then. Fuck those guys anyway. Go Bolts!!!
Quick Thoughts from Opening Day
Some random thoughts and observations:
1) Screw you, Andy Reid. I drafted Kevin Kolb and you marched out Vick over and over again before Kolb got hurt? Way to try to establish rythm, fuckface. Looks like I need to put in a personal call to Kurt Warner to come bail me out again.
2) Maybe Delhomme wasn't the problem in Carolina as Matt Moore threw some boneheaded INTs yesterday. Oh wait, so did Delhomme in Cleveland.
3) Where were all these sports folk that were calling bloody murder on Calvin Johnson's bullshit incompletion call in the end zone last year? Welcome to the party, now how long before someone figures out that the NFL is misinterpreting its own rule?
4) Oh man, the Patriots look mad. Brady returns looking like he's and completely over than knee and I think you can forget about the Jets.
5) Denver is boring, but efficient. Not efficient enough to win however, and they made David Garrard look very good.
6) I'm not ready to buy Arian Foster yet. He's good for sure, but that Colts D looked lost once Bob Sanders went down with injury for the eleventy billionth time.
7) Atlanta is going to catch New Orleans? Not this year. Not if they don't establish an offensive identity. Turner carried the ball 19 times, but it seemed like he never did it twice in a row.
8) The Raiders? Really? I didn't expect a win, but I figured they'd walk out of Tennessee with their heads held high. I believe they ended up burrowing their way out under the parking lot.
9) Dallas sucks.
10) Green Bay does not.
11) All these thoughts be damned, though, because I think we really learned nothing about this season in week 1.
12) Go football!!!
1) Screw you, Andy Reid. I drafted Kevin Kolb and you marched out Vick over and over again before Kolb got hurt? Way to try to establish rythm, fuckface. Looks like I need to put in a personal call to Kurt Warner to come bail me out again.
2) Maybe Delhomme wasn't the problem in Carolina as Matt Moore threw some boneheaded INTs yesterday. Oh wait, so did Delhomme in Cleveland.
3) Where were all these sports folk that were calling bloody murder on Calvin Johnson's bullshit incompletion call in the end zone last year? Welcome to the party, now how long before someone figures out that the NFL is misinterpreting its own rule?
4) Oh man, the Patriots look mad. Brady returns looking like he's and completely over than knee and I think you can forget about the Jets.
5) Denver is boring, but efficient. Not efficient enough to win however, and they made David Garrard look very good.
6) I'm not ready to buy Arian Foster yet. He's good for sure, but that Colts D looked lost once Bob Sanders went down with injury for the eleventy billionth time.
7) Atlanta is going to catch New Orleans? Not this year. Not if they don't establish an offensive identity. Turner carried the ball 19 times, but it seemed like he never did it twice in a row.
8) The Raiders? Really? I didn't expect a win, but I figured they'd walk out of Tennessee with their heads held high. I believe they ended up burrowing their way out under the parking lot.
9) Dallas sucks.
10) Green Bay does not.
11) All these thoughts be damned, though, because I think we really learned nothing about this season in week 1.
12) Go football!!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Lets Pick Some Winners
As everybody else in the world gets to watch their team begin yet another glorious season of NFLing, I will be scowling into my vortex bottle and waiting. Still waiting for yet another Monday night opener. And not even the marquee Monday nighter, but the consolation, "see west coast, we totally care bout you" Monday nighter. Thanks NFL, you're all heart. At least I've got my fake football players to root for. Yay. To make it at least a little more interesting, I'm going to go ahead and hang my football idiot flag out there for everyone to see and make some picks.
Cleveland @ Tampa Bay
Ugh, meteor. Cleveland 24, Tampa 17 Next, please.
Miami @ Buffalo
I think I just heard Ditka say that Buffalo was going to throw a wrench into the AFC East for the first 4 weeks of the season. They should force him into a home. Miami 30, Buffalo 13
Cincinnati @ New England
My first instinct is to call both of these teams grossly overrated (and annoying as hell), but with Tom Brady a full year after recovery from his knee injury I have to believe that team starts to run up the score again. Cincy 24, New England 35
Indy @ Houston
Is this the year? Does Houston finally turn the corner and wrest the reigns of the division from the mighty Colts? No. Indy 31, Houston 27
Crappy Denver @ Jacksonville
Kyle Orton was a stud in the preseason. That means nothing. Denver has no offensive playmakers. Jacksonville has one. Do not watch this game. Fucking Denver 13, Jax 24
Atlanta @ Pittsburgh
I like Dennis Dixon. To my knowledge he has never raped anyone. But I'm financially invested in Michael Turner. Oh, and fuck the Steelers! Atlanta 26, Pitt 20
Oakland @ Tennessee
I, like most other stupid people expect Oakland to be considerably improved without Fat, Lazy Albert at QB. But week one in Tennessee? I have a hard time with that. Oakland 21, Tennessee 24
Carolina @ NY Giants
For a game that might mean something, I am completely uninterested. And I have Deangelo Williams on my Wizards of the Coast league (Feel the nerdery flowing through you). I don't care how much of a hard on ESPN has for the VaGiants, I am uncompelled. Carolina 30, VaGiants 24
Detroit @ Chicago
If you see me watching this game call the police because my loved ones are being held hostage somewhere. It's hard to even hate Cutler anymore he's become such an over the top parody of himself. Detroit 20, Chicago 27
Arizona @ St. Louis
Those reports of Arizona's demise may be a bit premature. And this is still the Rams they're up against. Arizona 20, St. Louis 19
Green bay @ Philidelphia
Have you heard? Green Bay has somehow already won the Superbowl! Reminds me of when my team won the Superbowl. Green Bay 30, Philly 31
San Francisco @ Seattle
Frisco is the undisputed favorite to win the NFC West, which is like being the undisputed favorites to beat the Washington Generals. Frisco 21, Generals 10
Dallas @ Washington
Dallas. Has any team garnered more respect for doing so little? They will be in the NFC Championship game with Green Bay, no doubt. Ha, they love to choke against the Redskins and they love to choke against Donovan McNabb. Dallas 14, Washington 24
So there's today's picks. Choke on 'em, Heh, 'em. He'll always be Dig Them to me! I'll go over tomorrow night's picks tomorrow or the next day. Until then, go football!!!
Cleveland @ Tampa Bay
Ugh, meteor. Cleveland 24, Tampa 17 Next, please.
