Super Chargers

The Roundup...

2011-10-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

It has been two steady weeks without posts so I figured I'd chime in and explain why there has been such inactivity. First, the Dolphins game. As you are aware, the game was blacked out and right now I'll be damned if I'm dropping $100+ to go watch Norv Turner and his merry band of assholery. No thanks. The radio and I argued and yelled at each other over a few beers and low and behold, Chargers beat the Dolphins and we're 3-1. Not even I can be critical of a performance I wasn't able to watch with my eyeparts so while the score wasn't 189-2 like I wanted, I half expected to lose that game. Since we didn't, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Yay us.

This past weekend saw me uttering some expletives early in the game at both the Donkey fans and their stupid crowd, as well as during the early flailing shenanigans that Ol' Laserface put forth. Donating six points early to the Donks wasn't that big a deal as it turned out, however, I'm still longing for Laserface to start firing lasers all over the field. I think the spike in the end zone after his rushing touchdown (?) was the best throw of the day, outside of the late 2nd quarter bomb to #80. I hear people calling him M80, and yeah, I get it, but let's be real, the name on the back of his jersey should say, "Fragile". I think that's Italian. That's being far too nice as far as I'm concerned.

The thing that's most intriguing to me is how no one seems to be getting behind this team. All around the media, save the PR Crew on staff at the Tribune under A.J.'s watch, most are dismissing our now 4-1 record. Which to some degree I get. So, allow me to play optimist for a moment and don't fucking get used to this, but let's look at some positives shall we? Bullet points: LUDICROUS SPEED! GO!

*Rivers hasn't been Rivers quite yet. I'm confident he gets there. Whether its the injuries to Jackson, Gates and Fragile that are causing him to throw mostly behind his receivers on everything but the deep ball I can't confirm, but I'm sure it has something to do with his interception total at this point in the season. And, don't start getting all excited about Gates. There is a major problem there that isn't going away anytime soon, if ever.

*Defensively we've been "eh". Denver sort of kind of climbed their way back into the game late on Jesus' watch. The run defense has been just short of abysmal, but, they are getting it done enough to tally wins, in spite of the multitude of injuries. For the last umpteenth years under Norv at this point in the season we've been bitching about our record, so you can all get fucked for complaining. We're not 2-3 or 2-5, so say what you want about our competition, but we're beating them. You can't complain about not being 2-3.

*The running game has been surprisingly impressive. In spite of Norv's lack of understanding of drawing up running plays, Tolbert and China Doll have been relatively effective. China Doll had himself a heck of a day before straining his calf (FUCKING STAY HEALTHY YOU COCKFINGERER!), and both have been very useful catching the ball out of the backfield. I'll also guarantee that they don't fumble during the bye week and that will make two weeks in a row! (Might not have fumbled in Miami game, couldn't see it, buy me tickets if you want accuracy)

*Only one special teams return touchdown given up on the year. PROBLEM FUCKING SOLVED!

*Tough to ignore that Nick Novak is filling in quite nicely for the much maligned kicker in town. I'm not overly critical of our incumbent nancy boy kicker, but the reactionary nature of this sports town might call for Nate's head come the offseason if this continues.

While I'll go as far as to say I'm not sold on this team yet, it is still early. Some say that due to the lockout, the preseason was rather abbreviated and that we'll start finding our way shortly as we've gotten a bit more regular playing time for the guys. While I can't discount that, it also needs to be noted that this is much the same crew that took the field last year. The "big" free agent signings took place on the defensive side of the ball so I'm a bit curious as to why the offense is so out of sync. I'm blaming injuries and Norv and global warming, but I think they get it together. And, let's be real, they better get it together, the schedule after the bye gets a bit more difficult than the Chiefs, Vikings, Broncos and Dolphins, and the Raiders appear at least on the surface to be slightly for real.

So, I'll be enjoying the bye week, knowing full well I've been swearing far less than normal under Norv Turner led football teams, but I'm reserving the right to brandish wildly my more polished expletive skills I honed during the lockout.

Go Bolts. Go Bye Week. Go Cheerleaders doing splits.

Let's Just Go Ahead and Forget All of That...

2011-09-22T19:42:00.000-07:00

Since we are getting all apologetic here let me join the fray and sincerely request all 5 readers forgiveness for leaving that shameless display of pandering to the least common denominator and not pushing it further down the blog. Geez Max, let me know when you're going to do something like that in the future so I can do my best to talk you out of that.

Apology be damned, I'll say what you didn't but truly wanted to. That defense last year was a sham. I've seen more sincerity coming from Solyndra executives in the last week than the content of that catharsis. Perhaps you should have filmed that in burnt umber. Really, top tier number one ranked defense in 2010? We don't need to revisit the fact that not allowing a lot of yardage in short field situations is not a true measure of a defense apparently. Not to over complicate things, but number one ranked defenses typically make the playoffs, have their shitty USC alumni quarterback "win" three games on the road and go on to bigger and better championship type things. Meanwhile, our number one defense managed not to improve, managed to get even older, more overpaid, and still can't stop being humiliated by elite teams in this league. Max, take your apology back and film a new one with your middle finger extended all the way.

I wish that I shared the same sentiment that Max does with regard to this year and the Super of all Bowls, however, it is times like last Sunday that just break me down just enough to require a bit more proof. Quite frankly, that's when I really get all scramble fucked in the brain because I realize I'm relying on the likes of Norv Turner and his happy band of bumblefucks to restore my confidence in what on the surface appears, yet again, to be a Super Bowl caliber team. It still to this day amazes me that failure is the only option on the big stage.

I had a bit of concern with New England last week and rightfully so. They are an elite team, although there has been a blueprint as to defeating the mighty foe, not unlike the one the Chargers built for the rest of the league to borrow against the Colts. I thought someone, say, Norv Turner may have relayed said blueprint to Manusky, and perhaps he did. However, like we've seen in the past, Manusky must have taken Cason, Weddle, and Tolbert out for a heavy dose of Tecate, tequila and hours at Atalita's because those four were obviously well above the legal limit come game time. There's no other way to explain all of their gaffes.

So I won't hit the panic button. Not yet. It is after all only week three. Kansas City appears poised to wrestle the records of futility away from history's worst performers angling obviously for Andrew Luck, unloading the albatross that is Matt Cassel's contract, and getting Todd Haley axe murdered. Lord knows what he did to those guys but it is pretty clear his players would rather see a polar bear rape him that to play one more down for the guy. That of course leads us to Denver. I won't waste a lot of words on how pathetic this organization has become and how fast and far their fall from grace has been and how it is showing absolutely zero signs of recovery whatsoever. The global economy has a better chance of winning the Super Bowl. I've seen revolutionaries in the middle east treated better by their government that the fans are treating Kyle Orton. They might actually be a .500 team if all of their games were on the road. That leaves us Oakland and really, if we can't beat Oakland, then once again we deserve to sit at home or go hang out in PB and start fights at Bar West during the playoffs.

I only wish that at some point, the organization and the coaches and the players would figure out that to be considered a Super Bowl team among the media and the league elite, you actually sometime need to beat the league elite. I'm a bit tired of this rouse that we're the most talented team around only to continue our losing ways against the Jets, Steelers and Patriots. Norv told the media this week that we were very close to winning that game, if it weren't for those pesky four turnovers. Look at our record when we lose the turnover battle. For that matter, just look at how many times we've turned the ball over versus how many times we've taken it back. Wait, don't do that, it'll only depress you. Look at this instead...

Until we start playing actual real NFL quality football, instead of running around poorly fucking the football, people like Kevin Acee and Nick Canepa can stop telling me we're going to win the Super Bowl. Fucking prove it. Destroy Kansas City's face and get their coach fired, give it to Denver prison style and try not to dump to a Dolphin squad that is just the prototypical team where we'll diarrhea all over ourselves after a night of drinking. Go into the bye week 4-1 and get ready to play the tough part of the schedule. I just don't actually believe that any of the coaches take this as seriously as we do.

I'd actually love to celebrate a Super Bowl some time in my life. Preferably before the team packs up their dysfunctional shit, gets a coach I actually like and pleases all those dipshit Laker fuckers by winning the Lombardi Trophy in fucking Los Angeles. That will be the death blow. Since we've begun the trend of videotaping and posting the results, should that nightmare scenario occur, I'll post an HD video of my head exploding if I see a guy in a Kobe Bryant jersey cheering for the Chargers with confetti falling from the rooftop and a Spanos holding the trophy on high. Good good, I'd rather die on a derailed high speed rail car to nowhere.

Mmmm...That's Good Crow!

2011-09-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

And yes, I said this is our year because I am totally on the team.

Lazy Content

2011-07-28T11:44:00.000-07:00

Now that the football season is back in full free agency force, it's time to start getting this blog going again, and what could be a lazier way to add content than to share with you the back and forth my cohort and I have been having since the Chargers attacked the free agency monster with absurd amounts of money? Nothing, that's what. So enjoy!

CJ: http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/jul/27/weddle-and-chargers-agree/

MC: I believe i called that.

CJ: I believe you’re right.

MC: Holy crud, how did I miss this line from Acee's article the first time?

Moreover, he has been in position for several more game-changing plays that the Chargers expect him to actually make in the future.

CJ: Because you were too far gone by the time you saw 5 years $40 Million.

MC: Too many people are loving this move. I already hate our team and our fans again.

CJ: Join the club, though I don’t think I stopped hating them.

MC: I fixed our blog.

CJ: Yes you did. Nice work.

CJ: This is a plus I guess. I should drop more interceptions.

To Chargers’ head coach Norv Turner, the main thing separating Weddle from more pervasive acclaim is that, “He probably dropped about six interceptions last year.”

MC: Norv was also in heavy excuse mode, already harping on how far behind the team would be due to the lockout. Y'know, as if no other team was behind. Get ready for another 2-5 start.

CJ: Rumor has it Malcolm Floyd to the Vikes.

MC: Well, Floyd leaving is bitter sweet. Great talent, but what are you going to do with a guy who's guaranteed to miss 6 games a season?

CJ: Pay him $32MM?

MC: Well, yes. You could do that I suppose.

CJ: I’m actually surprised they didn’t trade Jackson and sign Floyd to the money Jackson wants. That would be a total AJ move… oh I meant surprised yet. Yet.

MC: Not to beat a dead horse here, but about that Weddle thing. Every sports writer claims that 6 or 7 other teams were highly interested in getting him. Is any of that substantiated at all?

CJ: Does that even matter? If the whole world was looking for him it doesn’t change the fact they overpaid at both the draft to get him and the now free agent contract. Just because there are a “lot of suitors” (cough! Haynesworth/Redskins cough!) doesn’t make it smart.

MC: I agree 100%, but the implication is that there is no way we could allow Weddle to test the free agent market, and I'm calling bull**** on that until I here from some other exec say that they are devastated that we resigned Weddle at such a bargain.

Also, Norv said Weddle has great range. I wonder if that's Khalil Greene-like range?

CJ: Yeah, I’m pretty sure that most execs are wiping their brow right now laughing and saying, “it took what to get him? Forget that noise.”

Oh, and what’s a Khalil Green.

MC: You know how you can tell the Chargers have fallen out of relevance? Because no one in the mainstream media is even talking about the Weddle deal.

CJ: I was just about to say that I’m waiting on the inevitable, Chargers going to win the super bowl talk at any moment. Here it comes. Any minute now. Duck.

MC: We're building a team of great character with no shortage of upstanding community members. We can't help but win a Superbowl. A lot of people don't know that Eric Weddle immediately turned over his signing bonus to the new downtown library fund.

On a completely related note, do you think Philip Rivers is at all a likable person in real life?

Antonio Gates drives a schoolbus full of crippled children to the Boy Scout Jamboree each year.

CJ: I picture PR as the character he plays at KSK. Exactly. EXACTLY. I will not be swayed from that position either. No matter how many crippled kids he puts in a school bus. I imagine him swearing at them the whole way.

MC: Yes, he is Marmalard. No question.

So, Fox Sports reports that Weddle decided to sign with the Chargers after testing the free agent market. When? Between 8:00 - 10:00 yesterday morning? I don't think reading Acee's column counts as testing the market.

CJ: Here’s how it went down:

Weddle: “Mr. Smith? I’m thinking about testing the free agent market. What do you think?”

AJ: “I’ll give you $40 million over 5 years.”

Weddle: “Thanks Mr. Smith, while I’ve had many offers in my 2 minute period testing free agency, your offer is a bit under the market value that Kevin Acee set for me but I accept. Can you just write that on this cocktail napkin so I can SIGN RIGHT NOW?”

The other thing I thought was funny was I guess Ryan Clark of the Steelers tweeted out that the Steelers paid that much for him and Polamalu so there’s that…

Sullivan this morning said it was because he made more tackles than all the safeties last year. I still don’t think it’s a good thing when your safety leads the team/league in tackles. Those tackles are typically at least 8 yards down the field, but tackles are tackles I guess.

MC: Isn't it funny how Donnie Edwards got so much grief for tackling guys 4 yards down the field and Weddle gets kudos for it?

And my point was, the mainstream media is so uninterested in what AJ and the Chargers do that the one guy who even bothered to write about it merely looked over the local press clippings and said, "Hmm. Seems plausible. Job done. Happy hour awaits!"

CJ: I think it speaks more to your, “find me an exec who…” theory. I’m not quite sure anyone knows who Eric Weddle is so the only news is that he signed such a large contract for a safety.

The prevailing attitude really should be one of “whatever/whoever that guy is”. I’d look to the media to ramp up once the season starts and Norv is performing like norv

MC: You know what's fun?

Going back and watching Shonn Greene run over Eric Weddle like he's a grade schooler and then thinking how funny it is that that play basically cost Cromartie his job and his credibility in this town, while Eric Weddle went on to get a $40 million dollar contract. Also notable on the play is that Steve Gregory kind of just spins around in a circle like some electric football player and he's on the team even after using PEDs. Our team is awesome.

CJ: AJ is so raycess!

CJ: But seriously, could AJ be a super closet racist? Or is does his hatred know no bounds?

I guess that play with Shonn Greene must really be looked at with rose colored glasses. Sure, it cost Cro his job, but Weddle certainly didn’t make a play and as Sullivan stated this morning, he’s known for his tackling and got paid $40 million accordingly. What are they saying there? Well, that’s totally Cro’s play so Weddle is off the hook for missing only what could be the most important tackle of his career. I guess it’s good he missed. Can you imagine the contract he’d have gotten if he’d actually tackled that guy…

What about the contract Jackson might have gotten if he didn’t kick that challenge flag? Wait, he’s not a lily white boy.

MC: Closet racist?

CJ: I meant to say supercollossal racist. Stupid autocorrect.

Isn't football grand?!

Eric Weddle Could Even Make the Pro Bowl One Day!

2011-07-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

The Chargers just signed Eric Weddle to a 5 year $40 million contract with something like $19 million guaranteed. All that's left now is for him to earn it. This shouldn't be surprising considering AJ had Acee blowing up Weddle's street value for a bout a month before the lockout just to prepare us all for the inevitable inflated contract offer. What I have a hard time reconciling with is that if you are prepared to pay $40 million, why not at least let the guy test the free market? He's already expressed his love for the town and the team, and nobody was going to get near that price on him. Honestly, it's like AJ is still trying to piss off Shawne Merriman.

Oh, and in case you didn't catch it, another highly overpaid Chargers player-one game wonder and sometimes serviceable roster spot filler-Jyles Tucker has been released. Look out, Merriman, he's coming to Buffalo to steal your job.

Can somebody please explain to me again why this organization was so bent on not paying Vincent Jackson last year? Not mediocre enough?

Update: How did I miss this line from Acee's article?

Moreover, he has been in position for several more game-changing plays that the Chargers expect him to actually make in the future.

'Disaster Averted' or 'Go to Hell Nick Canepa'

2011-01-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

First off, let's get the good news out of the way Jay Cutler dragged his pussy off the field yesterday and let us all off the hook. No ring for Cutler. The world is safe for democracy. Seriously, though, can you believe the gash on this guy? 'Canyonesque' is the term CJ coined yesterday and it is apt my friends. Reports today defend the seriousness of Jay Cutler's injury, but I'm sorry, if you're walking around on the sideline while Todd Collins and some guy named Hanie are trying to save your season, you better prepared for some scrutiny. And by scrutiny I mean Brian Urklacher holds you down while Julius Peppers removes your head. What really killed the Bears, though, was the strange fact that Todd Collins was allowed to take the field. That guy wasted two good field positions before doing the right thing and following Cutler to the bench. Apparently, the Packers are a shade better than the Carolina Panthers. Seriously though, Cutler, if you're going to stand there on the sideline determined to prove that your teams fluky season was a farce, at least have the decency to grab a crutch or a cheerleader and pretend you can't walk around without assistance.

And speaking of standing around on the sidelines during playoff games, our good friend Nick Canepa had this to say in his column today:

"And LaDainian Tomlinson will be watching. Again. Pledging allegiance to another franchise didn’t help his own personal elevator reach the level he’s long been seeking. But he did absolutely nothing to so much as push a button in Pittsburgh. He remains a playoff also-ran, be it on the left or the right coast."

Jesus Christ, Nick. That's rough. Did LT screw your wife and run over your dog on the way out of town? I mean, what has the guy really done to incur this sort of wrath? He was openly upset with the way he was treated by a management team that is pretty well known to treat everyone like shit and he has praised an organization that has been dedicated to winning and appears to stand behind it's players. What a dick. In Canepa's defense, this column was obviously bought and paid for if not actually penned by Dean and AJ. So, again I ask you, how can you even root for this petty bunch of bullies? How can you look beyond them and continue to enjoy Chargers football? I just don't know if I can anymore.

Quick parting shots:

1) Green Bay gets the award for least unlikable team to be in the Superbowl since the Carolina Panthers. I just wish I actually, you know, liked them.

2) The Steelers get the award for team I am so sick of I can't even stand it. I just wish I actually, you know, hated them. Here comes the apathy bowl!

3) In case you missed it earlier, Jay Cutler's vagina is canyonesque! That's gold, CJ.

I'm More Than Worried

2011-01-23T08:08:00.001-08:00

I kind of bowed out last weekas far as this blog goes due to the fact that it really hit me that any good that can come from football has passed me by this year. I mean, I'm happy to have seen the Patriots continue their recent tradition of post season chokery, but it's not enough to truly lessen the sting of that fact that my season is over and I hate my team. Anyway, here's what I think about these playoffs now.

I should have put money on the Jets last week. I had been telling anybody who'd listen that I expected the Patriots to choke in that game, but it doesn't amount to a hill of beans if I'm not willing to put my money where my mouth is, and I wasn't. I might as well be Keyshawn. Still, it was nice to see them lose, even if it was to the Jets. By the way, Sports Media, you can't praise Bill Belichek for jettisoning Randy Moss and rave about the unstoppable Pats offense, then turn around and condemn them for not having a Randy Moss 'type' when that unstoppable O gets stopped. You guys are terrible. have a fucking conviction. They just got beat. It fucking happens.

I can't watch the Steelers win another Superbowl, so I'm still fully on the Tomlinson bandwagon. As far as people who have a beef with the Chargers go, we could do a lot worse than LT getting his ring. And by that I mean this...

Because everything in the world is about me, and the universe likes to rub my nose in shit at every turn these days, I have zero doubt in my mind that Jay Cutler will win the Superbowl. No doubt. For some weird reason no one is giving these guys a chance today, but that's just as silly as no one giving the Jets a chance last week. Yeah, I know that I spent the whole season calling bullshit on the Bears, but guess who was only slightly behind them in bullshit? Yep, the Packers. Still no running game. I think the Bears are going to kill Aaron Rodgers. Believe me, I don't want it to happen. Green Bay is eminently likable as a team and would make a seemingly fine and upstanding Champion, but how would that piss me off? That's all the universe is concerned with, really. Bears 27, Packers 23

I think the Jets can beat the Steelers. The Jets are far more dynamic and every bit as capable of being a stifling defense. For some reason, though, nobody seems to want to beat these impossibly boring Steelers this year. They don't even know how they got here. But I'm going with my heart here. Go TBE!!! Jets 20, Steelers 16

If this pans out as I've predicted, this year's Superbowl could end up being the ultimate battle between good and evil. Cutler vs. Tomlinson. The AFC West will never have been so strongly represented. I actually want to see that! Which, of course, means there's no way. Oh well. Go Playoffs!!!

Seattle in the NFC Championship Game?

2011-01-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

Don't laugh. While most of sports media and the NFL were busy freaking out about a 7-9 team hosting a playoff game as the Seahawks pulled off a shocking upset of last year's Superbowl winner, maybe they should have been looking at the bigger picture. Since Seattle is a division winner they are automatically seeded higher than the surging Packers. This means that the Atlanta Falcons are rewarded for their top seed by having to play the more dangerous remaining wildcard round team in the divisional round. In the meantime, the upstart Seahawks get to play the bullshit number two seed Chicago Bers. Why are the Bears bullshit? Because they already lost once at home to the crappy Seahawks once this year. For some reason nobody in the world believes they could do this again, but I can't for the life of me figure out why. If you don't think Jay Cutler can suddenly fire off four straight picks in his FIRST EVER playoff appearance then you have never once followed his career. Also, Mike Martz is a great playoff choker. Now here's the craziest part of all. If the Seahawks win-and they will-and the Falcons lose-and they could-then the 7-9 regular season Seahawks will host the NFC Championship Game. I hate the Seahawks and I want this more than anything in the football world. But this is not the year of getting what I wanted in football. Here's some other things that I wanted but didn't get:

The Chargers to win the Superbowl

The Chargers to win the AFC West

The Chargers to make the playoffs

The Chargers to be decent

The Chargers to start the season with their best available starting squad on the field

The Chargers not to have a record number of blocked punts

The Chargers to be so bad that the ownership would have to get rid of AJ and Norv

The Chargers to be so bad that the ownership would have no choice but to at least force AJ to fire Norv Turner

Michael Vick to win the Superbowl

PETA to cry about it

Tom Brady's dick to fall off

The Raiders not to beat the Chargers

The Raiders not to sweep the Chargers

The Raiders fans not to start talking to me again

My fantasy football team to win

My fantasy football team to place

My fantasy football team to show

Jay Cutler not to make the playoffs

Jay Cutler's foot to fall off

Football not to be over for another season

I just know that last last one is gonna happen too. Anyway, if the Seahawks make it to the Supberbowl (pleasepleaseplease) then I think they should throw out all the AFC teams and let the Bengals play them. That's the game everybody wants to see. Am I right?!

Enjoy This Pointles Article

2011-01-13T16:15:00.000-08:00

Kevin Acee reports that Nnamdi Asomugha is on the Chargers free agent radar. I don't have to tell you that this is exciting news, as Asomugha is what one would call a premiere talent at his position and would be a clear upgrade from Antoine Cason. Of course, Kevin Acee throws in this little tidbit:

Indications are – and this will shock no one – that the Chargers making a big play to sign Asomugha is a longshot. However, the talk has been serious enough to mention.

I imagine those discussions go something like so:

AJ: Do you have any interest in paying money to sign Nnamdi Asomugha?

Dean: Will he play for anything other than money? Preferably, clean ocean air.

AJ: Unlikely.

Dean: Pass.

Even Acee admits that the Chargers paying Asomugha something along the lines of what he's worth is a longshot. He does, however, point out that NA might be willing to take a discounted contract for the chance to play for a winner like San Diego (Really?). He then goes on to mention that the Eagles are showing heavy interest in NA as well. So, the guy has to choose between, at the very least, an Eagles team that went to the playoffs and the Chargers who squandered their season by playing poorly against a bunch of shitty teams all year. Tough call, but if you put a gun to my head I'd say the Eagles have the inside track here.

I'm not even going to bother pointing out that Acee also cites NA's relationship with Norv through his ties to that organization and then points out that it's those same terrible years with the Raiders that have Asomugha running for the door. Nope, not going to point it out.

Playoff Musings...

2011-01-11T19:37:00.000-08:00

As Max so gloriously summed up, the inaugural week of the playoff that do not bear our name is in the books and not without some surprises. Off we go:

*Highlight of the weekend save a trip to Farrell's was watching the "Beef Moe" go off on that journey through the tackleless forest. About the time Lynch got all physics on us and threw down the impossible stiff arm I was involved in this exchange:

Me: "He's gonna score."
Bud Light Fan: "No, no he's not. Wait. Yes. Yes he is!"

That short exchange was highlighted by Max screaming "BEEF MOEE!BEEF MOEE!BEEF MOEE!BEEF MOEE!" in an octave not unlike a creamy Bieber fan. Super gay on all levels by all parties involved. But hilarious at the same time.

*I don't care if yes, the Chargers might have put up a better fight than the Chefs on Sunday morning. We didn't make the playoffs, didn't deserve to, and lost to many, many teams that we "should" have or "could" have put up a better fight against. One of those teams involves "Beef Moe". Sorry. Not wasting the energy required for those thoughts, especially since Rivera was confirmed as the head asshole in tarheel country. Seriously, that program is surely bound for good things now. I am serious and don't call me Shirley.

*For how many years have we been assaulted with the idea that Peyton Manning needs nothing resembling a coordinator as he is so advanced in his brainparts that he can run any play at any time and the Colts are just lucky to have a coach on the field of his stature? Funny, I saw the Superleader check down on every third and short as if he was taking infield practice throwing those grounders to his substitute tight ends . The one touchdown the Colts scored was on a bomb, the one, and only one time they threw it down the field. Either Peyton needs a coordinator, or he's a giant pussy, or both. I'm leaning towards giant pussy. If I leaned any further I'd be swathed in beef curtains.

*Let me get this straight. Tom Coughlin and Matt Dodge catch a bucketful of semen filled frogshit for kicking to DeSean Jackson with the game on the line. However, Mike McCarthy and Tim Masthay kick to Jackson with the game on the line and no one says a god damned thing. Why? Why the fuck doesn't McCarthy get asked what the fuck he was thinking kicking to Jackson so he can fistfuck his punter on national television like Coughlin? Is it perhaps because after they kicked to him, the Packers and the 11 members of their punt team tackled the ballcarrier doing their jobs and becoming more appealing suitors to McCarthy's nubile daughters?* I vote yes. And, I vote because the media are fucking assholes. See: Mike Vick. See: Arizona. Again.

*I couldn't be more disappointed in Michael Vick. DAMNED YOU MICHAEL VICK! You came so close to getting my hopes up for the SuperBang miracle and then BLEW IT!! Doubly shitty that someone was telling me that Joe Montana wouldn't have made that mistake on the game ending interception. No fucking shit. Joe Montana probably wouldn't have done time for dogfighting either. Not because he wouldn't fight dogs, but because he's white. Duh.

It's so much easier to hate everything in the playoffs when we aren't involved. I almost know what it's like to be a Raider fan. At least you have next year to look forward to you know, letting your best corner go now too. Fuck me Raiders, if you weren't so awfully bitchy you'd be so darned cute and likable! Like a kitten in a blender! You are an endless source of entertainment. I can't wait to see what hi-jinx you have in store for me next week!

*Mike McCarthy may not have daughters. He may not even have children. I don't care.

So, It's Monday

2011-01-10T15:10:00.000-08:00

Some quick hits on this, the lamest day of the week.

1) The Chiefs did pretty much what I expected them to do in folding to the Ravens. It's a wonder nobody decided to cover Dwayne Bowe until the last couple of weeks of the season. That 27/7 TD/INT ratio for Matt Cassell is a baldfaced lie! Maybe I'm just bitter that the Chiefs were there but they were lucky the score wasn't 52-7. Baltimore continues to get in it's own way all time, and while that may be okay against the Chiefs, it probably won't stand against the Steelers. One more time Ravens, Ray Rice is better in any inconceivable situation than any other running back on your roster. Use him accordingly.

2) The Colts-Jets match-up was surprisingly hard to watch.I still have to belive the outcome might've been different if the Colts were healthy, but thems the shakes as they say. Tomlinson looked good, so that's practically a win for the Chargers, right? Well, at least we're gonns a get a second rounder for Cromartie now. Please let it turn into an undersized white guy with a great big heart!

3) New Orleans got pretty much beaten up by the 7-9 Seattle Seahawks. How did it happen? Dare I say it? Trap game, bitches!!! It's well documented here, but as much as I hate hate hate the Seahawks, New Orleans fans needed a nutpunch like that after all the 'Who dat?' nonsense the rest of us had to deal with the last few years. And if you didn't love watching Marshawn "Beef Moe" Lynch moew through just about every player on the Saints defense on that game clinching TD run, then you just plain don't like football, so why are you even reading this?

4) I cannot tell you how sad I am that Mike Vick won't be winning the Superbowl this year. What a wonderful story of redemption that would have been. And what a glorious sock in the cock that would have been to those bleeding heart, holier than though bitches who think Vick should never have been given a second chance in life. Alas, The Eagles decided not to bother trying to defend the run and paid dearly for it. Meanwhile, Vick and DeSean Jackson just looked gassed as the season seemed to catch up with them. Too bad. 2010 was a Hell of a highlight reel for those guys.

5) Ron Rivera is going to the Panthers, proving that literally anything is better than watching Norv Turner piss away all your hard work.

And Now For the AFC

2011-01-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

Three posts in one day? Just trying to get it all out of my system before retiring to the black hole that is "not football," where first we must endure basketball before the Padres step in and try to fill that void of disappointment the Chargers always leave behind. Shudder.

