Pick Away!

Ugh, been a rough week, so not too many posts. Sorry to anybody who might actually be checking this spot out. There's sure to be more after I see the highlights of today's game because I'm too cheap and/or broke to attend the game so I sure as hell ain't going to see it. I expect 4 or 5 more blackouts this year (That's racist! Sorry, been watching season 1 of 30 Rock...), so my yard sure look great by spring. Anyway, here's what's going to happen today.

Buffalo @ Green Bay
How do I not have a single Green Bay player on my fantasy team?! Who's their back-up tight end? Everybody gets to score today! Buffalo 9, Green Bay 34

Miami @ Minnesota
Trap game! Whatever that means. Minnesota has to get going this week, right? Right? Me thinks it not so easy. Miami 20, Minnesota 21

Kansas City @ Cleveland
I see people picking Cleveland here and I don't know why. Lost in Monday Night's contest appears to be the fact that KC was also playing in the rain. Matt Cassell comes out this week and KC shows why they might not be dominant, but they are going to be tougher than they were last year. Also, Cleveland? Please. KC 27, Cleveland 17

Chicago @ Dallas
I don't recall if Dallas chokes against the Bears the way they choke against the Redskins, but I doubt it. Both of these teams are not nearly as good as people want to believe they are. Hang this score on a Cutler INT. Chicago 17, Dallas 20

Arizona @ Atlanta
Kurt Warner was the best QB you have ever seen, even if you don't know it. The drop-off is nearly inconceivable. Atlanta gets on track. Arizona 13, Atlanta 30

Tampa Bay @ Carolina
Carolina really wanted to make a statement in their opener at New York. I doubt that statement was, "We don't really have a game plan." It should go better this time around. Carolina is Jeckyll and Hyde home and away. Which one plays football better again? Tampa Bay 16, Carolina 27

Philly @ Detroit
Stafford is hurt. Vick is playing for a QB controversy. If this was just about anybody but Detroit I'd expect Vick to end up looking silly. But it's not. Philly 28, Detroit 14

Baltimore @ Cincy
This could be a replay of Monday Night. In fact, I'm going to go with that. Baltimore 10, Cincy 9

Pittsburgh @ Tenessee
The Titans aren't going to do that against Pitts D. Pitts O is not going to do anything much against anybody until [insert rape joke here] gets back. Pittsburgh 10, Tennessee 7

Seattle @ Denver
Is Denver any better than San Francisco? No. Is Seattle as good as last week indicates? Also, no. But they're better than Denver. Seattle 17, Denver 14

St.Louis @ Oakland
Really? God, this looks bad. I expect Campbell to look a bit less Russell against the Rams, though. St. Louis 13, Oakland 20

Houston @ Washington
How does the other Texas team fair against the Redskins? Better, but they are also choke artists. They'll make this uglier and closer than anybody probably thinks. Houston 24, Washington 20

New England @ New York Jets
The Jets play well against one dimensional passing offenses. Don't ask me how I know. But the Pats are on a mission to prove that they are still elite, and you know what? They are. New England 27, Jets 10

New York VaGiants @ Indy
Oh, the Manning Bowl again. Oh, I don't care. Indy's D did not look good last week and I doubt they look a lot better against the NFL's luckiest jerks this week. But the offense will be out of control behind a pissed off regular season Peyton Manning. VaGiants 31, Indy 41

New Orleans @ Frisco
Uhh...Door's already a'closin' Frisco. You have no chance here. DOn't even show up. What's the point? New Orleans is going to want to make up the points they didn't score in the first game. And they're going to do it with TDs because they can't kick field goals. New Orleans 42, Frisco 17

Jacksonville @ San Diego
I gave my Bolts the benefit of the doubt in the first game because I felt I had to. From here on out I call it like I see it. Denver let Garrard play a mistake free game last week. I don't see our defense forcing any mistakes. He won't have to do much, though, because MJD should have his way with our defense. The Bolts offense will likely fix itself this week, because I'm looking out side and it's not raining, but it isn't going to be enough. Jags 30, Bolts 27 Please prove me wrong. I want to be nothing but a filthy naysayer, but I'm just so fucking smart!

There you go. Time to grab the kids college fund and turn it into a fortune. You're welcome!

David Binn. Is. Dead.

At least for the rest of the season. Apparently Binn-he of the dating Pamela Anderson when people actually wanted to and having the longest Chargers starts streak fame-destroyed his hammy trying to go after Dexter McCluster on that 94 yard TD return*. That's costly. Really. I mean, a lot of people who are me have joked over the years about how hard could it possibly be to teach your Center to long snap and free up a roster spot, but I honestly have no doubt this will haunt us. This team looks ripe for blocked punts and other such unfortunate ball bounces this year.

*I hope McCluster got a stern taling to after that return. Everybody knows you don't field a punt inside the 10. Rookie mistake, really.

This Thing Ain't Selling Out

So you better get you ass to the game. They're 8,000 short of a sellout and they are not even going to bother to ask for an extension. And why would they? They probably wouldn't get one. After that horrible opener there isn't going to be any crazy run on tickets in the eleventh hour. And the local TV affiliate certainly isn't going to foot the bill for that many tickets; There are only so many needy kids out there who want to go see a game. And I doubt the NFL would give them the extension this time anyway. We will be made an example of, starting now. So, see you at the game...or not.

You'll Only Understand...

...if you read KSK regularly. Which you should.

Wouldn't You Know It...

You remember when you were a kid and you wished that you had a time machine so you could go retrace history's steps and do some really cool shit? I woke up this morning wishing I had one of those time machines, only now I'd use it for pure evil and to gamble on the outcome of sporting events and become super duper rich like Biff from Back to the Future. Only, I don't need the fucking time machine because this football team is the bizarro fucking groundhog day version of the one we loved so dearly since I don't know, forever? Only they don't make me fucking rich. Just angry.

No fewer than a half a dozen people walked on eggshells around me today talking about bullshit things like weather and economies and politics, things it occurred to them I might currently enjoy more than football. For the most part they were correct, I was one to probably avoid this topic of discussion with today. I've long been known as slightly pessimistic about football in these parts and today was no different. One soul braved her own fears and said she really wanted to ask me about the game but was a slight bit afraid I'd be upset and all cussyface like I can get at times. Yet, I'm finding it very difficult to be as angry as I was prior to the beginning of what will still probably be a serviceable football season. Hard to be too upset when the result was exactly what you expected. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result?

Last night was yet another replay of the inefficiencies of this football team. All shortcomings were again displayed on the national stage. I'm still curious as to how we are still considered to be top tier talent bound for the Super Bowl when we repeatedly redefine shitting the bed in this hypersensitive, hyper reactive media age. I know, it's just one game and our division is still downtrodden and we historically get off to slow starts and all that ball suckoff that comes with the printed fellating of the management and coaching staff of this team. Yes, we'll probably be fine and yes we'll probably win the division. But if history has taught me anything it's that it won't matter because on the big stage we'll make the same stupid mistakes we've always made that have always driven me fucking crazy and we'll go through this whole cycle we've lived the last six or so seasons.

Some say McNeil and Jackson might have made the difference. Max and I have been basically saying that all off season. Some say we lost eight pro bowl players and actually improved as a result due to addition by subtraction. Which is confusing to me because I'm good at math and addition by subtraction is not fucking possible. In every possible result of subtraction you are left with less than you started with. I didn't even need fucking calculus to know that. Johnny has one apple, he gives it to that whore Suzi, Johnny has no apples. Or balls.

Some point to the defense being stout in the second half as a positive indicator of things to come, and since I've become so able to hurricane force piss on parades around here let me remind one and all that we spent the majority of the second half down by two scores, and the Chiefers had to do little with the football other than protect the lead. They succeeded. Remember when we used to play bend don't break defense with the lead as a young football team?

As a point of reference feel free to browse the archives and see if any of this sounds familiar. Remember when we didn't get three delay of game penalties? Remember when we didn't use three time outs to avoid delay of game penalties? Remember when we tackled running backs? Remember when we ran the same draw play inside the 10 yard line and it didn't work three times? Remember? We continue to make the same mistakes on the field, on the sidelines, in the booth upstairs and in the owner's box. AT least this time nobody is blaming the fucking kicker.

Remember this when next week's game against undefeated Jacksonville rolls around, only you can't witness this display of football due to blackout. Remember this when after a few blackouts the owners start talking about the fans not supporting the team, despite their incredible track record of winning the division. Remember when they pack up the team for Los Angeles and blame the fans for forcing their hand by not paying for a new stadium and donating the surrounding land to the ownership group for development. I won't say I told you so. I've said it too much already. To continue saying it is insane by definition.

That's Some Bad Hat, Harry

And the team ain't so great either. I wish I could say I was surprised. I know I picked the Bolts to win, but you have to understand that I'm really a homer on game day. Still, if you've been reading, you know what I think. I haven't read anything from the local stooges yet, but from the fans and on the radio I've already heard the excuse wagon roll on through. "It was a trap game." "The weather was too miserable." Hell, Scott Kaplan even tried to blame Malcolm Floyd for not leaping 10 yards into the air and catching a TD. These are the lunatic ramblings of a fanbase that is only starting to realize what's really happeneing.

It would be one thing if KC had come out and played inspired football-if they had looked like a team that was ready to turn the corner into relevence. But they didn't. Outside of about 4 plays on the night, their offense looked pedestrian. At the very least, they were no better perpared for inclement weather than we were. Their defense was nothing to write home about either. Just good enough to keep us in check. Not so good that Norv Turner should look that lost. Not so good that Philip Rivers should be so frustrated.

And there's another concern of mine. I'm as big a Philip Rivers supporter as you'll find, but kicking the ball and shouting at your receivers is going to do nothing for the public's perception of you as a whiny malcontent.

