A Quick And Chilling Note

Watch for at least one big name to be pilfered from the Chargers in this first uncapped year. And try not to think of guys like Norman Hand, John Parella and Gary Plummer when it happens. If they do not bring the cap back in whatever new CBA they put together, the Superbowl "window" we are always talking about will most certainly be slammed shut by our tightwad owners.

Okay.

I guess I'm glad that I kept my mouth shut or the final several weeks of the season, because when you don't have the stones to say something, nothing you say can be used against you.

I don't really even know where to begin with that game, other than to say that I've already seen that game, so if you want to know what I think you could probably just dig through the archives and see if I wrote about it the first time about three years ago. I imagine I could sum it up with "Grumble, grumble, expletive boneheaded penalties! Rabble, Rabble, gutless coaching! Astounded expression Nate fucking Kaeding?!!!"

Seriously man, who throws a shoe? I mean, who kicks a challenge flag? How is that even an impulse? I mean, head butts and taunting are inexcusable in that situation, but at the very least they come from a heated interaction with other physically alive entities. What in the fuck did that challenge flag ever do to you, Vincent Jackson? I read some articles about how VJ is not only a super gifted athlete, but that he is quite the scholar as well, having earned his Master's in blah, blah, blah, whatever. This seems to prove what I've long suspected-that if you are a truly serious student athlete with enormous NFL potential, you can get the absolute best nerds to attend your classes for you.

I've worried all year that our lack of a running game would be a problem once we got into the post season, but like everyone else i allowed myself to be duped into believing that we were just too explosive in other ways to be stopped by anyone. The thing is, if you know that your running game is bad and the other team treats it like a joke, then you must abandon it. If you continue to run Tomlinson between the tackles based on what kind of player he used to be, then you are doing nothing but throwing away downs. If you refuse to even try to get the ball to Darren Sproles out of some sort of nostalgic loyalty to the guy that used to get it done for you, then you have failed. There is no Cam Cameron, you call the plays Norv, and that is your fault. But it was good enough to get you an extension, and if you fans reading this don't think that is another case of A.J. telling us we can all go fuck ourselves, then I've got a bridge to sell you and it's made of candy and tits. I keep readin articles where A.J. or Nick Canepa or even Dean Spanos all eventually say how pleased they are with where Norv has taken us in the last three years. Interesting, because to me it looks like we are exactly where we started with Norv, except that we no longer have the most explosive offensive wepon in the league, largely due to Turner changing the way our offense runs the ball. Sure, we've had some playoff wins, but I have to again quote the old scientific axiom, "Correlation does not imply causation." If you employ one of the most talented rosters in the league you are likely to manage a playoff win regardless-in fact, in spite of-your coach. But we are backed into a corner here. We certainly aren't going to fire another coach after such a season after all the grief that was given to the organization last time. Especially not a coach that the GM loves. Gonna have to live with it, cause it's not going away. Like herpes.

I have been a long time defender of Nate Kaeding, and that performance of his on Sunday puts us in quite a pickle. A lot of people choose to forget the dark days of kickers like Steve Christie and Wide Richey, and Kaeding makes 'em like a son of a bitch in the regular season. Unfortunately, great teams are made after the season. I've quoted Dr. Z from Sports Illustrated many times regarding somthing he said about Marty Schottenheimer, because I thought it made pretty good sense at the time (and I'm paraphrasing here):

"Either Marty Schottenheimer is the worst playoff coach in history, or the unluckiest playoff coach in history, and either way, you don't want him caoching your team in the playoffs." The same looks like it may apply with Kaeding. Maybe we bring back Carney for the playoffs going forward?

I want to say we'll get 'em next year, but I'm like a broken record at this point. I'm heartbroken, and I'm in danger of giving up. If not next season, there will likely not be an NFL season the following year due to the owners and players flexing and kicking each other's challenge flags all over the field. Then what? Can I wait three years? Will the door still be open? We have no running game. We have no real pass rush. Our secondary gets trucked by rookies. Our coach is a weiner. If we couldn't beat the Jets in our own house, tell me who we could have beaten? Who will we ever beat?Wake me when it's over.

A-hem...

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's taken me a few days to articulate that. It was nice to finally get it off my chest. If anybody needs me, I'll be drinking.

Shh!