Here's how the teams in the AFC will break our San Diegan hearts with a Superbowl victory:

Baltimore Ravens

This is the team you want to win the Superbowl. They kind of have an obnoxious wigger fanbase, but the team itself doesn't bother me that much. Honestly, go back and look at the games, even when they beat us it doesn't look like they really want to. There are Ravens players on the sidelines screaming, "Why are you kicking a field goal on 3rd down? Take another shot at the endzone for fuck's sake!" Of course, they do have an alleged murderer on their team, but he already has a ring. If the Football Gods are cool with it, so am I.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Ugh, not these ass holes again. Pittsburgh is the best team in the league that you neither follow or care about. At this point the only time you even acknowledge them, besides when Ben is accused of raping someone or flying through a windshield, is when they don't make the playoffs. The Steelers are a favorite among football purists because they are gritty and tough. See: boring. If they win this Superbowl that will be seven. Seven! To our big fat goose egg. We could win the next six and Pittsburgh could still lord that seventh over us. And let's not forget they blew through us in the playoffs en route to a couple of those. Fuck the Steelers and their lunch pails. Die in a welding accident, you blue collar fucksticks!

Indianapolis Colts

The Colts have made the playoffs for exactly 50 straight seasons now. Yet somehow they are our bitch. Nobody wants to see their bitch succeed. It's like they do this on purpose. They mock us. They're all, "Oh, all your receivers are hurt? Your running game is suspect? Your pro bowl tight end is out? The other teams in your division are on the rise? Oh, I can certainly see why you'd have a hard time making the postseason under those circumstances. I mean, we did it, but we're the Colts." Oh, that makes me so mad. I have no doubt this bunch of suckasses will go to the Superbowl and cough it up to the Bears.

New York Jets

I'm conflicted. A piece of me wants Tomlinson to to get his ring because he was an amazing Chargers player and because it would make AJ and Norv look all the more terrible. Unfotunately, if LT wins a ring with the Jets, no one will ever let us forget it and he will probably decide to retire a Jet and I don't think I could take it. Also, since LT had exactly one decent postseason performance in all his years in San Diego I would have to cry party foul. But if they win it all, I want him to go big in the Superbowl and I want Cromartie to have two pick sixes. Really twist the knife.

New England Patriots

Another one of those 'not these guys again' teams. And we're their bitch. No bitch with a deeply buried sense of self esteem wants to see they that bitchified them succeed. But they won't succeed. The Patriots are secretly the biggest choke artists in the league. The media can sit around and sing their praises and jerk off Belichek and Brady all they want, but when it comes time to put up or shut up, they'll choke it away just like they did when they gave up an 18 point lead to the Colts in the AFC Championship game or when they let Eli Manning of all women ruin their perfect season. I can't wait to see it.

Kansas City Chiefs

This team is such a long shot they almost have to win. What a slap in the face that would be. After dominating the AFC West for like five of the last six years the Bolts have put nary a dent in the postseason. If Todd Haley and the Chiefs go in there and take the whole thing in one shot I just don't know how anyone can ever stand up for Dean, AJ and Norv ever again. And the Chiefs could, you know. Running and D wins the big one they always say. When the Chiefs are on, they're as good as anybody at the two. Of course the idea that the Chiefs could be on for four straight games is laughable. If they manage it, though, I'm going to root for a lockout, because I'm going to need at least a year to get over it.

So that's it. Root for the Ravens to win everything, because they have practically no ties to San Diego and the only strike against them is murder. Human murder. Not even dog murder. Go Ravens!!!

Next Up, Kevin Acee

2011-01-07T11:50:00.000-08:00

It's just going to be one of those days. Here's Acee's assessment of AJ Smith, past present and future. Needless to say, Acee takes Vader to the woodshed with this one with no consideration for his own well being or his place on the UT's writing staff. Just kidding. he states the obvious, builds in some excuses and lobs fluffy bunny grenades at AJ. Some quick retorts:

But also, that clock has struck midnight. The Chargers' run of playoff appearances has been interrupted. In the fairytale, all ends well for Cinderella. In 2011, we might find out whether Smith and the Chargers live happily ever after.

A Cinderella comparison? Well, at least that's new. I mean, Cinderella never had anyone killed or blasted a dude through a shower door, but hey...Cinderella. Who can be mad at Cinderella? Am I right or what?

But 9-7? Two years after 8-8?

Tick-tock.

A convergence of events – not the least of which is the fact it has already started – make this the most important offseason for the Chargers in Smith’s eight-year reign as general manager.

Tick-tock? Like the alligator that was after Captain Hook in Peter Pan? Now there's an analogy I can get behind. 2011 is the gator and AJ is Hook. That kind of rules. I'm gonna try and make this Hook thing stick. And not the gay Dustin Hoffman Hook either, though I have to give that Hook credit for running that annoying Rufio character through with a sword.

Smith was the architect of a monumental turnaround, from a team that went 39-73 and didn’t have a winning season in the seven years prior to him taking over and has gone 80-48 under his watch and not had a losing season since his first year in charge. He built almost from scratch the team that went to the AFC Championship after the 2007 season and retooled the version that went 13-3 in ‘09.

Wait a minute, I thought we were putting it to the captain here. I'm not going to refer to him as The Architect.

Only New England (87), Indianapolis (87) and Pittsburgh (77) have more victories than the Chargers (76) since 2004.

Of course, those three teams also have Super Bowl victories in that span (Pittsburgh has two). And Smith is also the architect of a team that as of this past Monday has gone two calendar years without a playoff victory.

That's what I'm talking about! Take that, Cinderella!

Head coach Norv Turner and deposed special teams coordinator Steve Crosby (and every other coach) could have done a better job this past season.

See, but now this sounds like an excuse for AJ. And more than that it's another weak indictment of Steve Crosby who seemed to make do until Hook started withholding talented players from him, then ultimately made him walk the plank for making him and his Shmee look bad. What happens if whoever we get to replace Crosby has some breakdowns on special teams? Impossible for some reason!

But those that argue the Chargers have regressed under Turner seem to forget that the Chargers of 2006 and ’07 were led by LaDainian Tomlinson, Shawne Merriman and Jamal Williams, all mostly healthy and in their primes, plus Antonio Gates and Philip Rivers.

There are a couple great players (Gates, Rivers) on this version of the Chargers and a handful (maybe two handfuls) of very good players. And then, well, Smith has let his boss, his subordinates and his team’s fans down.

Most-talented roster? That’s a stale assessment.

This is a solid attack here. Unfortunately, it's also a defense of Norv so I can't get totally behind it. Because, you see, any defense of Norv Turner is a de facto argument in favor of Hook. See the trickeration there.

Now, Acee goes into build-up mode.

Smith is absolutely capable of proving this a simple and wholly correctable downturn. (Remember, the Chargers followed 9-7 in 2005 with 14-2 in ’06 and 8-8 in 2008 with 13-3 in ‘09.)

Anyone who thinks this team was that far from the playoffs and isn’t going back unless drastic changes are made lacks perspective.

Before throwing in a soft jab by stating some of the obvious without a hint of venom (Acee reserves his venom for the idiot fans).

But teams also miss the playoffs when their general manager has perhaps missed as much as he’s hit in recent drafts and when his impact free agent signings are as rare as his smiles.

Ouch. Gets ya right in the pantaloons, eh Captain?

The Chargers did not sign an unrestricted free agent last spring, signed one the year before and none after the ’07 season. In his tenure, Smith has arguably gotten significant impact out of just safety Marlon McCree (2006) and linebacker Kevin Burnett (2009) among his unrestricted free agents signings. (To Smith’s credit, a number of his trades have provided strong returns, the Chargers have a number of undrafted free agents making significant contributions, and Smith has signed some key “street” free agents to shore up depth.)

Well, of course the few free agents he has signed have been big time home runs. These must be the "very good players" Acee alluded to earlier. And those trades? Tre magnifique! Of course, most of those amazing trade acquisitions have been run out by Hook himself or have drastically declined in production the last couple of years, but that's hardly woth noting.

Finally, since Smith is as staunch a believer as there is in building through the draft, and since he will have five picks in the first three rounds, he needs to find
some difference makers come April.

Five picks in the first three rounds?! Why, that's nearly two Jacob Hester's worth of picks! Methinks I can hear the window flying back open!

But 2007 first-rounder Buster Davis, who showed flashes of talent but was unable to show any more due to recurring injuries, is almost certainly finished as a Charger.

Yeah, it was injuries that made Buster Davis suck. And it's good to know that he's only almost certainly no longer going to be a Charger. Look out, Acee, Hook might make you almost eat those words!

Regardless of circumstances, the bottom line is that only cornerback Antoine Cason (2008) has made a significant contribution among Smith’s past four first-round picks.

Cason has definitely been a significantly serviceable contributor. Right up until he let his man get fifteen yards past him in the loss that sealed our fate this season. And no, I'm not blaming Cason for the whole season, that's really more CJ's thing, but it bears noting that Cason ain't quite there in terms of putting one in the win column for Hook yet.

Smith isn’t speaking for public consumption these days, but rest assured he knows all of this. Be confident, too, he doesn’t necessarily agree with everything that’s been written here, but neither does he deny it all.

The offseason is on Smith. It needs to be his time.

Scathing. When Captain Hook scuttles you for your insolence, you can come write for this blog, Acee. It doesn't pay a dime, but we'll let you keep your balls anyway.

Why Do You Make Me Hurt You, Nick?

2011-01-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

I've tried to stay off Nick Canepa's back a little this season, what with Acee out there rewriting the book on fluffing General Managers, but lately Nick's been on his loyal game and this article is too good to let go without some rebuttal. In it, Nick says that the plethora of fan e-mails he received damning AJ for sending Charlie Whitehurst off to greatness in Seattle caused Nick to examine some of the players AJ jettisoned in the past and then make excuses for AJ like only Nick can.

Let me start by saying I don't believe for a second that Nick got any legitimate e-mails saying that the team should have sent Rivers packing and held onto Whitehurst. That's just a bullshit set-up for the usual tone of the article to follow. You know that tone? It's the, "Oh, you silly fans. It's so cute when you question the Godfather. It amuses him so," tone. I'm sure he did get a lot of e-mails to the tune of, "So why did we shower AJ with so much praise when Whitehurst is in the playoffs and Mathews spent half the season on the bench due to injury or because Norv had no idea how to utilize the running game this year?" I think that's valid. Let's delve into this lapdoggery some more, though, why don't we?

A great trade. Whitehurst never was going to be anything more than an August quarterback here.
He was efficient and didn’t screw up against the Rams, but he wasn’t Tom Brady. If he’s the answer, tell me why Matt Hasselbeck, bad hip and all, is starting Saturday’s playoff game against New Orleans. Well?

Oh, sweet burn, Nick. Take that, Chargers fans! Silly bitches, Whitehurst ain't even starting in the playoffs! I mean, sure it might have a little to do with the fact that Hasselbeck is 4-1 lifetime in the postseason and has more experience therein than any other NFC QB, but it's more likely that Pete Carrol just thinks Whitehurst sucks, right? Look, nobody wants to see Chuck behind center in Seattle more than yours truly, but you just ain't ever going to find a coach with a dismal NFL past whose willing to take a chance on a guy in the playoffs who now has one total NFL start on his resume when that coach has a grizzled postseason vet in the stable. However, if Hasselbeck looks even a little stale to start, look for a short leash there. When that happens I'm gonna write so many 'Brees/Whitehurst 2012' letters to Nicky that he'll have to quit the internet forever.

Drew Brees. There are more misconceptions over Brees than any player. Smith obtained Rivers in 2004 because Brees was awful in ’03...That Brees came back with a Pro Bowl year doesn’t matter. They’d already spent a fortune on Rivers, who was going to be their quarterback of the future. The problem I have with Smith is that he held onto Brees another year and the QB damaged his shoulder in the final game of 2005. Smith could have traded him at the end of ’04 and got something big in a quarterback-deprived league.

That's a problem we all have with the Brees thing, Nick. But you couldn't run out Brees after he helped turn the franchise around, I guess. While I understand the business decision, the fact that it was apparent that Brees would ultimately become the odd man out did show once again that the dollars and cents mean more for this organization than creating a culture of winning. The other major problem is that you will never convince fans letting go of Brees was the right move because he has a freaking Superbowl ring! That's one more than the City of San Diego has of any significant Championship.

Michael Turner. Smith should have gotten something for him (why does Bill Belichick always get high draft picks when he rids himself of players?), but there was no way the talented tailback was returning in 2008 after being franchised the year before.
LaDainian Tomlinson was the NFL’s leading rusher in 2007. No chance he was leaving then. And Turner was going to demand an awful lot of money to remain a backup.

So, you had to let Brees go to make room for the heir apparent, but there was no way you could let Tomlinson go for his heir apparent. But yeah, getting rid of LT would have been a disastrous PR move. Still, The Burner would have fit Norv's straight up and down running offense far better than Tomlinson ever did. And if AJ and his coach are so brilliant they should have seen that and sent LT off to find his fortune elsewhere rather than drag out a bitter and horrible break-up once the truth became apparent. So why didn't the Godfather, whose tail wags furiously at the thought of telling the fans to go fuck themselves at every turn, make the right decision here and send LT packing instead of Turner? After all, the fans may bray and moan, but they are stupid anyway, and winning cures everything. The reason is that this particular move, if it had backfired, is the only one that might have actually caused Smith's own inflated head to roll. You don't fuck with an institution, and that's what LT was at the time. He was TBE. That still doesn't make it the right decision to let Michael Turner go. Just makes it the safe decision.

Lorenzo Neal. My personal favorite, in that so many fans believe the Chargers’ running game/franchise/spirit/karma went south because the fullback departed after 2007. LoNeal is a great guy and was a team leader, but he wasn’t what he was when he left here.

He wasn't what he was when he left here? That's awfully folksy. So what exactly was he? A pizza delivery man? Christ, Nick, either come up with something or skip this guy. Letting go of Neal was essentially Norv's way of saying that the running game around here-you know, the most prolific running game in Chargers history-was changing. It wasn't just Neal. Shortly after he was gone, his own heir apparent Andrew Pinnock was sent on his merry way, because Norv doesn't like his halfbacks to run behind a fullback. As it turned out, he eventually had to put Brandon Manumaleuna in the fullback position at times, because our running game went kaput without Neal.

Kassim Osgood. He left on his own accord. They loved Kassim — as a special teamer. But he wanted to go to a club where he could catch passes, so he went to Jacksonville, which offered him less money than San Diego. Osgood caught six passes for 60 yards and a score this past season — and made 12 special teams tackles, his lowest total since 2006.
Of course, the torch carriers believe Osgood would have made every special teams play had he stayed here and saved the season. Please explain how a gunner could have stopped those blocked punts.

I don't fully disagree that Osgood probably should have figured out his place and relished his role as a special teamer extraordinaire. It's not like he was tearing up the receiving stats in Jacksonville and their starters don't compare to ours, so he had a chance. However, for Nick to shine Osgood's importance here is way off. Osgood was a leader on special teams and helped to keep that unit tight knit and on the same page. He may not have personally stopped those blocked kicks, but he might have helped keep those special teamers focused enough to do the job. That's how a team works.

Tomlinson. It was time. LT had a nice year with the Jets, gaining 914 yards and scoring six touchdowns. His replacements here, Mathews and Mike Tolbert, combined to rush for 1,413 yards and 18 touchdowns. The Chargers rushed for a total of 1,483 yards last year (LT getting 730), 3.3 yards per try. The 2010 Bolts totaled 1,810 from scrimmage, 4.0 yards per rush.

Yep, Tomlinson needed to go. Sooner than he did, in fact, if only to salvage his legacy in the league. As for those stats Canepa throws out. Tomlinson had more yards than either Tolbert or Mathews this season and if you combine LT's numbers with Shonne Greene's they totalled more than the Chargers backs as well, so get out of here with that weak bullshit. The only thing these stats prove is that Norv's running game broke down one of the greatest runners in the league. Another example of Norv trying to shoehorn star players into his system rather than adjusting to the strengths of his star players.

Shawne Merriman. Once a great player. Don’t know if his leg injuries ever will allow him to again find that explosion. He drove Smith crazy. Smith doesn’t like to be driven crazy.

Is anybody saying that getting rid of Merriman was a bad idea at this point? Still, we probably won't know for sure how good Merriman is at this stage of his career until he ends up somewhere that's happy to have him.

Antonio Cromartie. A magnificent athlete and latter-day Father of Our Country who had one terrific year simply because of that raw ability. It’s doubtful he ever will be a great player. His matador tackle whiff in the playoff loss to the Jets punched his ticket out of town.

Oh, snap! A paternity slight? That's better than actual analysis! The thing about Cromartie is that we always knew what we had as a player. A zone guy with amazing athletic ability which he used to take advantage of mistakes by such NFL lightweights as Peyton Manning. Cromartie is only as good as his team's pass rush (a problem he's having in NY as well), so yeah, when our pass rush went to shit, so did Cromartie. I guess I can't argue it was time to let him go, but I'd have preferred we fixed the pass rush instead. That's just me.

There you have it. When Whitehurst gets to Canton, send me more e-mails — or whatever it is the angry villagers will be sending by the Twelfth of Never.

Closing with the bold prediction that Charlie Whitehurst won't make it to Canton? Bravo to you and your giant brass balls, Nick! Bravo! I guess that's why you get paid the big bucks. Disregard all I've said, you sir are on top of the game. Go Nick!!!

Oh, You Wanna Talk Playoffs?

2011-01-06T15:03:00.001-08:00

I really didn't want to post anything and move CJ's two-count 'em, two!- posts down the page where all four of our followers might miss them. Those things are more rare than unobtanium, but not nearly as rare as giant blue savages porn. Anyway, sorry CJ, but I too have to put up some playoff analysis, but mine will be a bit different. I would like to go ahead and point out what it would do to further crush San Diego Chargers fans when one of these remaining 12 teams wins the Superbowl this year while our beloved and bemoaned Chargers continue to not win it.

Seattle Seahawks

My most glorious nightmare disaster was somewhat averted today when the the Hawks announced that the best looking quarterback Jesus impersonator in the league, one Chuck Whitehurst would not be starting. I assume this is because Matt Hasslebeck has playoff experience enough to possibly cancel out the fact that even when he was supposed to be good Hasslebeck was just kind of okay. Man, though, would I have loved to see Chuck take this disaster of a playoff team to the Superbowl after all the accolades laid on AJ for fleecing the Hawks with this guy. He could still step in halfway through the Saints game and make a postseason splash the likes of which Jeff Hostetler has never seen. If it happens, I expect the Bolts to pack up the Mayflowers that night and get thyselves to L.A. If Seattle manages to pull it off with either QB, I'll probably lose it because I know that they are secretly AFC West double agents!

Green Bay Packers

When Green Bay wins we all lose, but here's where it makes the Chargers look bad. We tried that all pass/no run thing last year and failed miserably. It would look better for us if people went on believing it's impossible.

Philadelphia Eagles

As Nick Canepa pointed out last week, San Diego fans have poor memories. Most of you probably don't know that we traded the right to draft Mike Vick several years ago for some running back and a really fast white receiver who could neither run routes or catch passes but looked really fucking crazy returning kicks. While that crazy receiver went on to become one of the greatest Chargers of all time, Mike Vick's contributions to the league were arguably much more. Drafted 1st overall by the Philadelphia Eagles, Vick went on to change the face of the game while proving that one could be a superstar while still managing to be an all around credit to the human race. A Superbowl win this year would be his fourth if memory serves, and that would shatter a San Diego fanbase that has yet to see a single Lombardi. Oh, and that running back we traded down to acquire? Jermaine Fazande. Ouch.

Atlanta Falcons

That could have been Michael Turner Norv insists on slamming into the opposing defensive line on every first down, before abandoning the run completely and hucking the ball around willy nilly. Seriously, the Falcons are exactly the Chargers of the NFC. Want proof? Watch them lose their first playoff game. If they don't it's because their coach has them prepared, or makes adjustments or some other coachy thing. Is Mike Smith Norv Turner? Or is he any other coach in the league who knows what he's doing?

New Orleans Saints

Do I have to even say it? Breesus Christ, you're gonna make me say it, aren't you?! Fine, Archie Manning wouldn't let Eli come and play in San Diego, even though our fans were desperate to see the greatest of all Manning's adorn himself in the lightning bolt. Archie played for the Saints, so to see them win another Superbowl would only be a painful reminder of what he did to us. Honestly, I can't think of any other reason San Diegans would care if the Saints win it again.

The Flippin' Bears

This is the big one in the NFC. First Big Ben gets his ring. Then Eli Manning. Jay Cutler is the last of the QBs with any legitimate tie to Philip Rivers and the Chargers. The AFC West rivalry that should have been is over, but if you don't think Cutler winning a ring before Rivers will cause our QB to have an aneurysm and die, you are sorely mistaken. This would make for the sulkiest Superbowl of all. I mean, I'm just sick thinking of the possibility. I'm gonna go wash myself in whiskey.

That's it for now. I'd do the AFC, but Blogger killed this post halfway through, forcing me to do much of it over and it was all I could do not to punch a hole in my monitor, so I'm going to save the AFC for tomorrow. Boo NFC!

The Joke is on You PLAYOFFS!!!

2011-01-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

Here is the first installment of the "Joke is on You PLAYOFFS!" Bullet Points, LUDICROUS SPEED! GO!

*Leave it to Oakland to upstage the failures of our 2010 season by firing their coach that brought an ounce of respectability to a moribund franchise. In Oakland, a .500 season and an unbeaten division record gets you strung up and gutted in the lair of the Cryptkeeper so that he can suckle on your innards giving him his eternal youth. Kind of excuses our firing of a 14-2 coach in favor of Norv Turner. So for that, a hearty thank you Al Davis. You truly are the king of the assholes. An award that is not only incredibly hard to win but very well deserved. Well done sir. Enjoy your blood.

*Kansas City is 0-3 in their last three playoff games at home. Guess which asshole is responsible for that? Here's to hoping Todd Haley begins his trek down Schottenheimer lane so I'm spared CBS's inevitable montage of the shortcomings of Martyball. Oh and fuck Kansas City. Your barbecue tastes like the rusted ass end of a Pinto.

*If Seattle's record was one game better do you think they'd shut the fuck up about all the bad teams that missed the playoffs that deserve to be in the playoffs but didn't fucking qualify? Wait, I know the answer to that. Oh, in case you forgot, we were 2-2 against that division and lost to the Seachickens so we totally got fucked out of the playoffs. Assholes.

*Um. Yeah. Here. Fuck New Orleans. There. I said it. Actually. Been sayin' it for years. Peruse the September 2005 Archives for post Katrina corpse and mold jokes. They are there I promise. And I don't feel any little bit of remorse whatsoever. I meant each and every one of them. I mean them more now. Fuck 'em.

*Baltimore. Harbaugh the Lesser. In the span of three days, ESPN's stories and ticker updates on the brother of Harbaugh the Lesser has made me desperately horny for someone to tell me Brett Favre stuck his finger in a stewardess. Flight Attendant. Whatever. Finger bang somebody Favre. I implore you. And fuck Baltimore.

*I'll regret that last bullet point like habanero fire wings in exit mode when Aaron Rogers throws four touchdowns and loses this weekend. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE BRETT FAVRE ASSHOLE! CHEESEHEADS 4 FAVRE 4EVER!!!1!!

*Hey L.T... you better run for about 382 yards and six scores or Rex is gonna rape you with his foot. Sanchez would probably prefer you get it for once I'm sure. YOU'RE FORCING ME TO ROOT FOR INDIANAPOLIS YOU DRIPPING GINAHOLES.

*I'm rooting for snow in Indy so hopefully their god damned roof collapses thirty seconds after kickoff. Fuck Indy. Fuck the Jets. I WIN. Me. I. Win. In that case only. Otherwise...to borrow from Max, glug, glug, glug... I guess I win anyway.

*The Dog Whisperer. I really hope Mike Vick scores 68 touchdowns, goes iron man and has 18 sacks, conquers every game singlehandedly, wins the Super Bowl, the Most Valuable Player award, buys a pit bull, bangs it on a rape stand, and bites it's ears off hoisting one trophy in each hand. Is that wrong? Fuck those assholes that think he should die. Seriously. Fuck off. Wishing death upon someone is a fucking dick move. No, it doesn't count when I rooted for a roof collapse. That could totally never happen.

All that being said, GO PLAYOFFS!!! YOU CANNOT DISAPPOINT ME ANYMORE!!!

The Sum of All Tears...

2011-01-04T20:35:00.001-08:00

So I'm sitting here watching the fucking Nokia, wait the Allstate Crack in the Sugar Bowl featuring Bumblefuck Ohio State and their typically moronic fans chanting O-H-I-O on this whatever the fuck night it is. Dipshits, we know how to spell Ohio, you really don't need to supplant your stupidity in my brain further treating this game like a fucking spelling bee for 4 year olds.

Why am I so enthralled by the Sugar Bowl you ask? I'm not. I couldn't care less. Though this child of Ironhead Heyward looks like he might be our answer to the pass rush issues we've had for the last handful of years. I'd be more insightful about the problems of our squad but Max has detailed them quite thoroughly and if I could find a cat to throw in the dryer for a laugh, believe me, it would have been done during the fourth quarter of the Bronco game. Should you need a reminder of how I'm currently feeling about this team, peruse the archives, I've written the "Season of Disappointment and Total Fucking Letdown Assholes" post for about five years now. This season is no different.

So, that being said, assuming the CBA gonorrhea gets cured by the inception of football next September, rest assured there will be no organizational changes. Well, Steve Crosby is gone and you know that will solve all our fucking problems. Blame the special teams coach! Well I'm not buying it, what if the new special teams coach is a crazy glue sniffer, build a model airplane he says! Next thing you know there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a million times.* What's our problem then you say? Not a totally uninteresting question.

As I'm a glutton for things that torture my soul worse than Eric Weddle, I tend to enjoy conversing about our shitty team. Needless to say I've been blogging my disappointment for the better part of five years, so why wouldn't I fill my free time bitching about something I have zero control over. The San Diego Super Chargers! Anyway, this conversation started out along the lines of:

Q: "I'd like to study why the Patriots continue to win all the time and the Chargers continue to disappoint?"

Simple Reactionary Answer: In a nutshell, we suck more than Faye Reagan (do not google that name at work or in front of your wife, girlfriend, or life partner. I'm not judging).

Longer More Thought Provoking Answer: I don't need a study to know the answer to this. The answer is simple. Much as many people would like to crucify Mike Vick for fighting some dogs, many more will harangue (not Aaron) Kellen Winslow Junior for likening football to war. And in the defense of war, while the Chargers have been "soldiering on" they couldn't defeat an army composed entirely of pussies made in France. But, football, and more specifically, well run organizations like the Patriots are somewhat of a military institution. No one player is bigger than the team. All players believe in the team mentality. They all buy in. The team is organized and expects the same from their players. They operate as a cohesive disciplined unit. The execute flawlessly on the field. They win. They study. They prepare. They execute. They win again. It's a simple model.

Our "organization" from the top aaaaalllll the way down does not resemble the successful organizations of our era. No, our organization is spectacularly reveling in ineptness. The head of the snake is a man that is admirable in his conviction, yet very flawed in execution. The same can be said for his hand picked coach. And well, the players make no secret of the fact they love him. He is an enabler that allows them only to run amok and behave like spoiled rich children on and off the field. He values the opinions of his players as a seventeen year old girl values facebook relationships and puts them above winning. He does not emphasize execution and discipline. Were he to do that, perhaps one, if not all of the following things would not have occurred on his watch:

*Bar fight at Stingeree
*Bar fight at Bar West
*Bar fight at Bar West that left one person in a coma
*Traveling on Christmas day arriving for must win game less than 24 hours before kickoff

There are a fuckitude of others but unless you are from Ohio you probably understand.

The Godfather and many others like to emulate the model the Patriots put forth. Anyone with a desire to succeed would find that to be an acceptable decision. However, when the flawed group you have assembled fails repeatedly, in the same fashion, over and over and over and over again, the responsibility lies with the brain. However, the Brain thinks you are an asshole for insinuating that he would make mistakes and insists that it's the special teams coaches and the players responsibility like a child stomping his foot on the floor when you tell him he'll get no fucking cookie. Who put the personnel and the players in the positions? Who ran players repeatedly out of town and replaced them with their hand picked "next man up". You cannot adopt only the asshole nature of the Patriots business model and expect to succeed. Being an asshole only gets you the general manager job, it does not guarantee it.

Again, assuming the Commish and the Union have a wonderful drunken tryst it will be fascinating to see how the squad morphs over the next nine months or so. Perhaps we'll shelve the ego and establish ourselves a new culture. Perhaps not. Perhaps we'll get yet version 5.0 of failure. Who knows?

What the hell. I have been conditioned to only use the word fuck when articulating my thoughts about this team anyway. That'll change as soon as the French quit running.

*blatantly and proudly stolen from Tommy Boy. If you didn't know that kindly ring your call button and Tommy here will come hit you in the head with a tack hammer, because you are a retard. Nothing against retards. It's in the script and I know how that language bothers people.

The Passion of the Coach

2011-01-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

Here's Nick Canepa's article about this year's wasted Chargers season. It's not too bad. Not terribly off the mark. He makes some important notes of how short fields may have skewed our defensive stats and how our safeties are pussies. Most importantly, he takes AJ and Norv to task for their part in this debacle. Sure, he pulls his punches and stops short of calling for their heads, but hey, he's not allowed to do those things anyway.