Lastly, and this not only bears repeating, it demands it. One has to wonder what the outcome of last night's game would have been if Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeill were on the field. Or what if the team had ever given a Kassim Osgood a fair shake, instead of continuing to wait for Buster Davis to arrive on the scene? Kassim was obviously missed on special teams. Maybe he was a leader there. But wait, AJ doesn't put much stock in team leaders. That's the coaches job. And team leaders are always expecting to get paid.

Of course, it is far too early to call this the final demise of the San Diego Super Chargers. They are notoriously slow starters under Norvelle Turner. But what do you take away from last night's effort that makes you feel good about the future? Gates is still Gates. Naanee emerged as a solid target. Despite the fumble, Mathews looked slightly better in Turner's system than LT ever did. And the defense, aside from one long run from Charles, didn't look completely atrocious. Does that sound like enough to warrant Superbowl aspirations to you? If so, I envy you your ability to ignore the obvious in the face of your loyalty to the team. Go you!!!

Tonight's Games

There's a whole bunch of stuff in the local rag today about the Chargers, but I don't really feel like getting into it, because it's all the same bullshit they print all the time and I know this blog has long since turned into a big Acee/Canepa hatefest. So let's just go to the picks:

Baltimore @ Jets
After yesterday I know better than to make grandiose statements like "The Raiders are going to be vastly improved!" and "San Francisco is a football team!", but I'm still calling the J-E-T-S a bullshit overrated whore of a team. Look, I like Tomlinson to round back into some semblance of the playmaker he used to be, but he's not going to be the grind it out runner the Thomas Jones was. And even if Shonn Greene does manage to fill that hole, I just don't see how this team is any better than the 9-7 club they were last year. And that team ran into some pretty solid luck in the postseason. A spiraling Bengals team and a perennially chokey San Diego squad that played directly into the strengths of the Jets. Baltimore, on the other hand, made obvious upgrades on a team that barely needed them. I mean, I'm pretty sure you can call Anquan Boldin and T.J. Hou-kay better than WR #2 and WR #3 from last year. Baltimore 24, Jets 10

San Diego @ KC
I was pretty worried about this game regardless of the way the Chargers pummelled the Chiefs last season and I still am. I fully expect Charles and Jones to run for about a thousand yards tonight, but I really felt the difference for KC would be Dexter McCluster, who is the kind of player the Chargers never seem to have an answer for. McCluster is doubtful with illness, and since I don't even know if KC employs a TE, I feel a little better here. Ryan Mathews should plow through KC's D. Chargers 35, KC 20

Yikes, I just picked two road teams. Well, I guess Baltimore is going to have to go ahead and blow it then. Fuck those guys anyway. Go Bolts!!!

Quick Thoughts from Opening Day

Some random thoughts and observations:

1) Screw you, Andy Reid. I drafted Kevin Kolb and you marched out Vick over and over again before Kolb got hurt? Way to try to establish rythm, fuckface. Looks like I need to put in a personal call to Kurt Warner to come bail me out again.

2) Maybe Delhomme wasn't the problem in Carolina as Matt Moore threw some boneheaded INTs yesterday. Oh wait, so did Delhomme in Cleveland.

3) Where were all these sports folk that were calling bloody murder on Calvin Johnson's bullshit incompletion call in the end zone last year? Welcome to the party, now how long before someone figures out that the NFL is misinterpreting its own rule?

4) Oh man, the Patriots look mad. Brady returns looking like he's and completely over than knee and I think you can forget about the Jets.

5) Denver is boring, but efficient. Not efficient enough to win however, and they made David Garrard look very good.

6) I'm not ready to buy Arian Foster yet. He's good for sure, but that Colts D looked lost once Bob Sanders went down with injury for the eleventy billionth time.

7) Atlanta is going to catch New Orleans? Not this year. Not if they don't establish an offensive identity. Turner carried the ball 19 times, but it seemed like he never did it twice in a row.

8) The Raiders? Really? I didn't expect a win, but I figured they'd walk out of Tennessee with their heads held high. I believe they ended up burrowing their way out under the parking lot.

9) Dallas sucks.

10) Green Bay does not.

11) All these thoughts be damned, though, because I think we really learned nothing about this season in week 1.

12) Go football!!!

Lets Pick Some Winners

As everybody else in the world gets to watch their team begin yet another glorious season of NFLing, I will be scowling into my vortex bottle and waiting. Still waiting for yet another Monday night opener. And not even the marquee Monday nighter, but the consolation, "see west coast, we totally care bout you" Monday nighter. Thanks NFL, you're all heart. At least I've got my fake football players to root for. Yay. To make it at least a little more interesting, I'm going to go ahead and hang my football idiot flag out there for everyone to see and make some picks.

Cleveland @ Tampa Bay

Ugh, meteor. Cleveland 24, Tampa 17 Next, please.

Miami @ Buffalo

I think I just heard Ditka say that Buffalo was going to throw a wrench into the AFC East for the first 4 weeks of the season. They should force him into a home. Miami 30, Buffalo 13

Cincinnati @ New England

My first instinct is to call both of these teams grossly overrated (and annoying as hell), but with Tom Brady a full year after recovery from his knee injury I have to believe that team starts to run up the score again. Cincy 24, New England 35

Indy @ Houston

Is this the year? Does Houston finally turn the corner and wrest the reigns of the division from the mighty Colts? No. Indy 31, Houston 27

Crappy Denver @ Jacksonville

Kyle Orton was a stud in the preseason. That means nothing. Denver has no offensive playmakers. Jacksonville has one. Do not watch this game. Fucking Denver 13, Jax 24

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh

I like Dennis Dixon. To my knowledge he has never raped anyone. But I'm financially invested in Michael Turner. Oh, and fuck the Steelers! Atlanta 26, Pitt 20

Oakland @ Tennessee

I, like most other stupid people expect Oakland to be considerably improved without Fat, Lazy Albert at QB. But week one in Tennessee? I have a hard time with that. Oakland 21, Tennessee 24

Carolina @ NY Giants

For a game that might mean something, I am completely uninterested. And I have Deangelo Williams on my Wizards of the Coast league (Feel the nerdery flowing through you). I don't care how much of a hard on ESPN has for the VaGiants, I am uncompelled. Carolina 30, VaGiants 24

Detroit @ Chicago

If you see me watching this game call the police because my loved ones are being held hostage somewhere. It's hard to even hate Cutler anymore he's become such an over the top parody of himself. Detroit 20, Chicago 27

Arizona @ St. Louis

Those reports of Arizona's demise may be a bit premature. And this is still the Rams they're up against. Arizona 20, St. Louis 19

Green bay @ Philidelphia

Have you heard? Green Bay has somehow already won the Superbowl! Reminds me of when my team won the Superbowl. Green Bay 30, Philly 31

San Francisco @ Seattle

Frisco is the undisputed favorite to win the NFC West, which is like being the undisputed favorites to beat the Washington Generals. Frisco 21, Generals 10

Dallas @ Washington

Dallas. Has any team garnered more respect for doing so little? They will be in the NFC Championship game with Green Bay, no doubt. Ha, they love to choke against the Redskins and they love to choke against Donovan McNabb. Dallas 14, Washington 24

So there's today's picks. Choke on 'em, Heh, 'em. He'll always be Dig Them to me! I'll go over tomorrow night's picks tomorrow or the next day. Until then, go football!!!

Last Night's Affair

So, I was wrong about the outcome, but I take solace in the fact that I was soooo right about the quality of play. Both of those teams looked like shit. You can argue that Saints didn't look awful, but that team came out throwing the ball on 15 of their first 16 plays with the obvious intent of getting up by a lot early, and they only managed 7 points in the first half. Rus-ty! Way to fuck it up, NFL.

Quick Notes:

• Looks like Favre either needs to start coming to camp or go ahead and fucking retire already. After watching that game I have no doubt last year's AFC Chamionship game is why he almost retired. He looked scared shitless of the Saints.
• Garret Hartley's 2 missed field goals once again beg the question, "Do my fantasy football teams curse kickers, or are my fantasy football teams cursed by kickers?"
• Shiancoe could have a great year, since he appears to be the only person Favre can see.
• Marckques[sp.?] Colston owners are going to be pulling their hair out by the end of the season.
• Since the inception* of the Thursday opener, the home team (previous year's Superbowl winner) is a perfect 7-0.

Fucking Thursday opener's are bullshit. Now we've got 3 more days until more football, and I'm ready to cry about it. And since I'm a Chargers fan, 4 more days so I'm going to bawl about it.

*speaking of inception, this is great

Dean Spanos is Stupid II

More today from Kevin Acee on his interview with Dean Spanos. I have to give credit to Acee for at least bringing up the 5 year/$60 million contract Miles Austin signed with Dallas. To this Spanos, replies:

“No one or two players is above the entire team,” Spanos said. “It just doesn’t work that way. What if they were here and got hurt the first game? … What do you do then? Do you just give up? The ship has sailed. We’re going.

To this I would like to give out my first ever award for Most Invalid Argument Ever. What if they got hurt the first game? What if anybody gets hurt the first game? You've signed other players to contracts that reflect their performance and value to the team. What if those guys get hurt the first day? What if Rivers gets hurt the first day because you didn't sign McNeill? This sounds like something Norv Turner would say. Of course, that makes sense, since AJ writes Turner's lines for him and probably does the same for Dean.

Here's the surprise of the article, though. In spite of what I said yesterday, it appears Acee did ask Spanos why the team did not offer Jackson or McNeill a big one year deal. Here's what Acee writes of Dean's response:

Spanos reiterated the team’s stance it would not give Jackson or McNeill a big one-year deal, indicating it would be bad business, and said he thinks the Chargers have done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible.