I know it's been quiet here, but if you haven't noticed, our Bolts are pitching a no hitter over the last 11 weeks and I don't want to jinx it. This is too good not to post, though.

Gametime...

Rumor has it, and by rumor has it I mean Max told me this tidbit of the juicyness last night, that Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is now smashing the pumpkins of one Jessica Simpson. Really? Billy Corgan? The last "high profile" piece of tail I can remember Billy getting down with was one heroin addled Courtney Love post Cobain suicide version. She looked like an anorexic skeleton in a zip off crack whore costume. He even got her after that little fairy from R.E.M. Stipe got done wiping his junk on her. Congrats Billy Corgan for taking a significant step upwards in your boy pants.

Significance? Well, as you may or may not know, one SupertitsMcGee Simpson used to go out with the quarterback of our main foe today. The one who has massacred his December resume according to all the media sources I've consulted must be slightly disappointed that his ex-conquest is now trading bodily fluids with the lead singer of a long defunct band. I think he can even appreciate Gish, but everything after that pales in comparison for sure.

I am scared of the Cowgirls. I mean I really am. Max has tried to convince me otherwise but I think that feeling permeates the locker room. The last time out we got it handed to us, albeit with Gates serving out his well deserved suspension for being the greatest tight end to ever hold out of training camp. Did I thank A.J. for that again yet? No? Okay, thanks for that again A.J. Nothing like breeding a culture of fear against an opponent within my head that most assuredly permeates the locker room.

Given my druthers, we stomp the piss out of this lie of a football team today and send old Reauxmeaux home with nary a head injury so that he still has to visualize his old girlfriend with Billy Corgan cock deep inside all her orifices.

That being said, Go Bolts. In an abbreviated rant this week, fuck Rush the band. Stupid Canadians. By no means am I insulting all Canadians right to their faces, as far as you know, but that band can eat a dick.

Bolts 28 Cowgirls 24.

Well Said, Ross Tucker!

Ross Tucker over at CNNSI.com referred to the San Diego offense as "Philip Rivers and his band of human mismatches." I think that is a pretty glorious moniker and I wholeheartedly approve. Let's spread this one around.

Thursday Night Snoozefest Comin' At Ya!

The other day CJ was saying to me that Dallas worries him because the Chargers always seem to be intimidated by Dallas. I wasn't sure at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that not only was he right, but that in reality we are intimidated by pretty much every big persona team. Dallas, the Patriots-the 94 Niners! Teams with big time mythos backing them seem to scare the shit out of us. Look at this years Giants. That team is not the same team as the last couple of years, but they took us to the wire. Why? Probably because they have big time New York hype backing them. But all of those teams pale in comparison to the Pittsburgh Steelers. That team is grittier and more blue collar-y than we could ever hope to be and when we face off against them we don't stand a chance. Not since we had our own gritty, blue collar QB, the indomitable Stan Humphries, have we given the Steelers a proper challenge. This year they gave us our only truely sound beating so far this season. It wasn't even a competition. But look at these Steelers. They are not so good this year. No discernable offensive identity. Barely adequate coverage skills. This team lost to the Raiders, and while the Raiders look more like I expected them to this season after ejecting Jamarcus Russell from the starting QB position, they are still the Raiders. So tonight's match-up between the floundering Steelers and the suddenly spunky little engines that almost could Browns might actually prove to be an interesting match-up, but that doesn't make it right. Thursday Night football kind of sucks period if you ask me.

BTW, I don't really think we're scared of Dallas this year. Go Bolts!!!

Quick Thoughts

So, another win is another win, but we certainly let the lowly Browns hang around. A lot of people want to hang that on the defense, but LT had another statistically misleading day running up 80+ yards and a TD. Unfortunately, he also managed to average a paultry 3.2 yards per carry. Once again, this was against the Browns. Not a stellar club there. At some point we are going to have to find a way to eat some clock, and with three of our last four games against contending teams, I think it's going to have to be sooner rather than later.

It is getting really difficult for me to refrain from punching people who take our beating Indy for granted. Anybody who wants to run into that team in the playoffs is retarded.

Why did it seem like Andy Reid was trying to let Mike Vick have a little revenge against the city of Atlanta? For what? It's not like they ran him out of town. He went to fucking jail and broke everybody's heart for Christ's sake!!! Take those two TDs you ungrateful bastards! Wait, what?!