All in all, though, the article is on point, but wimpy. It's nothing that anybody who has been paying attention didn't already know or probably think. The following little nugget did jump out at me, though:

“I love playing for him,” center Nick Hardwick said. “People on the outside don’t see his passion or know how the players really care for him.”

Really? The players really care for him? After reading that I've never been so certain that Norv is the reason this team will never win a Championship. The players really care for him? That's the kind of sentiment reserved for cupcakes who never won a thing, like Wayne Fontes. Do you think anyone ever said that about Bill Parcels or Bill Belichek? Bill Cowher? John Gruden? Vince Lombardi? Tom Landry? Do those coaches seem like lovable characters to you? Players are proud of playing for those guys. They might say they loved it long after, when they see the rewards reaped from playing for those coaches, but when people speak of the greats they speak of respecting them, not caring for them or loving playing for them. They love the winning. And passion? Passion means nothing. I have passion for the game of football. Results are what matter. And the results have not been so lovable.

Oh, Goody.

2011-01-03T08:07:00.000-08:00

We ended the season on a high note. 9-7. Whoopty-doo. Does this mean we're the best team not to make the playoffs? Just like the old days? Oh, wait, there's the Giants and Bucs, so we're the third best team not to make the playoffs, which is certainly impressive. Oh wait, the Radiers beat us twice, so you could make the case that they're better. But we are definitely better than the Jags. Take that Jacksonville! That's going to make things very awkward when we have to share a stadium in Los Angeles in a couple years. A few things of note:

Apparently, the team was allowed to stay in San Diego for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning before heading out to Cincy last week. That, to me, is horseshit. Yeah, I know it sucks to have to work on holidays...for you and me. If I made as much money as your average football player and went in knowing full well that holiday games were a part of the deal, then I think I go ahead and suck it up and get to Cincy on Friday like any other football week. That was a must win game, and in case you weren't paying attention...

The Chiefs lost yesterday. Now, a lot of people will rightfully say that the Chiefs weren't playing for anything, so who knows how that game would have gone if the playoffs were still on the line? However, and it's important to note that the Raiders swept the division and had their first non-losing season in forever, so it's not entirely far fetched to think that they might have pulled off that game yesterday, regardless. We'll never know for sure, just like we'll never know for sure if this team might have won a Superbowl with Drew Brees under center if he had never been injured...

Playing in a meaningless game at the end of the year, just like Philip Rivers was yesterday. Seriously, I know that the organization is desperate to make people believe Norv is a winner, but you just don't take silly chances like that when nothing but gay pride is on the line. If you're in the playoffs, you rest your stars. If you're out of the playoffs you do the same. The same people who were crying about Brees five years ago were defending the decision to play Rivers yesterday. Hell, one moron said to me and CJ that Brees getting hurt lead us to Rivers, so it was a good decision even then. Yeah, well who's waiting to replace Rivers? This is reason #1,268 why San Diego probably doesn't even deserve to have a team. Number #1,267 was...

That the local affiliate chose to show the Pittsburgh-Cleveland game instead of the Oakland-KC game in the 10:00am slot. I assume this was some effort to punish the local fans of those teams, but hey, they played and they deserve the attention. I can't count how many times over the years the local programmers would forgo big games to show the Chiefs play some meaningless contest against the Lions or some other such nonsense. What a total lack of class to switch gears yesterday to show a game with the most negligible of playoff implications. Thankfully, the Steelers so thoroughly manhandled the Browns that I believe the local station switched to the Chiefs-Raiders at halftime anyway. Also, that's likely to be the last meaningful game between the Chiefs and Raiders for a while, since...

Word around town is that Al Davis will be showing Tom Cable the door this offseason. And why wouldn't he? A couple of years of consistency in the coaching staff have lead the Raiders back to the precipice of success. Time to burn the whole thing down. I have to believe that Davis probably feels that since the Raiders are marginally less terrible, and he himself was able to fade into the background for the most part this season, that he may be able to lure a more exciting coaching candidate to Oakland. Maybe he's thinking Fisher or Harbaugh, but the end result is more turmoil in Oakland so watch for them to sink back into worthlessness for now. Speaking of being worthless...

What was Malcolm Floyd doing on the field yesterday? Couldn't drag himself onto the field for a must win game last week, but the coaching staff let's him suit up for that pointless exhibition yesterday? For what? To get Norv his third winning season? Terrible. Floyd, yer cut...

And Sproles? Cut...

The rest of you are okay...

Except you Weddle and Kaeding. Yer both cut.

One last thing, Thanks, NFC West, for making San Diego's 8-8 team from a couple years back look slightly less embarrassing. AJ approves. By the way, Charlie Whitehurst is going to be quarterbacking in the playoffs. AJ drafted him, so I guess you have to put that in the "pro" column when weighing AJ's genius. I hope Chuck wins the Superbowl. If a 7-9 team with an ex-Charger back-up wins the whole thing, I can finally quit football forever and not even feel bad about it. Especially if that 7-9 team is the filthy Seahawks! Go Chuck!!!

Have You Even Been Paying Attention, Nick?

2010-12-29T08:04:00.001-08:00

Nick Canepa implores GM AJ Smith to get a deal done with Vinnie Jack or at least franchise him. Listen, Little Nicky, a franchise at this point is the only option and here's all you need to know about that.

1) VJ comes back for his first game of the season and immediately pulls up lame.

2) People instantly start to speculate that VJ might be painting himself as even more of a malcontent than AJ has claimed he is and the fear is that this will impact his value on the open market.

3) VJ catches 3 TDs and goes for over 100 yards in his next game back. The performance is certain to make his value skyrocket.

4) Everybody in San Diego screams, "Franchise tag!"

5) Vinnie Jack goes out and has a pedestrian day against the Bengals in a game the team has to win.

And that is how little VJ wants to play for AJ. So, AJ can go ahead and franchise him, but we all better be prepared to have a player guaranteed to take $10 million+ off the hands of the employers who screwed him this year and who has no desire to play for them anymore. Do you trust that player to do break his back for the Chargers next year? Would you? $10 million in pocket and a league that loves to give chance after chance to talent? The only thing VJ could do in San Diego next year to hurt his value is get injured.

2010-12-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

Staying the Course.

2010-12-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

Wait a minute, this course runs straight through a minefield and then off a cliff into a lake of molten lava! Norv's coming back, people. Now, this shouldn't be a surprise, but if you need answers you can check out Canepa's piece from the UT this morning. Or you can read on as I dissect it:

What Dean Spanos can do that many of his football team’s fans can’t do, is remember. It doesn’t take much for the Chargers president to recall the not-so-long-ago, when he was boss of the worst team in the NFL, when even he admits his organization lacked organization.

His short term memory is nothing to write home about, but he will never forget the mess his last egomaniacal GM got him into. Thank goodness for that!

So, when Spanos, who has been in charge of the franchise since father Alex handed him the wheel in 1994, says head coach Norv Turner and General Manager A.J. Smith will return in 2011, he almost seems incredulous, amazed that he has to be asked.

Of course he's incredulous. This team's upper levels have gone to great efforts to make two things abundantly clear. That they are far more worried about financial decisions than football decisions, and that they don't care one iota what the fans think. Norv Turner's future in San Diego has only ever been in doubt throughout bars and living rooms in San Diego. This team paid the man directly after one of his greatest failures to date, why should this joke of a season change anything?

“I’ve learned the hard way,” Spanos said. “Your GM and coach have to be two individuals who work together. It’s very difficult for some teams; I’ve been through it. I like the working relationship at this level.

"You weren't there! You don't know what it was like! Mommy and daddy fighting and screaming at each other all the time. They said it was my fault! Now new mommy let's me stay up as late as I want and have cake for breakfast!"

“We’re as disappointed as anyone. But I look to 1996 to 2003, when we couldn’t even get (beyond) 8-8. We’ve turned it around, to where we’re a good team and a good organization. There’s a lot of continuity, but we’re still short.

I'm sorry, give me a minute because my head just exploded. This team is a loss away from being 8-8 for the second time since Norv got here. How is that turned around from a team that couldn't get past 8-8? Is it because the media consensus is that we're better than our shitty record indicates? Well hold onto those press clippings, because they are practically the equivalent of a Lombardi apparently.

It’s not often I can sit across from Dean Spanos and agree with much of what he has to say. I’ve had go-rounds with dad and go-rounds with son, but if he were to tear this thing up now and start all over, it just might be the biggest mistake he’s made. And he’s made a few, which he also admits (and, no, firing Marty Schottenheimer is not one of them; yes, firing Bobby Ross is).

I hate to break it to you, Nicky, but these two situations (Ross and Schotty) are nearly identical. If you're saying it's a bad idea to tear it all up now, how can you possibly say that it was a good idea to tear it up under Marty? Oh right, because Marty and AJ couldn't get along and everybody knows that a good GM/Coach relationship is essential in building a winner. That's why we're so good right now. Didn't you see our offensive and defensive rankings? Fuck the Superbowl!

But there are things to consider before ripping and slashing, given the labor unrest in the NFL. There are no guarantees there will be a season in 2011. There may be a quarter-season, a half-season, no training camp, no minicamps, no offseason workouts.

If this happens and you bring in a new coach or a new GM, with new systems and philosophies, good luck in 2011.

You mean if we bring a new coach in right now we may not be able to compete for the possible partial season that awaits us? And there it is, folks, the reason guys like Canepa make the big bucks. My feeble football brain could never see things so clearly. I would have thought that the possibility of a suspended or partial season next year makes this a perfect time to bring in new coaches and a new philosophy. You'd have plenty of time to assemble your new staff and let them evaluate the team's talent and assess their strengths. I'm a moron like that. Talent evaluation is not essential to winning. A good GM/Coach relationship is paramount to achieving football goals! Everybody in the business knows that, silly bloggers!

Smith and Turner both have made mistakes. If the Chargers get off to another bad start in 2011 — or whenever the next season begins — that it isn’t going to get fixed under Norv, enough will be enough. It’s asking too much to continually rise from the dead. This year, for many reasons, it didn’t happen, but the early season bungling has to stop.

This is it! Four slow starts is one thing, but five?! Five will mean it's time to start considering what actions the organization must take once the slow starts reach seven years in a row. Because I am always doing stupid shit, people are fond of telling me that "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Normally I try to point out that this is the stupidest saying in the world and that it is not at all the definition of insanity. Since it applies here,though, I'm gonna use it because as it is well documented on this blog, I am a raging hypocrite.

“Norv took over a good team and I think he’s done a good job under some trying circumstances. I hate to make excuses, but I don’t (care). It’s hard to win without players. Last year we lost six players in our opener at Oakland and Norv won 13 games. This year, I’ve never seen anything like it. I know injuries are a (bleep) excuse, but we started 2-5 and could have caved and we didn’t.

"I hate to make excuses, but here goes!" And here's a newsflash: The 2-5 start was the caving. The Raider game was a caving. Sunday was a caving. We could have caved and we did. Over and over.

Norv has not been good enough to coach this team to a championship. A.J. has not been good enough to manage this team to a championship. But I do know that, just seven years ago, it was the worst team in football.

Only seven years ago? Well, shit.

“It wasn’t coaching. Sometimes the best thing in the world is to make very few changes. There’s an image out there that Norv is my puppet..."

Because he is.

...No changes at the top. And, all things considered, that’s not a bad thing. For now.

Yeah, totally. For now it's no big deal because, you know, the seasons over for all intents and purposes. In fact, I don't really see this "staying the course" thing becoming a real problem until we start playing meaningful football games again. Then, of course, we're screwed.

Thanks for the Memories

2010-12-27T09:11:00.000-08:00

Man, we are a spoiled lot out here in San Diego. All of us convinced that a climb back to the top from a 2-5 start was not only possible, but inevitable. Looking around the bar yesterday as the seconds ran out in a miserable game against a miserable team that sealed our miserable fate, the shock was tangible. Maybe it was my fault for never following through on a deal made with the Football Gods years ago, or maybe it was CJ's fault for calling this letdown before kick-off. Or just maybe the writing was on the wall. Here's what I'll remember about this disaster of a season:

The defections: Several key contributors left this past offseason. For some, like LT and Jamal Williams the time had probably come. But what about Kassim Osgood? Grand special teams contributor leaves town and the his old chums let us down early and often.

The holdouts: All year we were forced to patch together a workable receiving corps due to injury. It's hard to believe our best receiver wouldn't have helped out a bit during that early start. And it's hard to believe our QB would have spent as much time on the ground if our best offensive lineman had had his back for the first 6 games of the season.

Our smug GM: Have you ever seen someone so satisfied with themselves for "winning" a battle of wills with a player's dimwitted agents? AJ Smith created a poisonous work environment with his hardball bullshit, and the real losers here were the team on the field and the fans in the stands.

Our stingy owner: Dean Spanos saved millions on the Vincent Jackson holdout. That's good business.

Our lousy coach: Perhaps the saddest thing to come of this season is that without a total collapse there is no way our coaching situation is fixed. Norvelle started the season by claiming that this was the best Chargers team he had coached yet, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Due to his inability to make adjustments, his "They'll never see this coming" style of playcalling and his brand of all out panic (see the second Raiders game), that best team of his might finish .500 on the season. That would be his second .500 season in 4 years since taking over a 14-2 team.

They'll never see this coming: Whether it's starting a game with a tricky reverse against a team you shouldn't need a tricky reverse to beat or if it's trying to punch in a TD with Jacob Hester rather than putting the ball in the hands of one of the game's best players, Norv's silly playcalling gambits seemed to hurt us far more often than they helped us. I will, however, give him credit for that one fake punt. Or as I call it, the exception that proves the rule.

Darren Sproles: It's seems like every team has a crazy little Sprolesian scatback on their roster these days. There's Danny Woodhead. There's Dexter McCluster. The problem is, with the success of those other players, the Chargers coaching staff refuses to let go of Sproles. I'm tired of reminding everybody that he's only had 3 really good games in his career and all of them are more than a year removed. Don't ever hand him the ball. Send him on his way.

Malcolm Floyd: The man is a talent. And he's as frail as a spinster. This was your chance, Floyd. Han Solo had cleared your path by blasting Vincent Jackson into outer space and you went ahead and steered your X-Wing into the wall. Crap, that would make AJ Han Solo. I need a better analogy, but you all get the picture. Your number one receiver has to play in more than half the games.

Worthless rankings: Best offense? Best defense? Um, not if you don't win the games. Coincidentally, we are the only team to ever hold those rankings and not make the postseason. Now, that's a typical San Diego sports team dubious honor. You know, like that Padres team from several years ago that became the only team to ever have a 14 game winning streak and still finish under .500.

The NFC West: 2-2 against a division that will be lucky to have a winner with an 8-8 record? What more did we need to see to convince us that Norv's best team wasn't so good?

The Raiders: 0-2 against a team we have dominated for the better part of an entire decade? This was a team so inept over the last several years that I found myself consoling their horrible fans, only to have them return to being complete ass holes the second their team manage to notch 6 whole wins on the year. Ugh, the Raiders cannot fade back into obscurity quick enough as far as I'm concerned.

The sound the window makes when it slams shut: Those Raiders probably aren't going away. And neither are the Chiefs. With the division no longer in the bag, and the team's misguided devotion to Norv Turner, this town will never get it's Lombardi. Sorry everybody.

Leaf to Finally Tell His Story

2010-12-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

I don't know when this news came out. It seems like I've been hearing about it for at least a couple of days, so I might as well mention it, even though that's exactly what he wants. Ryan Leaf is going to publish a trilogy of books chronicling his meteoric impact into the brick wall of infamy and, ultimately, absurdity. Let's speculate:

Book 1: His upbringing. Mommy's fat little spoiled angel. The Biff Tannen years. Those golden days. The college years, where everybody on his team hated him and his shitty attitude. His one good season. His determination to be 6'5" and fat without looking too fate lands him a $32 million pro contract with...

Book 2: ...The San Diego Chargers! The Pro Years, where everybody on his team hated him and his shitty attitude. How he managed to extend that badwill to the fans and the media. His 1 completion game in Kansas City. How no one gives him credit for saving San Diego football by getting Bobby Beathard run out of town on a rail. How he started to actually look fat. How he went on to play for...um, Dallas? How he managed to never once put a decent stat line when even other noted fatso Jamarcus Russell managed to do that from time to time.

Book 3: Giving back. Taking young men in college and passing on his acquired wisdom. Detailing his own follies so that they might learn from him. Forcing them to hand over their pain medication. Maybe these are the Biff Tannen years? Blowing all his money and losing his cheerleader wife. Getting popped for bringing illegal prescription drugs down from America's Hat. Failing to elicit any sympathy becasue everybody hates him and his shitty attitude. Writing three books in the hopes that someone might still care enough to hand him a second chance at life or at least a handful of percocet.

Shit, I think I just talked myself into checking this trainwreck out. It's going on my Amazon wish list right next to AJ's Lord of the No-Rings Trilogy. I wonder if the crayons are included? Merry fucking Christmas to me!!!

Unbelievable, Acee.

2010-12-21T08:42:00.000-08:00

Let me start by getting one thing out of the way. Thank you Kevin Acee for clearing up at least some of the questions I had about how the salary cap next year in your article today. I now know that nobody knows exactly how the franchise tags will work or even if they will exist next year. So informative.

Aside from that, Acee continues to prove that he is AJ's most loyal Stormtrooper. That's right, I'm eschewing the normal Godfather or John Wayne tropes and I'm going with Vader. How ya like them apples?

Let's start here, where Acee lays out his cluelessness for the whole world to see:

"Much of the rhetoric since Jackson made his 2010 debut two weeks ago (not counting his mini-appearance at Indianapolis) has seemed to have a central theme: that Jackson has been so good that he certainly must have shown A.J. Smith his worth.

Not exactly.

Smith didn’t know that before? He has called Jackson a “great” player, been effusive in his praise for his practice habits and how hard he plays, as well as his ability to catch passes. Jackson was second in the league in yards per catch from 2008-09. His 63.6 reception percentage last season was remarkable considering the 68 passes he caught traveled an average of 14 yards in the air, most among anyone who caught more than 45 passes. He has 19 receiving touchdowns since the start of 2008 season, tied for 18th in the league while missing the first 11 games of this season. Smith knew what he had before Jackson went for 112 yards and three touchdowns on Thursday."

Who ever said that AJ didn't recognize Jackson's worth? That would be like calling him literally retarded. The issue all along has been AJ's unwillingness to reward that worth, and Acee's little point here only condemns Smith further.

Now let's focus here at the end of the article, where Acee proves that he has swallowed AJ's "The players are the greedy ones" rhetoric hook, line and sinker. Regarding what happens if Jackson is tagged:

"There is the possibility Jackson could withhold his services again. At the very least, we could be going through the will-they-trade-him drama of 2010 all over again.

But one of the league’s best receivers, a guy who is getting better still, would be under control of the Chargers.

For now, that qualifies as good news."

Yeah, that's great news for everyone. Everyone except Jackson, of course, who only wants to go out and be rewarded in the same manner as most other top performers in the league have been. Listen, people, and I can't stress this enough: Don't let the $ millions involved cloud your judgment, the players are the ones who are like you, not the owners. They are the ones who are doing the work. They are the ones whose employers have their fate in their hands. You may think the market is bloated, but the individual players are not the ones who created the market. You are. If you don't like that people in football make all that money, stop going. Stop buying their merchandise. Until then, rail against the owners who hold you hostage for ticket sales and try to steal you tax dollars so they can make more millions still. The players are the ones you pay to see, so stop being misled by the misers here. Do the players get paid too much? Probably, but the owners make far more money, and don't think for a second that any of the savings they create by withholding a value contract from players like Vincent Jackson is ever passed along to you. Only a shill like Kevin Acee should buy into that.

Fox Has a Great Idea!

2010-12-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

Music to My Ears

Fox is experimenting with adding music in between plays of games. No one knew about this because their trial run was a Frisco-Seattle game that nobody would ever have watched on purpose. I strongly suggest you watch this video clip of this new twist in the way you will experience football. It's every bit as ridiculous as it sounds.

Not only is it annoying and goofy, it does nothing to shut Joe Buck the Hell* up, so what's the point?

The Picks

I didn't do picks last week because the football pool at my work seems to have disappeared. Presumably because the person running it hasn't won a single week. That is why girls should never be in charge of anything important. Except you girls who might read this. You are all the exception, of course. Anyway, my picks would have sucked. I mean, did you see football this weekend?

Vincent Jackson Sticking Around?

So, the buzz around town is that the Chargers will in fact franchise Vincent Jackson. Which makes perfect sense. I mean, why wouldn't you franchise a guy for a year in which there won't be any football? I kid, sort of. I'd be as happy as anyone who isn't Vincent Jackson if Vincent Jackson continued to be a Charger. And it tickles me in a very inappropriate way that the team would have to hand him a check for over $10 million. I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if we franchise him and then AJ trades him to Carolina, Buffalo or some other perennial bottom feeder, just to be a dick. You know, kind of like how he asked his old pal Buddy Nix over in Buffalo to pick Merriman up off waivers this season. Seriously, you know he did that.

*Some people don't capitalize Hell, but I do. Because it's a real place. And the people at Fox who decided to add more music to the games are going there some day.

Well Played, Vincent Jackson.

2010-12-17T07:48:00.000-08:00

Gee, Frisco. Why even bother showing up? How was this team favored to win even that horrendous disvison? You know, that God awful division that we just secured a 2-2 record against on the season. Okay, okay, no need to poo poo last night's victory.

Another solid showing by the Bolts, followed I'm sure by a sweet after party throwdown at Bar West. As a younger man, I would have headed down there to party with the team. One has so few chances as the years advance to get throttled by professional athletes, after all.

Alright, I'm sorry. Enough jabs! Let's talk talking points!

Vincent Jackson

Vincent Jackson is back. Now that's the kind of performance that should wake up fans to the great talent we are about to lose. Once again, the airwaves and the fanwaves are clammoring for a deal to be done. And to listen to Jackson talk, one might believe the possibility exists. Not at all sorry to burst your bubble here, but Jackson is saying what Jackson is supposed to say. Every TD is another $million and every contrite statement is a promise to a future employer to be an upstanding locker room presence. Let me point something out to those of you that believe he might stay. AJ essentially fined him no less than $3+million dollars this year for having the audacity to expect the team to reward his performance. If your boss did that to you, and there were other companies out there willing to reward you handsomely for your services, would you stick around?

There is also a lot of talk about franchising VJ. This option is far more likely due only to the fact that AJ would probably get off on keeping VJ from realizing a true value contract for as long as possible. However, there are so many Chargers hurtling towards free agency at the end of this year that I find it more likely we spend that tag making somebody else's life miserable for a while. And speaking of guys on the brink of free agency...

Malcolm Floyd

Y'know Floyd, I've been singing your praises for a while now. "Malcolm Floyd has the best hands on the team..." "Malcolm Floyd is our most exciting big play receiver..." "Malcolm Floyd is every bit as good if not better than Vinny Jack..." Every time, though, the declaration is immediately followed by the same caveat. "...if he can stay healthy." Well, Floyd, you can't. Every game is important right now. If you can walk, you should be out there. But you can't walk, can you? It's getting old. I'm over you. You are glass.

Next year's receiving corps will be Crayton, Naanee, Ajiratoutou[sp? WTF?] and Washington.

Ryan Mathews and Mike Tolbert

It's apparent that the coaching staff has little to no faith in Ryan Mathews at this point. He didn't even see the field until the game was already in hand. Actually, I'm okay with this. Tolbert has shown enough to convince me and pretty much everyone else he deserves to be the go-to guy right now, and this is no time for experimentation. What does bother me is, as I've mentioned before, that the staff was unable to recognize Tolbert's potential before this season. Why was this guy languishing at the bottom of the depth chart while our running game sputtered the last two years? Why did we have to move up to grab Mathews when the heir apparent was warming the bench all along? Look, I still like Mathews, but we are now rapidly approaching a crossroads. When Tolbert hits free agency, he will command money from somewhere. And this team is unlikely to spend big money on two running backs again anytime soon after Tomlinson/Sproles failed to produce anything from this backfield (Call it the Ryan Leaf effect). Who's it going to be when the time comes to make a decision, Chargers?

The Playoffs

Ultimately, this regular season is going to end up one of two ways. Either A) We win the division for the fifth straight year and AJ and Norv sweep another slow start under the rug until it happens again next year, or B) We miss the playoffs, lose our best receiver and go into the offseason bitter and unsure of whether the window has closed completely. There may be some minor variations, but those are your two basic outcomes and neither one is ideal, really. Personally, I think we win the division again, and I still can't tell if that's good or bad in the long run. But hey, who doesn't like an extra game?

Oh, well. We won last night and it was pretty glorious. Let's bask in the glow of that for a while now. Talk amongst yourselves. Go Bolts!!!

Big Game for Bad Teams

2010-12-16T09:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, I didn't really mean we are a bad team, but there is still no excuse for us being 7-6 and on the outside of the playoff picture looking in. And there is definitely no excuse for the fact that Frisco is 5-8 and also only a game out of contention in their pitiful division. At least when the Chargers came back from 4-8 to win their division, it looked like a bona fide miracle. The details are fuzzy, but did three other teams go down in a plane crash that year? I honestly can't remember how we pulled that off.

So how is tonight going to shake out? Ugly, is my guess. It's not supposed to be out and out raining tonight, but it's gonna be wet, and apparently that sort of thing doesn't fly with these Bolts. Remember opening night? Me neither (glug, glug).

Also, Malcolm Floyd is questionable for the 35th time in 14 games. Maybe this is my fantasy team playoffs talking, but what the effing eff, Floyd?! Your whole career? Drink a glass of milk from time to time, brother! Or are you just trying to get VJ his contract? O R you?

Speaking of VJ, he touched the ball like three times this week and an entire community that was ready to burn him at the stake because AJ yelled "Witch!," suddenly became aware of his superstar status and is calling for a stop to the insanity and a new long term contract. This is why people call you a bad sports town, San Diego. You shouldn't need a minor showing in an important game to remind you that our best receiver over the last two seasons was, well, our best receiver. And it shouldn't have reminded you of that anyway, because it was basically a pretty so so showing. Still, sign the guy. Cause that'll totally happen.

Ryan Mathews looks to get a bigger chunk of the action this week just in time for slick conditions, which should definitely be a boost for his confidence. Let's pray our fumbling issues are behind us. I'm serious, get to praying. Even you, CJ!

As I've mentioned before, the NFC West, in what is perhaps the greatest indicator that our championship window is slamming shut like [insert someone who withholds sex simile here]'s legs, is 2-1 against our Bolts. Our one win came against the Arizona Cardinals who presently stand a Grand Canyonlike 2 games back in that horribly sad division. Still, I just can't believe we lose a game like this at home. Frank Gore is out. Alex Smith is in. Perhaps most importantly, this is Frisco. Of the "Beat us to death in our only Superbowl appearance" Friscos. Maybe you've heard of them? We must forever take advantage of any opportunity to avenge that injustice, damn it! Anything less than an utter woodshedding is unacceptable! Niners 13, Bolts 31 Palindrome victory!!!

Go Bolts!!!

Apparently, We Beat the Chiefs on Sunday. Also, Screw the Patriots!

2010-12-14T08:12:00.000-08:00

Sunday's Dismantling of the Chiefs

I probably should have wrote something about this Chargers victory yesterday or Sunday night, but you people don't sign my paychecks. In fact, no one does. But I try to cash them every week anyway.

So, the Chargers beat up on the hapless Brodie Croyle and the "predictably bending under the pressure of trying to win their first division title in too many years to count and/or look up" Chiefs on Sunday. A must win game for us and what I would think was a must "at least show up if we want people to believe we are good enough to compete in the bigs" game for them. Well, we won. If you'd like a baseball parable, there is a solid chance that in this scenario we are the Frisco VaGiants and the Chiefs are sputtering Padres. Yeah, sure, Matt Cassel was out, but fuck that guy. I don't buy him one bit. The running game is what makes the Chiefs go around and it was non-existent against a Chargers defense that got steamrolled by the Raiders the week before. Good effort, Bolts. We may be on our way to another enormous postseason letdown after all!

My sometimes cohort, CJ, says we're going to end up losing to the Bengals in two weeks, to which I have two short replies:

1) If you have been watching the Bengals play football at all this year then you know just how ridiculous that prediction is.

B) That is a foolish prediction to make, because now if the Bengals somehow manage to beat the Chargers, I will be forced to kill you, CJ. Just a major faux pas on your part there, muchacho.

The real worry here should be this Thursday night's game against the 49ers. In case you haven't been paying attention the NFC West has been beating us up a bit this year. Well, not the Cardinals, but the real upper level squads* over there have been handling us. And don't look now, but the 49ers just hung 40 on the Seahawks. Now, for personal reasons such as the fact that I hate the fucking Seahwaks with the white hot passion of a thousands suns, I found this to be a rather charming outburst of competency from the filthy Niners. Outside of that, however, that game should stand as a warning to our team that we should probably not make a trend of assuming teams from the Bay Area cannot hand us our shit from time to time.