Miami @ Buffalo
I think I just heard Ditka say that Buffalo was going to throw a wrench into the AFC East for the first 4 weeks of the season. They should force him into a home. Miami 30, Buffalo 13
Cincinnati @ New England
My first instinct is to call both of these teams grossly overrated (and annoying as hell), but with Tom Brady a full year after recovery from his knee injury I have to believe that team starts to run up the score again. Cincy 24, New England 35
Indy @ Houston
Is this the year? Does Houston finally turn the corner and wrest the reigns of the division from the mighty Colts? No. Indy 31, Houston 27
Crappy Denver @ Jacksonville
Kyle Orton was a stud in the preseason. That means nothing. Denver has no offensive playmakers. Jacksonville has one. Do not watch this game. Fucking Denver 13, Jax 24
Atlanta @ Pittsburgh
I like Dennis Dixon. To my knowledge he has never raped anyone. But I'm financially invested in Michael Turner. Oh, and fuck the Steelers! Atlanta 26, Pitt 20
Oakland @ Tennessee
I, like most other stupid people expect Oakland to be considerably improved without Fat, Lazy Albert at QB. But week one in Tennessee? I have a hard time with that. Oakland 21, Tennessee 24
Carolina @ NY Giants
For a game that might mean something, I am completely uninterested. And I have Deangelo Williams on my Wizards of the Coast league (Feel the nerdery flowing through you). I don't care how much of a hard on ESPN has for the VaGiants, I am uncompelled. Carolina 30, VaGiants 24
Detroit @ Chicago
If you see me watching this game call the police because my loved ones are being held hostage somewhere. It's hard to even hate Cutler anymore he's become such an over the top parody of himself. Detroit 20, Chicago 27
Arizona @ St. Louis
Those reports of Arizona's demise may be a bit premature. And this is still the Rams they're up against. Arizona 20, St. Louis 19
Green bay @ Philidelphia
Have you heard? Green Bay has somehow already won the Superbowl! Reminds me of when my team won the Superbowl. Green Bay 30, Philly 31
San Francisco @ Seattle
Frisco is the undisputed favorite to win the NFC West, which is like being the undisputed favorites to beat the Washington Generals. Frisco 21, Generals 10
Dallas @ Washington
Dallas. Has any team garnered more respect for doing so little? They will be in the NFC Championship game with Green Bay, no doubt. Ha, they love to choke against the Redskins and they love to choke against Donovan McNabb. Dallas 14, Washington 24
So there's today's picks. Choke on 'em, Heh, 'em. He'll always be Dig Them to me! I'll go over tomorrow night's picks tomorrow or the next day. Until then, go football!!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Last Night's Affair
So, I was wrong about the outcome, but I take solace in the fact that I was soooo right about the quality of play. Both of those teams looked like shit. You can argue that Saints didn't look awful, but that team came out throwing the ball on 15 of their first 16 plays with the obvious intent of getting up by a lot early, and they only managed 7 points in the first half. Rus-ty! Way to fuck it up, NFL.
Quick Notes:
Quick Notes:
- Looks like Favre either needs to start coming to camp or go ahead and fucking retire already. After watching that game I have no doubt last year's AFC Chamionship game is why he almost retired. He looked scared shitless of the Saints.
- Garret Hartley's 2 missed field goals once again beg the question, "Do my fantasy football teams curse kickers, or are my fantasy football teams cursed by kickers?"
- Shiancoe could have a great year, since he appears to be the only person Favre can see.
- Marckques[sp.?] Colston owners are going to be pulling their hair out by the end of the season.
- Since the inception* of the Thursday opener, the home team (previous year's Superbowl winner) is a perfect 7-0.
Fucking Thursday opener's are bullshit. Now we've got 3 more days until more football, and I'm ready to cry about it. And since I'm a Chargers fan, 4 more days so I'm going to bawl about it.
*speaking of inception, this is great
Dean Spanos is Stupid II
More today from Kevin Acee on his interview with Dean Spanos. I have to give credit to Acee for at least bringing up the 5 year/$60 million contract Miles Austin signed with Dallas. To this Spanos, replies:
“No one or two players is above the entire team,” Spanos said. “It just doesn’t work that way. What if they were here and got hurt the first game? … What do you do then? Do you just give up? The ship has sailed. We’re going.
To this I would like to give out my first ever award for Most Invalid Argument Ever. What if they got hurt the first game? What if anybody gets hurt the first game? You've signed other players to contracts that reflect their performance and value to the team. What if those guys get hurt the first day? What if Rivers gets hurt the first day because you didn't sign McNeill? This sounds like something Norv Turner would say. Of course, that makes sense, since AJ writes Turner's lines for him and probably does the same for Dean.
Here's the surprise of the article, though. In spite of what I said yesterday, it appears Acee did ask Spanos why the team did not offer Jackson or McNeill a big one year deal. Here's what Acee writes of Dean's response:
Spanos reiterated the team’s stance it would not give Jackson or McNeill a big one-year deal, indicating it would be bad business, and said he thinks the Chargers have done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible.
It would be bad business? Care to elaborate? No? Okay, fuck you very much. And you say the team has done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible? Hardballing young Pro Bowl talent for trying to get a fair price? Inexplicable draft day trades to acquire midlevel talent at a high price? Slamming veteran players before kicking them out the door because they don't see things your way? Completely eschewing free agency in favor of nickel and diming the payroll and relying instead on the egotastic GM's draft day brilliance? Turning around and treating those draft picks like shit a year or two later? Bringing in Norv Turner as a head coach? The list of best efforts goes on and on.
And on Yahoo! Sports reporting that an owner had said it was Spanos' dream to move the team to Los Angeles:
“I don’t recall ever saying anything like that,” he said. “I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.”
"I don't recall..." is the way someone begins a statement that is pure bullshit. It establishes plausible deniability. Later, if someone shows up with a recording, Spanos can say that he never said he didn't say it, just that he didn't remember saying it. Like how I can say I don't recall ever having sex with a morbidly obese chick, because if that happened (which, honestly I don't recall) I was way too drunk to remember it. What Spanos should have said is “I have never said anything like that to the media. To the media, I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.” Cause we all know that the Spanoses stand outside the window watching Jerry Jones light cigars with burning hundreds while kicking his feet up on the back of a naked, high-priced call girl and shout, "Someday we'll be like you! You just watch! We'll move our team to L.A. and then you'll have to respect us!
On the home opener being 10,000 tickets short of lifting a television blackout:
“I believe the first game will be blacked out.”
Well, refreshingly upfront. Kudos, Dean, you've totally redeemed yourself. On a side note, TV blackouts are a tool that the NFL uses to try to get you into the stadium so they can turn around and say that you need to buy your team a new stadium. You know, for you?
Go ahead and check out the whole article if you haven't. This guy is a weasel. And if you love Chargers football, this weasel has you by the balls.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Dean Spanos is Stupid
In case there was ever any doubt, check out Kevin Acee's blurb today where he "discusses" the Jackson/McNeill situation with Spanos. Pay close attention to this part:
“They have put themselves in this position,” Spanos said. “We did not put them in this position. It’s very clear to me, obviously, the CBA changed this year … We tendered them the highest possible offer we could, which is $3.2 or $3.3 million, which far exceeded their previous four years salaries collectively. They had 2½ months to go out and find a team to play for. They didn’t, or couldn’t. They elected at the end of 2 ½ months to not sign the tender. That’s the end of the story.