It would be bad business? Care to elaborate? No? Okay, fuck you very much. And you say the team has done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible? Hardballing young Pro Bowl talent for trying to get a fair price? Inexplicable draft day trades to acquire midlevel talent at a high price? Slamming veteran players before kicking them out the door because they don't see things your way? Completely eschewing free agency in favor of nickel and diming the payroll and relying instead on the egotastic GM's draft day brilliance? Turning around and treating those draft picks like shit a year or two later? Bringing in Norv Turner as a head coach? The list of best efforts goes on and on.

And on Yahoo! Sports reporting that an owner had said it was Spanos' dream to move the team to Los Angeles:

“I don’t recall ever saying anything like that,” he said. “I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.”

"I don't recall..." is the way someone begins a statement that is pure bullshit. It establishes plausible deniability. Later, if someone shows up with a recording, Spanos can say that he never said he didn't say it, just that he didn't remember saying it. Like how I can say I don't recall ever having sex with a morbidly obese chick, because if that happened (which, honestly I don't recall) I was way too drunk to remember it. What Spanos should have said is “I have never said anything like that to the media. To the media, I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.” Cause we all know that the Spanoses stand outside the window watching Jerry Jones light cigars with burning hundreds while kicking his feet up on the back of a naked, high-priced call girl and shout, "Someday we'll be like you! You just watch! We'll move our team to L.A. and then you'll have to respect us!

On the home opener being 10,000 tickets short of lifting a television blackout:

“I believe the first game will be blacked out.”

Well, refreshingly upfront. Kudos, Dean, you've totally redeemed yourself. On a side note, TV blackouts are a tool that the NFL uses to try to get you into the stadium so they can turn around and say that you need to buy your team a new stadium. You know, for you?

Go ahead and check out the whole article if you haven't. This guy is a weasel. And if you love Chargers football, this weasel has you by the balls.

Dean Spanos is Stupid

In case there was ever any doubt, check out Kevin Acee's blurb today where he "discusses" the Jackson/McNeill situation with Spanos. Pay close attention to this part:

“They have put themselves in this position,” Spanos said. “We did not put them in this position. It’s very clear to me, obviously, the CBA changed this year … We tendered them the highest possible offer we could, which is $3.2 or $3.3 million, which far exceeded their previous four years salaries collectively. They had 2½ months to go out and find a team to play for. They didn’t, or couldn’t. They elected at the end of 2 ½ months to not sign the tender. That’s the end of the story.

Oh, they could have just gone out and found someone else to play for? He makes it sound as though all any other team would have had to do was pay their $3.whatever million dollar tender (the highest they were allowed to offer, as they so often like to remind everybody) and the Chargers would have happily sent them on their merry way, but apparently all the other teams felt these players sucked balls. He just so happens to leave out the part where the other team would have had to give up a 1st and 3rd round draft pick, which highlights the fact that their tenders were well beneath their value, but whatever.

I'd also like to point out the way Acee takes everything Spanos says at his word without throwing in a single question for the other side. Here again I refer to the fact that no one in the San Diego sports media appears to have ever asked AJ or Spanos why they couldn't have offered a one year deal that was closer to their actual market value (probably between $6-7 million). As far as I know, they are plenty under the cap, so why not at least try to reward these players for their performance on the field? Because AJ thinks he's some sort of fucking dictator, and the Spanos family are cheap, money-grubbing ass holes who see you as nothing more than a dollar sign, that's why. I'm not going to say that I'll be relieved when this team packs it's bags and moves up the freeway in the middle of the night*, but I'm not NOT going to say it either.

Also, this part stood out to me:

Spanos also made clear on Thursday that he is in lockstep with General Manager A.J. Smith.

I think you meant goosestep, Acee. Zing! I find funny Nazi comparisons really bring the message home.

*which, of course, is how they want us all to feel, so the town will stop trying to find a way to get them a stadium and they can "bolt" and look like we gave them no choice

Football? Already?

What a pleasant surprise. I mean, it's a great show and all, but I can only take so many Thursday night Community reruns, so football just couldn't come at a better time. And what a fine match-up to foist upon the viewing masses to open the season. New Orleans vs. Minnesota in a rematch of the hotly contested NFC Championship game from earlier this year. Oh man, have I been waiting to see these two teams hit the gridiron again. Of course, I could've waited a few more weeks. You know, until both teams had shaken off the rust of preseason. Most teams don't really come into themselves fully until about week 4, so I suppose I could've waited until then to see this match-up. But, you know what? Fuck me. Nobody in football cares what I think. And nobody in football cares what any of you think either. So are you ready for some football?!!!

I don't know how sloppy this game will be, but there is no way both of these teams perform at the same level they will later in the season, and that is why we all get kind of hosed here. The good news is, several months from now when these two teams meet again in the playoffs, the paid pundits will try to go back and use this match-up as some kind of criteria to predict the outcome. Which will be hilarious, because most of those guys are fucking retarded. This game will present no evidence for them and it will drive them insane. They will side with the Superbowl winners if they win tonight. And they will side with the Superbowl winners if they lose tonight, but with the caveat that Minnesota could pull the game off since they won the season opener. And for tonight's game, they will all pick New Orleans because they won the last game. See, this is why most people in "the biz" will tell you they miss dynasties. Because when there were dynasties, ex-jocks who sit behind a desk and try to look smart about football didn't have to think too much. Thinking causes pain to the concussion center of the brain.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah I think otherwise, because I am actually from Minnesota originally, which obviously gives me valuable insight no one else can possibly fathom. Oh, you wan't analysis? Fine, how about this? Fuck New Orleans and their tragedy center of the United States bullshit! And I don't have a hard-on for Brees-us either. I saw him way back when you know? Adrain Peterson is a stud, fumblitis and all! And Brett Favre is the fucking Champion of being annoying, so what would be more annoying than if he continued to play at a high level? Nothing.

Vikes 24
Saints 21

Take it to the bank! And then rob the bank, because you probably just lost all your money if you bet based on what I just told you. Go football!!!

T-Minus 20 Hours til Kickoff...

Seeing as how we are less than a day away from the opening kickoff of the 2010 season, it's time to do the scouting reports. One thing that I'm sure of, that no one else seems to be biting off at this point is the fact that we are not the same "Super Bowl" caliber squad from even one year ago. No fucking shit? Have you heard even one conversation from people in the "know" about the Super Bowl this year? Neither have I, and believe me, I know why...let me count the ways:

Gone:

*Jamal Williams
*Vincent Jackson
*Marcus McNeil
*Kevin Ellison
*Antonio Cromartie
*LaDainian Tomlinson
*Shawne Merriman*(I know he's not gone "yet" but he's "hurt", hates the G.M. and has no contract.)

Replaced By:

*Ryan Matthews, Rookie albeit one that we are excited for.
*Brandon Dombrowski, Second Year San Diego State made spot starts last season
*Antonio Garay, Starting Nose Tackle, 4th year Boston College 17 Career Starts
*Cam Thomas, Rookie
*Antoine Cason, lost starting nickel position to the bench last year 4 Career Starts
*Stephen Gregory, 5th year Syracuse
*Larry English, 2nd year Northern Illinois
*Seyi Ajirotutu, Rookie Fresno State (What the fuck is a Seyi?)
*Nathan Vasher, Cut
*Jerome Williams, Cut

Now, I think it's safe to say that at many of the positions listed above we have suffered a measurable downgrade. However, if you read the Acee's and the Canepa's weekly diatribes you'll nary hear a word of these downgrades. What you will here is that expectations are high of these guys and they are making huge improvements! HUGE! They're totally not going to suck, or A.J. will just frame them with some prescription pills that aren't theirs after having the foresight to infer that they would run afoul of the law prior to their actual transgressions and expertly drafting their replacements. What a genius is that fuckin' guy? Why doesn't anyone ever write a story about him?

As you can see this "deep" team that all the pontificators in this town touted for the last four seasons is shallower than a Hilton sister with coke in her cunt. Mind you, I don't want to keep dwelling on the shortcomings that have not been addressed, but take another look. As Max so succinctly put it today in conversation, "The more I read about this team, the more I think we're fucked." For example, take Cason, a guy that was benched last season due to being fucking awful at covering space and or the opposing foe in nickel situations. He's started four fucking games in two seasons and now is thrust into the starting corner position replacing the Impregnator. Here's what people at that link are saying and believe me when I say this is about as negative as the language gets across the media:

"Antoine Cason; how will Cason handle stepping into the starting roll, with only 4 games started in his young career? He has averaged 2 interceptions a year in his first two years. With some pressure on Cassel he has the athleticism to start this season with just as many. However the Chiefs have some fast, experienced receivers and Cason will have to be on top of his game. He is moving out of the nickel role and will be able to do less free styling"


Free styling? Are you fucking kidding me? He "free styled" his way to the fucking bench last season. A coach at some point said to him he was far too fucking terrible at the nickelback position to even be on the fucking field anymore. This is now our starting cornerback opposite Quentin Jammer. Yeah, that secondary is far, far better than it was a year ago. Subtract Jamal Williams for yet another season and I think you'll find that we won't see an improvement in the pass rush that takes so much pressure off what I've long considered to be a mediocre at best secondary. And before you say something fucking idiotic like Eric Weddle is coming into his own, I had to listen to a Jets fan last night berate me about Shonn Greene trucking Weddle's corpse all the way to the end zone in the playoffs last year. Needless to say I won't remind you of the time he was celebrating his way to an excessive celebration personal foul on a play that replay ruled he didn't even make and guess what? I didn't even fucking need replay to see that not only didn't he make the play, replay only reveals that he's is fucking horrific at the safety position and he might actually be Jacob Hester. Max and I have discussed that point at fucking length and have actually obtained more evidence of actual fucking alien encounters, than ever seeing Hester and Weddle in the same frame.