Oh, and here's another warning for our players. Stay the fuck away from Bar West. First off, that place is fucking awful. Secondly, it's a sad fact that this is one of the few, if not the only places in the country where the hometown football team can't go out and celebrate a victory without having some douchebag Raiders, Patriots, Niners or Jets fan trying to pick a fight with them. Seriously, stick to the few bars that actually cater to people that would beat up the other teams' fans for you. They're not easy to find, but they're out there, I promise. Hit me up in the comments if you need a list. Also, no bars with bottle service. If you are allowed to hold the bottle, the temptation is just too great.

Anyway, I like our chances on Thursday, because I have no choice and because I can't believe a team helmed by Alex Smith and without Frank Gore is capable of doing much of anything against anyone but the Seahawks. Let's keep this train a rollin' fellas.

The Damn Patriots

Now, about those Patriots. As I've mentioned before, the sports media loves it's dynasties. Makes it so much easier to be a pundit, and it's why they can never truly let go of the Cowboys and 49ers. They long for those halcyon days and they secretly pine for the end of the salary cap so they can all go back to stating the obvious and patting each other on the backs for doing so. Right now, the dynasty du jour is the Patriots. The Patriots are special because they are the only dynasty to have achieved their status during the cap era. Sure, there may have been some cheating, but they were a dynasty nonetheless. So, as they put up another solid season and manage to string together a couple of impressive blowouts it is a popular stance to crown them Kings of the World!

The Jets win is impressive. No one does that to the Jets defense and no one is likely to do it again for a long time, but stranger things have happened. As for the Jets offensive woes, it's not that hard to see what has happened there either. When Santonio Holmes returned to the line-up, the team took their extra receiver and used it to spread the field a bit for Mark Sanchez, taking away a blocker for LaDainian Tomlinson whose numbers then gradually declined to the point now where he is basically ineffective in the running game. That should be pretty obvious to any Chargers fans who are paying attention to the Jets. Shonne Green hasn't been nearly as effective in limited work as the team had hoped he'd be and could probably also benefit from an additional blocker. The offense is now, for all intents and purposes, one dimensional. This spotlights the one concern everybody had going into the season, and that is Mark Sanchez. He's a good young player-and it certainly doesn't help his cause when guys are dropping game winners against Miami in the endzone-but that's a lot of pressure to put on him. Still, I give the Pats credit for that impressive victory. Shit happens.

Now, let's talk about that other blowout victory. The Bears? Fuck the Bears! That team is a filthy lie and everybody knows it! They are not nearly as good as their record indicates and when bad teams play in the snow it just exaggerates their badness!! God, they make me sick! The Patriots are a good snow team and they picked on a bad team in the snow! No credit! Fuck the Pats! They are totally overrated! Fin.

Go Bolts!!!

*I hope you can tell I'm using sarasm when I refer to NFC West teams as upper level. In case you can't, here you go, idiot.

I'm the Worst

2010-12-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

Lagged on the picks again. I did pick Thursday's game correctly straight up, but like everybody else in the world the Colts desperate attempt to continue to look bad ruined me against the spread. Here's the rest of my picks, in case you give a damn.

Cleveland @ Buffalo
Cleveland at sad Cleveland. Buffalo has given up. Cleveland still seems to think they make it into the playoffs. I want to believe! Browns 34, Bills 27

Atlanta @ Carolina
Mercy, please. This is the sort of weird division game where it wouldn't surprise me if Carolina rises up and attempts to sabotage their draft position. Except that it would surprise me into a coma! Falcons 35, Panthers 13

Green Bay @ Detroit
I go up against Aaron Rodgers in my Fantasy playoffs today. He will throw 6 TDs. 6. Fucking Detroit. I don't talk much shit about you, but if you don't keep Rodgers from throwing 6 TDs the gloves are coming off. Fuck, he's going to throw 6. Packers 42, Lions 34

Oakland @ Jax
Who exactly is Oakland? Who exactly is Jacksonville. At this point I'm totally guessing, but since the Jags burn me every single week, I'm giving MJD the nod today. Raiders 17, Jags 21

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh
Again, a weird division match-up that could wind up surprising you. But would it be a surprise? Pittsburgh looks beatable nearly every week, and yet they pull it off every time. Their luck has to run out, right? Not this week. Bengals 17, Steelers 20

Tampa Bay @ Washington
If their is one thing I know, it's that Mike Shanahan is a weasel-faced jag-off. I couldn't be happier with the horrible situation he finds himself in. I have no doubt he will be coaching the Los Angeles Chargers in 3 years, BTW. That's how much the Spanos' care about the fans in San Diego. Tampa feasts on shitty teams. Bucs 31, Skins 12

St. Louis @ New Orleans
I want the Rams to be good. They are the Bad News Bears of the NFL right now. Unfortunately, the Saints are really looking like the Saints right now. Rams 17, Saints 30

Seattle @ Frisco
Every time two teams in this division meet an angel gets run through a wood chipper. Seahawks 21, Niners 20

Denver @ Arizona
This game is so bad that it screams out to your children "There is no Santa Claus!" Broncos 17, Cards 16

New England @ Chicago
The weather is horrible in Chicago today. These are the games you tell yourself, as an NFL fan, that you love to see. Two hardened teams gutting it out in the elements. The truth is that this game will aggravate the shit out of you. Pats 17, Bears 10

Miami @ NY Jets
I wouldn't want to be a middling NFL contender facing the Jets after that embarrassing prison yard gang rape they suffered Monday night. Yet here you are, Dolphins. Pity. Dolphins 10, Jets 24

KC @ San Diego
Okay, we have to win them all. Losing here would end the season. Matt Cassel is out. So yeah, I'm picking us. But here's the thing. I never really bought Cassel. And two years ago, Croyle, with a lesser Chiefs team by a mile, came one miracle finish away from ending our season. You don't think he's excited for the opportunity to do it right this time? Chiefs 23, Bolts 24

Philly @ Dallas
The network could have flexed out of this game for a game with bigger playoff implications, but decided against it. I don't blame them. This could be the most fun you'll ever have watching a football game with the filthy Cowboys in it. Such is the power of the Vick. Iggles 35, Cowpokes 30

NY VaGiants @ Vikings
Snow by 1,000. Seriously, how far is Minnesota willing to go to get a new stadium or get out of town? If this game ever gets played New York should roll. VaGiants 34, Vikes 24

Baltimore @ Houston
I wouldn't want to be a middling NFL contender going up against a Ravens team that let a big game against Pittsburgh slip through their fingers Sunday night. Yet here you are, Texans. Ravens 31, Texans 14

Good? Good. Happy football. Go Bolts!!!

Matt Cassell Is Dead.

2010-12-09T07:48:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe not technically dead, but he had appendix surgery yesterday, so there is a very good chance he will miss at least Sunday's game against the Chargers. Now, this isn't that big a deal to me, considering I'm not particularly high on Cassell, but he has to be better than all time 0-9 starter Brodie Croyle, doesn't he? In a must win game for the Bolts it appears that God has stepped in to try to save Norv Turner*. Man, that guy must be tremendously likable in person.

*Just kidding. Norv could lose his next 20 games and he'd still have a job. No joke, Spanos is that cheap. The only way Turner gets canned before his contract is up is if the team moves to L.A. before then. L.A. would never stand for Norv Turner.

Same Song and Dance...

2010-12-07T20:27:00.000-08:00

One thing that will continue to flabbergast me, and by flabbergast I mean completely infuriate me in the highest degree is the inconsistent nature of this football team. Not merely in this highly yet unsurprisingly disappointing 2010 campaign, but throughout the previous five seasons this complete lack of anything consistent continues to ravage its menacing stink on the squad.

This one was simple to analyze. We, as a squad, were outplayed, out-coached, out-executed, and out sobered. Obviously, everyone involved on Sunday was looking forward to Kansas City coming to town and completely abandoned any semblance of preparation for a football game. Dominated on both sides of the ball in the trenches, the coaches failed to make anything resembling an adjustment and completely mashed the panic button abandoning the run like a Malaysian orphan when staring at what they determined to be an insurmountable fourteen point deficit on the scoreboard in the second quarter. Fuck and you coaches.

Needless to say that me laying some of this responsibility on Norv and his feeble minions would be ignoring the nude elephant in the room that without a doubt, the players were drunk. I don't mean like, ooh, these guys were obviously out drinking last night, you can see by their lack of hustle and mental lapses. This wasn't the challenge flag kicking variety, it was the real deal hammertits, cuts on the forehead from banging skull against porcelain during an intense stomach evacuation session at 3:47 a.m.. Somebody get the manager from Platinum on the phone and find out who was there and until what time. There is no other explanation except maybe mescaline. I'd buy that one too.

I was fortunate enough to be in my pick 'em pool with a solid two losses (thanks and fuck you to Miami and San Diego) rolling with the Jets in a tiebreaker on Monday night. Ha. That worked well. I was in that one for approximately eighteen seconds. But, more importantly something very telling came from that Monday night affair. No, not the Patriots are destined for the Super Bowl normal wanking motion bullshit, but something telling of the Jets. The Jets are the Chargers of the past few years. Yep. Believe it. It's there and true and smacking you in your stupid face. I know, I just blew your mind. What a classic fecal smear on the kitchen table that was.

All flatbilled optimism aside, consider the playoffs a very indistinct possibility. We have continually managed to ride the underachieving coattails of our division foes into the postseason and the possibility of Kansas City getting all gaggy on cock is remote along the lines of Sasquatch showing up to beat me at poker and car bomb races this Saturday night. I saw it on the internet once. That hairy fucker can down those things while slow playing a nut flush like it's his career.

Bottom line is that winning out is now not just optimistic drivel but imperative. So, here I'll be as pissy as ever wondering why I still allow myself to be continually let down by these guys. Guys I don't even particularly like ('cept you Gates and Marmalard, you cool). Oh well. At least we have cheerleaders.

TJ Simers is a Dick. Also, Right.

2010-12-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

Any one who has ever read anything by L.A. Times columnist TJ Simers knows two things. He gets off on being an ass hole who thinks he's knows evrything there is to know about sports, and he reserves a special hatred for all things Chargers. In knowing that, it should come as no surprise to find out that he wrote a piece recently that pretty much spelled the end of the Chargers in San Diego. Normally, I'd just say Simers was trying to get the dander of the Chargers faithful up-and no doubt he is-but sadly, he is probably hitting pretty close to the truth. Still, fuck that guy.

That Was Hard to Watch

2010-12-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

My God, that was a beating last night. Rex Ryan, you now know the worst possible ramifications that come from running your mouth. You may have come to New York to kick Belichek's butt, but he just fed you your balls. 45-3?! Damn.

I'm not going to lie. I didn't watch much of the game. It was out of hand early, and I haven't enjoyed watching the Patriots beat anybody in nearly 10 years because they and their fanbase are such a bunch of smug pricks. You have to give them credit, though. 45 points scored? The Jets were giving up about a third as many per game all season. 3 points allowed? Well, that's what happens when you get taken out of your game early, Jets. Just ask the Bolts.

The sports media ought to be sending Belichek a portion of their weekly pay today, seeing as they're going to have it easy this week. "The Pats are Back on Top: Belichek a Genius!" Now, if Brees can throw 6 TDs this coming Sunday, every pundit in the country can mail in their Superbowl analysis and take an early vacation. Unless Matty Ice over in Atlanta has anything to say about it. Ugh. Matty Ice. That is the worst. Whover came up with that deserves to get Face AIDS.

By the way, last night's game killed my chances at winning the office pool. Well, that game and the Lions, Titans, Chargers, Ravens and Colts losses. Otherwise, I had made reservations at the local Sizzler.

Well, Let's Talk About It.

2010-12-06T07:34:00.000-08:00

This one's on me, people. 100%. No doubt about it, I take the blame for yesterday's loss to the Raiders. See, in jumping back on to the bandwagon, I felt it was a good time to redesign the site and make it more exciting and uplifting. Look at that sweet picture of Antonio Gates. You know he caught that ball for a big gain. Maybe even a TD. And look at the rack on that cheerleader to the right! Yes, please. Where I blew it, however, is that tag line. Let's read it together. "The playoffs are already here!" I thought it conveyed the message that the team was ready to buckle down. That each game going forward was important. A must win if you will. Imagine my surprise when I realized that obviously the actual Chargers read this blog, saw that tagline, assumed it really was the playoffs and immediately folded to the Raiders at home. Boy, do I have egg on my face. Sorry everybody. How's about some quick hits?

Darren Sproles is dead to me. He is no longer competent at the one thing that secures his job for this team. Do I like Darren Sproles? Eh, he's okay. I certainly don't hate him, but I've been saying to anybody who'll listen for quite some time now that the guy is too small to play running back with any regularity and has had just three really good games (two of which came against a Colts team whose defense is almost as undersized as he is). Hardly makes for a $6million resume. But hey, the guy returns kicks and that job isn't going to do itself, right? That muffed punt yesterday was a heartbreaking gateway to horrible coaching and it sealed our fate early. Time to find someone else to take the returning reins for when Tiny Darren is gone. Maybe we could give the job to Tutu. That guy had one good game and everybody already calls him a superstar. The transition would be seemless.
A lot of people want to rip the O line and the D line for yesterday. I'm not going to get too heavily into it, but I will ask if anyone knows which strip club all those guys were partying at Saturday night, because that place must rock.
Going down 14 in the first quarter should not necessarily dictate the complete abandon of the running game. But it did yesterday. Here's a little coaching 101, Norv. When you telegraph to the opposition that you have already dropped into desperate catch-up mode and will no longer be utilizing the run, be prepared for the other team's defense to pin their ears back and come after your QB. I've mentioned quite a few times on here that guys like Brady and Manning look a lot more human when they see pressure. Well, it's only fair to say that our boy Rivers is not immune either. The other problem with this is that the defense spends about 2/3 of the game on the field, and that's a lot. This is why I don't put too much of the blame onto our lines.
Either Kaeding is not healthy or he's is a tiny child to come up short on that 50 yarder. Either way, the coaching staff should have known about it and acted accordingly.
With the departure of Merriman and the decline of Kaeding, that trade of Manning for Rivers way back when is looking like a straight up trade now. I still like Rivers waaay more as a QB, but the other guy already has his ring. Oh, and Eli is playing for a winning team right now and getting it done with a bunch of injured receivers as well. Just saying. That trade originally sealed AJ as a draft genius, but it's not as lopsided as it once appeared, which leads ot the following...
Where was Ryan Mathews, Larry English or any other recent 1st round pick yesterday? Is AJ still a draft genius?*

Today, I've already seen and heard a bunch of people out there claiming that this was it. The season is over. Let's hold our horses, people. We're two down on the Chiefs, but we play them once, so assuming we must win out, let's call us one down with three to go. Not impossible. The Raiders own a tie-breaker after sweeping us in the regular season and right now we have an identical record. Not impossible to overcome that either. Certainly more possible than the time we made up 3 games on Denver with 4 to go. Or the time we won out our last six to take the division. Look, I hate it as much, if not more, than you do, but this is what this stupid disorganized, erratically coached, poorly run team does. I believed Oakland and KC would be better this season, but both teams are more than capable of dropping a game or two down the stretch. They are young and they haven't been here in a while. That's a stumble waiting to happen. And no team takes advantage of the mistakes of their less talented division mates than we do. So, keep the faith. This thing is far from over.

Although, seriously, if there's football next year, we really need to get our shit together. Go Bolts!!!

*The answer is no.

As For the Rest of the Weekend...

2010-12-03T15:18:00.000-08:00

Here's where I'd be putting my money. If I had any money.

NO @ Cincy
A lot of people expect Cincinnati to step up here in the last 5 weeks and try to end the season on a high note. I am not one of those people. Saints 35, Bengals 13

Chicago @ Detroit
I think Tedi Bruschi called this a trap game for Chicago today on NFL Live. That begs the question, "What the fuck is a trap game anyway?" Has Detroit lost most of it's games this year just weaving an intricate web in which to catch the sleeping Chicago Bears? This is Detroit's Superbowl, who am I to deny them?! Bears 24, Lions 27

Frisco @ Green Bay
Now that Frank Gore is gone I hope that we can finally put to bed all this talk of Frisco pulling their shit together and winning this sorry division. Yeah, they dismantled the Cardinals, but the rest of the schedule is full of trap games! Niners 10, Packers 34

Denver @ KC
Don't look now, but this has all the trappings of a trap game! Unless, of course, KC bothers to prepare for a team that beat the ever loving shit out of them a few weeks ago. I would pick almost any other team in the league to beat KC this week due to the fact that they've got to be hearing little Bolty footsteps, but how the fuck can I ever pick Denver again? Donks 30, Chiefs 31

Cleveland @ Miami
This is getting a little ridiculous. This is obviously a trap game! With the multitude of trap games this week, I wonder if it is I who is being manipulated. What trap awaits me?! Maybe after this week we will have some idea what kind of team Miami is this season. However, I already know what kind of team the Browns are. Those guys are just having fun out there as though they are playing sandlot. They're like a whole team of Brett Favres! Except for this year's Brett Favre. That guy is not having any fun at all. Browns 28, Fins 27

Buffalo @ Minnesota
Speaking of Brett Favre...Why shouldn't the Vikings go ahead and win the rest of their games and accomplish nothing more than a half-hearted attempt to make the offseason about Brett Favre one more time? Buffalo is sad Cleveland. Bills 20, ViQueens 24

Washington @ NY VaGiants
NFC East match-ups have really lost their luster with the Cowboys and Redskins reeling so badly this year. Good. Fuck that division. Skins 16, VaGiants 27

Jax @ Tennessee
Jacksonville is the AFC's Chicago. I know for a fucking fact that both of those teams suck balls, but damn it if they're not going to get into the postseason and annoy the hell out of everybody. Tennessee gets a thousand times better with Kerry Collins. Jags 13, Titans 20

Oakland @ San Diego
Let the new 13 game winning streak begin. Raiders 17, Bolts 34

St. Louis @ Zona
I firmly believe the Rams are the Creme de la NFC West. Which is saying nothing. The turn of the century Rams would skull fuck these Rams to an early grave. Rams 18, Cards 17

Dallas @ Indy
I bet at the beginning of the year media types were jerking each other off over this match-up. Not so much now. Funny thing is, it will probably be as exciting as people thought it would be. It just won't mean shit for one of the teams. Haha, fuck you Cowboys! Cowpokes 30, Colts 33

Carolina @ Seattle
Holy Christ, if you are watching this game and your fantasy team is not littered with Hawks and Panthers then I will gladly come over to your house and drive a nail through your left nut for $500, because you are obviously a fucking batshit crazy masochist and I could use the money. Panthers 17, Seahawks 20

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
These two took their last game down to the wire, and that should tell you that division games are wild, whacky stuff. Tampa is a year away from figuring out how to beat better teams, but they are on their way. Falcons 27, Bucs 20

Pitt @ Baltimore
This is the kind of game you look at and go, "Holy shit, this is what the NFL is all about!" Admit it, you are salivating at this division rivalry between two smashmouth juggeranuts. The reality is, however, that this game will probably bore you to tears. Steelers 13, Ravens 14

NY Jets @ Patriots
Trap game if I ever saw one. For both teams. Neither one is ever going to see the other one coming. I so badly want to call for a tie here, but I just don't have the sack. Jets 23, Pats 20 (Doesn't that just look like a very Jets-Pats score?)

That it is, suckahs! Happy Weekend! Go Bolts!!!

Tonight's Game That I Can't Watch

2010-12-02T14:43:00.000-08:00

Fuck you, NFL. I know you don't care about me or any other fan, but you don't have to rub my nose in it with you're stupid network that my cable provider will not carry because you are a bunch of no good extortionists. Seriously, you are more evil than my cable company. That's pretty damn evil. Anyway, the game.

Houston @ Philly
As has been mentioned here before, Houston is sporting one of the very worst pass defenses in the history of the game. That makes Rusty Smith of the Tennessee Titans quite possibly the worst QB to ever start a game. Mike Vick is not Rusty Smith. I expect Mike Vick to make fantasy football explode tonight. And why wouldn't he? A win for my fantasy football team will do nothing for me. I'm already in the postseason, with no hope of procuring a bye, so go ahead and light it up for me this week, Vick.

As for Houston? Jay Cutler, who I should not need to remind you is fucking terrible, shredded Philly for 4 TDs last week. I expect Matt Schaub to hook up with Andre Johnson for about 400 yards and 5 TDs even though Johnson shouldn't even be playing because he got in a freaking fist fight on the field last week! In his defense, he did not get in a fist fight with a QB, which is all the league really cares about. And the QB matters too. Punch Tom Brady or Drew Brees in the face and you get sent to the UFL for a year. The league probably has a money jar that goes to the guy who punches Philip Rivers in the face.

When all is said and done, I expect Houston to prove yet again how little they want to succeed at anything other than being overrated. Texans 27, Iggles 35

Enjoy the game. I'll be watching LeBron get hit in the head with a bottle.

More of the Same

2010-12-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

Check out what Tim Sullivan in the UT wrote today about the prospect of the Chargers skipping town. Now, I've corresponded with Sullivan on a couple of occasions and the one thing I can say about the guy is that he is a true fan. He likes the Padres and the Chargers. He doesn't seem to have some special relationship with AJ, he's a pretty genuinely good guy who has a very respectable knowledge of sports. And you can tell he's a fan, because when you read this article it's apparent that Sullivan wants to believe the Chargers won't leave.

First off, he uses the old Colts comparison, saying there is no way the Chargers are packing up the trucks in the middle of the night and skipping town like Art Modell did to the city of Baltimore so many years ago. Well, Tim, I don't think anybody who's been following this situation ever believed that's how the move would go down. The team has a window during which it can negotiate with other cities every year and their payout to the city drops by millions every year they wait. If they make a deal with L.A. it probably won't happen until this next offseason or the one after that. And then they have to actually wait until they have a place to move into before they bail. So no, they aren't leaving tonight or tomorrow, but the wheels are in motion merely with the mention of a deal with AEG. Haven't you ever heard that where there is smoke, there is fire?

Then he quotes media sources in L.A. as saying it's unlikely that the town could come together and approve a facility for the Chargers anytime soon. But Sam Farmer's article in the L.A. Times doesn't claim the Chargers won't move there. Again, it only claims that it won't be today or even tomorrow, but sometime down the road. As far as the people being unlikely to come together and approve of a Chargers facility, the facilities proposed in L.A. have all been classified as multi-purpose, meaning they could house anything from football games to Olympic events. That might be more appealing to the people of L.A.

The truth is, though, this isn't about what the citizens want. The NFL doesn't care about the fans, they only care about getting a team in one of the nation's largest advertising markets as soon as possible. The television revenue an L.A. team would deliver to the league is enough to make me believe that if all else fails the NFL could step in and put money down for and L.A. stadium themselves, and if that ever happens look for the City of San Diego to be the scapegoat.

Harrison & Harrison

2010-12-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

Earlier this season James Harrison of the Steelers had a crybaby hissy fit and threatened to take his ball and go home because the NFL fined him for trying to decapitate opposing players. In general, I agree with him that the NFL is full of shit when it comes to the way they police defensive players for doing their jobs, but I thought it was kind of a wuss move to threaten to quit. What does James Harrison make annually compared to the meager fines the NFL doles out in order to keep up their charade anyway? The interesting thing here, though, is that Harrison has had several more fines levied against him since then and it's starting to look like he's been targeted for discipline. As a San Diego fan, I can say it's probably getting close to time for the Steelers to cut ties with Harrison, for both of their sakes.

One move that longtime Charger fans will always go back to is when the team cut ties with Rodney Harrison, claiming that the fan favorite was a descending talent. As everybody knows, Rodney went on to enjoy several more productive years with the New England Patriots. What many people seem to have forgotten is that Harrison pretty much became a marked man after he levelled Jerry Rice in the endzone during a game. The hit looked worse than it was and was arguably legal, but from that point forward Harrison couldn't so much as breath on a receiver over the middle without drawing a penalty and/or fine. That was his bread and butter. The Chargers had very little choice but to let Harrison go. It took joining up with the lily white league darling Patriots (remember that this was before Spygate) to get Rodney out of the doghouse, and it's starting to feel like Pittsburgh's Harrison will need a similar makeover if he wants to survive in today's mushy NFL. It'll be a bitter pill for the rough and tumble Steeler fanbase to swallow, but swallow it they must if the flags and fines keep flying.

Sorry, Chargers Fans

2010-12-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

This deal with AEG in L.A. is happeneing. It may seem like the beginning, but it will in fact be the final straw for the San Diego Chargers. It's no wonder if you are taken by surprise by this. I mean, look at the way the news is reported in this town. Look at this headline, then read the article and tell me where it says the team denies anything. Nowhere. This team and it's newspaper have no respect for the passion or intelligence of the Chargers fans in San Diego. Heck, they may even be justified in underestimating us, but what chance do we have when the organization has never once been straight with us and has ordered it's lackeys at the local paper to spin the truth at every turn? I'm sorry if this kind of thing ruins your day; I just thought you all should know. Let's just try and enjoy the season at hand.

Update: Here's another article from the UT. The reporter opens by saying that rumors the Chargers were selling a controlling share of the team were batted down by a Chargers spokesman. No one who's been paying attention believes the Spanos family would ever do this! But the team and the UT would have you believe this is some sort of blow against those of us who believe the team will leave. This is more spin and misdirection by the UT on behalf of the Chargers. Nowhere in this article does the reporter ever try to refute the original claims that the Chargers will give up somewhere in the neighborhood of 35% of the team, which is all the convincing I'd need that the team intends to move. Not that I needed convincing.

And Away We Go!

2010-11-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

Well, it wasn't the 75-0 shellacking I predicted, but it was a shellacking none-the-less. Here's a couple of quick thoughts.

Watching Mike Tolbert run makes me believe more than ever that Norv Turner was operating under some mandate last year to make Tomlinson and Sproles work in the backfield due to the amount of dollars they were being paid. Tolbert and, at the time, Bennett were the two best backs on the team for the system Norv runs and they saw very limited time. Too bad. We may have given the Jets a real game if Tolbert had carried the rock. And while I like Mathews and expect him to be a strong contributor for some time to come, we could have used that pick elsewhere and we may very well be headed to another LT vs. Michael Turner type of decision in the future.
Gotta get that ball in the end zone. Period. As I pointed out before the Colts are not what they used to be, and it was apparent last night, but if we get into the postseason again the leg is not going to do it. I suspect a great deal of this problem fixes itself if Gates ever gets truly healthy, or at least healthy enough to act as anything more than a mild offensive diversion.
Sproles is pretty well worthless as anything other than a receiver out of the backfield at this point. His happy feet give me Ronnie Harmon flashbacks, and no, that is not a good thing. When Tolbert went out for a bit last night, our running game was effectively gone. Seriously, I'd rather see Hester carry the ball.
I like Collinsworth and Michaels as announcers, but it appears no one is immune to the disease known as making excuses for Manning and the Colts. And that's fine. They have injuries. They have lost good players. But let's give a little credit where credit is due. And while we're at it, why does no one ever have the guts to point out that guys like Manning and Brady fold under defensive pressure. They don't see it very often, but when they do, it's not pretty. Also, Wayne clearly flopped to try and draw a flag on the play Weddle took for a TD. I'd have thought he was Jerry Rice, but Jerry always got his flag.
Anybody surprised to see VJ go down with a strained calf in the 1st quarter? That is a bitter man. And honestly, it's hard to blame him from where I'm standing. You might see him change his attitude a bit, though, if a shot at the whole enchilada materializes over the next few weeks. You don't get too many shots at the ring.

The rest of the schedule looks pretty cinchy, with the possible exception of KC, of course. Oh, and Frank Gore. None of the rest of the Niners, but definitely Gore. I like our chances to do this crap again. Go Bolts!!!

What's Left of the Picks

2010-11-28T08:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, you're just going to have to take my word for it that I was 3 for 3 on the Turkey Day games. Sure I thought Detroit would keep it closer and I didn't see the Cowpokes putting up that much of a fight, but the end result is the same. 3 for 3 and ready to take the pot in my pick'em pool. Let's see if I can't go ahead and fuck it up, shall we?