Oh, they could have just gone out and found someone else to play for? He makes it sound as though all any other team would have had to do was pay their $3.whatever million dollar tender (the highest they were allowed to offer, as they so often like to remind everybody) and the Chargers would have happily sent them on their merry way, but apparently all the other teams felt these players sucked balls. He just so happens to leave out the part where the other team would have had to give up a 1st and 3rd round draft pick, which highlights the fact that their tenders were well beneath their value, but whatever.
I'd also like to point out the way Acee takes everything Spanos says at his word without throwing in a single question for the other side. Here again I refer to the fact that no one in the San Diego sports media appears to have ever asked AJ or Spanos why they couldn't have offered a one year deal that was closer to their actual market value (probably between $6-7 million). As far as I know, they are plenty under the cap, so why not at least try to reward these players for their performance on the field? Because AJ thinks he's some sort of fucking dictator, and the Spanos family are cheap, money-grubbing ass holes who see you as nothing more than a dollar sign, that's why. I'm not going to say that I'll be relieved when this team packs it's bags and moves up the freeway in the middle of the night*, but I'm not NOT going to say it either.
Also, this part stood out to me:
Spanos also made clear on Thursday that he is in lockstep with General Manager A.J. Smith.
I think you meant goosestep, Acee. Zing! I find funny Nazi comparisons really bring the message home.
*which, of course, is how they want us all to feel, so the town will stop trying to find a way to get them a stadium and they can "bolt" and look like we gave them no choice
“They have put themselves in this position,” Spanos said. “We did not put them in this position. It’s very clear to me, obviously, the CBA changed this year … We tendered them the highest possible offer we could, which is $3.2 or $3.3 million, which far exceeded their previous four years salaries collectively. They had 2½ months to go out and find a team to play for. They didn’t, or couldn’t. They elected at the end of 2 ½ months to not sign the tender. That’s the end of the story.
Oh, they could have just gone out and found someone else to play for? He makes it sound as though all any other team would have had to do was pay their $3.whatever million dollar tender (the highest they were allowed to offer, as they so often like to remind everybody) and the Chargers would have happily sent them on their merry way, but apparently all the other teams felt these players sucked balls. He just so happens to leave out the part where the other team would have had to give up a 1st and 3rd round draft pick, which highlights the fact that their tenders were well beneath their value, but whatever.
I'd also like to point out the way Acee takes everything Spanos says at his word without throwing in a single question for the other side. Here again I refer to the fact that no one in the San Diego sports media appears to have ever asked AJ or Spanos why they couldn't have offered a one year deal that was closer to their actual market value (probably between $6-7 million). As far as I know, they are plenty under the cap, so why not at least try to reward these players for their performance on the field? Because AJ thinks he's some sort of fucking dictator, and the Spanos family are cheap, money-grubbing ass holes who see you as nothing more than a dollar sign, that's why. I'm not going to say that I'll be relieved when this team packs it's bags and moves up the freeway in the middle of the night*, but I'm not NOT going to say it either.
Also, this part stood out to me:
Spanos also made clear on Thursday that he is in lockstep with General Manager A.J. Smith.
I think you meant goosestep, Acee. Zing! I find funny Nazi comparisons really bring the message home.
*which, of course, is how they want us all to feel, so the town will stop trying to find a way to get them a stadium and they can "bolt" and look like we gave them no choice
Football? Already?
What a pleasant surprise. I mean, it's a great show and all, but I can only take so many Thursday night Community reruns, so football just couldn't come at a better time. And what a fine match-up to foist upon the viewing masses to open the season. New Orleans vs. Minnesota in a rematch of the hotly contested NFC Championship game from earlier this year. Oh man, have I been waiting to see these two teams hit the gridiron again. Of course, I could've waited a few more weeks. You know, until both teams had shaken off the rust of preseason. Most teams don't really come into themselves fully until about week 4, so I suppose I could've waited until then to see this match-up. But, you know what? Fuck me. Nobody in football cares what I think. And nobody in football cares what any of you think either. So are you ready for some football?!!!
I don't know how sloppy this game will be, but there is no way both of these teams perform at the same level they will later in the season, and that is why we all get kind of hosed here. The good news is, several months from now when these two teams meet again in the playoffs, the paid pundits will try to go back and use this match-up as some kind of criteria to predict the outcome. Which will be hilarious, because most of those guys are fucking retarded. This game will present no evidence for them and it will drive them insane. They will side with the Superbowl winners if they win tonight. And they will side with the Superbowl winners if they lose tonight, but with the caveat that Minnesota could pull the game off since they won the season opener. And for tonight's game, they will all pick New Orleans because they won the last game. See, this is why most people in "the biz" will tell you they miss dynasties. Because when there were dynasties, ex-jocks who sit behind a desk and try to look smart about football didn't have to think too much. Thinking causes pain to the concussion center of the brain.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah I think otherwise, because I am actually from Minnesota originally, which obviously gives me valuable insight no one else can possibly fathom. Oh, you wan't analysis? Fine, how about this? Fuck New Orleans and their tragedy center of the United States bullshit! And I don't have a hard-on for Brees-us either. I saw him way back when you know? Adrain Peterson is a stud, fumblitis and all! And Brett Favre is the fucking Champion of being annoying, so what would be more annoying than if he continued to play at a high level? Nothing.
Vikes 24
Saints 21
Take it to the bank! And then rob the bank, because you probably just lost all your money if you bet based on what I just told you. Go football!!!
I don't know how sloppy this game will be, but there is no way both of these teams perform at the same level they will later in the season, and that is why we all get kind of hosed here. The good news is, several months from now when these two teams meet again in the playoffs, the paid pundits will try to go back and use this match-up as some kind of criteria to predict the outcome. Which will be hilarious, because most of those guys are fucking retarded. This game will present no evidence for them and it will drive them insane. They will side with the Superbowl winners if they win tonight. And they will side with the Superbowl winners if they lose tonight, but with the caveat that Minnesota could pull the game off since they won the season opener. And for tonight's game, they will all pick New Orleans because they won the last game. See, this is why most people in "the biz" will tell you they miss dynasties. Because when there were dynasties, ex-jocks who sit behind a desk and try to look smart about football didn't have to think too much. Thinking causes pain to the concussion center of the brain.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah I think otherwise, because I am actually from Minnesota originally, which obviously gives me valuable insight no one else can possibly fathom. Oh, you wan't analysis? Fine, how about this? Fuck New Orleans and their tragedy center of the United States bullshit! And I don't have a hard-on for Brees-us either. I saw him way back when you know? Adrain Peterson is a stud, fumblitis and all! And Brett Favre is the fucking Champion of being annoying, so what would be more annoying than if he continued to play at a high level? Nothing.
Vikes 24
Saints 21
Take it to the bank! And then rob the bank, because you probably just lost all your money if you bet based on what I just told you. Go football!!!
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
T-Minus 20 Hours til Kickoff...