Anybody still wondering why Belichek decided not to go with his D against the Colts a few weeks back? How the mighty have fallen.

9-3 is nice but I guess Denver didn't get the message they were through, and now it looks like our "lowly" division could send two. This is getting interesting. Go Bolts!!!

Schoolin' Is Hard.

So there it is. Another glorious blowout of another division "rival." It heartens me to see us beat up on KC, a team that traditionally plays us tough no matter how shitty they are. I dare say this is the hottest we've been in quite some time. And with Cleveland coming up, it just gets better. Believe me, we need these confidence builders. We suddenly have 3 tough games on our schedule with the resurgence of the Titans. Speaking of the Titans and how it relates to us, do you think there's any way that Jamarcus Russell doesn't get at least one more chance to destroy the Raiders organization now that Vince Young has emerged from exile in Tennessee to become the NFL's big story right now? Is it racist for me to say that? I mean, I have no doubt that Al Davis believes they are related like the Manning brothers, if not that they are actually the same person. Hell, I'm not so sure they aren't brothers. Racist?

Let's size up those three contenders, from easiest to hardest, in my opinion:

Dallas- That's not a very good team, right? I mean, the whole NFC East has drastically fallen in terms of competetivity(?). Dallas has won a game 7-6 to the Redskins. Ergo, Dallas almost lost to the fucking Redskins. This year! Now, sure they got some weapons (that they appear to have no idea how to use). And yeah, that defense is technically sound. Unfortunately for Dallas, though, it's getting late in the season and that's when they tend to turn back into a pumpkin. A pumpkin filled with shit. Verdict: Not worried.

Cincinnati- I am positive I spelled that wrong and I don't care. Fuck Cincy and their gay little spelling joke on the rest of the world, I will call them Cincy! Do you suppose young poor alchoholic people in that town call Nati Ice, Cincinnati Ice? Anyway, throw this team in with Philly. The Chargers are not going to be afraid of any team that lost to the Raiders, regardless of whether Jamarcus Russell was playing or not. And the truth is, I think we put up points on any D right now, while the Bengals can't play from far behind. Seriously, the guy in my fantasy league with what should be the best team going might not make the playoffs because he has Carson Palmer for a QB. They do not let Carson Palmer throw the ball anymore. Yet he is still considered an elite type QB. Figure that shit out. Verdict: Not so worried.

Tennessee- Let's get one thing straight. Vince Young will not lead this team to 10 straight victories. That being said, Chris Johnson could. This team is hot. I think they can knock off the Colts, because the Colts let more people get on top of them early than your mom, and if the Titans get a lead, Chris Johnson is the means with which to protect it. As for our match-up, make no bones about it, there is no love lost between our two franchises. This will be our best primer for the postseason. Verdict: Can't wait!

Nice job by the Saints last night, but I still don't think they go undefeated. They have no problem getting it up for a big game like that (just like your dad at the disco-and I mean gay disco), but they can't seem to get it up for anybody else(mm-hmm). Of course, this may be wishful thinking. Too many of my fellow Chargers fans still get moist at the mention of Drew Brees. Hey, I got nothing against the guy, per se, but I think we did pretty well with the guy we chose. To hear a San Diego fan put Brees up with Manning and Brady with nary a mention of Rivers is insulting and like everything else in my life, drives me to drink.

One last thing for now. I am getting really tired of people blaming the O-line for the woes in our running game. They may not be the best run blocking line in the league, but believe me there are plenty of backs in the league (and at least one on the roster) that could put up solid numbers here. Sproles is too small to be effective regularly and the way we use him these days, no team is surprised when we hand him the ball. LT does not see the field or make cuts without a competent lead blocker. We don't have one, and therefore, we need a fresh set of eyes at that position. I LOVE LT. He is my favorite Charger ever. But it is over. 1 yard TDs only mask the problem. And now locals are already starting to call for his return next year. Sorry guys, but unless he agrees to a Gwynn-like salary he's gone. And to keep him in anything more than a back-up capacity would be a huge mistake. Sorry, I know it hurts, but schoolin' is hard. That's why I never finished college. Go Bolts!!!