Green Bay @ Atlanta
I'm tired of telling you how much bullshit I think Green Bay is, so let's just assume you know my opinion on the matter. Atlanta looked a bit off through the first five games or so and after that they rounded out into probably the most balanced team in the league. Roddy White is a monster. I can't see them losing to Green Bay, who I inexplicably hate. Of course, they probably will now. Packers 20, Falcons 28

Pitt @ Buffalo
A lot of people compared that Buffalo comeback vs. Cincy to their comeback in the playoffs versus the Oilers way back when. Problem is, when they came back on the Oilers, they didn't then go on to beat the ever loving shit out of them. God Cincy, be more awful. I don't really know what the Steelers are right now, but they are not giving up 49 to the Bills. Steelers 24, Bills 14

Carolina @ Cleveland
A month ago, this looked like a game they would force insurgents to watch. Now? Cleveland is kind of fun. Crazy white RB? Hell yeah. Carolina sucks butthole. Panthers 13, Browns 30

Tennessee @ Houston
A month ago this looked like the kind of game you'd watch with no pants on. Now? Cover your eyes. The two most explosive RBs will face off in a battle to see who can better carry their awful team through a meaningless Sunday. Coin flip. I honestly have no idea who i picked in my pool. I just checked and this game is not on locally, so you're safe if you stay home. Titans 23, Texans 21

Jax @ NY VaGiants
A month ago this looked like a sure blowout for the VaGiants. Now? Fuck if I know. Ahmad Bradshaw lost his starting job doing his best early Tiki Barber impression and the VaG's receiving corps is beat up. Still, Jacksonville can't possibly be at all for real, right? Right? Jags 10, VaGiants 17

Minnesota @ Washington
Who fucking cares? ViQueens 20, Skins 16

Miami @ Oakland
The season! It's slipping from our grasp! Both teams. I was wrong about Thigpen. I can live with that. Fins 13, Raiders 34

KC @ Seattle
This game gives me flashbacks. Can you believe this is a battle between two first place teams? Let that sink in. My pick really comes down to which team I hate more. I'm looking at you Seattle. Try and run off to another division? Fuck that! I'm onto you. KC gets one more week alone at the top. One more. Chiefs 30, Seahawks 14

Tampa @ Baltimore
For the first time in their history, Tampa is likable. Too bad their fall back to Earth starts today. They could be the real deal in another year. Bucs 10, Ravens 20

Philadelphia @ Chicago
God, if Chicago manages to win another game I am just going to lose it. They are fucking terrible. Jay Cutler throws to the other team at least 10 times a game, and every fucking time the DB drops that shit or a penalty turns it over. Fucking awful. Awful awful awful! Just fucking die already, Bears! Iggles 20, Bears Fucking Die! 16

St. Louis @ Denver
Which Denver team will show up this week? The team that gives up the ass for crack? Or the team that scores a bunch of points but still sucks balls for speed? Their Belichek disciple of a coach just got caught taping another team's practice. How original. Go away, Denver. Nobody wants you here. you are officially the smelly paste eating kid. Rams 24, Broncos 21

Frisco @ Arizona
When they set the schedule this probably looked like a game people would want to see. Now? I will finally find out what other channels show on Monday nights. Niners 13, Cards 17

Awesome San Diego @ Indy
Now, a lot of people are going to say I'm being a homer here, but you have to admit that right now the Bolts are the best team in the history of the NFL. I don't normally buy into that "We've got Indy's #" bullshit, but it's pretty apparent that they could never ever beat us if their lives depended on it. We own them and they turn to shit when they see our uniforms. This will be a slaughter and Manning will likely apologize for his brother's foolishness and then retire after the game in utter disgrace. We get Vincent Jackson back, which is good because Malcolm Floyd is Samuel Jackson from that Manny Shyamalan movie nobody went to see. If Gates is back as well we will win this game by 100 points. If not, 50. I don't even want to call an actual score here, but it will probably be somewhere in this ballpark. Bolts 75, Colts 0.0

Disband the NFL! The Chargers own thee, bitches!!! Go Bolts!!!

First Hurdle? Cleared

2010-11-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

There is no way in Hell it should have taken this long, but even at a game behind KC, the Chargers look poised to snatch this awful division yet again from the clutches of teams that don't seem particularly interested in taking on the responsibility. Maybe they've seen us get whacked in the post season enough to know that there's no point in advancing anyway. That's certainly how it looks for us again this year, after once again stumbling blindly from the gate. We may well take this AFC West title again, but where do we stand against playoff calibre teams?

Well, we might find out this coming Sunday against the Colts. Personally, I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say the Colts have come back down to Earth quite a bit this season. Most years they haven't lost a game yet, but this year they've already dropped 4. To call their defense suspect would be to compliment them and they are actually more riddled with injury than we are. However, as my cohort CJ pointed out to me, their quarterback is still Peyton Manning and this is still the regular season where he rules.

As for us, we get back Vincent Jackson, and hopefully Antonio Gates. My theory about the running game working better with either Ryan Mathews or Mike Tolbert on the bench appears to have been strengthened in validity last night. I still believe our defense is playing over it's head, but the results are the results and I have to go ahead and assume they can continue to do so until it's been proven otherwise.

Unless you count the Chiefs and the Raiders (and I suppose you sort of have to because they beat us this season, but I'm just not going to acknowledge it),the Colts are the last true contender I can find on the schedule. Frisco and Cincy might put up a fight, but they aren't any kind of indicators as to the kind of foes we'd meet in January. Only the Colts fit that bill, so while the horse stomping in Denver last night more or less legitimized us as a probable qualifier, only a win in Indy will make me believe we can truly be contenders for the whole shootin' match.

All that being said, that was the best game I've seen us play in quite a while. Go Bolts!!!

Are You Ready for This Toaster?!

2010-11-22T08:48:00.000-08:00

So, I didn't post m,y picks for Sunday this last week, because after Thursday's stinker I was already eliminated from my pool. One and done. Just another reason to hate Thursday Night Football and the whole NFL in general.

I do, however, feel I should weigh in on tonight's game. I'm drinking the Kool-aid for now. I think we've got this game handled. I think it will be a pretty high scoring affair, and that Kyle Orton will probably put up a nifty stat line, but I think Philip Rivers & Co. end up getting the best of the Donks. And here's a couple of reasons why.

1) Some guys are getting healthy. Floyd and Naanee are back, and while Tutu and his pals from the practice squad did a fine job stepping in, this is an upgrade. Gates is questionable, but I think he plays in an important division game like this.

2) Ryan Mathews is out. Now, this is not a rip on Ryan Mathews. I think Mathews is going to be a star, but Norvelle and the Bolts have fallen into the trap of buying a little too into the running back by committee thing. And when you've got two guys carrying the load, nobody really ever gets into a rythm. You overthink things. Look at teams like Dallas and Baltimore. I've seen their goal line specialists get stuffed time after time after time, but they keep going to that well rather than just hand the ball to the best back on their team. They are now crippled with an inability to adjust their gameplan, and if they can't make adjustments, what makes anyone think Norvelle can? Ultimately, Mathews needs to be given the ball and allowed to become the player I believe he can be. Until then, however, the offense will benefit when either he or Tolbert is out.

Of course, we could lose this game if it's too wet. Or if any other unforeseen variable presents itself and shreds our mental toughness. Sorry, did that sound like I was being negative? I'm not. Honest, I'm back on the wagon full time. I may even buy this toaster. Go Bolts!!!

Broncos 28, Bolts 31

Tonight's Game That I Can't Watch...

2010-11-18T11:16:00.000-08:00

...because I don't have the NFL Network and it is not compelling enough to get me out of the house and into a bar. Seriously, I don't even have any fantasy guys in this game. But hey, if you want to go ahead and get up big early and forego gambling for the weekend, here's how the game will shake out.

I like the pesky Dolphins to take this game and start to make the AFC East interesting. I'm not saying this only because I refuse to ever give Jay Cutler and the city of Chicago any kind of credit for anything. I mean, that's certainly a big part of it, but it's not the entire reason.

Reason 1 would be my inverse Ronnie Brown Career Season Trajectory Theory. Anyone who has owned Ronnie Brown in fantasy football over the last few years knows that he typically owns the league for 6 or 7 weeks and then succumbs to a season ending injury. So frustrating. This year he has been pretty much invisible in Miami. This leaves only the last 7 weeks to assert his annual dominance. Or to suffer a season ending injury. But screw that, I'm going with dominance!

Reason 2 would be that Tyler "Yancey" Thigpen should be the starting quarterback for the Chiefs right now. Look, I saw Thigpen play for KC. He put up good numbers. A solid contributor that didn't cost enough money for them to justify letting him actually compete for the job. Miami has no choice but to play the guy, and I think they will be pleased with his performance. At least until they do something ridiculous like bring in Jamarcus Russell or Matt Leinart. Is Matt Leinart playing for anyone right now?

Mostly, though, I think Chicago loses because Chicago deserves to lose. You know what you did, Chicago. And Jay Cutler sucks. Bears 17, Dolphins 24

The Chargers are for Sale!!!

2010-11-16T07:44:00.000-08:00

Psych! I bet the locals are going crazy with the idea that Spanos might actually be considering selling the team to someone who likes football and enjoys winning, but if Alex Spanos sold all his stake, the family would still probably own the majority. The truth is that Alex Spanos is looking to sell a minority stake in the Chargers to some random wealthy Los Angelino or other. What does it mean? Nothing really, as far as I can tell. I mean, the doom and gloomers will say that this is proof that the Spanos family is looking to move the team and they are now securing a financial partnership in the city. I say that this means nothing because, as I've said before, I have never doubted their intent to leave.

Also, in the above link, it is mentioned that the City of San Diego eliminated some development cap which opens up the possibility of the city funding an East Village stadium project or something. This really means nothing, because look around. This town is bankrupt financially and morally. The only way the Chargers get a new stadium is if they win the Superbowl this year. And even then it's a one in a million shot. And no, I'm not saying there's a chance.

Update: Now go read Tim Sullivan's article from today's UT on how the NFL is treating Atlanta in their bid for a Superbowl and then ask yourself if there isn't a small part of you that wouldn't mind seeing the Chargers and the NFL in general become someone else's problem.

Mike Vick

I have to talk about Mike Vick and what he did last night. Now, there are a lot of people who will always hate Vick and feel he should not even be allowed to play in the NFL. Personally, I feel like he paid his debt and deserves the chance he's received to move on. And damn if he hasn't made the most of it. That was a performance for the ages last night. And I'm not just saying that because he bailed out a woeful performance from the rest of my fantasy football team. I don't know if Vick spent his entire two years in the hoosegow throwing a football through a tire or if he just thought football 24/7, but what I do know is that this Vick is at least 5 times the player he was before all that nasty business. I don't condone what he did back then, but I can't deny that I find myself rooting for Mike Vick the football player now.

Take That. You Filthy Bye Week!

2010-11-15T09:22:00.000-08:00

Now go back to bye-ville where you bye-long! You just got served! Do people still say that? The "You got served" thing? Whatever. Served, bitches! Don't look now, but the Chargers haven't lost in three weeks, and with Denver murdelating the Chiefs, the mighty Bolts are practically back in the driver's seat in the AFC West. Yeah, baby! Nothing's going to bring this Chargers Nation down! Oh, I mean, unless you caught this little blurb in Peter King's column today:

"This is the best chance Los Angeles has to get a team in a long time.

Nothing's going to happen until after the owners and players get a new collective bargaining agreement, but once that happens, I expect, as I said on NBC last night, the league to get cracking on bringing one of the 32 teams to a new stadium adjacent to the Staples Center and LA Live complex in downtown Los Angeles.

All along, what's held the NFL back is either that the league didn't really want to be at the Coliseum -- and USC wasn't crazy about having the NFL there -- or the league didn't want to be in the endless 'burbs of southern California. But the backers of the new stadium, Casey Wasserman and Tim Leiweke, are well-connected guys who want to build the kind of retractable-roof events center that could be used to attract the 2022 World Cup final (or some future World Cup) and Final Fours, as well as an NFL team. Influential owners in the league are excited about the Los Angeles prospect ending a generation-long drought in the city, and these are owners who -- I can tell you with certainty -- have not been nearly as excited about any of the previous L.A. ventures.

As for the team to play there, the obvious candidates are San Diego (likely the favorite, unless a stadium gets built there, which appears increasingly unlikely) or Oakland. I'd say San Diego's more likely, but this thing has a couple of years to play out."

Okay, personally, I came to grips with the fact that the Chargers were not long for this town shortly after the loophole in the Qualcomm Stadium contract came to light nearly 10 years ago. I've spent a decade with the knowledge that this team was living on borrowed time, so items like this don't bother me. But I do love sharing them with everybody else. With the likelihood of a lock-out next year, it's starting to look like the San Diego Chargers have but a season or two to get their championship for this hometown. That's pretty good, considering they'd probably be gone already if the economy hadn't gone Chernobyl a couple of years back. So, let's get our cheering caps on full force, because this may very well be our last year. And after yesterday's utter dismantling of that pesky bye week, I suddenly like our chances. Go Bolts!!!

And Now It's Time...

2010-11-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

For the easiest part of every NFL blogger's job. The picks.

Baltimore @ Atlanta
I think Atlanta is going to go heavy in the air against the Ravens and Michael Turner's only going to get me 4 points. Lame, but I actually did pick this game right. Honest. i have documentation, just not on me. Ravens 21, Falcons 26 (Uncanny, isn't it?)

Detroit @ Buffalo
This is a stupid pick, but if Buffalo's going to win one, it has to be this one, right? And they have to win one. Right? Ugh, come on you fucking Buffalos! Lions 27, Buffalo 28

Minnesota @ Chicago
Say it with me, Chicago is awful. Felt good didn't it. Minnesota seems poised to pull their heads out of their asses and cause soime sort of weird coach/quarterback controversy thing. You realize that if this team bounces back and goes deep again, Favre will rule the offseason yet again, right? Vikings 23, Bears 13

NY Jets @ Cleveland
Everybody loves the Browns here, and after taking down two very hyped teams you can't really blame them. However, New Orleans hasn't looked right all year and New England highlighted the blunder of letting Randy Moss go last week. The Jets are legit. Except when they're not. But this week they are. Jets 30, Browns 17

Cincy @ Indy
Cincy is desperate and Manning's Colts look like they are falling to Earth like a rain of bullets in Chula Juana during a Cinco de Mayo celebration. Still, Cincy is desperate because they are bad. And Indy has a long fall too before they get to merely bad. Bengals 24, Colts 31

Houston @ Jacksonville
I cannot for the life of me remember who I picked in my pool for this game. A month ago it was a no-brainer. Jax? Awful. Texans? Ready to take the league by storm and be the team that everybody wants them to be. Now I think they both just kinda suck. Sort of. Bad year to live in Texas, though. Both the football clubs blow and the baseball team got whacked in the Series by the fucking Gayville VaGiants. I'm taking the home squad here. Texans 20, Jags 34

Tennessee @ Miami
Two more teams that are just kind of good sometimes except when they're not. Maybe Randy Moss brings some excitement to this game, but I doubt it. Snoozefest. Titans 17, Fins 20

Carolina @ Tampa Bay
Tampa is surprisingly likeable this year and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the organization after they obliterated the Raiders in the Superbowl some years ago. Oh, and Carolina sucks and they are riddled with injuries. And they sucked when the whole team was healthy. Panthers 14, Bucs 28

KC @ Denver
KC is better this year but they are due some plummetin'. Josh McDaniels may already be playing for his job at this point after making about a thousand bad personnel decisions since landing in Denver. The super desperate team makes the AFC West scary mediocre on Sunday. Chiefs 24, Broncos 27

Seattle @ Arizona
Is Kurt Warner back yet? No. Don't care then. Seahawks 13, Cards 20

Dallas @ NY VaGiants
Dallas, you are terrible. VaGiants, you are for real. Like, Superbowl for real, maybe. It's going to be fun watching NY run up the score. You might see a forfeit. Cowboys 6, VaGiants 42

St. Louis @ San Francisco
The Rams are the feel okay story of the year! And Frisco is gay. Electric car gay. Rams 24, 49ers 16

New England @ Pitt
Well, New England, you nearly got Randy Moss back. But you didn't. Pittsburgh is going to eat your quarterback. Pats 9, Steelers 20

Philadelphia @ Washington
Unless Washington's game plan is to put the ole Malachi Crunch on Mike Vick again, I don't think they have a chance. However, that may very well be their game plan. Iggles 35, Skins 24

There you have it. What else do you wan?, We're done here. Go look at some porn or something.

Friday Already?

2010-11-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

I could do with three or four more work days! Just kidding, one more work day and I'd be begging you to put me out of my misery with a volley of flaming hot AIDS nails. Too insensitive? Too bad.

First off, I want to thank my cohort for sacrificing his brain to that AJ Smith interview the other day. That must have been terrible. I mean, how much smug is too much? I guess they could have threeway called in Acee to really ratchet it up. Anyway, I couldn't have taken it, so way to go, CJ.

I don't have much to talk about, but there are two things I'd like to weigh in on:

1) Shawne Merriman strained his leg in his very first practice with the Bills. Local San Diego fans are saying he's done. Because they are all doctors. Look, Merriman may very well be the malcontent the local media makes him out to be. He may have fake injuried his way out of San Diego. Hell, he may be trying to fake injury his way out of Buffalo (Wouldn't you? Seriously, an 0-7 team putting in a waiver claim? Was Buddy Nix paying a debt on that one?). Or he may just be injury prone. Whatever the case, the guy is still relatively young, and a minor leg strain is not likely to be the straw that breaks his career. San Diego fans pretty firmly either love AJ Smith's no nonsense bullshit or they hate it. This sounds like the former group trying desperately to grasp at any straw that makes AJ look like a genius.

2) Speaking of genius moves by AJ, people can't shut up about Seyi Ajiratoutou(Fucking really?) around here. I imagine people are jazzed to give credit to AJ for finding the rookie phenom. But is he a phenom? Or is he Jyles Tucker in Wide Receivers clothing? Remember when Jyles Tucker got a big, fat contract after lighting it up against a woeful Raiders Offense? Well, don't look now, but Tutu lit up the 5th worst passing D in NFL history with arguably the best QB in the NFL right now throwing him the ball. Now everybody is freaking out about what to do with him. If we put him back on the practice squad, anybody can pick him up. Well, I'm sorry but I'd like to see more of the kid before I go pushing Patrick Crayton or anybody else out the door. Frankly, I think they should deactivate VJ and let him move on. How much is the guy going to give for this team over the last six games when everybody knows his future fortune lies elsewhere? But if you want to know what I think will happen, don't be surprised to see Malcolm Floyd or Legedu Naanee put on IR pretty soon. Just seems like the knee jerk kind of thing we'd pull right when things are starting to turn around.

Anyway, I got the Bolts to mess up the bye this week and I'll try to get my picks out here sometime today or tomorrow, if you care. Happy football, everybody!

The A.J. Interview Take II...

2010-11-09T20:25:00.001-08:00

I gave this a day to simmer to see what would come of it from the local media. As expected, total media blackout. Canepa, silent. Acee, silent. NOTHING. Some excerpts from the interview can be found at this fansite which is always an "interesting" read in and of itself.

I had a few thoughts on this interview as I was so unlucky as to hear it live. I have now set a permanent reminder on my phone daily so that I never forget my ipod ever, ever, evereverever again. Sports radio is a bigger debacle than most other media outlets. Good god damn I'd rather go to jail for raping children with lawn rakes than to subject myself to that audio equivalent of waterboarding.

The one and only thing I can really say about this, aside from the fact that it was an unplanned act initiated by the Godfather in order to extend himself to the media, while keeping them completely unprepared to pepper him with the questions we all want answered. He says the Marti in the P.R. department called and made him do it. Marti was a neighbor of mine for a time. She's a tiny five foot nothing woman. She can make him go on the radio with a mere phone call? Perhaps she can influence him to sign and fire the proper people. She ought to accost him with a mirror with the word "FIRED" painted across the bottom of it. Maybe that would work.

Many have gotten on Darren Smith's case for not putting Lord Corleone on blast, however, make no mistake about it he was ambushed. He did his best ad lib and did what he could to extract some explanations from the G.M. and the G.M. did his best bob and weave to avoid admitting any responsibility for the current incarnation of the Chargers. He was also very clear about it being on the players, not the coaches. His coach was quoted in the UT today by Tim Sullivan as saying, "A week ago, New England was playing the best,” Turner said. “A month ago, Atlanta was playing the best and they got beat bad by New Orleans. So I’m not sure there’s a pure dominant team right now." Yeah, Atlanta won that game. Won. Not beat bad. Won. Glad you're the captain of the Valdez to Los Angeles fine sir.

There was the one contradiction in the dialogue that stuck with me. A.J. continued to insist that everyone was aware that with the current labor unrest, no Charger would be getting long term deals until such time that the union and the league reached some predictable stage of a settlement. He repeatedly reiterated that sentiment to the radio audience, and out of his own mouth, to the agents of the three disgruntled Chargers you may have heard mentioned here at this site and elsewhere. No Charger would receive long term contracts. None. Except Philip Rivers. Just him. No other Charger. Except Antonio Gates. But no one else. Nobody. Sign your more than fair, generous tenders and come to work. That is the message. And that message is crystal clear. The players, by turning down those initial tenders and threatening to hold out, essentially spit in the face of the Godfather, and in doing so, completely shut down the negotiations as he, "had to take them at their word." He called that the end of the negotiation process. He, "Could have given all three what they wanted and they'd have been there the first day of camp." But that's not his philosophy or the way things "get done." It "doesn't hit him real well." It's entirely possible that you could have found a middle ground for everyone involved, and everyone could have been happy. But that wouldn't have made A.J. happy. End of story.

Now, needless to say that all three of these players situations could have been handled individually. Merriman certainly had to prove he was at least a shadow of his former beastly self, and assuredly, Vinny Jackdaniels needed to prove that there was in fact a breathalyzer that he couldn't set afire with his wind. Listen to how proud he is that Merriman is in Buffalo. Deserved or undeserved listen to the satisfaction in his voice. But lumping Marcus into that duo was silly, petty and spiteful. Ego aside, he could have negotiated with each player on the merits of their play and off field presence and pay them market value for a year based on their individual situations. He chose not to. He also chose to suspend them. Another ego play that did not need to occur. This was never a negotiation, it was A.J. demonstrating his power and prematurely attempting to cement a legacy, a legacy that to date has been plagued with inefficiency, incompetence, irresponsibility and quite frankly failure at every level. Players, coaching and managing. All earn F grades. F. To quote Animal House and Canepa, "Zero. Zero points. Zero." Listen to the interview. I beg of you. The last five or so minutes are just nothing short of incredible.

It is truly all ego. Through to the bone. All ego.

The A.J. Interview Part 1...

2010-11-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

I hate the radio. Yesterday I forgot my iPod and was subjected to the public airwaves. It just so happened that A.J. Smith, AKA "The Godfather" was on XX 1090 at 3:30 in the afternoon. I listened intently. On three separate occasions I had to stop myself from driving into oncoming traffic in order to end the canned tough guy rhetoric. However, since this was the first rush hour in San Diego since the time change no one knew how to move their vehicle more than five miles per hour due to the severity of the darkness.

I'm listening to the interview again prior to publishing my first draft out of fairness. That should come tonight. I have not confirmed this, but I'd guess they have it on their website if you'd like to aggravate your senses. Although, if you're a flatbill, you'll love it. Stay tuned.

Fine!

2010-11-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

Look, Phillip Rivers has stepped into Peyton Manning territory. No matter who he's throwing to. No matter how bad everything else is going. No matter how shitty the coach or how bad the locker room vibe is. Phillip Rivers is going to give these Bolts the opportunity to win. It didn't hurt that the officials helped us out a bit or that the Texans shelved their gameplan for something a little more erratic in the second half, but any way you slice it that was a huge win. Now the Chargers are very alive in the division and things actually look pretty bright.

I expect the defense to get a little worse and the special teams to get a little better going forward, but the offense is what butters the bread around here. This team will still probably get shredded in the playoffs, but I guess it's time for me to jump back on the bandwagon. I'm still going to rip Norv and I'm still going to rip AJ. I shudder to think about what the local media has probably already written at this point, but as far as the team on the field goes I'm back in. For now. I reserve the right to be all waffly this season. If you don't like it, too bad. Go Bolts!!!

Psych!

2010-11-06T18:42:00.000-07:00

Ha! I can't believe you fell for it! If you went with my picks last week you undoubtedly lost your house. And it serves you right; Gambling is a sin. Okay, I'll throw you a bone. Go sell a pint of blood and put your money on these picks. For real. Honest.

Tampa @ Atlanta
People are claiming Atlanta is the class of this division since the Saints are acting like they lost the Superbowl last year, but you gotta like how spunky these Bucs are. Or you can do as I do and not give a fuck. Michael Turner, please save my fantasy football season this week and prove to everybody I wasn't crazy to take you with the 4th overall pick again this year.
Bucs 17, Falcons 28

Miami @ Baltimore
I think I picked Miami to lose last week here, but I took them to win in my money pool. It did me no good in either case. I think Baltimore is one of three teams that I actually feel comfortable picking week to week, so I'm going to go with that.
Fins 20, Ravens 24

Chicago @ Buffalo
Buffalo has played good teams into OT the last two weeks, so I have no doubt they will get blown out by the awful Bears this week. And then the media will fall in love with Jay Cutler again for a week. That guy fucking blows goats.
Bears 34, Bills 21

New Orleans @ Carolina
You know who gets no respect? Old Orleans. Carolina sucks.
Saints 42, Panthers 13

New England @ Cleveland
You know who gets no respect? Cleveland. You thought I was going to say Old England, didn't you? But that would have been a lie, because Old E gets mad respect, yo. I don't no how good New E is, but I think Cleveland has burned their one major upset for the year. Peyton Hillis is good, but the Pats have like 6 crazy white guys on their team.
Pats 28, Browns 24

NY Jets @Detroit
I decided to start not hating the Jets last week and they just couldn't live with that. So now they can go fuck themselves again.
Jets 27, Lions 24

San Diego @ Houston
On the road. On TV. That is a bad combination for this year's Blue and Gold. Matt Schaub has taken something of a beating in the court of public opinion this year, so I expect him to light up our bullshit ranked defense this week. Rivers will have another amazing stat line after this one, but the rest of the team will probably have an amazing boneheaded fuck-up line this week. Sorry, faithful.
Bolts 30, Texans 35

Arizona @ Minnesota
If the Vikes can't get it together against the Cards somebody needs to load Chilly into a rocket and fire him into the sun.
Cards 16, Vikings 31

NY VaGiants @ Seattle
Ugh, I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating; Seattle is the worst! Oakland murdered them last week. Look, I fully expected Oakland to be better this year, but God if Denver and Seattle didn't make them look like the '94 Niners. Fucking Seattle. The VaGiants may be for real again. There's the jinx.
VaGiants 45, Seahawks 9

Kansas City @ Oakland
This is somehow the match-up of the week. Look, I am not surprised to see these teams putting in the effort this year, but these two fan bases are really trying to make me get over my Norv hatred and pull full force for my Bolts again. Seriously, you've sucked out loud for years, let's not slip back into cocky again so quickly.
Chiefs 20, Raiders 28

Indy @ Philly
You two teams wish you were the Chiefs and the Raiders. Poseurs. There is no way this game is televised locally. God, NFL programming sucks shit through a straw. Vick is back and he's barking mad. Get it? Barking? Never. Gets. Old. Peyton Manning to...me? Why not? I'm sure he'd make me a star, that magic quarterbacking man!
Colts 30, Iggles 28

Dallas @ Green Bay
Green Bay. God, how you annoy me. Honestly, I don't even know why, but if Dallas somehow manages to beat them after this pick I will be positive the feeling is mutual. Get packed, you fucking Packers.
Cowboys 28, Packers 34

Pitt @ Cincy
Let the plummet continue. People keep calling Cincy a big surprise disappointment and it makes me think no one was paying attention to the end of their season last year. That this team hasn't invested in a QB of the future yet tells me that they are drinking their own Kool-aid. Hope you enjoyed your season last year, because the Bengals will be sucking now and for the foreseeable future.
Steelers 30, Bengals 10

There, that should get all you losers back on your feet. Happy footballing!!!

Quick Thought on Sunday's Game

2010-11-04T10:33:00.000-07:00

At some point I may get into analyzing the Bolts' upcoming games in a little more detail, but right now I want to make one quick observation about the match-up with the terribly named Houston Texans.

Everybody is pretty enamored with the Chargers and especially the offensive passing game. It has been widely noted that Rivers is on pace to topple Dan Marino's single season yardage record. Rivers was also just voted AFC player of the month for October. Conversely, the Houston Texans are not only the worst passing defense in the league so far this season, they are apparently the 5th worst passing defense in the history of the NFL through this portion of the season. Because of these noted realities, everybody in the sporting world rightly has Phillip Rivers and the San Diego passing attack penciled in for something along the lines of 500 yards and 5 TDs on Sunday. Anything less would be an utter disappointment.

Here's where I burst your bubble, Chargers fans. I know Norv Turner now. I understand how his mind works and it's terrifying. You see, Norv Turner is a proud member of the "They'll never see this coming" school of football coaching. Mark my words, this will be the week that Norv stubbornly tries to force the running game to kick into high gear. Rivers will end up getting a ton of yards and some TDs, but most of it will come in the 4th quarter as the Chargers desperately take to the air to overcome the horrible playcalling and awful special teams play that will have put them at a 14 to 20 point deficit. Will they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat or will they fall predictably short yet again? Tune in for my picks tomorrow to find out what I think will happen if you can't already figure it out on your own.

So What Happens

2010-11-03T23:31:00.000-07:00

The Titans game was a win, make no mistake about it. We'll touch on that in a moment but the real story is Merriman is a a Bill. A Buffalo Bill. The way I see it, A.J. is a communist that deploys his former troops to Siberia. Good luck Shawne, I'm sure you'll enjoy your six weeks in Buffalo with a sore ankle that forces you to cheer more than you play prior to signing your multimillion deal with the Jets or Broncos. We will miss you.

For those of you who guiltlessly pirated the game last week we were the first to enjoy a home victory on television although it was the mexican feed. And well, there's a lesson t be learned from the mexican feed because every commercial features hot 'newscasters' in bikinis. Yeah, that's a bad business model.

Bottom line was we were lucky to win that game. Yeah, yeah, pessimist me. Kenny Britt dropped a sure fire touchdown and that offense abused us with the pass when they wanted to. Someone was kind enough to point out to me that we k.o.ed Vince Young from the game so now I suppose we'll take credit for self inflicted injuries.

Bottom line, that game was a win, which at that point was nice, but a blocked punt and poor pass defense were the cogs that put us behind the firing squad that thankfully Antonio Gates is immune to. The man is bulletproof. Many, many plays were given up in the secondary. Coaching will dictate whether or not we're prepared for the Schaub show. Let's hope so because the division is won or lost this week. The weinie division that is...