Seeing as how we are less than a day away from the opening kickoff of the 2010 season, it's time to do the scouting reports. One thing that I'm sure of, that no one else seems to be biting off at this point is the fact that we are not the same "Super Bowl" caliber squad from even one year ago. No fucking shit? Have you heard even one conversation from people in the "know" about the Super Bowl this year? Neither have I, and believe me, I know why...let me count the ways:
Gone:
*Jamal Williams
*Vincent Jackson
*Marcus McNeil
*Kevin Ellison
*Antonio Cromartie
*LaDainian Tomlinson
*Shawne Merriman*(I know he's not gone "yet" but he's "hurt", hates the G.M. and has no contract.)
Replaced By:
*Ryan Matthews, Rookie albeit one that we are excited for.
*Brandon Dombrowski, Second Year San Diego State made spot starts last season
*Antonio Garay, Starting Nose Tackle, 4th year Boston College 17 Career Starts
*Cam Thomas, Rookie
*Antoine Cason, lost starting nickel position to the bench last year 4 Career Starts
*Stephen Gregory, 5th year Syracuse
*Larry English, 2nd year Northern Illinois
*Seyi Ajirotutu, Rookie Fresno State (What the fuck is a Seyi?)
*Nathan Vasher, Cut
*Jerome Williams, Cut
Now, I think it's safe to say that at many of the positions listed above we have suffered a measurable downgrade. However, if you read the Acee's and the Canepa's weekly diatribes you'll nary hear a word of these downgrades. What you will here is that expectations are high of these guys and they are making huge improvements! HUGE! They're totally not going to suck, or A.J. will just frame them with some prescription pills that aren't theirs after having the foresight to infer that they would run afoul of the law prior to their actual transgressions and expertly drafting their replacements. What a genius is that fuckin' guy? Why doesn't anyone ever write a story about him?
As you can see this "deep" team that all the pontificators in this town touted for the last four seasons is shallower than a Hilton sister with coke in her cunt. Mind you, I don't want to keep dwelling on the shortcomings that have not been addressed, but take another look. As Max so succinctly put it today in conversation, "The more I read about this team, the more I think we're fucked." For example, take Cason, a guy that was benched last season due to being fucking awful at covering space and or the opposing foe in nickel situations. He's started four fucking games in two seasons and now is thrust into the starting corner position replacing the Impregnator. Here's what people at that link are saying and believe me when I say this is about as negative as the language gets across the media:
"Antoine Cason; how will Cason handle stepping into the starting roll, with only 4 games started in his young career? He has averaged 2 interceptions a year in his first two years. With some pressure on Cassel he has the athleticism to start this season with just as many. However the Chiefs have some fast, experienced receivers and Cason will have to be on top of his game. He is moving out of the nickel role and will be able to do less free styling"
Free styling? Are you fucking kidding me? He "free styled" his way to the fucking bench last season. A coach at some point said to him he was far too fucking terrible at the nickelback position to even be on the fucking field anymore. This is now our starting cornerback opposite Quentin Jammer. Yeah, that secondary is far, far better than it was a year ago. Subtract Jamal Williams for yet another season and I think you'll find that we won't see an improvement in the pass rush that takes so much pressure off what I've long considered to be a mediocre at best secondary. And before you say something fucking idiotic like Eric Weddle is coming into his own, I had to listen to a Jets fan last night berate me about Shonn Greene trucking Weddle's corpse all the way to the end zone in the playoffs last year. Needless to say I won't remind you of the time he was celebrating his way to an excessive celebration personal foul on a play that replay ruled he didn't even make and guess what? I didn't even fucking need replay to see that not only didn't he make the play, replay only reveals that he's is fucking horrific at the safety position and he might actually be Jacob Hester. Max and I have discussed that point at fucking length and have actually obtained more evidence of actual fucking alien encounters, than ever seeing Hester and Weddle in the same frame.
God fucking dammit am I excited about football. And just to really shrink your asshole a few more notches, read this about the future of this great fucking game we give all our fucking time and money and attention to each fucking season. Read that and be fucking pumped for football. Seriously read it. It's the future of the CBA and the potential for a fucking lockout written in a way that even Norv can fucking figure out. Allegedly. He can allegedly figure it out.
Dear 2010 Season,
Hurry up and fucking start already. I hate your face and want you to fucking get cut in half by an eighteen wheeler you fucking asshole. Sorry. I love you football. Please hurry and deliver the kick in the blue balls you deliver me so timely every season.
Thanks in advance, and if you could, just don't take my quarterback until at least week 13, that'd be great.
Sincerely,
CJ
Gone:
*Jamal Williams
*Vincent Jackson
*Marcus McNeil
*Kevin Ellison
*Antonio Cromartie
*LaDainian Tomlinson
*Shawne Merriman*(I know he's not gone "yet" but he's "hurt", hates the G.M. and has no contract.)
Replaced By:
*Ryan Matthews, Rookie albeit one that we are excited for.
*Brandon Dombrowski, Second Year San Diego State made spot starts last season
*Antonio Garay, Starting Nose Tackle, 4th year Boston College 17 Career Starts
*Cam Thomas, Rookie
*Antoine Cason, lost starting nickel position to the bench last year 4 Career Starts
*Stephen Gregory, 5th year Syracuse
*Larry English, 2nd year Northern Illinois
*Seyi Ajirotutu, Rookie Fresno State (What the fuck is a Seyi?)
*Nathan Vasher, Cut
*Jerome Williams, Cut
Now, I think it's safe to say that at many of the positions listed above we have suffered a measurable downgrade. However, if you read the Acee's and the Canepa's weekly diatribes you'll nary hear a word of these downgrades. What you will here is that expectations are high of these guys and they are making huge improvements! HUGE! They're totally not going to suck, or A.J. will just frame them with some prescription pills that aren't theirs after having the foresight to infer that they would run afoul of the law prior to their actual transgressions and expertly drafting their replacements. What a genius is that fuckin' guy? Why doesn't anyone ever write a story about him?
As you can see this "deep" team that all the pontificators in this town touted for the last four seasons is shallower than a Hilton sister with coke in her cunt. Mind you, I don't want to keep dwelling on the shortcomings that have not been addressed, but take another look. As Max so succinctly put it today in conversation, "The more I read about this team, the more I think we're fucked." For example, take Cason, a guy that was benched last season due to being fucking awful at covering space and or the opposing foe in nickel situations. He's started four fucking games in two seasons and now is thrust into the starting corner position replacing the Impregnator. Here's what people at that link are saying and believe me when I say this is about as negative as the language gets across the media:
"Antoine Cason; how will Cason handle stepping into the starting roll, with only 4 games started in his young career? He has averaged 2 interceptions a year in his first two years. With some pressure on Cassel he has the athleticism to start this season with just as many. However the Chiefs have some fast, experienced receivers and Cason will have to be on top of his game. He is moving out of the nickel role and will be able to do less free styling"
Free styling? Are you fucking kidding me? He "free styled" his way to the fucking bench last season. A coach at some point said to him he was far too fucking terrible at the nickelback position to even be on the fucking field anymore. This is now our starting cornerback opposite Quentin Jammer. Yeah, that secondary is far, far better than it was a year ago. Subtract Jamal Williams for yet another season and I think you'll find that we won't see an improvement in the pass rush that takes so much pressure off what I've long considered to be a mediocre at best secondary. And before you say something fucking idiotic like Eric Weddle is coming into his own, I had to listen to a Jets fan last night berate me about Shonn Greene trucking Weddle's corpse all the way to the end zone in the playoffs last year. Needless to say I won't remind you of the time he was celebrating his way to an excessive celebration personal foul on a play that replay ruled he didn't even make and guess what? I didn't even fucking need replay to see that not only didn't he make the play, replay only reveals that he's is fucking horrific at the safety position and he might actually be Jacob Hester. Max and I have discussed that point at fucking length and have actually obtained more evidence of actual fucking alien encounters, than ever seeing Hester and Weddle in the same frame.