God fucking dammit am I excited about football. And just to really shrink your asshole a few more notches, read this about the future of this great fucking game we give all our fucking time and money and attention to each fucking season. Read that and be fucking pumped for football. Seriously read it. It's the future of the CBA and the potential for a fucking lockout written in a way that even Norv can fucking figure out. Allegedly. He can allegedly figure it out.

Dear 2010 Season,

Hurry up and fucking start already. I hate your face and want you to fucking get cut in half by an eighteen wheeler you fucking asshole. Sorry. I love you football. Please hurry and deliver the kick in the blue balls you deliver me so timely every season.

Thanks in advance, and if you could, just don't take my quarterback until at least week 13, that'd be great.

Sincerely,

CJ

Lectures are for College...

Unfortunately nothing really happened in Chargertown today, yet football was the highlight of evening. Tonight was Fantasy Draft 2010. Now, you know how I feel about the Dungeons and Dragons aspect of Fantasy Football. People who live vicariously through their fantasy teams thinking they are the second coming of Bill Parcells or Bill Walsh wearing their infallibility as a badge is the most annoying aspect of the entire experience. Those who berate every decision you make as uneducated and every bad break they sustain is an affront to their intelligence. If you've played one week of one season of fantasy football you know the type.

I do know one thing. A goal of mine this evening was to get Antonio Gates and get him as soon as I possibly could. Again, for consecutive years, through the good fortune of whatever deity chose to shine on my ass this day I picked from the number one slot. Chris Johnson be damned, AP is my guy. The excitement starts in the three hole where I decided Antonio Gates was to be slotted. I've never enjoyed having the Gates on my squad and watched his production carry certain teams to new heights and this year in serpentine fashion, I had to have him at three or live without for another long season. Needless to say, I grabbed him like Cromartie grabs condoms...wait, way, way quicker than that.

Upon doing so I got what can only be considered a lecture from one of the other Belichick's in the room about how he was destined for a mediocre year in 2010. The lecture's premise was predicated on the absence of ye old Vinny Jack who, now departed, will not be available to absorb extra coverage. while I appreciate the concern, the idea that Gates will struggle with being double teamed for the entirety of a season is quite ludicrous. Should a team decide to double team Antonio Gates, and yes, it's been tried in the past, you'll find yourself in dime or nickel packages on every down, committing a member of your secondary and at worst a linebacker to monitoring the actions of a tight end. Possible? Sure. Probable? No. Intelligent game planning? No. A pro bowl quarterback will easily pick you apart if you double team our overachieving tight end and well, go ahead, play nickel or dime every down and watch Ryan Matthews have his breakout year early. Needless to say, I don't do lectures well so I shut off my attention span and focused on trolling the internet for the Padres score.

Now, I'm off to the backyard to sacrifice a live chicken in the hopes that I have not put the career of said tight end to not be mentioned from here on out in jeopardy. I've said too much. Football starts in roughly 42 hours. It's back. It will suck at times and it will be glorious when it doesn't drive you to the brink of insanity. But thank fuck it's back.

They're After Me Lucky Charms!

So the Chargers signed JT O'Sullivan to back up Billy Volek, which is a lot like keeping a Hyundai Accent in your garage in case the wheels fall of you ten speed. Let me be clear, San Diego. Billy Volek is terrible. From Kevin Acee's article today:

Volek is expected to return to practice Wednesday or Thursday. Turner recently defended Volek by citing his late-game effectiveness in the 2007 playoffs at Indianapolis and in last year’s season finale.

Yeah, that's the reason every idiot fan I know cites as well. You know why? Because there is literally nothing else you can cite when defending him. Outside of that short spurt of competence, I'd be willing to bet that more than half of Billy Boy's regular season drives ended in turnovers. And let's not talk about his preseason performance again. It makes me toosad. So listen up, Norvelle, you just go ahead and plug Sully into that second spot. He played for Mike Martz, so at least you know he's used to getting sacked 5 or 6 times a game.

Hi. I'm Back. What? What the Hell Did You Do While I Was Gone...?

Blackout period officially lifted. New huge television disaster narrowly averted and a football team (strikingly similar to the baseball posse here in town) is sparkling in it's disarray. Wow, the more things change the more they stay shitty and foul smelling.

As many of you may have heard, much like our wonderfully (mis)managed country's struggling economy, our footballing squad has hit a bit of a "rough patch". And by rough patch I mean being piloted by a half blind Kamikaze directly towards a nuclear power plant doing it's best impression of Chernobyl. No, those aren't racist comments, it's hyperbole of the highest order.

Again, as you may have heard, or not in some cases as the "sports reporting" in San Diego consists of A.J. Smith's hand puppet and my favorite, favorite of ever, Nick Canepa, and the always reliable for a verbal fellating Kevin Acee, two of the cogs in the wheel of Chargers GO, are unavailable for play and or comment. Perhaps you've heard of these two pro bowl caliber players, Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeil. Now, I'm not here to inject my opinion about whether or not I think that management could have done more to negotiate with these players to facilitate a deal that would have gotten them to camp, not only on time but in an agreeable fashion, but we know the Godfather wouldn't have it any other way than total, complete, dictatorship control. Now being that Jackson is represented by these guys it's really no surprise that Smith is leveraging his position. Rumor has it that Jackson is not that skilled at driving drunk, being busted twice, once being pulled over for his inability to hear music at normal volume levels about 48 minutes before the coin toss of last years debacle of a playoff exit to the Jets (J-E-T-S SUCK, SUCK SUCK!!) in what has become classic Charger playoff form. Now, you'd think as Acee points out that if you have a reputation for questionable decision making and your agency has in fact been negotiators and or paid excuse makers for the likes of O.J. Simpson, "P-Diddy" Combs, Mike Tyson, and Lindsay Lohan, the Godfather will use that to box you up and ship you out of town to Abu Dhabi and or anywhere that is near exile for a Crest Liquor Beefy Bird Sandwich and a 7th round draft pick. Right or wrong it's what we've come to expect. Max was kind enough to point out that Acee probably fished out the four worst clients Jackson's representation was saddled (chose to represent) with, but I'm sure if I did a little digging I'd find they also represent Paris Hilton, Jesse James and Hitler.

All that leads to what little can confirm but most of us think and by most of us I mean Max and myself, conspiracy theorist extraordinaires, the long term future of the McNeil's and the Jackson's and quite honestly the Merriman's are insecure at best and probably solidified as probability zero. As Max mentioned, I firmly believe that Merriman's sore achilles is due in part to him longing for that long term deal that isn't coming, and quite frankly the way the Godfather muscles his minions to do his bidding Merriman knows as most of us do, he's not long for the squad. Why put it on the line this year for a team that has been so outspoken about his poor off field choices? Why put it on the line for a team with no cornerback, no safety and no left tackle? I can understand why his achilles might hurt, save it for next year, get the Jets to pony up some multiple millions over five years to underachieve for that shit managed squad of assholes. Nothing personal.

Quite honestly this applies to all three of the "key free agents". McNeil is the most likely to be signed as he's the armed guard for the best quarterback this town has seen in decades that makes a cool shade under a hundred million dollars. Probably want to protect that asset with the two time pro bowler in lieu of Dombrowski, who, I'm sure is a really cool guy, but expectations for that second year San Diego State "graduate" are slightly skewed upward this year wouldn't you say?

To diminish the role of that position is rather ridiculous but the Godfather and that god damned Norv Turner will have you believe that Dombrowski is ready to defend that spot. We'd better be damned sure he's ready, because if he's not, and god forbid if he's not, an injury to ol'Laserface and we're through. Let's be perfectly clear about this, if/when Laserface goes down the backup quarterback position is about as solidified as the California government.

Again, the "media types" in this town (I'm being generous and trying to limit my expletive count) will have you believe that Billy Volek is the unquestioned backup and should anything befall Laserface, we are in good hands the United Way. Alas, this is not the case. As Max pointed out (stop beating me to the punch! Shut up!) Volek has made some poor decisions with the football this preseason. He completed less than 50% of his passes and threw a whopping zero touchdowns and four picks against the B-Squads of the likes of the Niner's and Saints. Umm what? Oh, and we cut Jonathon Crompton (Hey, Leinert's now available!) and the heir apparent to Vinny Jack Josh Reed. You'd think they'd give Reed a look at safety or corner since there's a black fucking hole there. OOOOHHHH... I smell a bet. Cason or Vasher? Who will lead the team in penalty yards and being burned like suck toast...?

And the Padres have lost eight in a row in a display of suckitude forgoing all fundamentals after the seventh inning and playing like the first round (sorry, second round, dumb bye week expectations!) playoff exit Bolts. A display not likely to be repeated until we dump two of our first three games and Norvy starts to mug his excuse face on in front cameras.

As you can well see I'm super pumped and excited about this year's squad! Should they migrate north on the five freeway as the Spanos'(Spani?) suggested in Max's last post, mind you, my allegiance will not follow as the article suggests. My allegiance will be placed in a box and sent to Cox Cable with a steaming pile of my own feces and a fork for them to enjoy a la carte.

2010 Football! It's fantastic! What did I do with my sarcasm font...?

Spanos Has Michael Silver Fooled.