Go Bolting.

Wednesday Nights are the Worst

2010-11-03T21:08:00.001-07:00

I'm actually watching basketball. Early season basketball. On purpose!

Alright, a couple of things happened today. First, the Chargers obviously did not put a waiver claim on Randy Moss, because he is now a Titan. Of course, we all knew AJ wouldn't do it, but man I was looking forward to whatever that would have done to the Bolts. How often do you get a chance to experience' awesome if it works/awesome if it fails?' We'll never know, but the truth is, AJ was probably right on this one. Randy Moss obviously had zero respect for Chilly, and Chilly is Norvelle's NFC mirror image. Except-dear God-Chilly actually commands more power than Norv. Oh man, it would have been murder. I hate that I'm not going to get to see that. Moss will probably thrive under a coach like Jeff Fisher. It's a good thing this debacle didn't go down last week or Moss would have been our problem. That it happened this week only proves that God is paying me back for calling my fantasy team a juggernaut in week 4.

Secondly, Shawne Merriman was picked up off waivers by Buffalo, which was the very first team that had a shot at him. As I'm sure I've mentioned here before, I have some sort of weird, unnatural affection for those Bills. I think it stems from the four straight years I spent rooting for the Bills to end the NFC's dominance in the Superbowl. Four years is longer than any relationship I've ever had. Maybe I will always love them even if it didn't work out. Or maybe I like Buffalo because the rest of New York couldn't give a shit about them, and it seems to make sense that I should feel the opposite. Anyway, this is probably not so great for Merriman. It's weird that an 0-7 team is combing the waiver wire, but I guess it's just too hard to pass on a guy like that. Sure, the media thinks Merriman is washed up-it's hard to blame them because the numbers support that theory-but every Coach and GM in the league is looking at Merrimanimal and then they're looking at LaDainian. And then they're looking at Antonio Cromartie. And to some extent they're looking at Drew Brees and Michael Turner and they're asking themselves if the Chargers are any judge of talent or how to utilize players to maximize their strengths. I have no doubt we will see the resurgence of Shawne Merriman. Buffalo might not be the ideal stage, however.

Oh, Dear Lord

2010-11-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

Check out this from Kevin Acee. A little quick with the "I told you so" there, aren't we AJ? My God, how long has he been waiting to dictate that article to his secretary at the UT? And that last part?

“Over the years our players are growing and believing in (Turner),” Smith said. “Letting go of the rope is never an option around here. Those who stop believing in him or us, we will quickly help them find a new organization for them to embrace and believe in.”

Oh AJ, can you help find another organization for me to embrace and believe in? You know, at least until you and your "outstanding head coach" are long gone. You make it impossible for me to like my team anymore, and I used to love this team! Please, somebody Kurt Russell this Billy Bob Thornton Tombstone style. I can't take much more of this.

Randy Moss Waived

2010-11-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

So after three games in Minnesota and one press conference where Moss basically fellated the entire Patriots organization the Vikings have essentially fired him to death. Of course, in doing so they have at the very least thrown away a 3rd round draft pick and may also end up on the hook for the remaining $3.8 million of Moss' contract if no other team claims him. A couple of questions:

Will Favre be far behind?

This is either one more huge testament to Childress' complete break down as a leader and the Vikings organizational idiocy or it is time to slash dollars and rebuild. I have no idea if the Vikings can save themselves any money by cutting Favre and moving on, but at this point nothing would surprise me.

Will the Chargers take a shot?

On the surface, it seems unlikely, but it makes some sense. Moss is a drama queen and not the sort of player that seems to fit AJ's mold. Basically, he talks to the media and that's bad. But the Bolts have been decimated at receiver throughout the season and Moss would no doubt make an impact here. AJ could always excuse himself from breaking character by pointing out what a smart Greg Myersish move it would be to pick up Moss if only to keep him out of the hands of our divisional rivals, with the added bonus that Moss won't cost us eleventy billion dollars to retain. Also, Moss would instantly translate into ticket sales.

Personally, I would love to see Moss come to San Diego. Either he bumps up production and helps us get our competetive footing back or he absolutely explodes the clubhouse and turns up the heat on Turner and AJ to nuclear levels. Who wouldn't want either of those things. Let's do this, Gunslinger. Oh wait, I mean don't even think about it, AJ! Reverse psychology does not ever not fail sometimes.

Mea Culpa

2010-11-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

The season's not quite over it seems. Of course, the Chiefs and Raiders also won, so we've gained no actual ground, but at least we actually won a game against a worthy opponent. We appear to have the Titans number. Unfortunately, I have very little idea how we won, since the game was once again blacked out and I'm no fan of computer viruses. In fact, every Chargers victory thus far has been blacked out. The average fan has not seen a win this year. Unbelievable. I've heard of bad home teams. I've heard of bad road teams. I've never heard of a bad TV team.

How did we pull this one off? Well, I've heard that Norvelle gave a fiery halftime speech that rallied the troups to victory. The media would have you believe it went something like this.

Yeah, sure. I think it probably went a little bit more like this.

But hey, they won, and the local media is desperate to give some credit to Norv and appease their fearless six-gun toting leader, AJ. The truth is, the Bolts still have firepower. They can score a dangerous amount of points when the offense is clicking. They will always be a threat to win in a shootout. But they are not consistent in that regard and are deficient in every other phase of the game (Seriously, another blocked punt?), so I'll enjoy the win, but I'm still not convinced. The power of negative thinking!

Wonderful Way to Start My Day!

2010-10-31T09:30:00.001-07:00

The ESPN squad just tore into the Chargers. More importantly, Keyshawn Johnson laid the blame squarely on AJ Smith's shoulders. I could have shed tears of joy. This might be the best thing that has happened to the team in some time now. Up until this point, the national sports media has seemed to buy into AJ's tough guy persona and they have really given him a pass when it comes to the problems the team has. And why wouldn't they? ESPN calls upon Kevin Acee frequently as an expert Chargers correspondent. As has been noted here before, Acee is such a psycophantic lap dog that he makes Canepa look like a free spirit.

Oh man, this gets better and better. They just did a retrospective on Lombardi and Boomer, who is obviously trying to get me to change my tune about him, ended the piece by calling out the Chargers again. And who was featured for most of the piece? LaDainian Tomlinson, who is dangerously close to getting his TBE back. Take that, Norv. Seriously, take it and get the fuck out of here already.

And here is where I'm about to go hypocrite super nova. I hate the way San Diego fans can't get over their ex players, managers, bat boys, Tim Flannerys...etc. Am I happy for Drew Brees? Sure, but I don't cheer for it like it's some sort of accomplishment for San Diego. Fuck that noise. But I have to admit, I've fallen in love with Tomlinson all over again. I'm so happy for that guy right now, that I find it hard to hate the Jets. The Jets!!! I want him to get a ring so bad it will be crushing if the Jets don't win the whole thing this year. Tomlinson, you are TBE.

This all might be my hangover talking.

Stick With Me Kids...

2010-10-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

I don't want to brag. I need to. I've been in this weekly pick 'em pool now for the last four weeks and I've already won twice, so suffice it to say I'm probably a God. Various hotels in Vegas have been sending me flyers and e-mails promoting hotels in Reno, because they fear my gambling prowess. And rightly so. If you want to high roll it with the likes of me, good luck. Probably won't happen because I'm very selective about the company I keep. But you can start your own Empire of Awesome by picking what I pick, because I'm pretty sure my picks determine the outcome of the games and not the other way around. Behold!

Denver @ Frisco in somewhere in Europe
Ugh, Limeys. They deserve this game as far as I'm concerned. If these teams decide not to come back we're all better for it. I think Frisco takes a note from their fuck all baseball team and hands it to the Broncos. Seriously, I can't pick a team that just took a 45 point shellacking from Oakland. Not even if it were the time travelling '76 Raiders. Broncos 17, 49ers 24

Jax @ Dallas
I honestly think Dallas will settle down and work the fundementals better with Kitna behind center. This team can grind it out and dictate a game when they aren't infatuated with making the big play. more importantly, I think the Jags are terrible. Jags 16, Cowboys 28

Miami @ Cincy
So, Cincy is that team. The team that amazed everybody for a season before fading back to obscurity behind shitty coaching and suspect personnel. But Miami is also a that team. They are that team that gets shit on by officials and always has the ball bounce the other way. And they are on the road. Fins 24, Bengals 27

Buffalo @ Kansas City
I know Kansas City blows this game. Everybody is starting to believe in them, so of course they're going to choke. and Buffalo may suck, but they've taken some damn good teams to the wire this season. They will get their first win. But I'm not going to call it. Bills 28, Chiefs 30

Washington @ Detroit
I have no idea why I am picking Washington here. It is probably because, like everyone else I am looking at their record and thinking "McNabb must be putting up some numbers out there." He is not. Maybe this week he will. Skins 20, Lions 17

Carolina @ St. Louis
Remember when these two teams played one of the most exciting NFC Championship games ever? Can you believe that was only 7 years ago? This game will not be nearly as exciting. Panthers 14, Rams 16

Green Bay @ New York Jets
As I've said before, I didn't buy into Green Bay before half their team went on IR, so why should I buy them now? And I've fully accepted that LaDainian will be the next disgruntled Ex-Charger to win a Superbowl ring. Where will Merriman land? Packers 17, Jets 27

Tennessee @ San Diego
I'll let you in on a little secret as far as my success in winning my pick 'em pool. I'm one of the only people who will pick against the Chargers, so I end up with a one game advantage to start. Cash in the bank, people. Chris Johnson for the win, I'm sorry to say. Titans 31, Bolts 30

Minnesota @ New England
Once again, Minnesota is coming apart and needs this one more. Moss has something to prove. Blah, blah, blah. Vikings 24, Pats 20

Tampa @ Arizona
Raheem Morris said the Bucs are the best team in the NFC the other day. I like his style there, but it's the kiss of death. Arizona's weapons come alive this week. It's time. Bucs 27, Arizona 30

Seattle @ Oakland
Gotta give Oakland credit for obliterating the Broncos. And I still can't fully explain it, but I hate the fucking Seahawks so much it hurts. Seahawks 20, Raiders 27

Pitt @ New Orleans
New Orleans is a town that prides itself on rising from the wet, mushy ashes. They're team just lost to the Browns, who are basically wet, mushy ashes. Expect New Orleans to redeem themselves against the mighty Steelers so I have to listen to the media blow Drew Brees for a week. Steelers 21, Saints 35

Houston @ Indy
Indy is beat down right now. Houston will fall all over themselves trying to take advantage of it. That team just can't stay out of it's own way when push comes to shove. Texans 24, Colts 34

Tell the people. Go football!!!

I Think You're Wrong...

2010-10-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

...Random sports media guy.

The following statement, from Andy Benoit over at CBS Sports, regarding Brett Favre coverage shows just how much disconnect there is between the sports media and fans:

a.) You like it. Even if you’re part of the vocal majority that loves to groan about how much you don’t like it, deep down you really do like it. Or, in the very least, you like that you don’t like it. You like that you can pretend to be above it all. But you’re not. None of us are. That’s why we all watched with keen interest Sunday night.

I'd say that what these clowns fail to realize is that sports fans want to read about sports, and if that's all there is to read about, that's what we'll read. It doesn't mean we like it, or more importantly, that we lie about disliking it, which is what Benoit is suggesting. It's that there is no other choice. Sports media covers it because it's easy to cover and they enjoy that ease in their jobs because the other option hurts their fragile brains. There's a bounty of "information" and even more of a bounty of opinion. The pundits can all play off of each other and stir up fake controversy and whatnot. The same bullshit that applies to Favre applies to other media favorites like the Yankees, the Lakers, Lebron, etc... It's the same reason the media pines for football dynasties and claim everyone else does too. Too hard to cover football when it's hard to tell who's the best. Ultimately, it's like politics, religion or anything else where the media tries to tell people what they should think. They say to themselves, "If everybody in the room with me agrees, then everybody in the country must feel the same way, or there is something wrong with them." After all, look how smart we all are. Well, fuck your fucking Brett Favre stories. I really don't give a shit. Swear to God. I guess that makes me weird.

And as for why we all watched Sunday night? Maybe it was because it was the only game on. And maybe we like watching a big division rivalry. Sure it has a little bit to do with the whole Favre returning to Green Bay angle, but how much story is that at this point? It's the third or fourth time it's happened fo far. So what's the story? What's worth all the coverage and what does Benoit think compelled us to watch if not the fact that it's football and we all love it? It's probably not because we thought Favre might pull his dick out and show it to Aaron Rodgers. Probably. It's football. We're going to take what we can get. And that is, unfortunately, whatever the league and the writers will give us. Thank God for blogs. But not this one, because I just covered the media's coverage of Brett Favre, which is gay. Or is it meta? What the fuck is meta anyway?

And check out this gem, from later in Benoit's column:

8. Kudos to FOX studio analystsNormally I wouldn’t do this, but the FOX studio analysts deserve acknowledgement for their late shift Sunday. They didn’t have to stay any later than usual, but they did have to stick around and do a halftime show for the Cardinals-Seahawks game, even though that was the lone late window contest on FOX. That must have been rough. Think about it: only the states of Arizona, Alaska, Oregon, Washington, Idaho and parts of Montana, Kansas, and tiny parts of Florida and Ohio, got that game. This means FOX’s big dogs spent an entire afternoon at work just so they could talk for two or three minutes about what amounted to a locally televised contest. How tempting must it have been for Curt, Terry, Howie, Michael and Jimmy to simply record a generic halftime report at the end of the early window games so that they could just head out and enjoy the rest of the NFL action from the comfort of their living or hotel room?

Oh, those poor bastards at Fox had to stick around for a bunch of worthless yocals and pretend to care about a game that didn't even feature Brett Favre? The horror! I hope Fox throws them and extra couple hundred grand for the hardship. Nobody cares about the Cardinals and the Seahawks. Not even their fans, who certainly care more about Brett Favre, the Cowboys or the Post Katrina Saints. Hopefully, they spent those few terrible moments talking about Kurt Warner on Dancing with the Stars. You know, something the whole nation can relate to.

I Feel Like This Might Be Slipping Away a Bit...

2010-10-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

Normally I express my frustrations fairly easily. A simple loudly proclaimed "fuck" usually does the trick for me internally, and as you know I'm quite the wordsmith when it comes to profanity. However, I don't want to continue to use that as a crutch, and quite frankly, I think I may even be out of expletives. Fresh out. This team has yet again yanked something from me that I hold dear. They've beaten me down to a point where swearing has lost its luster. Seriously.

This was an interesting weekend. I was lucky enough to see the UFC Championship live and in person and was awed by the spectacle. But, much like many of my Sunday's of late, I was again on the wrong end of the decision. Awesome display, disappointing result.

Expectations on my end were tempered for Sunday, when I just knew that Dreamboat McModelfucker was going to run roughshod all over us. I was pleasantly surprised to see the defense render him mortal after all and were it not for our continuing ineptitude, bad penalties, horribly stupid mental errors and turnovers, we may have come out of this one smelling like a rose. Unfortunately, the current trend of this football team continued their mediocre at best level of play, and the mental errors mounted yet again. Goodman and Hester, ah fuck it. I've wasted enough breath, but who's to blame for taking the fundamentals of the game, wiping their ass with and flippantly disposing of them in such an unceremonious manner.

What happens now? Loads of fanboys are using history as a guide and citing last season's winning streak for inspiration. While technically possible, that result seems highly unlikely to me. The quality of the opponent is going to remain above average. What has this team done that would lead you to believe they are capable of anything more than they've showed up to and including week 7? Pessimism is such an easy concept for me but hell, even I need something to hang my hat on. I cannot openly dismiss and fucking willfully ignore logic. Logic tells me this team is not on the right path. We are perilously close to players mailing it in and cashing their checks and doing their best to avoid injury.

The blame lies everywhere, from the players to the coaches to the management. This season has been a failure to date on every level. The media can make all the excuses they want and point out our dynamic offense and statistics that fly in the face of the facts. But the facts are we are a 2-5 football team that has been wholly uncompetitive the majority of the season as a direct result of our failures as a "team". I find it unlikely that we will not continue to see the same trends going forward. I'm hoping that things change for the better but guys like Goodman, Hester and Garay prevent me from believing it possible. So we go one week at a time. Here comes Tennessee. We shall see if this organization can figure out their issues and not fist fuck themselves yet again.

The Chargers Are My Job

2010-10-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

Let me clarify that headline. The company I work for is a pretty solid company. But it can be a grind. It's certainly not fun a lot of the time and I don't jump out of bed on Monday morning in anticipation of another work week. But four years ago was something of a different story. It was still a grind sometimes and it wasn't always fun, but there was a pretty big emphasis on employess happiness. You were expected to do your job, but were given a large amount of leeway in how you did it. There wasn't anyone looking over your shoulder. There weren't endless TPS reports to turn in. Lunches were often free, regardless of the old saying. Benefits packages were fat and it rained stock options. It was a pretty sweet deal. An embarassment of riches, if you will. Then the economy went all Scott Mitchell on everybody and the company took the approach that they were so far ahead of the game in employee satisfaction that they could start shaving some of those perks. The employees could take one or two for the team. The focus turned from employee satisfaction and aspiring to a Google type of work atmosphere to fiscal responsibilty and efficiency management. Now it's still a good job, but the free lunches are a thing of the past. The benefits package is a little less plump. Everything is monitored a little more closely. I'm still happy to have the job, but there is a lot less to love.

All of this neatly parallels the Chargers. Four years ago the Chargers had an embassment of riches. Pro Bowl talent in all three facets of the game. An aggressives style. The most talented running back perhaps to ever play the game. A young quarterback with a world of upside ready to take the league by storm. Then came Norv, and I thought we could handle that. Then we started leaking "problem" players. And veterans. And guys who wanted to get paid. AJ trimmed what he considered to be the fat. The focus turned from being an aggressive and exciting team to fiscal responsibility and a "my way or the highway" management mentality. That embarassment of riches has been heavily depleted. I'm still happy to have a team, but there is a lot less to love.

As for yesterday's game, it wasn't nearly as close as the score indicated. I'm surprised at how solid our defense has looked so far this year, but I still expect it to break down in the stretch if it's expected to do the job alone. The offense tends to start showing up when their backs are against the wall. It'll be interesting to see whether management turns around and starts trying to negotiate a long term deal with Jackson now. I can't imagine they would, but it might be time for AJ to consider swallowing his pride and doing what's best for the team instead of what feeds his ego. They still have the luxury of being the only game in town for Jackson the year before a lockout, which is how they were able to push McNeill into a deal. If AJ truly cares about championship and if the Spanos family is sincere in their efforts to field a winning team and remain in San Diego, then it's time to capitulate. I don't know if the season can be saved, but it's not yet too late to try.

Fuck Yeah! Football...!

2010-10-23T09:52:00.001-07:00

Has it really been an entire week since the alleged footballing went down? It has? Sweet. Football! I can't fucking wait.

It's been an exciting week here in Boltland. Vinny Jack is back, and if we hadn't imposed that awesome fuck you three game suspension on him, he'd be eligible to play. However, he wouldn't play because if we hadn't suspended him, he wouldn't have reported until week 12 anyway because he only has to "play" in six games to accrue his "season" so that he can obtain his unrestricted status. Funny that Logan Mankins is in this same situation and he at the recommendation of the players union is planning on reporting as well, but since the Patriots brass aren't the golden cocksuckers we all thought they were, they didn't place him on the roster exempt list, hence no three game suspension, hence successful team making good decisions from the top down.

The paper here in town, or as I'll call it, "A.J.'s Bullshit Diatribe Bullhorn" continues to call V.J.'s suspension "NFL Imposed". Which "technically" true, the organization put him on the roster exempt list. That didn't need to occur. But then that wouldn't be A.J. being A.J. Go back and read his comments in the link Max posted about V.J. reporting and read his direct quotes with regard to his interactions with Jackson's agents. I know it's in print, but you can actually see A.J.'s raging hard on through the words for having stuck it to those guys. Way to go Godfather! You fucking rule! "I wanna hamburger, no I wanna cheezeburger, I wanna hot dog....". "YOU'LL GET NOTHING!!!"

And now we welcome those same Patriots to town. Everyone would like you to believe, and by everyone, I'm still referring to the media here as well as the Flat Bill Brigade Fanboys, that we're playing a home game and when we play at home we're fucking unstoppable! Now, I've actually sort of convinced myself I think, that we have a chance in this game. But, then I allow common sense to intervene and I think we've got a significant challenge on our hands. Dreamboat Modelfucking Quarterback has not one but two super possession receivers now in Wes Welker and Deion Branch, the black Wes Welker. These guys are quick and motivated and prepared to exploit our secondary. The same secondary that those around here who have been paying attention have been telling you were playing far above their heads when our defense was ranked statistically #1, against shit teams that we couldn't beat. Cason was faceraped by a rookie quarterback throwing to Bree Walker last week. You think that he's prepared to fare a bit better against Dreamboat Modelfucker and two pro-bowl caliber receivers? Bend the brim of your hat, take the sticker off it and stop wearing it cockeyed you dumb fuck.

While down 17-0 last week to the Lambs, Flat Brim Brigade behind me continued to exclaim, "You know how we do, bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we be there. We fine!". I shit you not, that's fucking verbatim. Bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we fine. Yep. First, and this is a side tangent that belongs in the defunct, "The Cut" post, but using baseball analogies in football is fucking stupid. And I love baseball. Why don't you just say, "In the fourth quarter the Bolts always make their hole in one!". Not to mention that the Padres, in the ninth inning, late in the season, shit their didies and missed the fucking playoffs. So, back to the "You know how we do." Yeah, I do know how we do. With three minutes left and knowing that Stephen Jackson was about to get all predator on our ass, we let him rush for about 40 yards on 5 carries, not using our timeouts on the front side of the two minute warning and never got the fucking ball back. The Rams were able to utilize "Victory Formation". The Rams. Victory Formation. Victory formation used to be the precursor for Victory shots for Max and I. Do you know how long it's been since we had victory shots? Peruse the archives and let me know because it's been fucking forever.

To top it off, Antonio Gates is out with a toe concussion. You know, the league really ought to see what it can do to prevent toe concussions. They are steadily ruining the game we've come to love so dearly in our hearts and is putting the long term health of our players feet in serious jeopardy. I haven't been posting links to Simmons much partially because I figure everyone reads him now anyway, but he's got this concussion thing on lock. I couldn't agree more. For the lazy in you, here's my favorite excerpt:

"I keep going back to the "bad parent" analogy and Roger Goodell, who's done a masterful job manipulating the mainstream media these past few years, benefitting mostly from the fact the previous regime was out of touch. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think Goodell is a total hypocrite for pretending to care about the welfare of his players as he's pushing for an 18-game regular season that would lead to more injuries, more concussions, more collateral damage, more everything. Hey, Roger: If you cared about the welfare of the players, you'd shorten the season to 15 games and add another week of byes. Right? But hey, that would cost owners money. Instead, you'll continue to position yourself as the Sheriff of Player Safety, puff out your chest, crack down on hard hits and swagger around like you're Tim Olyphant in "Justified." Meanwhile, if the players' union doesn't agree to your 18-game schedule, we're headed for a lockout.

Oh, and you know what else is great? NFL owners recently threatened the union that, if the lockout goes into effect next March, the league wouldn't cover health care benefits for its players until a new collective bargaining agreement is in place. So Roger, you care about the welfare of DeSean Jackson in October, but not five months from now if he's paying for his own doctor's appointments because he's suffering from post-concussion syndrome? You're going to tell us that with a straight face?"

God Dammit. Goodell sounds just like the Godfather. I hope they both get anal raped by a freight train.

My boss is a Patriot fan from back east. He believes that this is a trap game for the Pats. He's pretty football saavy, Patriot fandom aside, but I don't see it. I want to see it, I want to believe we're going to give the Patsies a nut shot they won't forget but I just can't see that being properly executed. If, and only if,we avoid our gagtastic special teams play, "slow starts"(Oakland, St. Louis FUCK!), the offensive line can prevent Rivers from a linebacker gang bukkake party in our backfield, and we can minimize our dipshit moments of bad clock management, stupid penalties, and dropped passes (BUSTER! ARRRGHHH!) we'll have a chance. But then that pesky fourth quarter is going to come along and well, you know how we do.

Go Bolts. Breathe the optimism!

Break the Bank!

2010-10-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

With these sure fire no-fail, barely redundant picks of the week. Check it, bitches!

Cleveland @ New Orleans
Cleveland is playing everybody tough and Drew Brees and the Saints have spent most of the first several weeks of the season in some sort of weird drunken stupor. Still, I'm too gutless to pick Hank McCowboy and the Browns in an upset. Browns 17, Saints 30

Pitt @ Miami
Is Miami good? I can't tell. I keep hearing they are good, but it seems impossible to know for sure. Maybe they're good, but the Steelers are probably the best team in the league right now, even if they are a bunch of fuckfaces, and Roethlissberger is only going to get better. And rapier. Steelers 34, Dolphins 13

DC @ Chicago
Not too long ago, I hard the hardest time convincing a San Diego football fan that the Skins were from DC and not outside of Seattle. That's how smart San Diego fans are. The Bears are terrible. Even San Diego fans know that. Skins 20, Bears 17

Cincy @ Atlanta
I haven't spelled Cincy's full name wrong yet this season and I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. They are Cincy from here on out. They will probably beat the Falcons, who are a lie, but I'm picking the dirty birds anyway because I hate money. Bengals 28, Falcons 30

Philly @ Tennessee
I have no idea if either of these teams is good. Kevin Kolb hates my fantasy team, so I'm picking the Titans. Seriously, fuck that ass hole. I hope he gets decapitated. Iggles 21, Titans 28

Frisco @ Carolina
Matt Moore is back for Carolina. i think that is enough of a boost to vault them over the Niners this week. And it's not really much of a boost at all, so what does that say about the Niners? It says they suck. 49ers 23, Panthers 24

St. Louis @ Tampa Bay
I guess I'm picking Tampa because they're at home and also because all Rams fans are fuckfaces who acted like fuckfaces during the game last week even though I've always been cool to them before. Well, they weren't that bad, but they were definitely smiling. Fucking fuckfaces. Rams 3, Bucs 50

Buffalo @ Baltimore
This hardly seems fair. How does this happen? Who's next for the Ravens? The Mission Bay Buccaneers? One day some team is going to show up to play Buffalo and there will be nothing there. Just an abandoned stadium. And people will tell stories of seeing random Buffalo players in Mexican leagues. Because they still loved the game, you know? Bills 9, Ravens 34

Jax @ KC
Trent Edwards came in and finished the game for the injured David Garrard last week. Edwards is white. Garrard is black. Nobody noticed the change. The Chiefs have lost two in a row and nobody can shut up about how good they are. That's the AFC West for you. Jags 14, Chiefs 21

Zona @ Seattle
I hope this is nationally televised. This nation deserves it. Cards 13, Hawks 14

Oakland @ Denver
You know who else were being a bunch of fuckfaces when the Rams beat the Chargers last week? Oakland fans, that's who. Eat a whole fucking bag of dick, you cocksuckers. Raiders 0, Broncos 1,000.

New England @ San Diego
Chargers fans are making fun of Tom Brady's hair this week. That's some good trash talk, morons. Local radio guys say we match up well in this game. Right. Half the team is injured, and the other half mostly would have problems getting absorbed by Buffalo. This will be Darren Sproles day! Pats 42, Bolts 20

Minnesota @ Green Bay
Brett Favre owns Green Bay and plays well when things in his personal life are in shambles. His wife is about to leave him over dick photos. He will pummel the decimated Packers and then he will probably retire. Vikings 34, Packers 23

New York VaGiants @ Dallas
The knife dost twisteth, while the Vagiants continue to play within their means. So long, Dallas! VaGiants 31, Cowboys 24

And that's it. Go football!!!

VJ to Report

2010-10-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

Vincent Jackson, as expected, will report to the Chargers next Friday. Whether he'll ever actually play or not remains to be seen. At the very least he'll have to serve AJ's "look at how much of a hard-ass I am" 3 game suspension first. After that, we'll have to see how willing Vinnie Jack is to put his body on the line for a team that has made no secret of the fact that he does not fit into their long term plans. And we'll have to see if AJ even deems VJ properly humbled enough to have earned his activation. According to Kevin Acee's article, AJ expects VJ to contribute. Also according to Acee's article, AJ Smith is a fucking ass hole and can barely contain himself and keep from shouting, "I won! I fucking won! Who cares if my team is in complete and utter disarray?! I beat Vincent fucking Jackson's retarded agents! Lord of the No Rings?! Fuck y'all, I beat you and that's more important than 10 Superbowls! Have I mentioned I'm a fucking genius?! Tell 'em Acee!"

Thanks For Being Less Lazy, Deadspin

2010-10-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

All day I've been ready to offer my two cents on this whole "epidemic" of violent hits in the NFL, but then Deadspin's Jamberoo came out and the first part pretty much sums up my feelings exactly. The only thing I would add is that not only do all the players actually realize the risks of concussions and other injuries going in, part of the reason grown men get paid millions and millions of dollars (or at least hundreds of thousands if you're only good enough to play, but not so good that people acknowledge your contributions) to play the game is due to the fact of it's violent nature and the short lifespan of such a career. If there was no risk to counter the reward, I couldn't even bring myself to watch the NFL. Overpaid primadonna fucks. The mainstream media finds everything apalling. Fuck those jerks.