God fucking dammit am I excited about football. And just to really shrink your asshole a few more notches, read this about the future of this great fucking game we give all our fucking time and money and attention to each fucking season. Read that and be fucking pumped for football. Seriously read it. It's the future of the CBA and the potential for a fucking lockout written in a way that even Norv can fucking figure out. Allegedly. He can allegedly figure it out.
Dear 2010 Season,
Hurry up and fucking start already. I hate your face and want you to fucking get cut in half by an eighteen wheeler you fucking asshole. Sorry. I love you football. Please hurry and deliver the kick in the blue balls you deliver me so timely every season.
Thanks in advance, and if you could, just don't take my quarterback until at least week 13, that'd be great.
Sincerely,
CJ
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Lectures are for College...
Unfortunately nothing really happened in Chargertown today, yet football was the highlight of evening. Tonight was Fantasy Draft 2010. Now, you know how I feel about the Dungeons and Dragons aspect of Fantasy Football. People who live vicariously through their fantasy teams thinking they are the second coming of Bill Parcells or Bill Walsh wearing their infallibility as a badge is the most annoying aspect of the entire experience. Those who berate every decision you make as uneducated and every bad break they sustain is an affront to their intelligence. If you've played one week of one season of fantasy football you know the type.
I do know one thing. A goal of mine this evening was to get Antonio Gates and get him as soon as I possibly could. Again, for consecutive years, through the good fortune of whatever deity chose to shine on my ass this day I picked from the number one slot. Chris Johnson be damned, AP is my guy. The excitement starts in the three hole where I decided Antonio Gates was to be slotted. I've never enjoyed having the Gates on my squad and watched his production carry certain teams to new heights and this year in serpentine fashion, I had to have him at three or live without for another long season. Needless to say, I grabbed him like Cromartie grabs condoms...wait, way, way quicker than that.
Upon doing so I got what can only be considered a lecture from one of the other Belichick's in the room about how he was destined for a mediocre year in 2010. The lecture's premise was predicated on the absence of ye old Vinny Jack who, now departed, will not be available to absorb extra coverage. while I appreciate the concern, the idea that Gates will struggle with being double teamed for the entirety of a season is quite ludicrous. Should a team decide to double team Antonio Gates, and yes, it's been tried in the past, you'll find yourself in dime or nickel packages on every down, committing a member of your secondary and at worst a linebacker to monitoring the actions of a tight end. Possible? Sure. Probable? No. Intelligent game planning? No. A pro bowl quarterback will easily pick you apart if you double team our overachieving tight end and well, go ahead, play nickel or dime every down and watch Ryan Matthews have his breakout year early. Needless to say, I don't do lectures well so I shut off my attention span and focused on trolling the internet for the Padres score.
Now, I'm off to the backyard to sacrifice a live chicken in the hopes that I have not put the career of said tight end to not be mentioned from here on out in jeopardy. I've said too much. Football starts in roughly 42 hours. It's back. It will suck at times and it will be glorious when it doesn't drive you to the brink of insanity. But thank fuck it's back.
I do know one thing. A goal of mine this evening was to get Antonio Gates and get him as soon as I possibly could. Again, for consecutive years, through the good fortune of whatever deity chose to shine on my ass this day I picked from the number one slot. Chris Johnson be damned, AP is my guy. The excitement starts in the three hole where I decided Antonio Gates was to be slotted. I've never enjoyed having the Gates on my squad and watched his production carry certain teams to new heights and this year in serpentine fashion, I had to have him at three or live without for another long season. Needless to say, I grabbed him like Cromartie grabs condoms...wait, way, way quicker than that.
Upon doing so I got what can only be considered a lecture from one of the other Belichick's in the room about how he was destined for a mediocre year in 2010. The lecture's premise was predicated on the absence of ye old Vinny Jack who, now departed, will not be available to absorb extra coverage. while I appreciate the concern, the idea that Gates will struggle with being double teamed for the entirety of a season is quite ludicrous. Should a team decide to double team Antonio Gates, and yes, it's been tried in the past, you'll find yourself in dime or nickel packages on every down, committing a member of your secondary and at worst a linebacker to monitoring the actions of a tight end. Possible? Sure. Probable? No. Intelligent game planning? No. A pro bowl quarterback will easily pick you apart if you double team our overachieving tight end and well, go ahead, play nickel or dime every down and watch Ryan Matthews have his breakout year early. Needless to say, I don't do lectures well so I shut off my attention span and focused on trolling the internet for the Padres score.
Now, I'm off to the backyard to sacrifice a live chicken in the hopes that I have not put the career of said tight end to not be mentioned from here on out in jeopardy. I've said too much. Football starts in roughly 42 hours. It's back. It will suck at times and it will be glorious when it doesn't drive you to the brink of insanity. But thank fuck it's back.
They're After Me Lucky Charms!
So the Chargers signed JT O'Sullivan to back up Billy Volek, which is a lot like keeping a Hyundai Accent in your garage in case the wheels fall of you ten speed. Let me be clear, San Diego. Billy Volek is terrible. From Kevin Acee's article today:
Volek is expected to return to practice Wednesday or Thursday. Turner recently defended Volek by citing his late-game effectiveness in the 2007 playoffs at Indianapolis and in last year’s season finale.
Yeah, that's the reason every idiot fan I know cites as well. You know why? Because there is literally nothing else you can cite when defending him. Outside of that short spurt of competence, I'd be willing to bet that more than half of Billy Boy's regular season drives ended in turnovers. And let's not talk about his preseason performance again. It makes me toosad. So listen up, Norvelle, you just go ahead and plug Sully into that second spot. He played for Mike Martz, so at least you know he's used to getting sacked 5 or 6 times a game.
Volek is expected to return to practice Wednesday or Thursday. Turner recently defended Volek by citing his late-game effectiveness in the 2007 playoffs at Indianapolis and in last year’s season finale.
Yeah, that's the reason every idiot fan I know cites as well. You know why? Because there is literally nothing else you can cite when defending him. Outside of that short spurt of competence, I'd be willing to bet that more than half of Billy Boy's regular season drives ended in turnovers. And let's not talk about his preseason performance again. It makes me toosad. So listen up, Norvelle, you just go ahead and plug Sully into that second spot. He played for Mike Martz, so at least you know he's used to getting sacked 5 or 6 times a game.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Hi. I'm Back. What? What the Hell Did You Do While I Was Gone...?