Not Exactly A Clash Of The Titans

Man, I figured we'd handle the flailing Broncos, but that was embarrassing. I mean, sure we probably got lucky on that goal line fumble call, and that could have been a momentum changer, but one play rarely does a football game make. Personally, I think we may have finally been paid back for the Hochuli thing, and ultimately this game may have meant more than that one. The Bolts are fired up and playing as hot as anybody. This is exciting shit. And the best part is that Cromartie cracked a guy in the head with a bottle of champagne (allegedly) at Bar West that night, and anybody hanging out at that place deserves it!



One more thing. Word around town is that veteran O-line monster John Runyan is likely to sign with the Chargers to replace the injured Jerome Clary. That's some solid experienced depth we can be happy about. Go Bolts!!!

It's Exciting To Be Excited!

It occurred to me earlier today that for the last two years, at this point in the season, I have been pissed off in regards to football; More specifically, I've been pissed off at my team. Underachievement and poor coaching were the hallmarks of the first half of those seasons. Well, don't look now, but times have changed. Suddenly, we are achieving at an appropriate level and we are not too poorly coached. Talk about improvement! Seriously, though, over the last four weeks this team has been really good. Sure, the Raiders and Chiefs suck, the vaGiants are descending and the Eagles are in the midst of their yearly swoon, but you can't pick your opponents (this isn't college football, for crying out loud), you can only beat them. And that's what we've been doing.

We need to beat Denver. It's as simple as that. If we lose this game, we'll be effectively two games out and in danger of a karmic beatdown. Remember last year when we went to the postseason at 8-8, while the 11-5 Patsies stayed home? Yeah, that could be us if we're not careful. By nearly all accounts we should murder this team (I think Vegas actually has the Broncos giving us 2.5, but my theory is that Broncos fans gamble more than Mexicans). Orton's hurt, and that supposedly is a big deal. The Broncos are reeling. The Chargers are flying. We are set up to announce our presence with authority. That worries me. We are terrible at being favored. I can not remember the last time we covered a sizable spread or won a Superbowl with a 14-2 record. So here's what I want to see. I want to see a little twisting of the knife. If I see our defense drop into prevent midway through the second quarter with a two score lead, I will absolutely lose my shit. If we start hammering away at the middle of the line with our inconsistent running game to the effect of 3-and-out after 3-and-out I will start a fucking letter writing campaign the likes of which hasn't bee seen since CJ solicited the Governator to help free his mom from a Puerto Rican jail for trying to smuggle 10 kilos of uncut powder out of the country in her snapper. Seriously, Locked Up Abroad: Episode 12, check it out. I want to see bombs flying. I want to see Denver children crying. Hell, I want to prove to Nick Canepa that I can like Norv Turner just fine if he stops being such a loser. Let's get this done.

Now for another quick Cut. I watched the highly acclaimed documentary Anvil: The Story of Anvil last night and I gotta say I just don't fucking get it. When did we start glamorizing all the shittiest things that happened in the 80s? Or the 80s themselves for that matter? I mean, I spent some of my formative years in the 80s, and while their was some good stuff-the resurgence of skateboarding, for example-there was a shitload of lame crap going on. Meth took hold in the 80s, y'know? Butt Rock retards like Anvil? Horrible. You can put Slash in your documentary (actually, more of a commercial for their 14th album), but that doesn't put you on a level with GnR. I don't admire a couple of guys too stupid to give up or evolve, and I don't feel sorry for them either. This movie reminded me of The Wrestler, another gritty take on a shitty form of entertainment. That movie was so REAL, you know? About as real as the toothless guy at the bar who bends your ear around tales of his rockin' youthful exploits while you're trying to order a drink. All you really want is for him to shut up and leave you alone. Bartender?!



Who gives a fuck about Anvil? There are a shitload of bands that sucked too much to succeed, even if they did play big in Japan. On a side note, I once wrote a review of a CD for a band called Big in Japan. Kind of generic, but not terrible. Anvil? Shitty. F-. I'd rather be hung by my thumbs. You're fucking cut!

Chargers 28, Broncos 20. Go Bolts!

The Rant....

Since I've decided to abstain from the prognosticating for the time being until I can right the shipwreck my decision making process has become, so I'm dedicating my time to what I'm affectionately calling "The Rant". Especially since I think this weekend's game is going to further expose the suck that the Donk are currently trying to pass off as football.