In Michael Silver's annual NFL owner rankings here's what he had to say about number 14, Dean Spanos:

14. San Diego Chargers – Alex Spanos (Dean Spanos): A few years ago, if you’d told me Dean Spanos could pull off a move to Los Angeles without being pressured by his peers to sell the team, I’d have accused you of having eaten some bad fish tacos. But it’s true: Of the teams theoretically in play for L.A. (Vikings, Jaguars, Raiders if Al Davis were no longer in the picture), the Chargers have moved to the top of an increasingly short list, partly because Spanos has come into his own as an owner – and also because his sincere efforts to make a stadium work in the San Diego area have been met with civic indifference. “Without a stadium he realizes they can’t compete [financially], and he has legitimately tried to get one built,” the aforementioned AFC owner says of Spanos. “His dream is to go to L.A., and it may happen.” That could mean a move up the freeway to Orange County, which might allow the Chargers to retain some of their fan base, or it could lead the team to the new stadium in the City of Industry being conceived by developer Ed Roski. In the meantime, give Spanos points for fielding a consistently competitive team fueled by brusque but brainy general manager A.J. Smith. As the labor showdown with the NFL Players Association looms, Smith and Spanos are also in lockstep on driving a hard bargain in player-contract negotiations, an approach that may cost the Chargers the services of a pair of Pro Bowl performers – wideout Vincent Jackson(notes) and left tackle Marcus McNeill(notes) – for part or all of 2010. Says the AFC owner: “Dean believes the system needs to be fixed and he’s putting his actions where his mouth is.” It’s a resolve of which politicians and voters around the San Diego area should take note in the near future.

I notice that whenever a writer mentions Spanos' sincere effort to get a stadium built in San Diego, they never mention the bogus loophole in the stadium contract after the Murph was rennovated years ago with city money. Much was made of how that contract was to keep the Chargers in San Diego until 2020. And no one talks about how the team sat back and collected money from the taxpayers for empty seats all those years while fielding a terrible football team. Yeah, that Spanos is a real prince. Oh, and let's not act like refusing to pay players their market value is some valiant effort to save the game somehow. It's a stingey, greedy move perpetrated by a stingey, greedy organization. Wait until L.A. sees what kind of team the Spanos family saddles them with once they finally get their way.

Things That Make You Go "Eh, Whatever"

The Chargers have acquired Patrick Crayton from the Dallas Cowboys for a 7th round pick. I guess AJ and Norv weren't as impressed with Buster Davis' preseason production as management lapdog Kevin Acee was. Just kidding, Davis isn't going anywhere until he has been given every opportunity to prove that he isn't a bust and AJ is the greatest draft mind in the history of the game!

Patrick Crayton. Okay. Can he line up at any off the following positions as well? Left Tackle, Cornerback, Safety, Inside Linebacker or Outside Linebacker? Cause, if so, I'm calling this the steal of the century.

Are We...

...one Quarterback injury away from being the worst team in football*? That jump shot INT into the end zone by Billy Volek last night says yes. To call that pass ill-advised would be an insult to the term "ill-advised." If anyone ever advised you to make that throw they should be strangled with their own in intestines. I'll grant that most of the night Volek's line looked to be in disarray, and by disarray I mean something, something swiss cheese, blah, blah was that guy asleep? humina, humina fuck these ass holes. However, I think it's high time we address the fact that outside of one solid showing in the playoffs for about half aquarter against Indy a couple of years back, every single time Volek has touched the ball has ended in disaster. I understand the Mayan calendar ends with a picture of his face.

That secondary is terrible. Terrible. One of the announcers-not that idiot, BR-asked if new CB acquisition Bennett had a shot at taking that starting job opposite Jammer from Cason/Vasher, noting that neither player had blown open the competition. Um, does Bennett have arms and eyes? Either or? Cause then my guess would be that he has a shot. It was nice to know someone was paying attention. Those guys look awful, and I can't see it getting any better once the games start to mean something. The only chance this secondary has of limiting an opposing team's pass production is if the other team cannot stop itself from running for 500 yards a game against our horrible run defense. It looked like Techmo Bowl Bo Jackson out there for Frisco.

Pretty much everybody is saying that the Chargers will still take this division, because nobody is stepping up to take it from them. I ask you this, though. How far does a team have to actually step up? Is this team better than the team that went 8-8 a few years ago? Think about it. Because both the Chiefs and the Raiders are poised to take a shot at 8 wins. I got a bad feeling about this year.

*The Rams are actually the worst team in football, and I doubt we could fall that far.

Vincent Jackson to the Vikes?

I could live with that. Michael Silver writes an interesting article on why and how he thinks this should be done. I find the most interesting part to be where Silver suggests that the Vikings should offer Jackson a one year deal at around $6 million (You know, about what the guy's worth). I find this interesting, obviously, because I've been saying for months now that this is what the Chargers should have done. Up until this point I've heard maybe one other paid sports professional bring this up. Of course, with Kevin Acee's recent assertion that the Chargers were never intent upon bringing Jackson back at all, I suppose this is all moot. By the way, Acee, do you think our venerable GM might have graciously allowed Jackson-a Pro Bowl WR with back to back 1,000 yard seasons!-to suit up with the team this year if he had signed their original piddling tender? Of course not! He was already out the door! Worst sports writers in the nation here in San Diego.

Shawne Merriman is What?

So, CJ and I were just going back and forth on this whole Shawne Merriman being injured thing and whether it was real or just him holding out for some reason or whatever. CJ seems to believe this is still about money and that Merriman should just show up, be awesome and collect his due at the end of the year. I would agree, wholeheartedly, if I thought this was about money. Personally, I think the guy still considers himself NFL elite and just doesn't feel like he needs to work out or take part in anything and that he'll show up for the first regular season game and get all Merrimanimal on the field and we'll all be transported back to 2006 where hope was all eternally springy and the dynasty was moments from taking flight and never looking back. I hope that happens. Truthfully, though, if Merriman does a single noteable thing on the field this season I'll be pleasantly surprised.

It's like so: Do I think Merriman is capable of regaining some semblance of his former self? Possibly. Do I think our defensive coordinator has the balls or the vision to run the type of defense that made Shawne Merriman what he was as a Charger? No. No, I do not. Seriously, can we stop giving Ron Rivera so much credit for something he achieved with the Bears like a million years ago? In Rivera's defense, though, so many of the pieces of that old defensive puzzle are long gone at this point.

As LaDainian Tomlinson (once referred to as The Best Ever on this blog and still referred to as such deep down in my cold black heart) will now have the opportunity to show the world that our system failed him and not the other way around, so might Merriman have that opportunity down the road. But here in San Diego, I'm skeptical.

Jackson Was Gone Long Ago. Didn't You Know?

I don't have much time to yammer this morning, but you should really check out Acee's article on Vincent Jackson today. Here's a few key points:

Whether Chargers General Manager A.J. Smith should open up the bidding for Jackson to all but the other AFC West teams is a valid question. (He should.)

Way to inject your opinion, ass hat. By this statement you can bet your ass that AJ opens up such bidding war. Nice of him to use his puppet to accustom us to the idea.

Jackson has led the NFL in yards per catch over the past two seasons, but two seasons is a relatively small body of work to deserve such a mega contract.

True, that is a small body of work, but how many guys have done it? What are their names? Come on Acee, you're a reporter, aren't you? Make a statement like that, then back it up. You've convinced yourself that your opinion is important, and you are wrong.

Sources within the organization have confirmed the Chargers ultimately decided to not keep Jackson long-term after he was cited for driving on a suspended license the morning of the Chargers’ playoff game last January.

No way! This shit again. No wonder they tried to trade him to Seattle. He can languish there with other noted Chargers troublemaker, Kevin Ellison. I can't remember, did we draft Jackson's replacement or did he walk on?

Too Drunk to Pay Much Attention

So, I watched the Chargers play the Cowboys Saturday night, but I am obviously not in football drinking shape because I couldn't tell you much about what happened. I remember being impressed with Ryan Matthews. I think I even saw a 3rd and short in there. I don't even know if we design plays for 3rd and short anymore.

The other thing I remember is Philip Rivers straight up tackling a dude. I don't know why he was tackling a dude, but he definitely tackled a dude. Was Rivers lined up on D? Was it a turnover. Who knows? Probably everybody but me. Anyway, the local media seems to think Rivers should give back half his guaranteed money or some such bullshit for jeopardizing the team's season. I say fuck that. That shit was metal. I remember how much I hated Steve Young back in the day, even before the game that shall not be referred to by name. I gave little credit to a guy who stepped into the most talented, bought and paid for supporting cast maybe in the history of the NFL. Then I saw him scramble for 9 yards in a preseason game against the Chargers after getting his freaking helmet knocked off. He dove for the last two yards for crying out loud. I remember thinking, "That asshole can go get fucked, but he plays some football." Of course, he later cashed in all that credit and more or less pioneered the QB slide fake. Pussy-ass move that slide fake! Anyway, my point is, way to go Rivers! Tackle some fools. Maybe we line him up on some return coverages? Just saying, our QB is no pussy. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know how to slide for real very well. Go Bolts!!!

This Just in: Happy Players More Productive Than Talented Players

Here comes Kevin Acee again, to alleviate all of my concerns about the secondary with my all-time favorite platitude: Addition by subtraction! Cromartie is gone, and he is everything that that was wrong with our pass defense the last two years. Plain and simple. End of story. He's gone, we're great. I'm sure you noticed the drop off in his production over the last few years. It's because he was a malcontent. For no other reason, I suppose, than because he is a malcontent. Not because he didn't recive a lick of help from the pass rush. Not because he was roundly torn apart by the local media for not being able to cover a guy for 10 to 15 seconds while the QB dropped back and paused to tie his shoes.

Everybody loved Cromartie a few years back. And most people I talk to now despise him and were glad to see him run out of town like he was. But is the difference him? We haven't had a reliable pass rush or a defensive coordinator dedicated to taking chances since Cromartie's 10 INT year. As a coordinator you have to look at your defensive unit as a whole organism and not just pieces. It's silly to think that since your corners did so well the year before you can go ahead and ease up elsewhere. It creates undo pressure and destroys the delicate balance that makes a defense great.