Blackout period officially lifted. New huge television disaster narrowly averted and a football team (strikingly similar to the baseball posse here in town) is sparkling in it's disarray. Wow, the more things change the more they stay shitty and foul smelling.
As many of you may have heard, much like our wonderfully (mis)managed country's struggling economy, our footballing squad has hit a bit of a "rough patch". And by rough patch I mean being piloted by a half blind Kamikaze directly towards a nuclear power plant doing it's best impression of Chernobyl. No, those aren't racist comments, it's hyperbole of the highest order.
Again, as you may have heard, or not in some cases as the "sports reporting" in San Diego consists of A.J. Smith's hand puppet and my favorite, favorite of ever, Nick Canepa, and the always reliable for a verbal fellating Kevin Acee, two of the cogs in the wheel of Chargers GO, are unavailable for play and or comment. Perhaps you've heard of these two pro bowl caliber players, Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeil. Now, I'm not here to inject my opinion about whether or not I think that management could have done more to negotiate with these players to facilitate a deal that would have gotten them to camp, not only on time but in an agreeable fashion, but we know the Godfather wouldn't have it any other way than total, complete, dictatorship control. Now being that Jackson is represented by these guys it's really no surprise that Smith is leveraging his position. Rumor has it that Jackson is not that skilled at driving drunk, being busted twice, once being pulled over for his inability to hear music at normal volume levels about 48 minutes before the coin toss of last years debacle of a playoff exit to the Jets (J-E-T-S SUCK, SUCK SUCK!!) in what has become classic Charger playoff form. Now, you'd think as Acee points out that if you have a reputation for questionable decision making and your agency has in fact been negotiators and or paid excuse makers for the likes of O.J. Simpson, "P-Diddy" Combs, Mike Tyson, and Lindsay Lohan, the Godfather will use that to box you up and ship you out of town to Abu Dhabi and or anywhere that is near exile for a Crest Liquor Beefy Bird Sandwich and a 7th round draft pick. Right or wrong it's what we've come to expect. Max was kind enough to point out that Acee probably fished out the four worst clients Jackson's representation was saddled (chose to represent) with, but I'm sure if I did a little digging I'd find they also represent Paris Hilton, Jesse James and Hitler.
All that leads to what little can confirm but most of us think and by most of us I mean Max and myself, conspiracy theorist extraordinaires, the long term future of the McNeil's and the Jackson's and quite honestly the Merriman's are insecure at best and probably solidified as probability zero. As Max mentioned, I firmly believe that Merriman's sore achilles is due in part to him longing for that long term deal that isn't coming, and quite frankly the way the Godfather muscles his minions to do his bidding Merriman knows as most of us do, he's not long for the squad. Why put it on the line this year for a team that has been so outspoken about his poor off field choices? Why put it on the line for a team with no cornerback, no safety and no left tackle? I can understand why his achilles might hurt, save it for next year, get the Jets to pony up some multiple millions over five years to underachieve for that shit managed squad of assholes. Nothing personal.
Quite honestly this applies to all three of the "key free agents". McNeil is the most likely to be signed as he's the armed guard for the best quarterback this town has seen in decades that makes a cool shade under a hundred million dollars. Probably want to protect that asset with the two time pro bowler in lieu of Dombrowski, who, I'm sure is a really cool guy, but expectations for that second year San Diego State "graduate" are slightly skewed upward this year wouldn't you say?
To diminish the role of that position is rather ridiculous but the Godfather and that god damned Norv Turner will have you believe that Dombrowski is ready to defend that spot. We'd better be damned sure he's ready, because if he's not, and god forbid if he's not, an injury to ol'Laserface and we're through. Let's be perfectly clear about this, if/when Laserface goes down the backup quarterback position is about as solidified as the California government.
Again, the "media types" in this town (I'm being generous and trying to limit my expletive count) will have you believe that Billy Volek is the unquestioned backup and should anything befall Laserface, we are in good hands the United Way. Alas, this is not the case. As Max pointed out (stop beating me to the punch! Shut up!) Volek has made some poor decisions with the football this preseason. He completed less than 50% of his passes and threw a whopping zero touchdowns and four picks against the B-Squads of the likes of the Niner's and Saints. Umm what? Oh, and we cut Jonathon Crompton (Hey, Leinert's now available!) and the heir apparent to Vinny Jack Josh Reed. You'd think they'd give Reed a look at safety or corner since there's a black fucking hole there. OOOOHHHH... I smell a bet. Cason or Vasher? Who will lead the team in penalty yards and being burned like suck toast...?
And the Padres have lost eight in a row in a display of suckitude forgoing all fundamentals after the seventh inning and playing like the first round (sorry, second round, dumb bye week expectations!) playoff exit Bolts. A display not likely to be repeated until we dump two of our first three games and Norvy starts to mug his excuse face on in front cameras.
As you can well see I'm super pumped and excited about this year's squad! Should they migrate north on the five freeway as the Spanos'(Spani?) suggested in Max's last post, mind you, my allegiance will not follow as the article suggests. My allegiance will be placed in a box and sent to Cox Cable with a steaming pile of my own feces and a fork for them to enjoy a la carte.
2010 Football! It's fantastic! What did I do with my sarcasm font...?
As many of you may have heard, much like our wonderfully (mis)managed country's struggling economy, our footballing squad has hit a bit of a "rough patch". And by rough patch I mean being piloted by a half blind Kamikaze directly towards a nuclear power plant doing it's best impression of Chernobyl. No, those aren't racist comments, it's hyperbole of the highest order.
Again, as you may have heard, or not in some cases as the "sports reporting" in San Diego consists of A.J. Smith's hand puppet and my favorite, favorite of ever, Nick Canepa, and the always reliable for a verbal fellating Kevin Acee, two of the cogs in the wheel of Chargers GO, are unavailable for play and or comment. Perhaps you've heard of these two pro bowl caliber players, Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeil. Now, I'm not here to inject my opinion about whether or not I think that management could have done more to negotiate with these players to facilitate a deal that would have gotten them to camp, not only on time but in an agreeable fashion, but we know the Godfather wouldn't have it any other way than total, complete, dictatorship control. Now being that Jackson is represented by these guys it's really no surprise that Smith is leveraging his position. Rumor has it that Jackson is not that skilled at driving drunk, being busted twice, once being pulled over for his inability to hear music at normal volume levels about 48 minutes before the coin toss of last years debacle of a playoff exit to the Jets (J-E-T-S SUCK, SUCK SUCK!!) in what has become classic Charger playoff form. Now, you'd think as Acee points out that if you have a reputation for questionable decision making and your agency has in fact been negotiators and or paid excuse makers for the likes of O.J. Simpson, "P-Diddy" Combs, Mike Tyson, and Lindsay Lohan, the Godfather will use that to box you up and ship you out of town to Abu Dhabi and or anywhere that is near exile for a Crest Liquor Beefy Bird Sandwich and a 7th round draft pick. Right or wrong it's what we've come to expect. Max was kind enough to point out that Acee probably fished out the four worst clients Jackson's representation was saddled (chose to represent) with, but I'm sure if I did a little digging I'd find they also represent Paris Hilton, Jesse James and Hitler.