A Couples of Quickies

2010-10-18T14:31:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard already, Junior Seau beat up his girlfriend or something, got arrested or something and drove off a cliff or something. Last I heard he was hospitalized, but not dead. "Or something" is the new "alledgedly." Anyway, this is too bad. I met Junior briefly once, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. And I will always have fond memories of Seau as a Charger. One of the best ever, for real. I hope this all turns out alright for him. Also, you know it's killing Roger Goodell that he can't suspend him.

This is an interesting article on pirating NFL broadcasts over the internet, which should be of interest to anybody left in San Diego who cares about watching Chargers games. It draws parallels between the music industry, the phone company and the NFL. I wish more people would write about the NFL's misguided attempts to protect it's legacy. "Back in my day, the players didn't celebrate touchdowns with flashy antics. That's should be a penalty. Also, they were white." That was any random stodgy old racist NFL owner or official in case you were wondering.

Welcome Aboard!

2010-10-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

At this point you must be ready to jump on the bandwagon. It's a little bit different than the one that you've been riding on for the past several years, but I think once you really give in to the charm and the ambience, you'll find the ride very smooth. My bandwagon is called The Reality Freight Train, and let me tell you how it works.

First you must admit to yourself that this Chargers team is tragically flawed. It lacks depth and the talent in trench positions to compete at a high level. Really, even on a low level apparently. It has no offensive identity and the defense lacks balls. The coach is a marshmallow, the defensive coordinator is in over his head and the GM is a monster. Got it? Okay, you're halfway on the bus.

This next part is the hardest part of all. You must admit to yourself that the organization doesn't care at all about you, the fan. It is not even in their best interest to provide you with a championship product. They may not have expected the team to fall this far, but they certainly did not do enough to expect the team to challenge for a Superbowl. And why is this, you ask? It's because if this team won it all, this town would never let it leave. The people of our bankrupt city would gladly throw away money we don't have on a state-of-the-art stadium for a Superbowl winner. But not for this team. This team will turn this town against them and the people will say good riddance upon their departure. The NFL might even have to help them build in L.A. They'll say that the Chargers were a team whose town had given up on them and that they had no choice. And they will punish our city by deeming us unfit to house another NFL team for all eternity.

To this all you are probably thinking that the right thing to do here would be to stand by your team. Force the owner to realize that you are not fickle and that you will love the Chargers warts and all. You'll want to tell them that they'll have to pry your fandom out of your cold dead hands. And while that is admirable, I beg of you brothers and sisters, don't do it. Don't give them the satisfaction. You see, this team will leave anyway. They'd prefer to make it look as though it was out of their hands. That they had no choice. But, believe me, they'll go the other way if they have to. They'll pack up the Mayflowers in the middle of the night if that's what it takes.And you fans,-you die hards-they know that you'll root for the L.A. Chargers. They know they'll still get your dollars, and that's all they care about. This is a business way before it is sports. Or entertainment.

So, you ask, How will jumping your 'Reality Freight Train' save my Chargers? Sadly, fan, it won't. It will only spare you the disappointment. The sadness. The frustration of it all. Find another team. Bury yourself in fantasy football. Spend more time with your family if you have to, but leave this team. They have already left you, I promise.

If you do decide to stick with it. If you do decide to ignore reason and continue on this thankless path of Chargers fandom, then I at least have one small nugget of good news for you. And here it is. This team-the one on the field-is focused on the here and the now. They are not looking ahead, they are playing the game at hand, and most people will tell you that that is the best way to approach the game of football. And how do I know that this is not the sort of team that looks ahead? Because if they had looked at the next several weeks of their schedule before yesterday, they would have known they absolutely had to beat the Rams and maybe they would have played like it.

As Promised, Here's Your Picks

2010-10-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

Even if you don't deserve them. I ended up with 5 wins last week, I think. I don't pick against the spread unless there is money involved, but I do give scores. So, if you love math, feel free to go back and figure how stupid I am. Anyway, that's a first to worst sort of swing in my pick'em pool, but you can bet (you probably shouldn't bet) that I'm coming back strong this week with the following sure thing, can't miss pick'em extravaganza!

Miami @ Green Bay
I don't know how many times or in how many different ways I have to tell you that Green Bay sucks. They were wildly overrated before their starting running back and Pro Bowl calibre tight end got broke. Miami doesn't thrill me either, but the media isn't trying to suck start them into greatness yet so they get the nod. Fins 27, Packers(?!) 23

San Diego @ St. Louis
San Diego? Never heard of them. Still my sources tell me that if they don't crush the Rams here, they might as well stay home and masturbate for the rest of the season. You know, get something out of it, anyway. Bolts 37, Rams(?!) 27

Baltimore @ New England
Belichek pulls the trigger early on another guy who is a pretty essential part of the system. Genius! A.J., inspired, sends Merriman packing but misses the point entirely by getting his favorite return. Nothing. I don't think I liked the Pats against Baltimore with Randy Moss, so I sure as hell ain't taking them without. Baltimore and Pittsburgh are the only good teams in football right now. Fuck the Jets. Ravens 30, Pats 17

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh
Nobody can shut up about how horrible it is to have Colt McCoy make his first start against Pittsburgh, and I have to disagree. I think it's delightful. Colt McCoy. Half-assed job of child naming, if you ask me. Try Winchester McWhiskeyguzzler or Cowboy McSixgun. As it is, he deserves everything that's coming to him. Browns 0, Steelers 37

KC @ Houston
Alright, both of these teams need to just come out and be whatever it is they actually are. Maybe Dennis Green knows, because I have no fucking idea. Chiefs 16, Texans (gay) 34

Detroit @ NY VaGiants
It appears the Vagiants have remembered that they do not have a terrible pass rush and that if they don't try to force Eli Manning down everybody's throats they can still be a force to be reckoned with. Of course this is the week they dump to Detroit. I do not, however have the balls to call it. Lions 13, Vagiants 28

Atlanta @ Philly
I don't know why I can't get behind Philly with Kolb, but I can totally buy them behind a guy who spent two years out of football to go to prison. Is it because I hate dogs? I don't think that's true. And I don't know why I keep picking Atlanta, even though they kind of look like bullshit every week. Atlanta, to me, is another team that couldn't wait to throw the entire weight of the franchise on their young quarterback's shoulders when they don't even have to. He constantly looks ready to snap under the pressure and if anything ever happens to Roddy White, they will be doomed. Falcons 27, Iggles 24

Seattle @ Chicago
Herm Edwards, who is the fucking worst thing on television ever was on NFL Live yersterday and was throwing season record in everybody's faces and touting the Bears. To this I say that Herm might want to actually watch the games. Or drink battery acid. The Bears D is legit enough, but they will not overcome the offensive line's inability to stop Jay Cutler from making horrible mistakes or faking concussions. Still, Seattle is no hot shit either. Seahawks (fuck that fucking name) 17, Bears 21

NO @ Tampa Bay
Trap game! It's obvious from the first 5 weeks of the season that the Bucs should have this game in the bag against the woefully ill-equipped New Orleans Saints. Seriously, how long has it been since the Saints were relevant in this league? Still, don't be surprised if this upstart Drew Brees and his band of unknown wide receivers give the mighty Bucs a tough time of it this Sunday. Upset special!!! Saints 31, Bucs 20

NY Jets @ Denver
I hate the Jets. Even if I wish Rex Ryan was one of my crazy uncles, the Jets can eat a dick. And I think they lose to Denver. I think it's a match-up thing. One problem, though. Tomlinson. Good on you TBE for making Norv and AJ look as stupid as I think they are. The thing is, Tomlinson scores on Denver. He has always scored on Denver, and I have no doubt he always will. I will regret the following statement. Jets 27, Broncos 30

Oakland @ Frisco
Truly, I hope tidal wave wins this one. The Raiders are terrible. The Niners are terrible. These two teams are going to collide and terrible up the atmosphere for three hours Sunday. Someone is probably going to win. Raiders 17, Niners 20

Dallas @ Minnesota
The clash of the 1-3 teams and everybody is saying the loser can go home, but I'm going to tell you right here that this game decides nothing. There is so much terrible football going on that this game will not determine shit for playoff implications. Minnesota needs this one more than they needed the last one and Dallas has to prove they can stop beating themselves before I'll pick them again. Cowboys 28, Vikes 30

Indy @ Washington
Jesus Christ. How many games are there this week. Feels like over a dozen. Indy? It looks like they might finally be hitting a wall. DC? Classic overachievers. They've got heart. But I think Peyton will probably taking over coaching duties this week. Colts 34, Skins 20

Tennessee @ Jax
Really? Titans 37, Jags 13

Sorry, I kind of ran out of steam there at the end, but that Monday Nighter is going to be awful. Go football!!!

So Long, Merrimanimal!

2010-10-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

And Shawne Merriman's Chargers career is over. I can't wait for people to start explaining to me how this is addition by subtraction. Any guesses on where he goes to get his revenge? I'd say this has the Patriots written all over it. Or the Jets, who apparently have designs on our players. But it would be silly to count out a division rival. With our future playoff hopes being what they appear to be, joining another AFC West team might be the only way Merriman guarantees himself a shot at AJ's squad every year. Good luck, beastly sir.

Thoughts on McNeill

2010-10-13T08:56:00.001-07:00

So, it looks like McNeill's is getting his long term deal after all the sitting out and crying and name calling and hardballing. Many people consider this a decisive victory for "the A.J. way" and it's hard to argue with that, but I'm going to do it anyway.

First, very obviously, we could have just done a deal to begin with if that was the ultimate plan, and then our Pro Bowl offensive lineman would have been here through camp and the first 5 games. Unfortunately, our GM decided for some reason to lump McNeill and Jackson together and fight them that way rather than approach each negotiation uniquely. Brilliant strategy.

Second, I can't say for sure, but I believe the only reason that McNeill is signing with us is similar to the reason we had the leverage to pull this crap in the first place. Because of the way the current CBA is structured, McNeill was not given unrestricted free agency status (as other players have been in any year before), and instead the team was allowed to keep the rights to the player for a fraction of his worth. Because of the uncertainty of the CBA going forward if McNeill sat out this season, and next season results in a lockout, the player might have to go two years without a full paycheck. A.J., in essence, used circumstance to ruthlessly threaten McNeill and his family's livelihood, which any of you out there would crucify your own boss over*.

If next season was assured, I think McNeill never would have signed. In fact, the NFLPA is so certain of a lockout, they have been telling their players to save their money and make smart investments. McNeill had to have realized he would have no money to save or invest unless he bent to the Godfather's will. No other team can come to his rescue. It's unlikely anybody will be doing any serious shopping next offseason if there is to be no football, and A.J. has shown he's not above holding on to a "malcontent" even in the face of a better deal than what he'd get in compensation from the league.

Whatever happens, I will be amazed if we get the best effort McNeill hass to offer. If this deal gets done, he may very well take whatever guaranteed money is offered and proceed to loaf it until the team trades or cuts him. And don't think it would ruin him either. There are tons of GMs who would jump at the chance to sign McNeill two years from now, especially in light of what another couple of A.J.'s "malcontents" are doing for the NY Jets this year.

Most players will serve up platitudes to the media, telling them after negotiations like this that they realize the NFL is a business. But it human nature to bristle when someone questions your worth. The other players on this team cannot be looking forward to their own negotiations. When all is said and done, A.J. may have won the battle, but the war could take him in the end.

*Dean Spanos considers threatening players good business. that seems to be working out for us all.

We Were in Field Goal Range!!!

2010-10-13T08:25:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I'm a bit late on this, but I have to post it, right?

I know a lot of you felt this way inside. Don't feel bad. Feel ashamed. You're pathetic.

I Hate to Say It.

2010-10-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

No matter how hard I try to be a good loyal "follower" of the Chargers, I keep coming back to the problem of knowing too much. I know what this team is, and more importantly, I know what this team was and could have been. Special teams is a problem, but it's really just a symptom. For years we were told this team had depth to the level where we didn't need to make a splash in free agency. We were told we had the luxury of taking the best available player on the board. For years we passed over players that could have shored up our linebacking corps and instead took a reach pick for Buster Davis (already a number 2 on his college depth chart) and traded up to grab mind bogglingly positionless Jacob Hester. We provided a large contract to virtually unknown one game wonder Jyles Tucker. To make matters worse, we've adopted some draconian zero tolerance policy that has sent several players who contributed out the door. And yes, there have even been a regular amount of injuries piled on. Special teams is the first thing to go when your talent level drops radically after the first string, but it isn't the last. And that's already showing as well. As much as everybody would love to say that two blocked punts did this team in in Oakland, it just isn't true. 12 points in the first 4 minutes didn't put us away. Two long Oakland drives in the 4th were far more responsible than that. Offensive penalties and turnovers aplenty had a heck of a lot to do with it too. Don't let anyone sell you special teams as the scapegoat. The problems this team has raise their ugly heads in every facet of the game. Sure, we still have dynamic playmakers on offense, and we can take advantage of criminally pathetic teams about half the time these days because of it. When we get those big earlyleads, Ron Rivera puts on his big boy pants and lets the defense pin their ears back and bring it. So you'll see some blowouts here and there, but those bad teams are soon to be behind us. After one more "gimme" in St. Louis, we are going to lose 5 in a row. Indy, Tennessee, New England, Houston and Denver in no particular order. Do you like our chances against any of those squads? I don't. Not the way this team is playing right now. And I don't know what changes are going to fix anything at this point in the season. Maybe our division saves us yet again from our own ineptitude, but do you even really want that? Maybe if this teams churns out a true stinker of a season, Spanos has no choice but to save face by forcing AJ to get a real coach in there. Or if we're really lucky, he runs AJ out too. The ego has blunted the sharp football mind that built this team into a contender to begin with. The ego isn't going away on it's own. If we can get rid of one or both of the true cancers on this team after the season, maybe we can salvage the careers of some destined to be great Chargers rather than consign them to the sports fate of every other great player to dedicate themselves to the franchises of this town. Maybe, if we can do that, Rivers and Gates won't have to retire ringless.

Picks Are For Posterity

2010-10-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

Whatever the fuck posterity is. I'm going to start trying to post these picks earlier in the week going forward. I found it cut down on people laughing at me if I waited until the last minute to go on record, but since I won my pick 'em pool last week I'm the one who's laughing now. All the way to the bank. And by bank I mean strip club. And by laughing I mean stalking strippers. So here's this week's sure to be money winners.

Jacksonville @ Buffalo
I picked Buffalo to upset the Jets last week, because for some strange reason I have a soft spot in my heart for Buffalo. I just feel like that team never got any respect for owning the AFC for four straight years back in the day. Anyway, that soft spot hardened considerably last Sunday. Die, Buffalo. Jags 34, Bills 13

Denver @ Baltimore
For some reason I want to pick Denver here. Must be because Kyle Orton is my fantasy QB this week. Why am I being punished for Mike Vick's sins?!!! So, yeah. Fuck that noise. Denver 24, Baltimore 27

Atlanta @ Cleveland
One of these days Atlanta is going to be fully exposed. But not this weekend. Cleveland is better than I thought, but Cincinnati is as bad as I thought, so last week means nothing. I will start loving Cleveland if they break Jason Snelling's leg. Atlanta 31, Cleveland 21

KC @ Indy
I thought KC could challenge for the division, but their record is not a true representation of how good they are. Indy, however, is flailing. Not flailing enough. KC 30, Indy 34

Tampa Bay @ Cincinnati
Oh God, did i really pick Cincy to win this in my pool? Well, i guess I have to go with it. Tampa 13, Cincy 17

Green Bay @ Washington
Is it okay if I say that neither of these teams does anything for me? God, what a couple of fucking fucks these teams are. Green Bay 24, Washington 17

St. Louis @ Detroit
I'm gonna ride this Rams thing for a while. It just feels right. Rams 27, Detroit 26

Chicago @ Carolina
Chicago? Exposed. Chicago 13, Carolina 20

NY VaGiants @ Houston
Houston is another team i could not give a shit about. But they can be exciting. On the other hand, stupid name. VaGiants 27, Houston 34

New Orleans @ Arizona
New Orleans, it's about time to start looking like New Orleans. I feel bad for the Cardinals. I really liked that team last year. New Orleans 42, Arizona 10

San Diego @ Oakland
Is it okay to remind everybody that Oakland nearly handled us in Oakland last year with Jamarcus Russell at QB? Still, I'm in it now. Bolts 30, Oakland 27

Philly @ Frisco
Kolb looked good in his games before this season, so the ability is there. But man, does he look pedestrian so far this year. And Frisco has to win one eventually right? I mean, 0-16 is not going to win even that horrible division. Philly 17, Frisco 20

Minnesota @ NY Jets
No fucking idea. Randy Moss? No fucking idea! Vikings need this one, so i'll go with that, but I don't like it at all. Vikes 23, Jets 20

That's it. Enjoy your footballing. Go Bolts!!!

Exciting New Things!!!

2010-10-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take this opportunity to, like Max, say that my outlook is changing over here and that I promise to be less surly and more supporty of the San Diego Super Charger football team that I've loved since I was still peeing myself from being young not drunkenness.

That being said, just because my outlook is changing, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be a flag toting balls out ignorant supporter for fear of drawing the ire of the die hard fans here in town. For many reasons that Max suggested, it's becoming harder to support this football team while maintaining some level of objectivity without being scorned by the jersey adorned flat bill brigade of San Diego. And hey, I get it, we all love the football team, shit, every single season I get sucked in at some point when they start resembling a professional team, and not the error prone stripped down version of themselves. As Max mentioned and I concur with, I'm getting old. One of my goals, well, more like a dream of mine is to become the purest form of dirty old obnoxious man, and while to some degree I've achieved that already, I'm certainly far past making excuses for what I believe to be mistakes at every level of the organization that we hold so dear. So if that makes me a "bad fan" in some peoples eyes, who fucking cares. I certainly don't. If any of my critics can show any level of objectivity at all in debating the merits of this team, and I'm proven wrong, I will happily parade my wrongness in front of the whole wide internet. But just shrieking loudly at me at a volume higher than I wish to partake that I'm a bad fan because I'm a stupid dickhead who thinks A.J. Smith isn't a gun toting wild west version of Jesus, well, I've got a problem with that.

My main issue beside having to defend myself every time the Bolts incite me to swear at the television, is that I'm finding it increasingly difficult to like the team we're putting on the field on a weekly basis. There are some guys I really want to like, who are playing their balls off, Kevin Burnett for example. Dude is a maniac. But, the mistakes we continue to make and have made on a consistent basis since 2006 infuriate me to no end. Every time we call timeout early in a game to avoid a delay of game penalty so that Norvelle can once again attempt to forcefully remove his butt plug of a head from his sphincter, I go into a blind rage and want to murder a bag full of kittens even more so that I normally would. However, that reaction makes me a "bad fan".

So, here's how it goes. I'm actually excited for Raider Week. Even though the Raiders are still the pathetic bunch of underachieving cock wallets east of the bay, the optimist in me thinks we'll get it together and cockwipe their faces by about 31 points today. The pessimist in me thinks that we'll lose on a last second blown coverage hail mary touchdown pass thrown by JaFatAss Russell who the Raiders will re-sign at halftime after Gradkowski has a tragic mishap with the sideline cart involving a broken leg and a sexual harassment lawsuit. That being said, I guess I'm high on the Chargers today. Mood: EXCITED!

I'm also reserving a spot for Max to make his weekly picks as you sure as shit don't want to see mine. I won three games against the spread last week, picking 82% favorites, needless to say, favorites are covering like 28% of the time this season.** Fuck and yes. Guess how many favorites I have this week? All of them. That's some fucking genius right there, book it.

Today we get over the hump. Bolts 48 Raiders 16. Let's go Bolting.

(**Those percentages are approximations, well complete fabrications in my brain, I don't care to look up facts further solidifying my ineptitude.)

You Heard It Here First

2010-10-06T12:36:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking we're not long for a Vincent Jackson to New England for Julian Edelman and a 4th rounder. Don't ask me why, I just see this happening.

Okay, that's maaaybe a little unrealistic, but how about this? The Patriots have the Raiders 1st rounder this year. Julian Edelman and a 1st rounder, for Jackson and a 3rd? The Pats love second and third round picks and Edelman is pretty expendable with Welker looking good and healthy.

I'm Changing My Outlook Back

2010-10-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off writing anything for a few days to see if I'd simmer down over time, but I guess it ain't going to happen. I'm not going to go into any detail here, but suffice it to say I went up against some more of the brilliant minds of San Diego sports fandom once again. This is a fandom, I should remind you, that now casually expects slow seasonal starts and shrugs them off like early reports that the unsinkable vessel they're on has apparently "brushed up against" an iceburg. No need to panic until the band packs it in! Look, I'm glad the Chargers manhandled the atrocious Arizona Cardinals, but the fact is that every time I leave the house I am accosted by idiot Chargers fans who ruin the whole experience. Listen people, being a fan does not necessarily mean blindly accepting every move and decision the organization makes, then pointing at the scoreboard on the days it actually works out and believing that justifies your argument. This team is overachieving at home and absolutely shitting the bed on the road. There is a good chance that when decent teams actually start showing up here to play us, things might change a bit for the worse here at home, and no amount of AJ Smith badassery is going to help us on the field. I hope your all happy when AJ cuts another safety. Or I hope you give him a piece of your mind if he doesn't. But you all like blaming the players. Why, because they get paid to play a game? That might be valid if you didn't so blindly slobber over the game.

Look, this doesn't apply to all of you, but for the most part this has become a terrible, uneducated, boorish football town-and for no good reason as far as I can tell. For quite some time I've been happier discussing football with fans of other teams. Many of them actually have realistic views, even when it comes to their own teams sometimes! At this point, I'm a casual fan of the Chargers going forward. For now I'm going to follow the team from a safe distance in my Chargers fan Volvo (nice and safe). Feel free to blast me if I jump back up on the crazy flag waving bandwagon, because honestly I couldn't give a fuck what people in this town think of me as a fan.

Pick, Pick, Pick

2010-10-03T08:04:00.001-07:00

So, I went ahead and joined that pick 'em pool at my work. You know, the one with the girl who doesn't pay in because she does all the work. Ugh. Anyway, I figured what the hell? I mean, she's a girl, so she probably won't win anyhow. Here's my picks.

NY Jets @ Buffalo
Bam! Upset special, because when there's money on the line I instantly turn retarded. Seriously, though, I still don't buy the Jets, and Buffalo managed to look decent in defeat last week after finally jettisoning Trent Edwards. Edwards, by the way, was picked up by Jacksonville, which makes sense because he is the white David Garrard. Bills 20, Jets 16

Denver @ Tennessee
Christ, did I actually pick Denver here? Did I smoke crack at work on Friday? I don't know why, but I like Denver here. The Titans started 0-6 last year, so I have to believe they have a little Norv Turner in them. Broncos 27, Titans 17

Cincinnati @ Cleveland
I see a lot of people picking Cleveland here. Such is the power of the white running back. Hey, white skill players work for the Pats and Colts. Too bad Cleveland probably needs about 3 more. Bengals 30, Browns 13

Carolina @ NO
A guy in my fantasy league dropped New Orleans D last week, and now my team is complete. I'm telling you, that Claussen kid ain't right. The difference her will be too vast for Garrett Hartley to overcome with missed field goals. Panthers 14, New Orleans 34

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
The Steelers defense looks prolific right now, whatever that means. But they can't go 4-0 without Ben Roethlissberger, right? I expect Ray Rice to show up this week. Just enough. Ravens 14, Steelers 13

Frisco @ Atlanta
Atlanta looks like a kind of schitzo team to me right now, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them lay an egg here, but I don't have the balls to call it. 49ers 24, Falcons 30

Seattle @ St. Louis
Seattle's first game was fluky. Their win against the Bolts was ugly. I think they're the team Denver clobbered. And what the fuck is a Seahawk? Is that a thing, or is that just any predatory bird that lives around the sea? Weak ass fucking name and I hate them. Seahawks 16, Rams 20

Detroit @ Green Bay
I've jumped on board the bandwagon that wants to see Detroit finally turn it around and be legit. Other things I want include a threesome with two Victoria's Secret models and a jetpack. Lions 27, Packers 35

Houston @ Oakland
Well, Oakland, let the Gradkowski era begin! Again! If something on him isn't broken by halftime I will eat my hat. I don't know why, but I think Houston will come down to Earth. But not this week. Texans 37, Raiders 28

Indy @ Jacksonville
Scoreboard explodes! Colts 42, Jags :(

Washington @ Philly
This Mike Vick thing can't last. My fantasy team is too good as long as he stays healthy. But I'm going to keep riding it until somebody breaks his leg. Washington gets smoked. Redskins 13, Mike Vick 30

Arizona @ San Diego
We cannot lose to the Cardinals, right? I mean, we just can't. Can we? Can Norv? Oh, God, Norv could, couldn't he? No, he couldn't. Right? Tell me he couldn't. Cards 10, Bolts 34

Chicago @ Green Bay
Last week I was up 29 in my fantasy league and going against a guy who's roster is full of Packers. I found myself rooting for Jay Cutler. It made me physically ill. People are now back to stroking Cutler. They apparently missed the fact that if not for flags and butterfingers, Cutler easily could have thrown a 6 pack of INTs. I don't buy those Bears. Cutler will imlode. Bears 20, VaGiants 28

New England @ Miami
Should be a good game. I intend to watch it. Pats 27, Fins 24

Enjoy your footballing, and be sure to give the Padres some love while you're at it. Go Pads!!! Go Bolts!!!

Carl's Lock of the Century!

2010-10-01T16:36:00.001-07:00

Clever. Stupid, But Clever

2010-10-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

So, here's a song parody some Chargers fan made about the Vincent Jackson to the tune of Ms. Jackson by Outkast.

I'd like to think the fan made this because the song was just too irresistable to pass up, but I know better. And from the comments on the youtube page it's pretty apparent that a lot of the fans in this town still want to stand up to the millionaire athlete doing the work in defense of the billionaire owner to cheap to pay anything close to fair market value for his players and the egomaniacal bully of a GM who doles out unnecessary punishments when someone has the audacity to question his methods. Well played San Diego, this is why other team's fans think you're stupid. And believe me, they do. Still, I have to admit it's clever.

I'm Changing My Outlook!

2010-09-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

I've realized recently that very few things make me feel older than sports fandom these days. Sure, there's driving by my old high school every day and realizing that at one point in my life it was perfectly natural to look at those girls that way. That makes me feel pretty old. And, of course, there are the inexplicable pains that occur randomly in my body, as well as the fact that I rarely manage to close a bar these days. Those things certainly make me feel old. But sports fandom? That's a real exercise in agery.

You see, there was a time not long ago that I could just root for my team. That's it. Plain and simple. Those guys in the uniforms on the field. That's my team. And I root for them. If you are not on the field in a uniform you really don't matter to me. Those are my guys. Number 17? In the immortal words of snivelling TO, "That's my quarterback!"

But over the years, something has happened. A shift in the way I view my team. Over the years the ownership has somehow crept onto the field with the guys in the jerseys. The GM has become every bit as much of my team as my quarterback, my tight end, my wide receiver. And when it comes to this team, that is a bad thing. It's an unavoidable strain on my fandom. As much as I love that team-those guys on the field-, the guys that sit in the offices and think up ways to save their dough while taking ours, and that cowboy whose only real concern seems to be creating a powerful image for himself? They age my fandom a dozen years every day.

I don't want to be caught up in the business of football. There's too much business in my everyday business, and maybe that's the problem. These business men, who claim to want a championship but really only want a better deal and a new stadium, make me think too much of my own financial situation and of the men who have far too much control over my own fate. I don't want to think about my job and my bank account when I watch football, but these guys rub everybody's nose in it and give relatively little back in return. I don't blame the players for their holdouts. When my company told me I wasn't getting a raise I was pissed. Just because the amounts are magnified by millions, doesn't mean the heart of the problem isn't the same. Everybody wants to be paid for a job well done, and there's nothing wrong with that. And this GM reminds me of so many people who look at their labor force as a product of some infallible system that they put together. Everyone becomes replaceable in their eyes. I see this kind of attitude every day. Every fucking day! And I don't need to be reminded of that when I watch the games either.

All of that being said, it's not fair to put the burden of working for those ass holes on the players on the field. I love the Chargers. I have since the day I understood what football was, and I just want to enjoy the games. I've been hard on this team. And rightfully so. Their coach is terrible and they're slow out of the gate for the umpteenth time in a row. The window is closing. It's maddening! But I keep finding myself almost happy to see them fail. As if the men on the field have something to do with the shitty decisions made up front. Hell, it isn't even Norv's fault. What was he supposed to say when AJ came calling? "Nope. Sorry, but you could do way better than me. I don't want to be responsible for the demise of your franchise. Here's a list of guys you might want to call. They can all coach circles around me." Sorry, but I'd have taken the job if they asked, and we'd all hate me too.

"Hey coach, is this playbook just a printout of the Madden 06 Chargers playbook?"

"That team was awesome! And Madden won a Superbowl, I think. Now get out there and handle your business!"