Generally, I come across an item or two in my daily browsing of the interwebs that infuriate me to no end. It's usually the off beat opinion of a "journalist" who has adopted as his calling the opining of some currently relevant topic yet with some sort of slanted angle in order to stand out from the herd. Done well, this is something to be appreciated, but usually, this ends poorly and rarely is there enough attention paid to expose these abortions for what they are. An opinion in the place of reporting facts, especially a bad opinion formulated to be different is about as useful as sandy vagina. That is all just a long way of saying that "journalism" as it is currently being forced upon us is pissing me off and this is my space to shit on it.

Two items in particular have recently had me on the upside of irate. First was the "reporting" of the Larry Johnson incident. This took on two forms. First, Larry Johnson is a horrible homophobic imitation of a human being who has a far beyond troubled past that would rival most pedophiliac felons. Now, this may appear that I'm defending Larry Johnson. Please do not make this mistake. Larry Johnson has his own set of issues. The first of which and the one that should have gotten the most attention in this most recent incident was the undermining of his coaching staff and his team. Plain unacceptable insubordination. This gets most people fired; not even professional football players or ones masquerading as professional football players are usually immune. But no, that wasn't the story. Larry Johnson went on to use a "homophobic slur" when referring to members of the media. A bad choice of words to be sure. My issue was that Yahoo, was not the only media source to report this as a "homophobic" slur, but merely the first place I saw it referred to in this context. This is not a "homophobic" slur. It's certainly a homosexual slur, but not one of homophobia. This is the "journalistic" slant that inserts the writer and his opinion into the story, making his outrage at LJ's actions the focal point of the piece instead of just reporting the damned facts. For that Yahoo, you suck shit out of the ass end of a buffalo.

The second piece was again widely opined and had to do with Bill Belichick apparently blowing the fourth down play during last Sunday night's Colts affair. In short, report to me what the fuck he did. Don't tell me that he sucks as a football coach and can't be effective at his position as that was so telling of his arrogance and it finally, FINALLY bit him in the ass, HURRAY!!!! Agree or disagree with his call, I myself am sort of torn and I'm sure I'd feel awfully different about it had it been Norvy at the helm of that ship, but Jesus Pete. The guy showed some balls, went with something that should have worked and ended the game in victory and failed. Had it worked he'd have been a god damned deity, instead he's a guy with three super bowl rings and a bank account the size of Vanuatu. He gives a flying fuck what you think journoboy.

There were approximately 887 things to choose from for this space today, and believe me we will get to more of them after the slaughter on Sunday, like for example, have you heard that global warming is the main cause of prostitution in the Philippines? You didn't know? Ooooh that was a good one sure to be shared later on. Go bolts, time to give the Tijuana treatment to the Donks.

Friends talking football via e-mail

I am a member of an e-mail thread that is run by a friend of mine from college who travels the world, and has written an NFL ranking algorithm which he uses to rank the teams each week. The rankings are sent to the e-mail thread, and lots of smack talk generally ensues.

There are Giants fans, Cowboys fans, Eagles fans, WAY too many Broncos fans, and I think I may be the only Charger fan. It can be tough to listen to the chum that is stirred up in there, but it's sometimes funny too... and every now and then, I chime in. I thought I'd share a couple of recent ones that I contributed. Enjoy!

Post 1:

Mike (Packer fan), go easy on Scott (Giants fan and the author of the algorithm). His poor team had to go into a bye week with the image of Philip Rivers going all Philip Rivers on them and leading a game winning drive down their field ending in a TD to VJ in the back of the end zone. Oy.

(after Scott complained about not having access to a proper PC for the latest week's calculations) Scott, I can lend you a windows PC when you get here… Let me just “prep” one for you with my special version of Microsoft Excel that includes some preset macros to help counteract Donkey fans overexcitement about a good start to a long season. Looks like they might be going from the Bronc-os to the Bronc-oh-nos! (again). Well, we’ll see… big game this Sunday! Chargers get a chance for payback. Hopefully the Donks aren’t counting on 14 points from kick returns this time. Go Chargers!!