All that leads to what little can confirm but most of us think and by most of us I mean Max and myself, conspiracy theorist extraordinaires, the long term future of the McNeil's and the Jackson's and quite honestly the Merriman's are insecure at best and probably solidified as probability zero. As Max mentioned, I firmly believe that Merriman's sore achilles is due in part to him longing for that long term deal that isn't coming, and quite frankly the way the Godfather muscles his minions to do his bidding Merriman knows as most of us do, he's not long for the squad. Why put it on the line this year for a team that has been so outspoken about his poor off field choices? Why put it on the line for a team with no cornerback, no safety and no left tackle? I can understand why his achilles might hurt, save it for next year, get the Jets to pony up some multiple millions over five years to underachieve for that shit managed squad of assholes. Nothing personal.
Quite honestly this applies to all three of the "key free agents". McNeil is the most likely to be signed as he's the armed guard for the best quarterback this town has seen in decades that makes a cool shade under a hundred million dollars. Probably want to protect that asset with the two time pro bowler in lieu of Dombrowski, who, I'm sure is a really cool guy, but expectations for that second year San Diego State "graduate" are slightly skewed upward this year wouldn't you say?
To diminish the role of that position is rather ridiculous but the Godfather and that god damned Norv Turner will have you believe that Dombrowski is ready to defend that spot. We'd better be damned sure he's ready, because if he's not, and god forbid if he's not, an injury to ol'Laserface and we're through. Let's be perfectly clear about this, if/when Laserface goes down the backup quarterback position is about as solidified as the California government.
Again, the "media types" in this town (I'm being generous and trying to limit my expletive count) will have you believe that Billy Volek is the unquestioned backup and should anything befall Laserface, we are in good hands the United Way. Alas, this is not the case. As Max pointed out (stop beating me to the punch! Shut up!) Volek has made some poor decisions with the football this preseason. He completed less than 50% of his passes and threw a whopping zero touchdowns and four picks against the B-Squads of the likes of the Niner's and Saints. Umm what? Oh, and we cut Jonathon Crompton (Hey, Leinert's now available!) and the heir apparent to Vinny Jack Josh Reed. You'd think they'd give Reed a look at safety or corner since there's a black fucking hole there. OOOOHHHH... I smell a bet. Cason or Vasher? Who will lead the team in penalty yards and being burned like suck toast...?
And the Padres have lost eight in a row in a display of suckitude forgoing all fundamentals after the seventh inning and playing like the first round (sorry, second round, dumb bye week expectations!) playoff exit Bolts. A display not likely to be repeated until we dump two of our first three games and Norvy starts to mug his excuse face on in front cameras.
As you can well see I'm super pumped and excited about this year's squad! Should they migrate north on the five freeway as the Spanos'(Spani?) suggested in Max's last post, mind you, my allegiance will not follow as the article suggests. My allegiance will be placed in a box and sent to Cox Cable with a steaming pile of my own feces and a fork for them to enjoy a la carte.
2010 Football! It's fantastic! What did I do with my sarcasm font...?
Friday, September 03, 2010
Spanos Has Michael Silver Fooled.
In Michael Silver's annual NFL owner rankings here's what he had to say about number 14, Dean Spanos:
14. San Diego Chargers – Alex Spanos (Dean Spanos): A few years ago, if you’d told me Dean Spanos could pull off a move to Los Angeles without being pressured by his peers to sell the team, I’d have accused you of having eaten some bad fish tacos. But it’s true: Of the teams theoretically in play for L.A. (Vikings, Jaguars, Raiders if Al Davis were no longer in the picture), the Chargers have moved to the top of an increasingly short list, partly because Spanos has come into his own as an owner – and also because his sincere efforts to make a stadium work in the San Diego area have been met with civic indifference. “Without a stadium he realizes they can’t compete [financially], and he has legitimately tried to get one built,” the aforementioned AFC owner says of Spanos. “His dream is to go to L.A., and it may happen.” That could mean a move up the freeway to Orange County, which might allow the Chargers to retain some of their fan base, or it could lead the team to the new stadium in the City of Industry being conceived by developer Ed Roski. In the meantime, give Spanos points for fielding a consistently competitive team fueled by brusque but brainy general manager A.J. Smith. As the labor showdown with the NFL Players Association looms, Smith and Spanos are also in lockstep on driving a hard bargain in player-contract negotiations, an approach that may cost the Chargers the services of a pair of Pro Bowl performers – wideout Vincent Jackson(notes) and left tackle Marcus McNeill(notes) – for part or all of 2010. Says the AFC owner: “Dean believes the system needs to be fixed and he’s putting his actions where his mouth is.” It’s a resolve of which politicians and voters around the San Diego area should take note in the near future.
I notice that whenever a writer mentions Spanos' sincere effort to get a stadium built in San Diego, they never mention the bogus loophole in the stadium contract after the Murph was rennovated years ago with city money. Much was made of how that contract was to keep the Chargers in San Diego until 2020. And no one talks about how the team sat back and collected money from the taxpayers for empty seats all those years while fielding a terrible football team. Yeah, that Spanos is a real prince. Oh, and let's not act like refusing to pay players their market value is some valiant effort to save the game somehow. It's a stingey, greedy move perpetrated by a stingey, greedy organization. Wait until L.A. sees what kind of team the Spanos family saddles them with once they finally get their way.
14. San Diego Chargers – Alex Spanos (Dean Spanos): A few years ago, if you’d told me Dean Spanos could pull off a move to Los Angeles without being pressured by his peers to sell the team, I’d have accused you of having eaten some bad fish tacos. But it’s true: Of the teams theoretically in play for L.A. (Vikings, Jaguars, Raiders if Al Davis were no longer in the picture), the Chargers have moved to the top of an increasingly short list, partly because Spanos has come into his own as an owner – and also because his sincere efforts to make a stadium work in the San Diego area have been met with civic indifference. “Without a stadium he realizes they can’t compete [financially], and he has legitimately tried to get one built,” the aforementioned AFC owner says of Spanos. “His dream is to go to L.A., and it may happen.” That could mean a move up the freeway to Orange County, which might allow the Chargers to retain some of their fan base, or it could lead the team to the new stadium in the City of Industry being conceived by developer Ed Roski. In the meantime, give Spanos points for fielding a consistently competitive team fueled by brusque but brainy general manager A.J. Smith. As the labor showdown with the NFL Players Association looms, Smith and Spanos are also in lockstep on driving a hard bargain in player-contract negotiations, an approach that may cost the Chargers the services of a pair of Pro Bowl performers – wideout Vincent Jackson(notes) and left tackle Marcus McNeill(notes) – for part or all of 2010. Says the AFC owner: “Dean believes the system needs to be fixed and he’s putting his actions where his mouth is.” It’s a resolve of which politicians and voters around the San Diego area should take note in the near future.