Going into this year, I see more of the same. Shaun Phillips is not a premier pass rusher and has a bad attitude when adversity inevitably strikes. Larry English continues to be an unknown commodity. And Shawne Merriman? There's your wildcard. If he comes back around to something like he used to be, and if Rivera commits to attacking the QB, we may have something. But Cason is not as talented as Cromartie was and nobody we have at safety is ready thus far to be as good as Ellison probably would have been this year. Weddle gets burned as often as he comes up big. Only Jammer truly warrants affection here.

Unless something crazy unexpected from a personnel standpoint happens, I still think this secondary bleeds like a sieve. In fact, if they don't end up in the bottom 3rd of the league in both passing yards allowed and points allowed, I'll post an apology on youtube.

More Letters?!

Are! You! Fucking! Kidding! Me?! AJ met with Marcus McNeill and apparently told him to go fuck himself, because nothing was accomplished and now the Chargers sent letters to Jackson and McNeill informing them that they will not be able to play in the first three games if they don't show up soon. Granted, Jackson couldn't play in those games anyway due to suspension, but you've got to be kidding me. Remember when the Gunslinging Mafia Don made Antonio Gates sit out the first game of the season against Dallas? That turned out well. But hey, it's all about principle. Wait, I thought it was all about Championships? I'm confused, AJ. Why don't you be a goodfella and explain yourself? Fire this fuck, before it's too late. You can give him credit for building the franchise, but that doesn't mean you stand by and watch him tear it down. And even if we survive this, his methods ae suspect, to say the least. Check out this bit, from the same article (by Kevin Acee, of course):

Jackson and McNeill were given the highest possible tenders for a restricted free agent, $3.268 million to Jackson and $3.168 million to McNeill.

Highest possible tenders? Fuck you, Acee. Quit trying to defend this ass hole by acting like he did all he could do here. That tender offer doesn't mean the team couldn't have offered them all new 1 year deals for $6 or $7 million that would have rewarded their production, while not giving into their demands. It also would have put the team in a positive public light while forcing the players to either come back or risk looking like total bitchy malcontents. And, most importantly of all perhaps, it may have left open the possibility that these great players might actually come back and get their long term deals after the labor agreement gets hammered out. As it is, I can't see either of these players ever signing a contract with this team, so say your good-byes right now and kiss the Godfather's ring. It's the only one you may see for quite some time.

Back From the North Woods

Vacation time is over and it's time to get serious. No more tubing down the river with a case of Hamm's. No more boating from bar to bar with a case of Hamm's. No more pre-partying for a Sunday Funday pub crawl with a case of Hamm's. Football is here, and football has nothing to do with beer. Football is serious business and can only be fully appreciated in a completely sober state. And Hamm's is fucking hard to find in San Diego. So let's talk football.

First off, finally saw Inception last week. What the what? That movie ruled. Seriously, grab a case of Hamm's and go check it out. You will not be disappointed.

Second of all, we had our first round of preseason games. I guess we actually had our first two rounds, but God if that Dallas-Cincy affair didn't give the already rancid preseason a bad name. However, as a Chargers fan, I'd have to say that for the first time since we drafted a young QB you may know as Philip Rivers, we actually have a reason to tune into these exercises in football cockteasery. And that reason, of course, is Darrell Stuckey. You may know him as the guy we drafted to replace Kevin Ellison even before we knew we were getting rid of him. Just kidding, I think Stuckey was on the injured list for the game. I meant to say that I was excited to witness the debut of LaDainian Tomlinson heir apparent, Ryan Matthews. I'd been waiting for this since a week before we drafted him, because I am football brilliant and I knew we'd take him. Of course I missed the game. Did I mention I was on vacation? In Minnesota? They don't give fuck all about the Chargers in Minnesota. You know what they do care about? Brett Favre. So, yeah, I'm finally starting to understand what everybody is so pissed off about. Anyway, back to the Chargers. It looks like Matthews looked real solid in his performance, and because I live in a golden palace of hypocracy I'm just going to go ahead and say that even though I've always said preseason doesn't mean anything, Ryan Matthews is already a star.

Jay Cutler was 2 of 2 for 40-something yards against our secondary, which is not so good. And because I live in a stinking bog of hypocracy I'm going to go ahead and say our secondary is shit soup just like I knew it would be. Should make for an exciting season.

Saw Tomlinson on Hard Knocks. He looked good. Saw him in the Jets-vaGiants match-up and he looked like I remember him from the last two years. Meaning, the stats don't look as bad as he actually played. I'd love to say that I hope he does well over there right up until we smoosh the Jets in the playoffs, but I can't...because I don't think the Jets will make the playoffs! Bam! In your face, Jets! Eat it.

And finally, with football comes fantasy football, and since it is the only fantasy left that I have a chance of living out, I play it. And if you play it too, you might think this is pretty good.


Go Bolts!!!

It Would Be Easy to Start Hating These Chargers

Acee gives Merriman a Chance to Explain Himself...

...and only manages to make me hate them both. To be fair, I don't know what Acee could do to gain any respect at this point. He's a shameless lap dog to A.J. and after reading this it appears that he will actually tongue bathe any other local sports noteable as well if given half the chance. As for Merriman, I don't know whether he just doesn't feel like coming to camp or if he actually believes he's worth big money after being three years removed from being a major impact on the field. Whatever the case, if he's going to claim such nonsense as that he's worried about knowing where his next meal is coming from (and that really does seem to be the gist of things here), then I'm not interested in defending him anymore. On that note, he totally choked out that internet hooker.

Shaun Phillips is Just the Worst

There's really not much more to say about it. I've heard plenty of Shaun Phillip's interviews, so I believe every word of this happened. The only question now is, what will our cowboy gunslinger of a G.M. do about it?

I've always kind of felt in the past that boys will be boys, and rich young kids who play an aggressive sport for a living are going to get in a little trouble from time to time. I believe that you don't necessarily have to like all your players to like your team. But these guys are really starting to test the limits.

Some Chargers Stuff for Your Hump Day Pleasure

Here's a Chargers camp report card from a couple of days ago that Sports Illustrated put out. It's not overly positive, so it fits in well here. It does have some nice things to say about a couple of our rookies, though Jeremy Williams (Wilson?*) is surprisingly not mentioned. I say surprisingly because the local media has had the walk-on rookie wide receiver on auto suck since camp started. Vincent who? Guess those national guys just don't know talent when they see it. Or maybe since it's the Chargers, Trotter just wasn't really paying that much attention. Now, if Williams (Wilson?**) were a walk-on wide receiver for the Red Sox, then look out!

In sad Chargers news, Gary "Big Hands" Johnson died. Johnson was a standout player on those Chargers teams of yore that doomed me to a lifetime of fandom with their sweet players and awesome gameplay. I will always remember him because "Big Hands" is a bomb-ass nickname. R.I.P., great Chargers player from my youth.

And in a bit of news that is in no way related to the Chargers-or football in general, for that matter-Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th HR, which is supposed to be some kind of a big deal. Seriously, can someone explain this to me? Were there, like a bunch of dudes with 599 HRs and he just passed them all to obtain sole possession of 6th(12th? 9th?**) most HRs ever, on the all-time list? Whatever, fuck that Yankee.

*Too lazy to look up his name
**Still too lazy
***Too lazy to look up the list

Shawne Merriman Hates Football

At least that's what AJ told his crack team of Chargers beat men, according to Nick Canepa's column in the UT today. I think it's funny the way Canepa tries to write with such flourish these days. He makes so many absurd pop culture references that it makes me wonder if his editors aren't showing him material from guys like Bill Simmons and random sports bloggers and saying "Try to be more like that." "Lindsay Lohan, anybody?! What a mess, am I right?" He ends up sounding like my dad trying to emulate those guys. Sorry, Dad, you're just not that funny. At least not in the ways you mean to be. I mean, I laugh at my dad all the time. Respectfully, of course.

Brett Favre Retiring!

Again...

For now...

So, I'm sort of a Vikings fan. I was born in Minnesota, and that's where the majority of my family lives. I like the Vikings fine, though I'd gut a nun if it meant the Chargers would beat them in a Superbowl. And Favre's antics have never really bothered me as much as they seem to bother everybody else. This is pretty bad news for the Vikes if it sticks, though. With Tarvaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels at the helm, I don't see them getting very far. But hey, when you refuse to plan for the future at the most important position on the field, I guess you reap what you sow. That UFL is starting to look pretty sweet.

Let's Talk Chargers Football

So, we're less than two weeks away from our first preseason foray, and the good news is that all of our draft picks are signed and in camp. Hurray for the rebirth of our running game *crosses fingers*!

Now here's the not so good news. We have two huge holdouts, one veteran who refuses to come in until he's good and ready, one starter gone to free agency and one starter pushed out the door for being caught with a bottle of prescription painkillers in his car.

Gone is our starting CB opposite Quentin Jammer. A lot of people were happy to see Antonio Cromartie go because...he had a bunch of kids(?). Some will say that they feel his production was lacking over the last couple of years, but in all honesty his lack of maturity seems to be the focus of the collective 'good riddance' attitude of the Charger faithful. As far as production, I think the town's tune may change when they see how the guy who couldn't even keep the starting nickel back job fares. And really, starting nickel back is a generous oxymoron.

Gone is starting strong safety Kevin Ellison, replaced by Steve Gregory, the guy who fell into the "starting nickel back" position last year. No matter what Kevin Acee and the slobbering San Diego sports media tell you, Ellison was the starter and was drafted to be so for years to come. He showed enough talent and promise at the position in his first year that he was immediately plucked out of free agency by the Seattle Seahawks. Good for them.

Shawne Merriman-you may have heard of him-is that veteran who refuses to come to camp, but isn't actually holding out. He would be considered a key part of a pass rush no one should have any reason to believe will be any good with or without him this year.