Post 2:

It looks like Orton may indeed start in Sunday’s Broncos vs. Chargers. That’s probably a good thing, because Chris Simms not only seems to have trouble making the ball go through the air toward a teammate, but he also really doesn’t fit the Broncos Quarterback mold at all. Allow me to demonstrate… Let’s look at the recent Denver QB’s:



And now, Mr. Simms:



He looks way too awake! And that hair? That’s no mop! You need to grow that out and then brush it down forward over your eyes, man! Stop smiling… turn that smile upside down. And hang that head… And when was the last time you shaved? Whenever it was, it was way to recently. Luckily, I have worked up a prototype image to send to Simms. He can use this as a model, and hopefully he can achieve something close to this look by Sunday, in case he is called in to helm the Broncos.



That’s better.

Go Chargers!!!

Who'da Thunk It....

So here we are again. Up and down cardiac football yet again has blessed us with it's schizophrenic presence. As we've established around here, I've become somewhat prescient with interception predictions and as my recent record with my picks will attest, I'm good at nothing else football related.

For what amounts to the second week in a row, praise not vitriol can be directed towards the coaches. Ol' Norvy has surprised me for in consecutive weeks now and well, when the stone is rollin' far be it from me to get all mossy on it so, Norv you can rest easy as you get another week long respite from my ever increasing vocabulary of vulgarity. Congrats Norvy!

There is one thing that I will lay claim to being wholly responsible for. As I was awaiting my plane to arrive this past Friday there was a slight delay according to the big board outside the gate. By slight delay I mean big fucking red blinking "DELAYED" scolding me from the departures screen. A quick check with the gate attendant relayed the info that the plane was in route via Chicago from its original departure point, Philadelphia. Yep. So I waited. As Max has relayed, what I saw was not unlike an infestation of cockroaches and as those gate doors opened, off they scattered into the depths of our town. I had lost count as about 28 Westbrook jerseys assaulted my senses. To top it off, these were not the quiet type fans, these were the full strength battery chucking assfuckers you all love to hate. I'll spare you the gory detail as most of it included listening to these morons stumble through and mispronounce the most basic words, but did not spare me their pathetic attempts. One particularly larger woman, and by large I mean truck scale using, zoo MRI needing large, was particularly vocal. I kindly requested that she sprain her ankle and get a concussion on the way to the bathroom. I've not felt the daggers from another human's eyeballs so sharp since the "Where's your bag?" incident from 2004. But, that was obviously the cause of the actual Westbrook's concussion during the game, so for that, you are all welcome.

So, what's on tap for the Donks this week? Believe me, I'm far beyond guessing, but I'm pretty sure it involves Shawne Merriman, an assault charge and a civil lawsuit. But I'll be leaving the prognosticating to Max from here on out.

Nice work Bolts, keep it set on kill this week. I need not tell you that this is a relatively important game.

Back tomorrow with the new weekly feature, The Rant.

Good News, Everybody!

TBE is back! After his 90+ yards and 2 TDs against the Eagles on Sunday it is overwhelmingly apparent that our running game is 100% revitalized. Unstoppable.

Look, I looooved that game Sunday. I was confident we would win and win we did. I certainly wasn't thinking about that game a few years ago where we lined up for the game clinching field goal against the Eagles and then they blocked it and ran it back for a TD to win and then we didn't make the playoffs but got to be the best team to ever not do that until last year when the Patriots got to be the best team to ever not do that because we are a bunch of cheating cheaters and they should change the rules so that the Patriots can go to the playoffs every year, but they couldn't get everybody to throw out the division winners in the playoff seeding so they just made it against the rules to tackle the QB so Tom Brady would never miss another game and nearly destroy the very fabric of football, but I digress. Couple of things:

As I've said nearly a million times, I hope LT can be what he once was, but I still have my doubts. He didn't make any nifty LT patented cuts on that 20 yard TD, or most of his other runs for that matter. Our line opened holes on Sunday. And why? Probably because teams are no longer worried about defending against the run so much. They will likely adjust, so let's not get to far ahead of ourselves.

I've also said that I would love it if Norv became a good head coach and I would happily support him if that ever became the case. Now, I can't fault Norv too much for his playcalling in the last few weeks, and I happily give him credit, but what the hell was Ron Rivera doing calling off the dogs with a whole half of football (more, really) to play? 400+ yards throwing for McNabb? Inexcusable, and they need to address that pussyfoot bullshit quick.

All in all, though, I'm stoked to be here even better than I thought we'd be a few weeks ago when I righteously predicted our ascent back to relevancy. Now it's time to twist the knife. Go into Denver and let the smell of blood in the water dictate the game. No letting up until the final whistle blows. It's time to announce our fucking presence with authority, damn it!