I notice that whenever a writer mentions Spanos' sincere effort to get a stadium built in San Diego, they never mention the bogus loophole in the stadium contract after the Murph was rennovated years ago with city money. Much was made of how that contract was to keep the Chargers in San Diego until 2020. And no one talks about how the team sat back and collected money from the taxpayers for empty seats all those years while fielding a terrible football team. Yeah, that Spanos is a real prince. Oh, and let's not act like refusing to pay players their market value is some valiant effort to save the game somehow. It's a stingey, greedy move perpetrated by a stingey, greedy organization. Wait until L.A. sees what kind of team the Spanos family saddles them with once they finally get their way.
Things That Make You Go "Eh, Whatever"
The Chargers have acquired Patrick Crayton from the Dallas Cowboys for a 7th round pick. I guess AJ and Norv weren't as impressed with Buster Davis' preseason production as management lapdog Kevin Acee was. Just kidding, Davis isn't going anywhere until he has been given every opportunity to prove that he isn't a bust and AJ is the greatest draft mind in the history of the game!
Patrick Crayton. Okay. Can he line up at any off the following positions as well? Left Tackle, Cornerback, Safety, Inside Linebacker or Outside Linebacker? Cause, if so, I'm calling this the steal of the century.
Patrick Crayton. Okay. Can he line up at any off the following positions as well? Left Tackle, Cornerback, Safety, Inside Linebacker or Outside Linebacker? Cause, if so, I'm calling this the steal of the century.
Are We...
...one Quarterback injury away from being the worst team in football*? That jump shot INT into the end zone by Billy Volek last night says yes. To call that pass ill-advised would be an insult to the term "ill-advised." If anyone ever advised you to make that throw they should be strangled with their own in intestines. I'll grant that most of the night Volek's line looked to be in disarray, and by disarray I mean something, something swiss cheese, blah, blah was that guy asleep? humina, humina fuck these ass holes. However, I think it's high time we address the fact that outside of one solid showing in the playoffs for about half aquarter against Indy a couple of years back, every single time Volek has touched the ball has ended in disaster. I understand the Mayan calendar ends with a picture of his face.
That secondary is terrible. Terrible. One of the announcers-not that idiot, BR-asked if new CB acquisition Bennett had a shot at taking that starting job opposite Jammer from Cason/Vasher, noting that neither player had blown open the competition. Um, does Bennett have arms and eyes? Either or? Cause then my guess would be that he has a shot. It was nice to know someone was paying attention. Those guys look awful, and I can't see it getting any better once the games start to mean something. The only chance this secondary has of limiting an opposing team's pass production is if the other team cannot stop itself from running for 500 yards a game against our horrible run defense. It looked like Techmo Bowl Bo Jackson out there for Frisco.
Pretty much everybody is saying that the Chargers will still take this division, because nobody is stepping up to take it from them. I ask you this, though. How far does a team have to actually step up? Is this team better than the team that went 8-8 a few years ago? Think about it. Because both the Chiefs and the Raiders are poised to take a shot at 8 wins. I got a bad feeling about this year.
*The Rams are actually the worst team in football, and I doubt we could fall that far.
That secondary is terrible. Terrible. One of the announcers-not that idiot, BR-asked if new CB acquisition Bennett had a shot at taking that starting job opposite Jammer from Cason/Vasher, noting that neither player had blown open the competition. Um, does Bennett have arms and eyes? Either or? Cause then my guess would be that he has a shot. It was nice to know someone was paying attention. Those guys look awful, and I can't see it getting any better once the games start to mean something. The only chance this secondary has of limiting an opposing team's pass production is if the other team cannot stop itself from running for 500 yards a game against our horrible run defense. It looked like Techmo Bowl Bo Jackson out there for Frisco.
Pretty much everybody is saying that the Chargers will still take this division, because nobody is stepping up to take it from them. I ask you this, though. How far does a team have to actually step up? Is this team better than the team that went 8-8 a few years ago? Think about it. Because both the Chiefs and the Raiders are poised to take a shot at 8 wins. I got a bad feeling about this year.
*The Rams are actually the worst team in football, and I doubt we could fall that far.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Vincent Jackson to the Vikes?
I could live with that. Michael Silver writes an interesting article on why and how he thinks this should be done. I find the most interesting part to be where Silver suggests that the Vikings should offer Jackson a one year deal at around $6 million (You know, about what the guy's worth). I find this interesting, obviously, because I've been saying for months now that this is what the Chargers should have done. Up until this point I've heard maybe one other paid sports professional bring this up. Of course, with Kevin Acee's recent assertion that the Chargers were never intent upon bringing Jackson back at all, I suppose this is all moot. By the way, Acee, do you think our venerable GM might have graciously allowed Jackson-a Pro Bowl WR with back to back 1,000 yard seasons!-to suit up with the team this year if he had signed their original piddling tender? Of course not! He was already out the door! Worst sports writers in the nation here in San Diego.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Shawne Merriman is What?
So, CJ and I were just going back and forth on this whole Shawne Merriman being injured thing and whether it was real or just him holding out for some reason or whatever. CJ seems to believe this is still about money and that Merriman should just show up, be awesome and collect his due at the end of the year. I would agree, wholeheartedly, if I thought this was about money. Personally, I think the guy still considers himself NFL elite and just doesn't feel like he needs to work out or take part in anything and that he'll show up for the first regular season game and get all Merrimanimal on the field and we'll all be transported back to 2006 where hope was all eternally springy and the dynasty was moments from taking flight and never looking back. I hope that happens. Truthfully, though, if Merriman does a single noteable thing on the field this season I'll be pleasantly surprised.
It's like so: Do I think Merriman is capable of regaining some semblance of his former self? Possibly. Do I think our defensive coordinator has the balls or the vision to run the type of defense that made Shawne Merriman what he was as a Charger? No. No, I do not. Seriously, can we stop giving Ron Rivera so much credit for something he achieved with the Bears like a million years ago? In Rivera's defense, though, so many of the pieces of that old defensive puzzle are long gone at this point.
As LaDainian Tomlinson (once referred to as The Best Ever on this blog and still referred to as such deep down in my cold black heart) will now have the opportunity to show the world that our system failed him and not the other way around, so might Merriman have that opportunity down the road. But here in San Diego, I'm skeptical.
It's like so: Do I think Merriman is capable of regaining some semblance of his former self? Possibly. Do I think our defensive coordinator has the balls or the vision to run the type of defense that made Shawne Merriman what he was as a Charger? No. No, I do not. Seriously, can we stop giving Ron Rivera so much credit for something he achieved with the Bears like a million years ago? In Rivera's defense, though, so many of the pieces of that old defensive puzzle are long gone at this point.
As LaDainian Tomlinson (once referred to as The Best Ever on this blog and still referred to as such deep down in my cold black heart) will now have the opportunity to show the world that our system failed him and not the other way around, so might Merriman have that opportunity down the road. But here in San Diego, I'm skeptical.
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