All of that points to a very suspect defense going into the season. It would be nice to have our two pro-bowl offensive holdouts in camp, because it appears that we're gonna to need to put up 30 a game.

Even if you want to believe the coach and GM when they say we will find a way with the guys we have, there is no denying that to put the current group on the field deprives the fans the opportunity to see our best possible team. The rest of the division isn't going to stay down forever, and even so, do we really want a team built only to prey on the weakness of it immediate foes, or do want to field a dominant machine with a very real shot at finally bringing a professional sports championship to San Diego? I want to be optomistic. Our schedule looks weak enough to gain us entry into yet another postseason, but I can't see us competing against teams that have a true dedication to winning. I hope I'm wrong. Go Bolts!!!

Get Ready for High Scoring Affairs!

From Acee's column today:

"Safety dance
There was a thought by some in the organization after his first season that Steve Gregory was not long for the NFL. But his work ethic, smarts and discipline have kept him around.
The guy was essentially a starter (at nickel back) the final 11 games of last season, during which time the defense improved and the Chargers went 11-0.
Gregory will likely start camp as the No. 1 strong safety, but he faces serious competition from Darrell Stuckey, who is faster, a little bigger and whom the Chargers invested in with a fourth-round pick in April.
Gregory will play a big role in a defense that often features extra defensive backs, but the next five weeks will say a lot about the look of a secondary that has been in seemingly constant flux for going on six years."

At Nickel back. Which is on the field for what, 20-25% of downs? And how does this qualify him to play safety? Acee's trying to make it sound like this guy was practically already the starting safety. Also, if he was essentially the starting nickel back (which he wasn't, really), then that means Cason, who wasn't good enough for that position, will be taking over a regular safety position. Our secondary is going to be terrible this year.

Update: My cohort, CJ, pointed out to me that there was more article after Acee made me throw my hands up and call it quits, so I linked the whole thing at the top. I suggest you check it out. Not only does it try to sell you on Antoine Cason, it shows that Acee has breezed through to the acceptance phase in regards to holdout, Vincent Jackson. This is why A.J. gets away with this crap. No one-not the ownership of the team, and certainly not the press-holds him accountable or even bothers to question his methods. I implore you to try to remember how far this team had fallen before these clowns decided to run Beathard out of town.

Kudos to the Front Office!

I feel I would be wallowing in haterade if I didn't at least acknowledge the 5 year deal that the Chargers just gave Antonio (First Down!) Gates. This is made all the more incredible by the fact that Gates pretty much walked into the Chargers facilities as an undrafted free agent so many years ago, meaning you really couldn't call him one of "A.J.'s guys." Way to go Chargers! There's hope yet. Go Bolts!!!

Now seriously, let's get Vinny Jack and McNeill into camp.

Mind Boggling.

Canepa's article today on the Kevin Ellison cut. Brilliant sportswriting there, I'll be sad when we lose him to ESPN.

I can't understand what's happening to this team. Scratch that, I know exactly what's happening to this team. GM gone wild. Something about San Diego does this to seemingly savvy football men. Bobby Beathard used to be the prime example. A.J. has surpassed him at this point.

Jackson, McNeill...why burn bridges with young, pro bowl players? Even if you don't intend to pay them, there is no reason to rub their noses in shit for wanting what they've arguably earned. Why will no one stand up to this jerk? What are the owners thinking?

And now they've cut Kevin Ellison for being pulled over with 100 Vicodin pills in his car. Vicodin? It's not heroine. It's not hard to talk your doctor into prescribing you 100 Vicodin pills. Why? Because they're not that big a deal.

Also, news flash Little Nicky, Ellison was not a "fringe starter." He was THE starter. In his rookie year! Nowhere to go but up, and he gets cut for Vicodin?! In what world does this make sense? Oh, we drafted a safety in the 4th round?! Can't miss! The writing was on the wall.

A.J. must go. He has surpassed Beathard in ego. No small feat.

Settle Down.

So, due to the shoddy sports coverage in this town everybody went to bed last night assuming we had given up a 1, 2, 4, and Dobbins to move up and grab Ryan Matthews at 12 and got only a 6th rounder in return. Most local coverage completely glossed over the fact that we got a better 4th rounder back as well, meaning we essentially gave up a 2 for the right to draft the player we wanted (I'd call Dobbins and the 6th we got back a wash). Sounds okay to me. Of course, everybofy out there is going apeshit because they are certain we needed a nose tackle above all else after the departure of Jamal Williams. That's what the talking sports heads all say, so it must be true. But the truth is that Jamal Williams didn't play after week 1 last year and our defense came around just fine at the end of the season. And the truth is that we will likely be a predominantly 4-3 defense this year, which eliminates the need for a truly dominant nose tackle. We have big bodies to plug up the middle. And some of you think we had to go O-line. Why? Because Tomlinson couldn't run behind these guys? Tomlinson's strength was never running between the tackles, but that's what our current offense calls for (whether it was a good idea to switch up the offense and marginalize one of the greatest RBs of all time is another argument altogether, but what's done is done). And running between the tackles is what Ryan Matthews is supposed to do best. I think this guy could make our offense one for the ages and he was not going to be there at 28, especially after Buffalo unexpectedly grabbed Spiller early on. CJ and I have an ongoing argument over the value of RBs. He feels they're a dime a dozen, and I feel like that's easy to say when you had one of the greatest on your team for nearly a decade. I remember what we went through at the position before Tomlinson and I cringe to think we could go back to that. CJ says the NFL is different now, and he may be right, but I'd rather not take that chance. So sure, you can never have enough solid guys on the line, but RB was the need and the team went and got their guy. All of the best GMs I've ever heard comment on such things say the same thing: If there's a guy in the draft that you feel like you absolutely must have, you go up and you get that guy. That's what we did, and by this time next year everybody who's complaining right now should be feeling pretty stupid.

Draft Night Predictions...

Well, well, well, draft night is upon us. Here's to hoping we draft Tim Tebow. At least I'll be able to say I've heard of the guy we take instead of trying to defend the pick of a 5'11" 400 pounder from Eastern Africa State. You probably haven't heard of him but he's great value at the 27 spot so sayeth the Godfather...

A Quick And Chilling Note

Watch for at least one big name to be pilfered from the Chargers in this first uncapped year. And try not to think of guys like Norman Hand, John Parella and Gary Plummer when it happens. If they do not bring the cap back in whatever new CBA they put together, the Superbowl "window" we are always talking about will most certainly be slammed shut by our tightwad owners.

Okay.

I guess I'm glad that I kept my mouth shut or the final several weeks of the season, because when you don't have the stones to say something, nothing you say can be used against you.

I don't really even know where to begin with that game, other than to say that I've already seen that game, so if you want to know what I think you could probably just dig through the archives and see if I wrote about it the first time about three years ago. I imagine I could sum it up with "Grumble, grumble, expletive boneheaded penalties! Rabble, Rabble, gutless coaching! Astounded expression Nate fucking Kaeding?!!!"

Seriously man, who throws a shoe? I mean, who kicks a challenge flag? How is that even an impulse? I mean, head butts and taunting are inexcusable in that situation, but at the very least they come from a heated interaction with other physically alive entities. What in the fuck did that challenge flag ever do to you, Vincent Jackson? I read some articles about how VJ is not only a super gifted athlete, but that he is quite the scholar as well, having earned his Master's in blah, blah, blah, whatever. This seems to prove what I've long suspected-that if you are a truly serious student athlete with enormous NFL potential, you can get the absolute best nerds to attend your classes for you.

I've worried all year that our lack of a running game would be a problem once we got into the post season, but like everyone else i allowed myself to be duped into believing that we were just too explosive in other ways to be stopped by anyone. The thing is, if you know that your running game is bad and the other team treats it like a joke, then you must abandon it. If you continue to run Tomlinson between the tackles based on what kind of player he used to be, then you are doing nothing but throwing away downs. If you refuse to even try to get the ball to Darren Sproles out of some sort of nostalgic loyalty to the guy that used to get it done for you, then you have failed. There is no Cam Cameron, you call the plays Norv, and that is your fault. But it was good enough to get you an extension, and if you fans reading this don't think that is another case of A.J. telling us we can all go fuck ourselves, then I've got a bridge to sell you and it's made of candy and tits. I keep readin articles where A.J. or Nick Canepa or even Dean Spanos all eventually say how pleased they are with where Norv has taken us in the last three years. Interesting, because to me it looks like we are exactly where we started with Norv, except that we no longer have the most explosive offensive wepon in the league, largely due to Turner changing the way our offense runs the ball. Sure, we've had some playoff wins, but I have to again quote the old scientific axiom, "Correlation does not imply causation." If you employ one of the most talented rosters in the league you are likely to manage a playoff win regardless-in fact, in spite of-your coach. But we are backed into a corner here. We certainly aren't going to fire another coach after such a season after all the grief that was given to the organization last time. Especially not a coach that the GM loves. Gonna have to live with it, cause it's not going away. Like herpes.

I have been a long time defender of Nate Kaeding, and that performance of his on Sunday puts us in quite a pickle. A lot of people choose to forget the dark days of kickers like Steve Christie and Wide Richey, and Kaeding makes 'em like a son of a bitch in the regular season. Unfortunately, great teams are made after the season. I've quoted Dr. Z from Sports Illustrated many times regarding somthing he said about Marty Schottenheimer, because I thought it made pretty good sense at the time (and I'm paraphrasing here):

"Either Marty Schottenheimer is the worst playoff coach in history, or the unluckiest playoff coach in history, and either way, you don't want him caoching your team in the playoffs." The same looks like it may apply with Kaeding. Maybe we bring back Carney for the playoffs going forward?