And honestly...TBE, please be back. Go Bolts!!!

Real Quick.

Pretty sweet win yesterday for the Bolts. Got a little dicey at the end, but then it's never really easy, is it. I'll get into it more later. I really just wanted to put in my two cents on Belichek going for it on 4th and 2 late in last night's game. That call is the proverbial genius if it works, foolish and egotistical if it fails call. Everybody is laying the wood to Belichek today, and I hate the guy, but please. All I can think of is Denver going for 2 against us last year for the win. If that play fails Shanahan gets murdered in the media. It works and he's a visionary. New England probably picks up 2 yards with about 80% proficiency and Peyton had rallied his team back into possession to take the game, so why not take a shot there? It's not the season-the Pats are going to the playoffs without the win for crying out loud. Personally, I think they got the first down, but the NFL continues to butcher it's own rules when it comes to possession on catches. Fortunately, I hate both teams, so I don't really care-I just like pointing out how much the media and NFL Officials suck.

Quick Predicts.

The Denver-Washington game seems like one of those games where the Skins feel like they need to come out and prove to everyone that they can beat a good team. Since Denver has finally come back down to Earth and isn't actually a good team anywhere except record, I fully expect the Skins to eek this one out at the end. 17-13

The Eagles lost to the Raiders. That should infuse our Bolts with enough confidence to send all these Eagles fans home drunk and miserable. 27-24

Go Bolts!!!

I'm Literally Falling Apart

So, I'm on antibiotics and whatnot for some vague illness, but apparently my cohort didn't feel that was enough. CJ got all sinus-y a few days back and proceeded to spend two days gassing the house with germs in a successful attempt to slide that misery on over to me. Then he skipped town with his chick, but not before texting me one last time from Lindbergh that a consortium of Eagles fans was on it's way in as he was on his way out. My point is, CJ sucks. And the town is being descended upon by a plague from the East. Stay as far away from Plum Crazy in PB as possible, Charger faithful. No good can come of mixing it up with these people.

BTW, anybody know how Jay cutler did last night? I don't have the NFL Network, so I don't know. Did he have a good game? I bet he threw for lots of yards and TDs. Two weeks ago Merrill Hodge said Cutler was 'hands down' the best QB in the NFC, so it must've been a clinic last night. Sorry I missed that; I guess I'll just have to wait until NFL Films immortalizes the Bears 2009 march to the Superbowl.

Go Bolts!!!

Uh, Okay.

Look, it's not like I could just NOT post this.

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Real Quick.

Outstanding win for the Bolts. I never really had a doubt we'd pull that one out. Yeah, right. So here we are, back in the thick of things and it's time to swallow some painful medicine. LT is done as a first option at running back. This team needs a running game now. They need to activate Bennett, like yesterday and get him into the game. Sproles can't do it. Hester certainly can't do it. Bennett's the only other option. If the Bolts can bring themselves to do this, the sky's the limit going forward. It's the final piece of the puzzle. Go Bolts!!!

Update: Let me expand a little bit on this whole Bennett thing, as I have a theory that I'm not sure I have mentioned here. Bennett has basically been inactive since about the time he ran the ball four times for 20 yards against Baltimore. The reason cited for this is all the injuries we've had and roster spots we've needed to fill those injury slots, and while I'm sure this is a factor, it seems strange to me that guys like Hester and Kolbert are active instead. Those guys are valuable special teamers they say, but I'm pretty sure Bennett has seen his share of special teams reps at this point in his career. My personal opinion is that AJ and/or Spanos has told Turner that in light of the amount of money dedicated to LT and Sproles, he must make do with those two players in the running game in order to save face for management. Hester must stay in for the same reason (switch dedicated money with draft picks sacrificed, though). This may sound like conspiracy, but it's not like AJ is above this sort of control and if you think Norv is a "Yes Man" then this is right up that alley. Well, now is the time for Turner to sack up and do the one last thing this team needs to succeed. Do I think Bennett is some sort of savior who's going to come in and put up big time fantasy numbers? No, of course not. But I do think that with the Chargers' current running scheme, he makes more sense. Can you imagine what Rivers and Jackson could do if other teams had to respect the run all day long? I shiver.