Anyway, I guess my point in all of this is that I'm still going to hate on AJ and Dean. I'm still going to call out the spineless San Diego sports media. But I'm going to try to be more supportive of the guys on the field. I really do think this offense will be special once they hit their rythm. And I can honestly say that I'm not completely disgusted with what the defense has been doing. They're keeping the points down, and there is no more important defensive stat in my book. Which is, of course, the 06 Madden playbook. And as for special teams-which have been getting an awful lot of grief- I can only say that it's not likely to get a lot worse. So, come Sundays, I'm just going to try to put the business aside and root my face off for the team, cause we're winning the whole God damn thing this year! Go Philip! Go Antonio! Go rookie running back! Go...uh...Eric Weddle! Go Shaun "Paycheck McPlayingforit!" Phillips! Go Bolts!!!

Not you, though, Norv. You suck.

McNeill is Happy, Has a Gun Pointed at His Loved Ones

2010-09-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

Marcus McNeill is back with the Chargers and according to Kevin Acee's article, he's super happy to be here and wants to remain so forever and ever. Right. I totally believe that. After being taken for about $2.7 million and still receiving no long term financial stability, McNeill is pleased as punch to be coming in and playing for AJ and the Chargers. Yeah Acee, also there's this bridge in San Francisco that, you know, I'd like to push you off of.

I'm pretty sure if you take every 4th word in McNeill's statements you come up with, "AJ has my family. Please call the police and DeMaurice Smith."

If you think there is any chance McNeill doesn't jump ship and land with the Chiefs as soon as he has the chance you are delusional.

Anyway, I'm happy he'll be returning, but is that really going to be enough? The problems on offense have more to do with sloppy ball protection than sloppy QB protection. The defense hasn't been the problem I thought it'd be...yet. The special teams suffers from a severe lack of playmakers, and the personnel is just not there to make it better. Osgood is gone. Siler plays predominantly on the regular D to fill the perennial hole at MLB we've had since Donnie freaking Edwards left and Steve Foley got shot by a cop. This team has no depth, because they trade up to get guys like Jacob Hester and waste 1st round picks on receivers who weren't even the number one guy on their college squad. The GM wears no clothes. It's gross. And if you point it out you're cut.

I listen to all you other San Diego fans saying that this happens every year. That soon enough we'll crank out 10 straight or some other such nonsense. Well, this ain't like every other year. Those early losses in years past came against tough opponents like the Ravens, Patriots and the hot out of the gate Broncos. You can say KC looks good right now, but they didn't look so hot the night they beat us. And Seattle had no business winning that game on Sunday. Are we playing down to bad opponents? I hope so, because that is the sort of thing that can be worked out. Or is the truth what I've been saying all along? That if Norv Turner thinks this is the best Chargers team he's had then he's clearly not paying attention, because from where I'm standing it very well could be the worst.

Hmm, I Distinctly Remember Being Worried About Just This Sort of Thing

2010-09-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

Here is what return men see.

So, I can't pick games for shit, but I think I have this team pegged.

Look, this is what you get when you hire a soft and sloppy coach and your GM prefers soft players that he can push around in negotiations. You get a soft and sloppy team that always starts out shitty. Only this time, I think we may end shitty to boot, so be prepared, San Diego.

But hey, McNeill is coming back! I hope he's been practicing his special teams play with the local high school kids.

Ugh. Picks Again?

2010-09-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

My heart is not in it, but I'm really dedicated to documenting my ineptitude at picking games for anybody who might actually read this thing. So here goes.

Tennessee @ NY VaGiants
This one seems too easy to call, but I think the Giants actually show up here. Why? No idea. Tennessee 17, VaGaints 20

Cincinnati @ Carolina
I have no idea whether Cincy is a good team or not, but I do know that the kid from Notre Dame is a borderline tard. Cincy 17, Carolina 10

Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay
So, why hasn't anyone tried to snap Palowhatsit's leg yet? Tampa is in over their heads this week. But Pittsburgh can't score. Pitt 13, Tampa 9

Buffalo @ New England
Looks like New England is going to pick on some teams this year, and not pick on some teams this year. How's that for analysis? Buffalo 17, New England 34

Cleveland @ Baltimore
Time for Baltimore to stop being cute and hand Ray Rice the ball. Poor Cleveland. Cleveland 6, Baltimore 27

San Francisco @ KC
No fucking clue what happens here. I liked KC going into the season and their record reflects my amazing judgment, but I don't believe in them at all. Frisco really gave NO a game, but they find ways to lose. Frisco 20, KC 21

Dallas @ Houston
Dallas sucks, Houston does not. End of story. Dallas 20, Houston 37

Detroit @ Minnesota
Detroit is fun to watch, but if Minnesota can't get it together this week, the Favre retirement watch begins early. Detroit 17, Minnesota 30

Atlanta @ NO
Atlanta is a sexy pick here, but I tend to think NO has been playing down to their opponents so far. This feels like a 6 TD effort by Brees day to me. Atlanta 28, New Orleans 45

Washington @ St. Louis
Washington does just enough not to lose against bad teams, and the Rams don't know how to win. Washington 20, Rams 17

Philly @ Jacksonville
The Michael Vick train keeps rolling and he love steamrolling dogs like the Jags! Harf! Harf! So funny. Philly 27, Jags 20

Indy @ Denver
Peyton Manning does not like having a loss before December and everybody has to pay. Indy 31, Denver 24

Oakland @ Arizona
Yuck. I actually like Oakland here. But I don't love 'em. Oakland 24, Zona 16

San Diego @ Seattle
It's supposed to rain, which does not bode well for us. But I have to give them credit for demolishing the Jags last week, even if they are the Jags. This one will be tight. Bolts 20, Seattle 17

NY Jets @ Miami
Jets are not for real. Miami is for real. Jets 13, Miami 21

Green Bay @ Chicago
Ugh, everybody in the media has already jumped back on the Cutler bandwagon and Philip Rivers is a big, whiny malcontent yet again. So 2008 up in here. I don't buy it. Green Bay 30, Chicago 20

Let me leave you with this. A girl at my work invited me to join her $5 weekly pick'em league. No spread, winner takes the week. Sounds fun. Then she let's me know that since she set it up, she doesn't have to pay in. And that, ladies, is why men don't take you seriously when concerning manly things. Go Bolts!!!

More on AJ and Vinny Jack

2010-09-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

I couldn't agree more with the article Michael Silver posted today over at Yahoo! about the AJ/VJ disaster. And if you don't believe that AJ has been a complete douche to Vincent Jackson' camp on this one, pay close attention to this part:

For example, sources say Jackson’s agents will attempt to get back at Smith by making sure their receiver, once he ends up with a new team next spring (or later, depending upon the uncertain labor landscape), has an inordinately low base salary for 2011 – which would likely reduce the compensatory pick the Chargers would receive for losing Jackson from a potential third-rounder to a sixth- or seventh-round selection.

If that turns out to be true, have you ever even heard of such a thing? Once again, San Diego franchises pave the way in dubious firsts.

The one thing missing from Silver's article, though, is any criticism whatsoever of ownership for not only allowing this to happen, but seemingly encouraging it. I guess that would have underminded Silver placing Dean Spanos in the upper half of his ownership rankings and lauding him for being a revolutionary penny pincher, bent on saving all of ownership from being held hostage by exhorbitant player salaries. Looks like Silver likes to have his cake and eat it too. Hey, just like Spanos!

You're Not Going Anywhere, VJ!

2010-09-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

At least not until AJ is through with you. This is the greatest article ever. A 2nd rounder plus a conditional pick? "No, I'll wait for my glorious compensatory pick!" Lord of the No Rings? Priceless.

Darren Smith said on the radio earlier that he did not believe AJ would hold onto Jackson out of spite or to teach him a lesson. It's like nobody who gets paid to cover sports in this town is even paying attention.

Oh, I also firmly believe AJ is reluctant to send Jackson to a team where he might get a ring before the Chargers do (which would be any team at this point, actually), which is why Minnesota is a no fit.

This is your team San Diego Chargers. Until the view from the top changes in this town, you can expect nothing but continued heartbreak. AJ Smith is a loser who's sure he's the big winner, and Dean Spanos would steal your wallet if given half the chance.

I Guess It Was the Rain

2010-09-20T07:38:00.001-07:00

Hurray for being wrong! Too bad I can't really analyze the game, since it was blacked out. Actually, it had more to do with me being hammered, because we did catch quite a bit of it on the Red Zone Channel. That was a pretty solid beating we put on Jax, and anytime you hold MJD to almost NOTHING is a pretty good effort. Color me surprised! I now expect more a rollercoastery season. Hope that KC loss doesn't come back to haunt us. Go Bolts!!!

Pick Away!

2010-09-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

Ugh, been a rough week, so not too many posts. Sorry to anybody who might actually be checking this spot out. There's sure to be more after I see the highlights of today's game because I'm too cheap and/or broke to attend the game so I sure as hell ain't going to see it. I expect 4 or 5 more blackouts this year (That's racist! Sorry, been watching season 1 of 30 Rock...), so my yard sure look great by spring. Anyway, here's what's going to happen today.

Buffalo @ Green Bay
How do I not have a single Green Bay player on my fantasy team?! Who's their back-up tight end? Everybody gets to score today! Buffalo 9, Green Bay 34

Miami @ Minnesota
Trap game! Whatever that means. Minnesota has to get going this week, right? Right? Me thinks it not so easy. Miami 20, Minnesota 21

Kansas City @ Cleveland
I see people picking Cleveland here and I don't know why. Lost in Monday Night's contest appears to be the fact that KC was also playing in the rain. Matt Cassell comes out this week and KC shows why they might not be dominant, but they are going to be tougher than they were last year. Also, Cleveland? Please. KC 27, Cleveland 17

Chicago @ Dallas
I don't recall if Dallas chokes against the Bears the way they choke against the Redskins, but I doubt it. Both of these teams are not nearly as good as people want to believe they are. Hang this score on a Cutler INT. Chicago 17, Dallas 20

Arizona @ Atlanta
Kurt Warner was the best QB you have ever seen, even if you don't know it. The drop-off is nearly inconceivable. Atlanta gets on track. Arizona 13, Atlanta 30

Tampa Bay @ Carolina
Carolina really wanted to make a statement in their opener at New York. I doubt that statement was, "We don't really have a game plan." It should go better this time around. Carolina is Jeckyll and Hyde home and away. Which one plays football better again? Tampa Bay 16, Carolina 27

Philly @ Detroit
Stafford is hurt. Vick is playing for a QB controversy. If this was just about anybody but Detroit I'd expect Vick to end up looking silly. But it's not. Philly 28, Detroit 14

Baltimore @ Cincy
This could be a replay of Monday Night. In fact, I'm going to go with that. Baltimore 10, Cincy 9

Pittsburgh @ Tenessee
The Titans aren't going to do that against Pitts D. Pitts O is not going to do anything much against anybody until [insert rape joke here] gets back. Pittsburgh 10, Tennessee 7

Seattle @ Denver
Is Denver any better than San Francisco? No. Is Seattle as good as last week indicates? Also, no. But they're better than Denver. Seattle 17, Denver 14

St.Louis @ Oakland
Really? God, this looks bad. I expect Campbell to look a bit less Russell against the Rams, though. St. Louis 13, Oakland 20

Houston @ Washington
How does the other Texas team fair against the Redskins? Better, but they are also choke artists. They'll make this uglier and closer than anybody probably thinks. Houston 24, Washington 20

New England @ New York Jets
The Jets play well against one dimensional passing offenses. Don't ask me how I know. But the Pats are on a mission to prove that they are still elite, and you know what? They are. New England 27, Jets 10

New York VaGiants @ Indy
Oh, the Manning Bowl again. Oh, I don't care. Indy's D did not look good last week and I doubt they look a lot better against the NFL's luckiest jerks this week. But the offense will be out of control behind a pissed off regular season Peyton Manning. VaGiants 31, Indy 41

New Orleans @ Frisco
Uhh...Door's already a'closin' Frisco. You have no chance here. DOn't even show up. What's the point? New Orleans is going to want to make up the points they didn't score in the first game. And they're going to do it with TDs because they can't kick field goals. New Orleans 42, Frisco 17

Jacksonville @ San Diego
I gave my Bolts the benefit of the doubt in the first game because I felt I had to. From here on out I call it like I see it. Denver let Garrard play a mistake free game last week. I don't see our defense forcing any mistakes. He won't have to do much, though, because MJD should have his way with our defense. The Bolts offense will likely fix itself this week, because I'm looking out side and it's not raining, but it isn't going to be enough. Jags 30, Bolts 27 Please prove me wrong. I want to be nothing but a filthy naysayer, but I'm just so fucking smart!

There you go. Time to grab the kids college fund and turn it into a fortune. You're welcome!

David Binn. Is. Dead.

2010-09-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

At least for the rest of the season. Apparently Binn-he of the dating Pamela Anderson when people actually wanted to and having the longest Chargers starts streak fame-destroyed his hammy trying to go after Dexter McCluster on that 94 yard TD return*. That's costly. Really. I mean, a lot of people who are me have joked over the years about how hard could it possibly be to teach your Center to long snap and free up a roster spot, but I honestly have no doubt this will haunt us. This team looks ripe for blocked punts and other such unfortunate ball bounces this year.

*I hope McCluster got a stern taling to after that return. Everybody knows you don't field a punt inside the 10. Rookie mistake, really.

This Thing Ain't Selling Out

2010-09-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

So you better get you ass to the game. They're 8,000 short of a sellout and they are not even going to bother to ask for an extension. And why would they? They probably wouldn't get one. After that horrible opener there isn't going to be any crazy run on tickets in the eleventh hour. And the local TV affiliate certainly isn't going to foot the bill for that many tickets; There are only so many needy kids out there who want to go see a game. And I doubt the NFL would give them the extension this time anyway. We will be made an example of, starting now. So, see you at the game...or not.

You'll Only Understand...

2010-09-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

...if you read KSK regularly. Which you should.

Wouldn't You Know It...

2010-09-14T18:42:00.001-07:00

You remember when you were a kid and you wished that you had a time machine so you could go retrace history's steps and do some really cool shit? I woke up this morning wishing I had one of those time machines, only now I'd use it for pure evil and to gamble on the outcome of sporting events and become super duper rich like Biff from Back to the Future. Only, I don't need the fucking time machine because this football team is the bizarro fucking groundhog day version of the one we loved so dearly since I don't know, forever? Only they don't make me fucking rich. Just angry.

No fewer than a half a dozen people walked on eggshells around me today talking about bullshit things like weather and economies and politics, things it occurred to them I might currently enjoy more than football. For the most part they were correct, I was one to probably avoid this topic of discussion with today. I've long been known as slightly pessimistic about football in these parts and today was no different. One soul braved her own fears and said she really wanted to ask me about the game but was a slight bit afraid I'd be upset and all cussyface like I can get at times. Yet, I'm finding it very difficult to be as angry as I was prior to the beginning of what will still probably be a serviceable football season. Hard to be too upset when the result was exactly what you expected. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result?

Last night was yet another replay of the inefficiencies of this football team. All shortcomings were again displayed on the national stage. I'm still curious as to how we are still considered to be top tier talent bound for the Super Bowl when we repeatedly redefine shitting the bed in this hypersensitive, hyper reactive media age. I know, it's just one game and our division is still downtrodden and we historically get off to slow starts and all that ball suckoff that comes with the printed fellating of the management and coaching staff of this team. Yes, we'll probably be fine and yes we'll probably win the division. But if history has taught me anything it's that it won't matter because on the big stage we'll make the same stupid mistakes we've always made that have always driven me fucking crazy and we'll go through this whole cycle we've lived the last six or so seasons.

Some say McNeil and Jackson might have made the difference. Max and I have been basically saying that all off season. Some say we lost eight pro bowl players and actually improved as a result due to addition by subtraction. Which is confusing to me because I'm good at math and addition by subtraction is not fucking possible. In every possible result of subtraction you are left with less than you started with. I didn't even need fucking calculus to know that. Johnny has one apple, he gives it to that whore Suzi, Johnny has no apples. Or balls.

Some point to the defense being stout in the second half as a positive indicator of things to come, and since I've become so able to hurricane force piss on parades around here let me remind one and all that we spent the majority of the second half down by two scores, and the Chiefers had to do little with the football other than protect the lead. They succeeded. Remember when we used to play bend don't break defense with the lead as a young football team?

As a point of reference feel free to browse the archives and see if any of this sounds familiar. Remember when we didn't get three delay of game penalties? Remember when we didn't use three time outs to avoid delay of game penalties? Remember when we tackled running backs? Remember when we ran the same draw play inside the 10 yard line and it didn't work three times? Remember? We continue to make the same mistakes on the field, on the sidelines, in the booth upstairs and in the owner's box. AT least this time nobody is blaming the fucking kicker.

Remember this when next week's game against undefeated Jacksonville rolls around, only you can't witness this display of football due to blackout. Remember this when after a few blackouts the owners start talking about the fans not supporting the team, despite their incredible track record of winning the division. Remember when they pack up the team for Los Angeles and blame the fans for forcing their hand by not paying for a new stadium and donating the surrounding land to the ownership group for development. I won't say I told you so. I've said it too much already. To continue saying it is insane by definition.

That's Some Bad Hat, Harry

2010-09-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

And the team ain't so great either. I wish I could say I was surprised. I know I picked the Bolts to win, but you have to understand that I'm really a homer on game day. Still, if you've been reading, you know what I think. I haven't read anything from the local stooges yet, but from the fans and on the radio I've already heard the excuse wagon roll on through. "It was a trap game." "The weather was too miserable." Hell, Scott Kaplan even tried to blame Malcolm Floyd for not leaping 10 yards into the air and catching a TD. These are the lunatic ramblings of a fanbase that is only starting to realize what's really happeneing.

It would be one thing if KC had come out and played inspired football-if they had looked like a team that was ready to turn the corner into relevence. But they didn't. Outside of about 4 plays on the night, their offense looked pedestrian. At the very least, they were no better perpared for inclement weather than we were. Their defense was nothing to write home about either. Just good enough to keep us in check. Not so good that Norv Turner should look that lost. Not so good that Philip Rivers should be so frustrated.

And there's another concern of mine. I'm as big a Philip Rivers supporter as you'll find, but kicking the ball and shouting at your receivers is going to do nothing for the public's perception of you as a whiny malcontent.

Lastly, and this not only bears repeating, it demands it. One has to wonder what the outcome of last night's game would have been if Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeill were on the field. Or what if the team had ever given a Kassim Osgood a fair shake, instead of continuing to wait for Buster Davis to arrive on the scene? Kassim was obviously missed on special teams. Maybe he was a leader there. But wait, AJ doesn't put much stock in team leaders. That's the coaches job. And team leaders are always expecting to get paid.

Of course, it is far too early to call this the final demise of the San Diego Super Chargers. They are notoriously slow starters under Norvelle Turner. But what do you take away from last night's effort that makes you feel good about the future? Gates is still Gates. Naanee emerged as a solid target. Despite the fumble, Mathews looked slightly better in Turner's system than LT ever did. And the defense, aside from one long run from Charles, didn't look completely atrocious. Does that sound like enough to warrant Superbowl aspirations to you? If so, I envy you your ability to ignore the obvious in the face of your loyalty to the team. Go you!!!

Tonight's Games

2010-09-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

There's a whole bunch of stuff in the local rag today about the Chargers, but I don't really feel like getting into it, because it's all the same bullshit they print all the time and I know this blog has long since turned into a big Acee/Canepa hatefest. So let's just go to the picks:

Baltimore @ Jets
After yesterday I know better than to make grandiose statements like "The Raiders are going to be vastly improved!" and "San Francisco is a football team!", but I'm still calling the J-E-T-S a bullshit overrated whore of a team. Look, I like Tomlinson to round back into some semblance of the playmaker he used to be, but he's not going to be the grind it out runner the Thomas Jones was. And even if Shonn Greene does manage to fill that hole, I just don't see how this team is any better than the 9-7 club they were last year. And that team ran into some pretty solid luck in the postseason. A spiraling Bengals team and a perennially chokey San Diego squad that played directly into the strengths of the Jets. Baltimore, on the other hand, made obvious upgrades on a team that barely needed them. I mean, I'm pretty sure you can call Anquan Boldin and T.J. Hou-kay better than WR #2 and WR #3 from last year. Baltimore 24, Jets 10

San Diego @ KC
I was pretty worried about this game regardless of the way the Chargers pummelled the Chiefs last season and I still am. I fully expect Charles and Jones to run for about a thousand yards tonight, but I really felt the difference for KC would be Dexter McCluster, who is the kind of player the Chargers never seem to have an answer for. McCluster is doubtful with illness, and since I don't even know if KC employs a TE, I feel a little better here. Ryan Mathews should plow through KC's D. Chargers 35, KC 20

Yikes, I just picked two road teams. Well, I guess Baltimore is going to have to go ahead and blow it then. Fuck those guys anyway. Go Bolts!!!

Quick Thoughts from Opening Day

2010-09-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

Some random thoughts and observations:

1) Screw you, Andy Reid. I drafted Kevin Kolb and you marched out Vick over and over again before Kolb got hurt? Way to try to establish rythm, fuckface. Looks like I need to put in a personal call to Kurt Warner to come bail me out again.

2) Maybe Delhomme wasn't the problem in Carolina as Matt Moore threw some boneheaded INTs yesterday. Oh wait, so did Delhomme in Cleveland.

3) Where were all these sports folk that were calling bloody murder on Calvin Johnson's bullshit incompletion call in the end zone last year? Welcome to the party, now how long before someone figures out that the NFL is misinterpreting its own rule?

4) Oh man, the Patriots look mad. Brady returns looking like he's and completely over than knee and I think you can forget about the Jets.

5) Denver is boring, but efficient. Not efficient enough to win however, and they made David Garrard look very good.

6) I'm not ready to buy Arian Foster yet. He's good for sure, but that Colts D looked lost once Bob Sanders went down with injury for the eleventy billionth time.

7) Atlanta is going to catch New Orleans? Not this year. Not if they don't establish an offensive identity. Turner carried the ball 19 times, but it seemed like he never did it twice in a row.

8) The Raiders? Really? I didn't expect a win, but I figured they'd walk out of Tennessee with their heads held high. I believe they ended up burrowing their way out under the parking lot.

9) Dallas sucks.

10) Green Bay does not.

11) All these thoughts be damned, though, because I think we really learned nothing about this season in week 1.

12) Go football!!!

Lets Pick Some Winners

2010-09-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

As everybody else in the world gets to watch their team begin yet another glorious season of NFLing, I will be scowling into my vortex bottle and waiting. Still waiting for yet another Monday night opener. And not even the marquee Monday nighter, but the consolation, "see west coast, we totally care bout you" Monday nighter. Thanks NFL, you're all heart. At least I've got my fake football players to root for. Yay. To make it at least a little more interesting, I'm going to go ahead and hang my football idiot flag out there for everyone to see and make some picks.

Cleveland @ Tampa Bay

Ugh, meteor. Cleveland 24, Tampa 17 Next, please.

Miami @ Buffalo

I think I just heard Ditka say that Buffalo was going to throw a wrench into the AFC East for the first 4 weeks of the season. They should force him into a home. Miami 30, Buffalo 13

Cincinnati @ New England

My first instinct is to call both of these teams grossly overrated (and annoying as hell), but with Tom Brady a full year after recovery from his knee injury I have to believe that team starts to run up the score again. Cincy 24, New England 35

Indy @ Houston

Is this the year? Does Houston finally turn the corner and wrest the reigns of the division from the mighty Colts? No. Indy 31, Houston 27

Crappy Denver @ Jacksonville

Kyle Orton was a stud in the preseason. That means nothing. Denver has no offensive playmakers. Jacksonville has one. Do not watch this game. Fucking Denver 13, Jax 24

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh

I like Dennis Dixon. To my knowledge he has never raped anyone. But I'm financially invested in Michael Turner. Oh, and fuck the Steelers! Atlanta 26, Pitt 20

Oakland @ Tennessee

I, like most other stupid people expect Oakland to be considerably improved without Fat, Lazy Albert at QB. But week one in Tennessee? I have a hard time with that. Oakland 21, Tennessee 24

Carolina @ NY Giants

For a game that might mean something, I am completely uninterested. And I have Deangelo Williams on my Wizards of the Coast league (Feel the nerdery flowing through you). I don't care how much of a hard on ESPN has for the VaGiants, I am uncompelled. Carolina 30, VaGiants 24

Detroit @ Chicago

If you see me watching this game call the police because my loved ones are being held hostage somewhere. It's hard to even hate Cutler anymore he's become such an over the top parody of himself. Detroit 20, Chicago 27

Arizona @ St. Louis

Those reports of Arizona's demise may be a bit premature. And this is still the Rams they're up against. Arizona 20, St. Louis 19

Green bay @ Philidelphia

Have you heard? Green Bay has somehow already won the Superbowl! Reminds me of when my team won the Superbowl. Green Bay 30, Philly 31

San Francisco @ Seattle

Frisco is the undisputed favorite to win the NFC West, which is like being the undisputed favorites to beat the Washington Generals. Frisco 21, Generals 10

Dallas @ Washington

Dallas. Has any team garnered more respect for doing so little? They will be in the NFC Championship game with Green Bay, no doubt. Ha, they love to choke against the Redskins and they love to choke against Donovan McNabb. Dallas 14, Washington 24

So there's today's picks. Choke on 'em, Heh, 'em. He'll always be Dig Them to me! I'll go over tomorrow night's picks tomorrow or the next day. Until then, go football!!!

Last Night's Affair

2010-09-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

So, I was wrong about the outcome, but I take solace in the fact that I was soooo right about the quality of play. Both of those teams looked like shit. You can argue that Saints didn't look awful, but that team came out throwing the ball on 15 of their first 16 plays with the obvious intent of getting up by a lot early, and they only managed 7 points in the first half. Rus-ty! Way to fuck it up, NFL.

Quick Notes:

Looks like Favre either needs to start coming to camp or go ahead and fucking retire already. After watching that game I have no doubt last year's AFC Chamionship game is why he almost retired. He looked scared shitless of the Saints.
Garret Hartley's 2 missed field goals once again beg the question, "Do my fantasy football teams curse kickers, or are my fantasy football teams cursed by kickers?"
Shiancoe could have a great year, since he appears to be the only person Favre can see.
Marckques[sp.?] Colston owners are going to be pulling their hair out by the end of the season.
Since the inception* of the Thursday opener, the home team (previous year's Superbowl winner) is a perfect 7-0.

Fucking Thursday opener's are bullshit. Now we've got 3 more days until more football, and I'm ready to cry about it. And since I'm a Chargers fan, 4 more days so I'm going to bawl about it.

*speaking of inception, this is great

Dean Spanos is Stupid II

2010-09-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

More today from Kevin Acee on his interview with Dean Spanos. I have to give credit to Acee for at least bringing up the 5 year/$60 million contract Miles Austin signed with Dallas. To this Spanos, replies:

“No one or two players is above the entire team,” Spanos said. “It just doesn’t work that way. What if they were here and got hurt the first game? … What do you do then? Do you just give up? The ship has sailed. We’re going.

To this I would like to give out my first ever award for Most Invalid Argument Ever. What if they got hurt the first game? What if anybody gets hurt the first game? You've signed other players to contracts that reflect their performance and value to the team. What if those guys get hurt the first day? What if Rivers gets hurt the first day because you didn't sign McNeill? This sounds like something Norv Turner would say. Of course, that makes sense, since AJ writes Turner's lines for him and probably does the same for Dean.

Here's the surprise of the article, though. In spite of what I said yesterday, it appears Acee did ask Spanos why the team did not offer Jackson or McNeill a big one year deal. Here's what Acee writes of Dean's response:

Spanos reiterated the team’s stance it would not give Jackson or McNeill a big one-year deal, indicating it would be bad business, and said he thinks the Chargers have done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible.

It would be bad business? Care to elaborate? No? Okay, fuck you very much. And you say the team has done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible? Hardballing young Pro Bowl talent for trying to get a fair price? Inexplicable draft day trades to acquire midlevel talent at a high price? Slamming veteran players before kicking them out the door because they don't see things your way? Completely eschewing free agency in favor of nickel and diming the payroll and relying instead on the egotastic GM's draft day brilliance? Turning around and treating those draft picks like shit a year or two later? Bringing in Norv Turner as a head coach? The list of best efforts goes on and on.

And on Yahoo! Sports reporting that an owner had said it was Spanos' dream to move the team to Los Angeles:

“I don’t recall ever saying anything like that,” he said. “I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.”

"I don't recall..." is the way someone begins a statement that is pure bullshit. It establishes plausible deniability. Later, if someone shows up with a recording, Spanos can say that he never said he didn't say it, just that he didn't remember saying it. Like how I can say I don't recall ever having sex with a morbidly obese chick, because if that happened (which, honestly I don't recall) I was way too drunk to remember it. What Spanos should have said is “I have never said anything like that to the media. To the media, I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.” Cause we all know that the Spanoses stand outside the window watching Jerry Jones light cigars with burning hundreds while kicking his feet up on the back of a naked, high-priced call girl and shout, "Someday we'll be like you! You just watch! We'll move our team to L.A. and then you'll have to respect us!

On the home opener being 10,000 tickets short of lifting a television blackout:

“I believe the first game will be blacked out.”

Well, refreshingly upfront. Kudos, Dean, you've totally redeemed yourself. On a side note, TV blackouts are a tool that the NFL uses to try to get you into the stadium so they can turn around and say that you need to buy your team a new stadium. You know, for you?

Go ahead and check out the whole article if you haven't. This guy is a weasel. And if you love Chargers football, this weasel has you by the balls.