I want to say we'll get 'em next year, but I'm like a broken record at this point. I'm heartbroken, and I'm in danger of giving up. If not next season, there will likely not be an NFL season the following year due to the owners and players flexing and kicking each other's challenge flags all over the field. Then what? Can I wait three years? Will the door still be open? We have no running game. We have no real pass rush. Our secondary gets trucked by rookies. Our coach is a weiner. If we couldn't beat the Jets in our own house, tell me who we could have beaten? Who will we ever beat?Wake me when it's over.

A-hem...

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's taken me a few days to articulate that. It was nice to finally get it off my chest. If anybody needs me, I'll be drinking.

Shh!

I know it's been quiet here, but if you haven't noticed, our Bolts are pitching a no hitter over the last 11 weeks and I don't want to jinx it. This is too good not to post, though.

Gametime...

Rumor has it, and by rumor has it I mean Max told me this tidbit of the juicyness last night, that Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is now smashing the pumpkins of one Jessica Simpson. Really? Billy Corgan? The last "high profile" piece of tail I can remember Billy getting down with was one heroin addled Courtney Love post Cobain suicide version. She looked like an anorexic skeleton in a zip off crack whore costume. He even got her after that little fairy from R.E.M. Stipe got done wiping his junk on her. Congrats Billy Corgan for taking a significant step upwards in your boy pants.

Significance? Well, as you may or may not know, one SupertitsMcGee Simpson used to go out with the quarterback of our main foe today. The one who has massacred his December resume according to all the media sources I've consulted must be slightly disappointed that his ex-conquest is now trading bodily fluids with the lead singer of a long defunct band. I think he can even appreciate Gish, but everything after that pales in comparison for sure.

I am scared of the Cowgirls. I mean I really am. Max has tried to convince me otherwise but I think that feeling permeates the locker room. The last time out we got it handed to us, albeit with Gates serving out his well deserved suspension for being the greatest tight end to ever hold out of training camp. Did I thank A.J. for that again yet? No? Okay, thanks for that again A.J. Nothing like breeding a culture of fear against an opponent within my head that most assuredly permeates the locker room.

Given my druthers, we stomp the piss out of this lie of a football team today and send old Reauxmeaux home with nary a head injury so that he still has to visualize his old girlfriend with Billy Corgan cock deep inside all her orifices.

That being said, Go Bolts. In an abbreviated rant this week, fuck Rush the band. Stupid Canadians. By no means am I insulting all Canadians right to their faces, as far as you know, but that band can eat a dick.

Bolts 28 Cowgirls 24.

Well Said, Ross Tucker!

Ross Tucker over at CNNSI.com referred to the San Diego offense as "Philip Rivers and his band of human mismatches." I think that is a pretty glorious moniker and I wholeheartedly approve. Let's spread this one around.

Thursday Night Snoozefest Comin' At Ya!

The other day CJ was saying to me that Dallas worries him because the Chargers always seem to be intimidated by Dallas. I wasn't sure at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that not only was he right, but that in reality we are intimidated by pretty much every big persona team. Dallas, the Patriots-the 94 Niners! Teams with big time mythos backing them seem to scare the shit out of us. Look at this years Giants. That team is not the same team as the last couple of years, but they took us to the wire. Why? Probably because they have big time New York hype backing them. But all of those teams pale in comparison to the Pittsburgh Steelers. That team is grittier and more blue collar-y than we could ever hope to be and when we face off against them we don't stand a chance. Not since we had our own gritty, blue collar QB, the indomitable Stan Humphries, have we given the Steelers a proper challenge. This year they gave us our only truely sound beating so far this season. It wasn't even a competition. But look at these Steelers. They are not so good this year. No discernable offensive identity. Barely adequate coverage skills. This team lost to the Raiders, and while the Raiders look more like I expected them to this season after ejecting Jamarcus Russell from the starting QB position, they are still the Raiders. So tonight's match-up between the floundering Steelers and the suddenly spunky little engines that almost could Browns might actually prove to be an interesting match-up, but that doesn't make it right. Thursday Night football kind of sucks period if you ask me.

BTW, I don't really think we're scared of Dallas this year. Go Bolts!!!

Quick Thoughts

So, another win is another win, but we certainly let the lowly Browns hang around. A lot of people want to hang that on the defense, but LT had another statistically misleading day running up 80+ yards and a TD. Unfortunately, he also managed to average a paultry 3.2 yards per carry. Once again, this was against the Browns. Not a stellar club there. At some point we are going to have to find a way to eat some clock, and with three of our last four games against contending teams, I think it's going to have to be sooner rather than later.

It is getting really difficult for me to refrain from punching people who take our beating Indy for granted. Anybody who wants to run into that team in the playoffs is retarded.

Why did it seem like Andy Reid was trying to let Mike Vick have a little revenge against the city of Atlanta? For what? It's not like they ran him out of town. He went to fucking jail and broke everybody's heart for Christ's sake!!! Take those two TDs you ungrateful bastards! Wait, what?!

Anybody still wondering why Belichek decided not to go with his D against the Colts a few weeks back? How the mighty have fallen.

9-3 is nice but I guess Denver didn't get the message they were through, and now it looks like our "lowly" division could send two. This is getting interesting. Go Bolts!!!

Schoolin' Is Hard.

So there it is. Another glorious blowout of another division "rival." It heartens me to see us beat up on KC, a team that traditionally plays us tough no matter how shitty they are. I dare say this is the hottest we've been in quite some time. And with Cleveland coming up, it just gets better. Believe me, we need these confidence builders. We suddenly have 3 tough games on our schedule with the resurgence of the Titans. Speaking of the Titans and how it relates to us, do you think there's any way that Jamarcus Russell doesn't get at least one more chance to destroy the Raiders organization now that Vince Young has emerged from exile in Tennessee to become the NFL's big story right now? Is it racist for me to say that? I mean, I have no doubt that Al Davis believes they are related like the Manning brothers, if not that they are actually the same person. Hell, I'm not so sure they aren't brothers. Racist?

Let's size up those three contenders, from easiest to hardest, in my opinion:

Dallas- That's not a very good team, right? I mean, the whole NFC East has drastically fallen in terms of competetivity(?). Dallas has won a game 7-6 to the Redskins. Ergo, Dallas almost lost to the fucking Redskins. This year! Now, sure they got some weapons (that they appear to have no idea how to use). And yeah, that defense is technically sound. Unfortunately for Dallas, though, it's getting late in the season and that's when they tend to turn back into a pumpkin. A pumpkin filled with shit. Verdict: Not worried.

Cincinnati- I am positive I spelled that wrong and I don't care. Fuck Cincy and their gay little spelling joke on the rest of the world, I will call them Cincy! Do you suppose young poor alchoholic people in that town call Nati Ice, Cincinnati Ice? Anyway, throw this team in with Philly. The Chargers are not going to be afraid of any team that lost to the Raiders, regardless of whether Jamarcus Russell was playing or not. And the truth is, I think we put up points on any D right now, while the Bengals can't play from far behind. Seriously, the guy in my fantasy league with what should be the best team going might not make the playoffs because he has Carson Palmer for a QB. They do not let Carson Palmer throw the ball anymore. Yet he is still considered an elite type QB. Figure that shit out. Verdict: Not so worried.

Tennessee- Let's get one thing straight. Vince Young will not lead this team to 10 straight victories. That being said, Chris Johnson could. This team is hot. I think they can knock off the Colts, because the Colts let more people get on top of them early than your mom, and if the Titans get a lead, Chris Johnson is the means with which to protect it. As for our match-up, make no bones about it, there is no love lost between our two franchises. This will be our best primer for the postseason. Verdict: Can't wait!

Nice job by the Saints last night, but I still don't think they go undefeated. They have no problem getting it up for a big game like that (just like your dad at the disco-and I mean gay disco), but they can't seem to get it up for anybody else(mm-hmm). Of course, this may be wishful thinking. Too many of my fellow Chargers fans still get moist at the mention of Drew Brees. Hey, I got nothing against the guy, per se, but I think we did pretty well with the guy we chose. To hear a San Diego fan put Brees up with Manning and Brady with nary a mention of Rivers is insulting and like everything else in my life, drives me to drink.

One last thing for now. I am getting really tired of people blaming the O-line for the woes in our running game. They may not be the best run blocking line in the league, but believe me there are plenty of backs in the league (and at least one on the roster) that could put up solid numbers here. Sproles is too small to be effective regularly and the way we use him these days, no team is surprised when we hand him the ball. LT does not see the field or make cuts without a competent lead blocker. We don't have one, and therefore, we need a fresh set of eyes at that position. I LOVE LT. He is my favorite Charger ever. But it is over. 1 yard TDs only mask the problem. And now locals are already starting to call for his return next year. Sorry guys, but unless he agrees to a Gwynn-like salary he's gone. And to keep him in anything more than a back-up capacity would be a huge mistake. Sorry, I know it hurts, but schoolin' is hard. That's why I never finished college. Go Bolts!!!

Not Exactly A Clash Of The Titans

Man, I figured we'd handle the flailing Broncos, but that was embarrassing. I mean, sure we probably got lucky on that goal line fumble call, and that could have been a momentum changer, but one play rarely does a football game make. Personally, I think we may have finally been paid back for the Hochuli thing, and ultimately this game may have meant more than that one. The Bolts are fired up and playing as hot as anybody. This is exciting shit. And the best part is that Cromartie cracked a guy in the head with a bottle of champagne (allegedly) at Bar West that night, and anybody hanging out at that place deserves it!



One more thing. Word around town is that veteran O-line monster John Runyan is likely to sign with the Chargers to replace the injured Jerome Clary. That's some solid experienced depth we can be happy about. Go Bolts!!!